CHRISTMAS MORNING WAS still dark. But Lynn had managed to get up early, string up some more Christmas lights and link up her phone to play some background music. Paige awoke to the smell of coffee and bacon drifting down the corridor towards her, as she was swamped by the snuggly duvet.
Her first thoughts were for Stefan. He wasn’t next to her, and she hadn’t climbed into his bed last night. Maybe she should have. But the space had let her make the decision that had been playing in her mind for a while. She hadn’t told a soul. But it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
She was going to take some more time off. She would reassess her specialty, explore her options and decide if she wanted to stay in any part of medicine. She wasn’t sure right now what the outcome would be. But she was comfortable with her decision.
The tiny knot that had been in her stomach for as long as she could remember was gone. She would let Leo know as soon as possible, though she suspected he might have already known this was on the cards.
Maybe she would visit Los Angeles? Maybe she would consider a career in another country. All she knew was that she was free to explore that option.
She glanced at the time. It was six a.m. Stefan was obviously up before her as the other room was empty. She wondered if he’d helped with the extra decorations. As she approached the kitchen she realised she was the last one up. The others were sitting having breakfast and whispering to each other.
Cathy gave her a broad smile and put a finger to her lips. ‘We don’t want to wake Claudia too early.’
‘Is everything ready for her?’
The rest all nodded. ‘It might not be what she put on her original Santa list, but at least she’ll get some presents.’
Joe slid some bacon onto a plate alongside some toast and pushed the plate towards her. ‘Wait until you see her stocking. It’s a masterpiece.’
She turned to face Stefan. She’d totally forgotten that he’d still had the stocking to stitch last night. Had there been any chance for him to sleep at all?
‘What did you do?’ she asked with a smile on her face.
He tapped the side of his nose. ‘Just wait and see. I bet Claudia will be up soon.’
Now she was intrigued. Paige ate the bacon sandwich she put together and sipped the coffee. Apart from the timing, this was pretty much how she would have spent Christmas morning if she’d been on her own. She might not have got dressed, but her comfortable jeans and T-shirt weren’t too big an ask.
‘What about the rest of today? Do you need me to do anything?’
Stefan shook his head and looked at Joe. ‘We’ve got it all under control, haven’t we?’
Joe nodded in agreement. ‘You guys can go and spend time with our patients and leave us to it. Christmas dinner should be ready around three.’
Lynn pulled over a round biscuit tin. ‘I put all the extra cookies from last night in here. So there’s plenty of nibbles for people.’
‘Has anyone checked on Rafe yet?’
Cathy smiled. ‘He was fine overnight. I’ll leave the check this morning to you. We’ve got a wheelchair, so he’ll be able to come through and eat Christmas dinner with everyone else.’
Stefan asked the one question everyone had avoided so far. ‘What about the weather?’
Joe held up the satellite phone. ‘They might have a small window around four p.m., and later around six p.m. Franco asked if we had any objection if some of the people from the café were picked up first.’
Stefan frowned. ‘Rafe should really be the priority. Are there issues down at the café we should know about?’
Joe held up his hands. ‘There are fourteen children down at the café. I think Franco is anxious to try and get them back to their families. Only two of them have parents with them. The rest are with school teachers and were on a school outing.’
Paige nodded. ‘That’s hard. I can’t imagine how upset some of them must have been—their parents too. Is it wrong to let them go first?’ She cleared her throat. ‘Let me assess Rafe this morning. If I have any concerns I’ll let you know. If I think he’s stable, I think we should consider Franco’s request. Sorry, folks.’
They all nodded. There was a shout from along the corridor. ‘Santa’s been!’ The delight in Claudia’s voice was clear.
They all made their way down to Claudia and Marie’s room, Stefan putting his arm around Paige’s waist as they went. ‘Good morning,’ he whispered, planting a kiss on her cheek.
‘Good morning,’ she replied, wishing they were alone.
As they rounded the corner into Claudia’s room, Paige’s eyes went wide.
