Colter was a soldier. He prided himself on being able to handle sudden shifts in battle, the sometimes unaccountable behavior of men under his command and the unexpected from the enemy. But this…he wasn’t quite sure how to react. He opened his mouth, ready to demand further explanations, but Elizabeth’s militant stance stopped him for the moment. With an audible gnashing of his teeth, he closed his mouth.
Rutha, having seen enough, took Nicole by the hand and motioned her husband, Josh, to leave. For once, Nicole left quietly with them.
“Pray be seated, Colonel,” Emily offered, slowly making her way into the room.
Elizabeth moved a needlepoint armchair closer to the sofa, knowing how painful it was for Emily to sit on the low furnishing. Unobtrusively she blocked Colter’s view as Emily sat down and settled herself, before she sat on the sofa nearby.
“Colter…” With a graceful gesture, Elizabeth motioned him to sit beside her.
“I’ll stand, if you don’t mind.”
“There’s no need to be snappish—”
“Elizabeth,” Emily chided, “remember that your colonel has had quite a few shocks this day.”
“I’ve had a few myself, and he is not my colonel.”
“Be that as it may, I do believe the man is entitled to an explanation.”
Elizabeth glared at Colter, then turned away to stare at the fire. “And I don’t believe he is entitled to any more explanation from me than I wish him to have.”
“You can’t mean that, my dear.”
Meeting Emily’s gaze, Elizabeth knew the older woman was right but resented being obliged to reveal the sordid details of what brought her to Emily.
Colter moved to stand before Elizabeth, his legs spread, his hands clasped behind him. The look on his face was forbidding.
“If you will remember that I am not one of your soldiers, Colter, I will tell you how I came to be here.”
Not trusting himself to speak, Colter nodded curtly.
“I told you a little of why I was forced to make a decision to leave the Warings and—”
“Very little, I recall.”
“Let me tell this in my own way.” Clasping her hands together, Elizabeth looked up at his unyielding features. Praying for Colter to find a measure of patience, she continued. “You must simply accept my word that the situation became intolerable. Alma succeeded in cutting me off from the contact with the few friends I had, and those who remained were blind to what she was attempting to do. Without family to turn to, I despaired of escaping her.”
Elizabeth had to stop. She closed her eyes as if to shut out the memory of the desperation that marked those days. And the nights…the nights had been endless bouts with the fear that she wouldn’t survive to see the morning.
Colter’s need to know how his daughter came to be living with her grandfather’s mistress was suddenly tempered by his sensitivity to Elizabeth’s pain. He hunkered down before her, covering her hands with his. The chill of her skin alarmed him, and to his surprise, he found himself glancing at Emily for guidance.
Emily studied Colter’s face for long moments, seeing the strength, sensing a deep well of protectiveness, but she knew there was a rage building inside him. Fearing it would only intensify if he was forced to wait, she took matters into her own hands and continued on Elizabeth’s behalf.
“After Elizabeth’s father passed on, I managed to keep apprised of her doings through a mutual acquaintance. When I heard rumors of her decline after James was reported missing, I began to query further. Some rumors added to my disquiet and after a long deliberation, I managed to have a letter smuggled to Elizabeth, offering her whatever help I could give.”
“And she accepted?” Colter heard the damning tone of his words, but it was too late. Elizabeth pulled free of his hold.
“Without Emily’s help, I would be locked away without my daughter, or dead.”
Perhaps under other circumstances Colter would have handled the situation differently. But he lacked sleep, had found a woman he loved and believed lost to him and discovered he had a daughter. That they were living with a woman whose reputation was at best questionable was intolerable to him.
“Tell me, Elizabeth,” he asked, “did you always know of Miss Emily’s relationship with your father?”
Elizabeth refused to look at him, turning to the fire instead, but she did answer in a strained voice.
“I knew exactly what kind of a woman my mother was. She was cold, unfeeling and selfish. Hers was an arranged marriage she opposed. To her joy, I was conceived immediately and she turned my father out of her bed and her life. She never tried to be a mother to my older half-brothers. Two months after I was born, my mother left on an extended visit to England. She returned the day of my third birthday, which she had forgotten.”
With a proud lift of her head, she continued. “Emily gave my father love, warmth and companionship. They made no secret of their relationship, and I see no reason to condemn them for seeking what we all need, Colter. After all,” she stated, finally facing him and meeting his gaze with a bitter look, “who am I to cast a stone? I was not concerned with having the sanction of marriage when I gave myself to you. I didn’t even have the sense to obtain a promise of marriage before you left me.”
