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The Crab Cracker turns out to be a pretty much hole-in-the-wall type place. I wonder how two people from out of town found it. It strikes me as a place only locals would know about. Or want to visit. We parked in the only vacant spot, which turns out to be behind the place.
"I really don't like the looks of this place." Says Dixie, voicing my own misgivings as we exited the car and walked across the parking lot.
"If y'all don't feel comfortable going in, y'all can go on back to the condo. I'll handle this and get back with you on what I find out." Vlad walks faster, getting ahead of us.
"No way." I say just as Dixie says, "Okay."
We stop walking, staring at each other.
"That's fine, Dixie." I pat her on the shoulder. "You go on back. I'll stay here with Vlad and see what's going on."
"But if something goes wrong, y'all won't be able to get out of here fast." Dixie protests.
Well, that surely was the truth. Nevertheless, I believe Vlad and I will be resourceful enough to figure something out if it comes to that.
"Truly." I tell her. "If you don't want to go in, then go on. We'll be fine."
To my surprise, she gives me a doubtful look, but turns back to the car. I can’t pretend that I’m not surprised. And just a bit hurt. However, I don't let her see that. I watch her get in the car and crank it up. But I can't watch her drive away. I take Vlad's arm like we're a couple coming in on a date and we stroll around the corner of the building and in the door.
The place is packed to the gills and as noisy as I imagine Hell is on a Saturday night. I spot a small table tucked into a corner behind a large group of partyers and point it out to Vlad. We squeeze along the wall and sit.
I scan the room, but don't see the Carpenters. Vlad squeezes back past the group and goes to the bar to get us a couple of drinks. When he returns, he's not only bought me the draft beer I asked for, but also a ball cap with A Cracking Good Time embroidered on the front.
"Do you really think I'm going to wear this?" I ask in horror.
He laughs. "I don't want the Carpenters to spot you when they come in, so I got you a disguise."
He's got me there. However, I silently wondered if there were less offensive hats and he deliberately bought this one to make me mad. I twist my hair up on my head and pull the cap on and down low on my brow. "Happy now?" I ask, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
"Delighted."
I'm sure he's tickled to death. He had better not try to take any pictures of me in this thing. Two beers later and we're still waiting. However, I have to go to the ladies room. I squeeze past the now very drunk partyers and head to the ladies room down a narrow, dark hallway. Kitchen noises come from the far end of the hall.
As I walk along the hallway checking doors for the Ladies Room sign, I pass a small open room off to one side. A glance inside tells me I've just made a big mistake. A burly man with a mean look about him is inside—along with Bill and Betsy Carpenter. Betsy makes eye contact with me and I know she's recognized me in spite of the ridiculous hat. As she takes a breath to shout, I sprint down the dingy hallway straight toward the kitchen.
I knock a waitress on her rear end with the saloon style doors as I burst through them. Fried seafood scatters across the floor. I should be thankful this is one of those make your own cocktail sauce places or I'd probably be skidding through some of that in the wreckage. Tossing an apology over my shoulder to the dazed girl climbing to her feet, I keep going, looking for the delivery door that will let me out.
I finally spot the door tucked to the side of the kitchen. Pulling empty plates and glasses to the floor, I attempt to block anyone chasing me. I hear loud cursing as I reach the back door and risk a look over my shoulder. The waitress is down on the floor again and Big Mean Dude is scanning the kitchen. I'm pretty sure it's me he's looking for. And not in a good way. I push through the back door.
As I burst out into the hot sunlight, I regret that Dixie left. She was right about trouble happening and it's a little hard to book an Uber when you're running flat out and being chased. The drivers like to know where to pick you up. And right now I have no idea where that might be. Hopefully this side of the Pearly Gates.
I'm around the corner of the building heading for the street when I hear a slam behind me. I assume it's the kitchen door hitting the brick wall of the building. Big Mean Dude must be hot on my tail.
As I'm running, I hear an engine rev and gravel crunches as a car backs out fast from a parking spot ahead of me. I do a double take. It's Dixie's Taurus. She'd known I would get into trouble and need a fast getaway. I guess that's not too hard to figure for someone who knows me well.
The car reverses fast toward me and as it stops beside me, I yank open the passenger door and jump in. I'm greeted with a high-pitched yelp, followed by a growl. Glancing down I see a skinny-as-a-rail dapple Dachshund giving me the stink eye.
I slam the door shut and Dixie floors it, throwing gravel everywhere as the car fishtails.
"Nice hat." Dixie observes as she peels out onto the asphalt street.