The red and green Christmas stocking was bigger than normal—clearly designed to hold all the presents they’d managed to pull together. There was a jigsaw, some chocolate, colouring books and pens, even a small teddy bear. Paige was going to have to email the Baron about all the missing items from the chalet. But the look on Claudia’s face right now was worth it.
‘Mummy,’ she said in amazement, ‘this stocking has my name on it. Can I keep it?’
Marie nodded, her eyes filled with tears. Thank you, she mouthed to them all.
Paige moved a little closer, looking at the detail on the stocking. It was stitched together from felt, then had smaller pieces of felt cut into a variety of designs and stitched at various points on the stocking. There was a Santa, a Christmas tree, presents and something special. Claudia had just spotted it too.
‘Look, Mummy, it’s a little bird, like the one in the window at the front doors.’
Sure enough, in multiple colours, Stefan had stitched a little Turaco bird into the design of the stocking.
Paige moved back over to Stefan. ‘That’s beautiful. I can’t believe you had time to do all this. It must have taken hours.’
He shrugged. ‘Look at her. It’s worth it. This hasn’t been the Christmas any of us expected. Here’s hoping we can all get out of here later.’
Paige swallowed, realising that she didn’t actually have anywhere to go. She could go home, of course, back to the UK. She was supposed to be staying here, still in the chalet. But if the road was going to take days, or even weeks, to clear she would have to be evacuated with everyone else.
‘What about your father?’ she asked Stefan.
A line creased his brow. ‘I haven’t been able to contact him yet. It’s still early.’
‘He’ll be disappointed that you won’t get home today,’ she said sympathetically.
‘Maybe. But he’ll understand. It will be more important to him that I’m somewhere I can be helping people.’
It was the right thing to say. Paige knew that. But it just didn’t feel right.
‘Really?’ she asked. ‘Your father would rather you were working than spend time with you at Christmas?’
When his gaze met hers his expression was guarded, something else lurking just behind the surface. She knew she should delve more deeply.
But this was Christmas Day. It wasn’t the right time. A little voice sounded in her head. Would they have more Christmases together after this one? She certainly hoped so.
It was odd. She just felt so much lighter. Her decision was made and she would live with the repercussions. She would tell Stefan later, when they had some time to themselves.
He blinked again, still looking at her. ‘My dad always wants what’s best for me, and for others. My parents always put themselves last.’
Paige wondered if it was supposed to sound self-sacrificing, and maybe it was, but it just sounded ultimately sad to her and, from the expression on Stefan’s face, to him too.
He lifted his head. ‘I have dinner to prepare.’ It was as if someone had flicked a switch because all of a sudden he had a broad smile on his face and he was reaching for Joe to encourage him to start helping.
Paige wanted to offer to help too. To encourage Stefan to talk. To ask if he’d ever sat down with his dad and told him how guilty he felt about his mum. But she knew that had never happened. She also knew that Stefan was working himself to death to avoid that conversation. Something really had to give.
She walked down the corridor to check on Rafe. He was looking better and eating a large bowl of porridge that Lynn had made for him. She checked the level in the bottle and listened to his chest again.
She sat on the edge of the bed—against all the rules—and spoke to him. ‘There is a small chance that, later on today, we might get a chance to evacuate by helicopter.’
Rafe immediately stopped eating. He glanced at the tube coming out of his chest. ‘But how can I be moved with this? Does it mean I can’t go?’
She shook her head. ‘No, it doesn’t mean that. You’re stable. We would consider you fit to transfer. It does mean we have to be extra careful. The bottle must be kept upright, and it has to be below the level of your chest. We would strap you into a special stretcher and have the bottle and tube protected and strapped against you for the transfer.’
For a moment he breathed a sigh of relief, and then looked worried again. ‘When could this be?’
‘Around six p.m. tonight. Long after Christmas dinner—Stefan and Joe are not getting out of that one.’ She gave a laugh, and then paused. ‘They might be able to get some people out earlier. But there are fourteen children down at the café—some of them with no parents. Franco asked if they could be evacuated first.’