Colter stood and towered over her, his fury at hearing her mocking tone contained with a barely leashed control.
“And you couldn’t be bothered to inform me of my impending fatherhood, could you, Elizabeth? No, you turned to James. You tell me not to condemn Emily and your father, yet I stand condemned in your mind.”
“As I stand in yours,” she snapped with a lift of her chin, her expression daring him to deny it.
Emily watched and listened, both to the words and their weighted silence. She thought to speak but held herself quiet. There could be no healing between them unless they vented the bitterness of the past four years. But she could buy Elizabeth time to compose herself, and so she turned Colter’s attention on herself.
“I understand why a gentleman such as yourself, Colonel, is uncomfortable with having Elizabeth and Nicole reside with me. But I can assure you that few know of my sordid past. No taint will touch Elizabeth or her child.”
“My child, too, madam,” he returned stiffly. “And I resent your mockery. Despite what Elizabeth believes, I do respect honesty and answer you in kind. I am most uncomfortable with them being here.” Colter gazed directly at Emily’s serene face. Her eyes met his with candor, and he murmured an apology for his harshness.
With a weary sigh, he raked his fingers through his hair, forcing order to his thoughts. “Will either of you tell me the reason why Alma Waring centers in your fear?”
Emily did not answer him but directed her attention to Elizabeth. “He should be told.”
“The risk—”
“Risk? What risk?” Colter asked. “Stop speaking as if I weren’t here!”
“There is no need to shout, Colonel. Please remember that you are a guest in my home.”
“And stop pacing like a caged animal, Colter,” Elizabeth added. “You will treat Emily with all the respect due to her or you will leave. She offered me sanctuary when I had no one else. Both her home and heart are open to Nicole and myself, and I have only the highest regard for her. I will not countenance anything less from you.”
Colter nodded, more pleased than he would reveal. Her statement indicated that he could return and be welcome. He wouldn’t push for more now.
“Will you tell me about Alma?”
Elizabeth looked down where she had been unconsciously pleating the material of her skirt. “She swears to have Nicole at any cost.”
“You will write her immediately and inform her that Nicole is my daughter and that she has no claim to her. If she wishes, I will reimburse her for any expense she incurred on your behalf.”
“I cannot,” Elizabeth replied softly.
Emily raised the tip of her cane, forestalling Colter’s protest. “You claim to respect honesty, Colonel. So in plain talk, would you have your child branded a bastard?”
“No. I will—”
“You cannot do anything until the matter of James’s whereabouts is resolved,” Emily explained, knowing she was infuriating him with her calm. “Think, Colonel.” And to Elizabeth, she added, “Please tell Rutha that the colonel will join us for supper. I believe we need a respite. Will you offer me your assistance, Colonel?”
Colter acceded to Emily’s request. He helped her to her feet and watched as Elizabeth left the room ahead of them.
“You still love her, don’t you?”
If Emily was disappointed that Colter didn’t answer her, she kept it hidden as he escorted her from the room.
Elizabeth sensed the angry tension emanating from Colter while they ate. Emily had offered them a brief truce with supper, and she knew that was exactly what Colter thought it to be. Once they were done and Nicole was tucked into her bed, he would begin his interrogation again. Feeling as if she had used her last reserves of courage and strength, she prayed for a mercifully quick end to the day and to see Colter gone.
Colter had mercy in short supply. Still seething inside, he chafed at the unspoken agreement for a truce. The supper fare was plain. While the fish was plentiful, the greens were barely flavored with bacon, and the corn bread quickly disappeared before he became aware that he had had more than his share. He hadn’t realized he was eyeing the last piece until Emily offered it to him.
He refused, concerned now with their food stores. The thought prompted him to survey the room. His gaze swept the shadowed walls, for the two branched candle sconces concentrated most of the light on the table. The walls were as bare as the sideboard. No silver pieces graced the highly polished wood. Colter thought for a moment that Emily might have been hiding her valuables. Times were uncertain.
But when Rutha entered the room and placed a plate with a small honey cake in front of Nicole and then set one before him, Colter reconsidered the household’s situation. He waited for Rutha to return, and as the moments passed he knew she had nothing else to offer Emily and Elizabeth. No inducement could have made him pick up his fork to taste that bit of sweet. He suddenly recalled a laughing Elizabeth’s delight with a box of bonbons he had once presented to her and was forced to tease her into sharing.
