OWEN STOOD AT the harbour and watched the ferry depart, taking with it Mia and Carly, and any hope that things could be fixed between them.
She hadn’t seen him there. Hadn’t come out on deck. Hadn’t said goodbye—not a single word. Hadn’t even come in with Mia to drop Harper off at the surgery.
They’d managed to avoid each other over the last few days. He’d even stayed away from her leaving party, telling everyone that Mason was under the weather. Truth was, he hadn’t been able to say goodbye. He’d done that too many times in his life already and this time, he knew, would be the worst.
And yet here he was today, unable to let her go.
But he had to.
The wind picked up, sending an old brown paper bag scuttling across the ground. The clouds threatened rain. He put his hands on Mason’s and Harper’s shoulders and caught their attention away from feeding the baby ducks that hung around on the water. ‘Come on, kids. Let’s get back inside. There’s a storm on its way.’
‘From what I hear, it’s a big one too.’ Anahera slipped her arm into his and walked with them back to the surgery. But his focus was on the boat. ‘I hope the ferry’s going to be okay.’
Anahera squeezed his arm and smiled softly. ‘You mean, you hope Carly’s going to be okay.’
Busted. ‘Yes. Mia too. Obviously.’
‘Of course, Mia. But Carly mainly.’ She raised her eyebrows, letting him know she’d guessed and understood. She shivered as a cold wind whipped round their heads, dragging strands of grey hair from her clip. ‘It’s an easterly storm, unusual for here, but they always bring a good dousing and even cyclones. We need to batten down the hatches. And my hair.’
‘Cyclones and ferries aren’t a good mix.’ Owen craned his head to catch a final glimpse of the boat disappearing into rough-looking seas.
‘It’ll hit us first. Hopefully they’ll be on the mainland by the time it reaches the city.’ Anahera pushed open the surgery door and they all clambered in. The pressure of the wind made him lean hard against the door to close it. Anahera bent and opened the children’s play box in the reception waiting room. ‘How do you feel about being the island’s first responder now?’
‘Good. I think. Everyone knows what they’re doing, right? It’s just following protocols. We’ll be fine.’ His heart fluttered with pride at having been asked, but also with a little trepidation. People were depending on him. ‘If the storm gets worse, or there’s likely to be a threat to life from flooding, we evacuate to the camp.’
His receptionist nodded. ‘For the next three months. After the new owner moves in, we’ll have to rethink that emergency plan.’
‘I’ve called a meeting for next week to discuss it all.’
She looked up from pulling out some building blocks for Harper. ‘You’ll make a great leader here, Owen. You’ve got good ideas and great intentions. I’d say you’ve made it your home.’
‘I hope so. I love it here.’
She pierced him with one of those stares only wise women could get away with. ‘But you’ll miss having Carly here to help.’
I miss her, full stop. I love her.
He couldn’t deny that any longer. Although, he’d yet to say it fully out loud. But now he’d watched her leave and there was no chance for them.
‘You’re soft on her.’ It was a statement, not a question. His receptionist was astute.
Or... had he actually said it out loud? ‘She’s a great woman, Anahera.’
She gave a nod in agreement. ‘She’ll be back.’
In two years or something.
‘I hope she has an amazing time.’
‘You hope she changes her mind.’ Anahera winked then patted his shoulder. ‘What will be, will be, Doc. These things have a habit of sorting themselves out.’
Yes, but not always in my favour. In fact, never.
He was about to reply when a loud howling noise ripped through the air, making Harper jump in surprise. Her little face crumpled and she started to sob.
Owen pushed his thoughts about Carly back and focused on the little girl. ‘Hey. It’s just the wind. It’s okay. It’s okay.’
He sat down and pulled her onto his lap, cradling her and rocking her the way he’d always done with Mason. Meanwhile, his big boy son played happily with some trains. Anahera stood up and busied herself at the reception desk.
There was a strange feeling in the atmosphere. Owen felt as if he was in some weird kind of limbo. He felt unsettled, unsure, as if he was holding his breath, waiting...
Maybe it was the static from the encroaching storm. Maybe it was his heart, not quite believing that she’d gone.
The phone rang.
Carly? His chest hurt.
Anahera answered.
Owen looked up expectantly. But why was he hoping? He’d just watched her sail away.
Anahera shook her head, as if reading his mind. ‘That’s your last patient cancelling their appointment. No one wants to come out today and I don’t blame them. I’ve just seen on the online news that there’s a cyclone likely.’