‘Absolutely,’ said Rafe without a moment’s hesitation and a half-shrug. ‘After all, where am I going to go? Just to another hospital that’s down the valley. My family is back in France. I expect it will be a few weeks before I take a flight back home. Let the kids go first and hopefully some will get to see their families today.’
Paige gave a smile and patted his arm. ‘I was hoping you would say that.’ She gave him an amused look. ‘From the man who didn’t want to stay in his bed at all, you’ve changed your tune.’
He tapped his ribs. ‘I’ve learned to pace myself. I want to get back out and ski. I need to let these ribs heal, and I know I put myself back by having the fall. What can I say? Lesson learned.’
She sighed. ‘If only all patients were so obliging.’
He gave her a look of admiration. ‘People should be grateful that you’re their doctor and listen to you. I’m grateful. You knew exactly what you were doing and didn’t hesitate. Thank you.’
She felt a pang in her chest. Moments like this were few and far between. It felt as if people had stopped saying thank you in the health service. Life seemed full of complaints and investigations.
‘Thank you,’ she said as she stood up. ‘It’s appreciated.’
He gave a nod and she walked back down the corridor, taking a few moments to go back to the suite she shared with Stefan.
The day was still dark. They might get evacuated—they might not. She certainly wouldn’t be able to take the suitcase of belongings she’d brought to Switzerland with her. She would have to get it sent on at a later date.
Paige didn’t want to be short of time, so she folded up some clothes, alongside her passport and personal belongings, and put them in a small holdall. She would be ready to go at short notice if needed.
She changed her T-shirt and freshened up her hair and make-up before going back along to the main room. There was a competitive game of Monopoly about to start and she joined in, familiarising herself with the Switzerland equivalent of Mayfair.
The atmosphere was cheerful. People knew there was at least half a chance of getting home later. That, and because the day they had all dreaded being here had actually arrived, made things feel much better. Again, she was grateful to be somewhere safe. Somewhere warm, and with people she now considered friends.
She brought along a pot of coffee and put the extra cookies on plates, and they were soon gone. It didn’t take long for wonderful smells to drift down the corridor towards them. She could hear raucous laughter coming from the kitchen, mainly from Joe and his stories. Lynn rolled her eyes. ‘He’s got new blood for telling all his operating theatre tales. He’ll be in his element today.’ She leaned forward. ‘Let’s just hope he doesn’t put Stefan off the food.’
The afternoon continued to be dark and gloomy, but the mood in the hospital was jubilant and light. Every now and then Paige would notice someone get a little quieter, or spend a few moments on their own, and that was fine. Christmas was a time for families, and these were exceptional circumstances, all were entitled to their own thoughts.
Joe came along with a whoop of celebration. ‘Food is ready, people. Take your places.’
Paige positioned Rafe at the table, the bottle at the side of his wheelchair, and the others took their chairs at the long table.
Cathy, Lynn and Paige went down to the kitchen to help carry the food along, and found themselves bringing trays of potato salad and vegetables. Joe and Stefan followed with silver platters of filet em tieg and shinkli em tieg. The pastry-wrapped delights smelled delicious. ‘I can’t wait to try these,’ Paige said with a smile as she took one of each and passed the platter down the table.
The dinner was a success, the food delicious. The only thing they didn’t do was drink any wine—not if there was a chance of transport later in the evening. Paige offered to wash the dishes, conscious that if they were evacuated she didn’t want to leave any mess in the hospital.
Stefan joined her as she loaded the dishwasher and filled the sink for some of the larger pots. He seemed distracted but slipped his arms around her as he finished drying one of the pots.
‘When the helicopter comes,’ he said slowly, ‘will you come with me?’
She held her breath, turning around to look at him. ‘Why?’
He was clearly confused by the question. ‘Because I thought you wouldn’t have somewhere to go. I want to spend more time with you. I’d like you to meet my father.’
She reached and touched his cheek. ‘I would love to meet your father, and I would love to spend more time with you. But you have to be ready for that.’
He blinked and pulled back. ‘What do you mean?’