Nicole obviously shared Elizabeth’s craving for sweets. She had polished off the cake in short order and now, as he watched, she placed one finger on each crumb and brought it to her lips. She caught his eye, and an impish smile met his wink. Colter felt a warmth spread inside him to share this small act with his child, a warmth that left no room for darker emotions but made him promise that nothing, not even the war, would touch this precious life.
“Finish your milk, Nicole,” Elizabeth said softly.
“And if you do, there’s another cake for you,” Colter added, hoping to bribe another smile.
“She’s had two already. It’s quite enough.”
“But our becoming friends,” Colter returned, “should allow you to bend the rules, Elizabeth. After all, she is a princess and—”
“And you will not interfere in how I raise my—”
“Elizabeth,” Emily warned, cutting her off. “I am sure that the colonel means well. Perhaps half of his portion would satisfy all.”
Elizabeth curtly nodded, but she shot Emily a look that clearly indicated what she thought of her defection to the enemy. To her surprise, she found her resentment of Colter’s attention to Nicole gave her strength and courage. Did he intend to be a part of their lives? Or would he abandon them once again? She had trusted Colter with her young love, and he had shattered that trust. Now, by word and deed, he seemed to be asking for it again. A look at him from beneath her lowered lashes forced her to amend her thoughts; Colter wasn’t asking or demanding, but simply taking his place among them as if it were his natural right.
With a forbidding reserve, she excused herself to get Nicole bathed and ready for bed.
Colter passed the next hour with Emily. He quickly discarded his plan to subtly question her, for she appeared amenable to telling him whatever he wished to hear.
“I sold most of my valuables to garner money to help Elizabeth escape Alma, with the exception of Timothy’s cane. I assumed you recognized it,” Emily concluded in answer to his query about their financial state. She concealed little, noting that his demeanor had softened considerably. “Elizabeth will need to work. She came away with some clothing, but little else.”
Colter revised his opinion. “You care nothing that you are without resources to fall back upon?”
“I loved Timothy Hammond enough to give up all hope of respectability, and I extend that love to his daughter and grandchild. We were never blessed with a child of our own. Perhaps,” she stated with a soft sigh, “it was just as well. I could not have lived with myself if I withheld anything I possessed to keep them safe.”
“Elizabeth will not accept my aid.”
Emily gazed at Colter, who was standing to one side of the fire. He was young, but there were shadows in his eyes that bespoke a much older man. A man of action, not patience, although she admitted that he appeared to curb his natural tendency toward exerting his will until he had enough facts to make a judgment.
“No, she will not make it easy for you.”
“I thought as much.”
“And that makes you angry. However, this is still my home, Colonel. If you will promise to temper your desire to command, I extend my hospitality to have you visit when you may. Should you wish to share provisions with us, I will not let pride dictate objections. I do ask that you respect Elizabeth’s place as Nicole’s mother and abide by her wishes before you proceed to spoil her child.”
“Sage advice, madam.” But while his tone held a sardonic note, his smile conveyed sincerity. “Am I then to conclude that I would find a willing accomplice in you?”
“Colonel!”
“As you stated earlier, plain talk, madam. Will you allow me to ease your lot in whatever ways I can without offending Elizabeth’s pride?”
Emily nodded and matched his smile. “Do not step beyond the boundaries of propriety.”
“Are there any where a man’s child is concerned?” Colter stopped himself from adding and the woman he loves. His emotions wanted venting, and bitterness rose to the fore. “You offer me help, madam, then you tie my hands.”
“And it must be Elizabeth’s decision to free them. She will be down in a few minutes with Nicole. If you will once again offer me your assistance, Colonel, I will leave you.”
As they reached the foot of the narrow staircase, Rutha joined them to light the way. Emily bid him good-night just as Elizabeth made her way down holding Nicole. The lamplight illuminated their faces, and Colter longed to reach out and hold them to him. A matching flush tinted their cheeks and he envied whatever whisper Elizabeth made that brought a giggle from his daughter.
Emily received a kiss and a hug from Nicole before Elizabeth, still holding the child in her arms, turned to him.
“Mama said I could kiss you,” Nicole said.
Her child-sweet fragrant warmth enveloped him as he offered his cheek. The touch of her lips was far too fleeting, but to his surprise, her fingers touched and lingered on the faint scar on his cheek.