Not surprising, given that the walls felt as though they were trembling, the windows rattling in their frames. ‘You should go home.’
‘This building’s safer than my house in a storm. I’ll go put the kettle on.’ The lights flickered, then went out. Anahera sighed. ‘Power cut. Great. We need a generator here, Doc.’
‘Add it to the list.’ Still holding Harper, Owen shuffled to standing and dashed to the window. The yachts in the marina were being tossed about like toy boats in a kid’s bath. Every building was dark. The flag on the flagpole whirled in a brutal, jagged dance. More debris tumbled down the street.
All he could see, far out on the water, were huge waves—white-topped and violent—and a sky as black as night. It was three-thirty. It shouldn’t be this dark.
What if something happened to them in the storm? What if...? No. He wasn’t going there. He turned to Anahera, ‘We’d know if there was a problem with the ferry, right? We’d hear about it.’
Anahera stretched her arms out to take Harper from him and cooed as she rocked the girl back to sleep. ‘We’d be first to find out. They’d radio in.’
It couldn’t happen twice, not to the same family—two boating disasters. No, they’d be fine. The women would be drinking cocktails in an hour, celebrating signing the papers that set them free.
While here he was, hostage to his heart.
‘Daddy, can I have a snack?’
Thank God for kids. They kept you sane and gave you a reason to focus. He wandered through to the lunchroom and grabbed some fruit, cut it into pieces and gave it to them. Then he played trains for what felt like an interminable amount of time.
The clock ticked. The wind howled. The frames rattled. Then the rain started, thick, greasy drops on the corrugated iron roof. It felt as if someone was hammering into his skull.
What if something happened to her?
He wouldn’t be able to endure what she’d been through when she’d lost her husband. She was stronger than he was. She’d loved Raff and lost him. Had prayed he’d come back to her. Had waited. And waited.
Was this a little of how she’d felt? No. He couldn’t imagine the horrors she’d been through. And yet...he couldn’t think straight or be rational. He wanted to rip open the door, dive into the turbulent water and go find her.
He wanted to hold her and kiss her.
What if something happened to her?
He’d go out of his mind. All their missed chances—all that love, days of laughter, sexy sleepless nights. Her warmth, her skin. Her optimism. Her strength. He’d let her go. No, he’d made her go.
He couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t...
These things have a habit of sorting themselves out.
How, when she was following her own path and it certainly wasn’t converging with his any time soon?
But maybe he could forge a way.
How? He didn’t have any answers.
But he knew he wanted to try.
He’d pushed her away without giving her the time and space to talk things through. He’d knee-jerk reacted to panic that his son was getting too close to her. All that protectiveness had made him wary.
He’d been an idiot. Why hadn’t he listened? Why hadn’t he talked?
Because he’d been too scared to take a risk.
Like the risk she was taking by leaving this island. Like the risk he’d taken coming here. Like the risk he was taking, agreeing to be the island’s first responder. Hell, he was happy to carry the weight of everyone here on his shoulders, but too cowardly to allow one person into his heart, into his life...
How was that even living, being scared, being closed off? He’d already taken a lot of risks. What was one more if it brought her back to him?
His chest flickered with hope. Maybe if he just talked to her, one last time. Maybe if he said yes to the video calls. Maybe if he was just brave enough to take a step.
He turned his back to the window. ‘Anahera, do you think you’d be able to look after the kids tomorrow?’
‘Sure, thing. Why?’
‘I need to make a trip into the city.’
I need to get her back. Somehow.
‘Of course—’ She was interrupted by both their bleepers sounding shrilly at the same time.
Ferry run aground North Bay.
He looked up and saw Anahera’s ashen face. And his heart stopped.
‘Sign here and here.’ The officious lawyer pointed a perfectly polished nail at the yellow stickies on the forms, indicating where they had to sign away the camp.
‘Here we go.’ Mia grinned as she scribbled her name. ‘This is a good thing, Carly.’
‘I know. I just...have a funny feeling.’ Carly looked out of the window on the top floor of the tower block, over the city buildings and out to the Hauraki Gulf. She’d hoped it would be glittering today, but it was rough and foreboding. Thank goodness she didn’t get seasick, because their crossing had been dire.
Mia followed her gaze. ‘About what?’
‘I don’t know. Everything.’ She shivered. ‘And I’m not used to air conditioning. I’m freezing.’