She brought down her hand and started knotting the dish towel she’d just used to dry dishes between her two hands. ‘I mean, I made a decision this morning. I’m not going to be a doctor any more. Not in A&E at least. Maybe not at all. I still need to figure out that part. I can’t keep doing a job that’s making me miserable.’ She lifted her hand to her heart. ‘But until I’d sorted this part of me, and this part of me—’ she pointed to her head ‘—I wasn’t going to have room to commit to something new, something different.’
She could see him trying to connect the dots in his jumbled brain. ‘You’re telling me you couldn’t consider starting a relationship until you’d decided to give up your job? That’s madness. It doesn’t even make sense.’
Paige took a deep breath. ‘But it does, for me. And there’s something you need to do too.’
He shook his head. ‘You’ve lost me now.’
‘Why are you so busy all the time? Why do you plan your life without a moment to spare? Because I know it’s deliberate. But do you know it is?’
He stood frozen to the spot for a few minutes. ‘I’m busy because, unlike you, I love my work. I want to be busy. I thrive on being busy. I want to do as much as I can to help as many people as possible.’
Paige stepped forward and put one finger on his chest. She wasn’t annoyed by the earlier jibe. It had hardly even registered. ‘But when do you stop to help yourself?’
She was barely inches from his face. Confusion crossed his face. But only for a moment. Because Stefan did know what she was talking about. He did understand. But was he ready to confront his demons?
‘This is ridiculous.’ His jaw was tight. ‘All I want to do is ask you to come back with me. Ask you to come and meet my father.’
Her hand reached out and touched his. ‘And I would love to do that. But I don’t want to get in the way of the conversation you need to have with your father.’
‘What?’
He was still in denial and, before she had a chance to say anything more, he swung the conversation around. ‘And what about you? Aren’t you being hasty? After all those years of training, you’re prepared to walk away? I mean, I get what happened to you in A&E is totally unacceptable. But you said your boss was making changes and bringing in security—won’t that make things better?’
Paige took a deep breath. ‘Maybe for others, but not for me.’
‘If you don’t want to go back there, you could be a doctor anywhere. What about Los Angeles? Why don’t you come back with me—take some time to get to know the place, then decide where you’d like to work? There will be plenty of job opportunities for someone with your experience. You could pick and choose.’
‘But what if I’m choosing not to be a doctor? Would I still be welcome to join you in Los Angeles?’ Her words were sharp, she knew that. But she was getting exasperated. She was getting jittery. In a short period of time, she might find herself hoisted up into a helicopter. It wasn’t exactly filling her thoughts with confidence.
And Stefan just didn’t seem to be listening. He wasn’t acknowledging the fact that Paige could see right through him. That whilst she might have met a wonderful man who made her heart sing, she had to be sure about what she did next.
And that included being sure about him.
She took a deep breath. ‘When are you going to realise you can’t keep going on like this? Have you ever sat down with your dad and spoken about your mum? Have you told him how guilty you feel? Have you told him you didn’t realise how sick she was and that you wish you could have done something to intervene?’
Stefan pulled right back from her, as if she’d wounded him with her words. But these words weren’t harsh. They were just the truth.
‘This isn’t any of your business.’
She froze. ‘You’re absolutely right, they’re not. But I’d like it to be my business. You just asked me to go to Los Angeles with you. You’re inviting me to fly halfway around the world with you. But you’re also telling me I can’t tell you what I’m seeing, and what I think you need to do. What happens if I come to Los Angeles? Will I ever see you? Or will you continue to work—what is it?—fourteen hours a day, seven days a week? I want to take a chance. But I want to take a chance on us, Stefan. If you keep going like you are now, there will never be a chance for an us. Can’t you see that?’
He walked away, shaking his head, and Paige crossed her hands in front of her heart. She said the words that he really needed to understand—because if he didn’t there could never be any chance for them.
‘There isn’t room for me to love you, Stefan, until you learn to love yourself first.’
And, even though there were tears in her eyes, she turned and walked out.