“Was it a bad hurt?”
Pressing forward to hold her touch a moment longer, Colter whispered, “Not anymore.”
“Mama’s kisses make hurts better. Would you like one?”
“Nicole! I think the colonel—”
“Would love one,” Colter finished with a delightful grin.
Elizabeth barely pressed her lips to his cheek, earning a frown from her daughter. To her mother’s surprise, Nicole added two more pecks of her own as if to ensure Colter’s well-being.
“I wish you a safe journey, Colonel,” Elizabeth stated in dismissal, turning away.
“May I carry her up for you?” Colter looked at Nicole, awaiting her decision, but not her mother’s.
“We say prays first.”
“Then I must join you, for I have much to be thankful for.” He reached for his daughter, no longer content to wait.
Nicole hesitated a moment before holding out her arms.
Elizabeth’s eyes flared with a furious resentment she couldn’t control. Colter’s desire to make his presence felt overwhelmed her, but not wanting to make a scene in front of Nicole, she turned and led the way.
“Sweet peace, precious,” Elizabeth murmured as she took up one lamp and left another in her daughter’s room. Colter watched his sleeping daughter for a few brief moments then followed Elizabeth out.
At the foot of the stairs, Elizabeth turned to him. “I’ll show you out.”
“There’s no need. I’m not ready to leave.” He took the lamp from her and led the way into the back parlor. The fire had already been banked for the night, but as the rain continued, the room still held a chill. Colter set the lamp upon the table near the settee and waited for Elizabeth to sit.
“Before you say a word, I want to know why Nicole is afraid of the dark.”
“Alma refused to allow her a lamp. She believed it made for weak character.”
The lack of emotion in her voice alerted Colter to Elizabeth’s exhausted state. He sat beside her and clasped her hand. “I vow to give you all the protection that I can. Alma will not have my daughter, no matter whose name she carries. If you allow me,” he whispered, bringing her hand to his lips, “I will do more.”
“You’ll use Nicole as a weapon, Colter.”
“Never,” he promised, drawing her closer. When she resisted, he added, “Let me hold you awhile, nothing more. Then I’ll take leave.”
With a shuddering breath, she nodded and tilted her head back to rest against his shoulder. Colter closed his eyes, savoring the absolute rightness of her being nestled against him.
Elizabeth, too, closed her eyes, sealing her mind from the turmoil of the day. Colter’s heat and strength seeped into her. As his hand stroked her arm, a fragile peace overcame her.
“I have three days’ leave,” he murmured, easing around so that she reclined against the back of the settee. “I want to spend them here with you and Nicole.”
“Are you asking or telling me, Colter?” she returned without opening her eyes.
The fire’s glow cast intriguing shadows across her face, and Colter placed a kiss on her brow.
“Don’t.”
“I must,” he answered, sliding his hand down to the small of her back and lifting her closer. His lips skimmed her cheek, touched her chin and moved softly to still the flutter of her eyelid. “Rest, Elizabeth. I won’t take more.”
Elizabeth’s breathing kept cadence to the slowing thud of her heartbeat. She drifted into sleep, lulled by Colter’s soft murmuring voice and fleeting kisses.
Once he was assured that she was deeply asleep, Colter lifted her into his arms and carried her into the adjoining bedroom. After setting her down on the soft bed with care not to wake her, he unfolded the quilt and covered her.
Returning to the parlor, he blew out the lamp and stared at the fire, debating with himself. He had promised Elizabeth he would go. Outside the wind chose that moment to gust, splattering rain against the windows.
With slow deliberation he unbuttoned his shirt.
From the doorway, Rutha whispered, “Mister Josh stabled your horse. He’ll keep watch.”
Colter nodded as if nothing untoward were happening. He slid the suspenders off his shoulders and removed his shirt. Rutha came forward with her hand outstretched.
“Best let me have it.”
“You don’t like my being here.”
Rutha took his shirt. “Ain’t my place to say.”
“The females in this house outnumber me and they all have a say.”
“But you don’t hear so good,” she shot back in parting.
“It depends on what a man listens with—his mind or his heart,” he whispered to himself. He sat to remove his boots. It proved a struggle as he tried to be quiet and take them off without a bootjack. Setting them away from the fire, Colter noticed his half-filled glass of brandy on the mantel. He finished it and set the glass on a table outside the parlor door. Closing it softly, he crossed back to Elizabeth’s bedroom.