‘It’s actually really warm in here.’ Mia stroked Carly’s back. ‘It’s probably just nerves. Try and look at it as excitement. We’re going to go and drink cocktails, get drunk and silly and dance and then tomorrow night you’re off on an adventure.’
She didn’t feel adventurous. She felt...weird. Lost. Alone. Her head and heart kept slanting back to Owen and Mason.
‘Sure, must be that.’ Carly signed her name in the numerous places the lawyer indicated then shook her hand.
‘Congratulations, ladies. The sale is now unconditional. Contracts are signed. If all goes to plan—and I don’t see why it won’t—you’ll settle in a month.’
Mia squealed. ‘So that’s it? It’s sold?’
‘It is.’ The lawyer nodded and grinned.
Mia’s eyes grew huge. ‘I’m so going kitchen shopping. Right now. Come with me! Help me choose something very swanky for my little cottage.’
So, they did. And, even though it felt endlessly domestic, Carly enjoyed it. More, she enjoyed seeing her sister-in-law happy and excited for the first time in too long.
‘Let’s celebrate.’ As the sun started to set over Auckland, Mia hooked her arm into Carly’s and pulled her into a bar that overlooked the waterfront. Out on the horizon the darkening clouds dumped fat fingers of rain into the unsettled ocean. Carly’s stomach felt as choppy as the sea.
Was this all such a good idea?
When their champagne arrived, Mia picked up her glass and held it to Carly’s. ‘I never thought I’d be in this situation, doing this. Saying goodbye to the house I grew up in, to the camp that grounded me, that taught me to love and respect nature...even though she can be an evil mistress sometimes.’ Her eyes darted towards the tumbling waves and they both knew she was talking about the accident that had ripped their family away. ‘But I’m glad I have you by my side, Carly. Even when you’re overseas, I know you’ll be there for me. I’m glad I have you.’
Carly’s throat felt ragged and sore. ‘I’m glad I have you too. Thank you for being there for me through everything.’
‘You were a gift my brother brought home, and I couldn’t thank him for a better present than you. You were there for me in the worst time of my life and the best. You’re the best godparent for Harper. And a total all-round wonder woman.’
‘Aww, shucks.’ Carly clinked her glass, hoping she looked better than she felt. Maybe she did get seasick after all. Maybe it just took a little while to settle. ‘To us. The Edwards girls.’
‘Sisters by family, friends by choice.’ Mia took a sip of her champagne and laughed. ‘I could get used to this. It’s a good feeling when you know you can splash out every now and then on something frivolous like bubbles.’
‘Wait...isn’t champagne an essential food group?’ Carly couldn’t help but laugh too. ‘Sorry, I know I need to start focusing on the positives. I’ve got financial stability. I’ve got independence. I’m very resilient...hell, I could face just about anything now. Not that I want to.’ But her heart ached for what she’d left behind. ‘I want to be happy. I want to be part of something.’
‘You have your whole life in front of you. I envy you a bit.’ Mia sighed and twiddled with her flute stem. ‘All that opportunity. Doing new things, meeting new people.’
‘Oh? This isn’t like you. I thought you loved Rāwhiti, and you adore Harper.’
‘Oh yes, of course, and I wouldn’t change that at all. But there’s something missing.’
Carly frowned. How had she missed the fact that her sister-in-law was feeling like this? Because she’d been too absorbed in her own woes. ‘You’re a woman of means now. You can travel, do things. What do you want, Mia, right now?’
Her friend looked straight at Carly and sighed. ‘Oh, man. I want good sex. And a lot of it.’
Carly spluttered her champagne and had to wipe her mouth with a napkin. ‘Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. You never talk about it. Never talk about Mia’s dad or that night.’
‘Which was the last time I had sex. Not that I’m counting.’ Mia bugged her eyes. ‘There’s simply no point in talking about him. I tried to find him and I couldn’t. He’s gone. I’ve accepted that.’
‘There are other men.’
‘On Rāwhiti? I doubt it. You’ve snagged the only decent single guy there. Or, rather, had snagged.’
Another choke on the bubbles and Carly snorted. ‘No snagging happened.’
‘Just good sex, then? I’m so jealous.’ Mia giggled. ‘Lucky duck. You never know, you might meet the next man of your dreams in Greece. Or Spain. Or...’
Carly’s thoughts immediately jumped to Owen. Again. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t forget him. She’d always measured every man against Raff, and none had ever compared. But he was gone. Owen was now the yardstick by which she’d compare every subsequent lover.
And she’d left him behind. A sharp pain lanced her chest. She missed him so much.
‘Talking of my daughter’s father, I really should check in.’ Mia pulled out her phone and scanned the screen. ‘No messages. I’ll give Owen a call, just to make sure they’re okay.’
‘Give him my love.’ Carly closed her mouth quickly.
Mia blinked and then peered at her, her eyes searching, guessing and then realising. She gave Carly a soft, sad kind of smile, then she started to scroll and pressed call.
Carly imagined him sitting round the fire about now, toasting marshmallows for Harper and Mason. Reading them books before bed. She thought about him pottering around the kitchen, kayaking, painting, tending to the injured with soot streaked across his face. She thought about the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest after very good sex. She wouldn’t tell Mia about that.
She imagined his neat spruced-up cottage. His special scent. The touch of his fingertips. His laugh. The care for Mason. The intention only ever to put his son first.
She thought about the way he’d looked at her as he’d slid inside her as if she was everything. Thought about the gentle touch of his fingers in her hair.
Did his heart hurt like hers did?
She’d wanted to reach for him, but he’d closed himself off. She wanted... Oh, she didn’t know what she wanted. She was so confused. And, anyway, it didn’t matter what she wanted. He’d made up his mind. He’d set her free.
Stupid thing was, she didn’t want to be.
Give him my love.
It hit her then, deep in her heart, that she did love him. Loved them both. But he was pushing her away and she was wilfully going. How could she walk away from love, the one thing she’d craved her whole life?
How long would it take for her to forget his smile?
Never.
How long would it take for her heart to heal?
Mia put her phone down and frowned. ‘That’s strange. He’s not answering.’
‘He’s probably busy. You know what it’s like with two small kids. He won’t have his phone with him all the time.’
‘Yes. Probably right.’ Mia slid her phone back into her bag and glanced up at the TV screen in the corner.
Her eyebrows rose. ‘Oh. You see that? The storm over Rāwhiti has knocked out the power. That’s why he’s not answering. Apparently, there’s a cyclone on the way.’
Heart hammering, Carly whipped round to look. ‘I hope they’re okay. I hope they’re coping without us.’
‘You wrote the emergency plan. You know how good it is. If they follow the rule book, they’ll be fine.’
‘Yes. Yes, you’re right. I can’t spend my whole life looking back and panicking at the slightest thing. But what if...?’ Carly knew her grip on Mia’s arm was tight but she couldn’t stop herself. What if he wasn’t okay, as Raff hadn’t been? How could she lose him too?
She felt as if she was going to be sick as pain roiled through her, piercing her heart. But he didn’t want her. He’d sent her on her adventure. He hadn’t looked back at her.
The cosy fireside image died, and she imagined him now battling the storm with the kids, securing the windows and doors... Was Wallace-Wilma okay too? Maybe he was taking them all to the camp, just as the rule book said. Hunkering down in safety with her friends, her family.
Then she imagined him taking so much care with any injured people. Keeping them safe. Walking forward into risk, danger and adventure. She thought of the islanders relying on him, the way they’d relied on her. She thought of all that going on without her. All that love, care and community. Her home.
And Owen. The kingpin of it all. A beacon of hope.
A sexy beacon of hope. She smiled, even though she was concerned for him and for the islanders in this weather bomb.
She envied him, admired him and loved him.
She loved him.
Oh, God. She loved him. The man who thought his life was too small for her when what he was doing was the most amazing thing of all...building a life, a real, happy life, that nurtured his son and helped him thrive. What could be better than that?
And suddenly her own adventure felt small and unnecessary. She didn’t have to fly halfway around the world to find out who she was. She knew who she was. She was Carly Edwards, first responder of Rāwhiti Island. Carly Edwards, lover of Owen Cooper. Carly Edwards, a woman capable of many, many things, including loving this man and receiving that love back tenfold. She didn’t just want to look back...she wanted to go back.
‘I think I’ve made a mistake,’ she whispered to Mia’s back. ‘I think I love him.’
But her friend was standing completely still, staring at a red banner running across the bottom of the screen.
Breaking news... Ferry runs aground at Rāwhiti Island. Storm hampers rescue efforts.
Carly’s heart jolted.
Then she grabbed her bag and shook her friend gently. ‘We have to go back, Mia. Now. We have to get back to Rāwhiti.’
She had to get back to the man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
If it wasn’t too late.