King Cudgel was wearing his favourite polka-dot tunic and in honour of his guests, he had put a bright-red ostrich feather in his hat. King Cudgel hadn’t felt so nervous since the time Queen Carrion had asked him to dance and he had only been wearing thin leather slippers.
‘Remember, sire,’ hissed Crackle beside him. ‘When you see Princess Gusty Ox, tell her she looks beautiful.’
Crackle fixed the king with a stern eye. ‘No matter what!’
‘Are you telling me to lie?’ asked King Cudgel.
‘Yes, sire,’ replied Crackle. ‘And make sure it’s a good one.’
The next moment, Princess Gusty Ox and Prince Marvin appeared at his side, and King Cudgel nearly fainted.
‘What’s wrong with my father?’ asked Princess Gusty Ox. She looked at Crackle suspiciously. ‘Don’t I look like a proper princess?’
Crackle heaved King Cudgel to his feet. ‘Tell her, sire,’ he hissed in his ear.
‘You look beautiful, my dear,’ said King Cudgel in a strangled voice. As he spoke he met Prince Marvin’s eye and he knew they were thinking exactly the same thing. ‘Just like a proper princess.’
Princess Gusty Ox fiddled with her hair and a smile crawled around her cupidbow, red lips. ‘Thank you, daddy,’ she said in the sweetest voice she could manage.
It sounded like a chicken scratching a blackboard with its beak and King Cudgel thought he was going to scream.
At that moment, the great white cart of Rosy Apple Manor rattled up the drive and stopped. Lady Hayseed climbed down followed by a pretty girl with dark hair and a serious face.
‘King Cudgel!’ cried Lady Hayseed. ‘May I present Princess Lulu the Luscious?’ She turned to her granddaughter. ‘And Lulu, this is Princess Gusty Ox and Prince Marvin.’
For a moment the three children stared at each other. No one knew what to say.
Prince Marvin was looking at Princess Lulu and thinking: Wow! She’s fantastic!
Princess Lulu was looking at Princess Gusty Ox and thinking: Why has she covered her face in make-up and why is she wearing that awful dress?
Princess Gusty Ox was looking at Princess Lulu and thinking: How can she look so pretty without wearing a tight dress or any make-up?
‘Run along and play, children,’ said King Cudgel, quickly.
‘Yes, yes!’ Lady Hayseed clapped her hands. ‘Go and make friends!’
‘What would you like to see first?’ Prince Marvin asked shyly. Princess Lulu was so pretty he could hardly look at her.
‘How about my embroidery?’ said Princess Gusty Ox in her terrible, new sweet voice. She turned and smiled lopsidedly at Princess Lulu. ‘Or would you prefer to hear me play my flute?’
Princess Lulu was puzzled. Her grandmother had promised her that Princess Gusty Ox wasn’t like the boring princesses her mother usually made her play with. And now here she was asking her to do the very things she hated.
‘Why don’t we show Princess Lulu our trampoline?’ said Prince Marvin quickly. The idea of making this lovely girl look at his sister’s awful cushion or, worse, hear her music was too dreadful. ‘We could even jump on it!’
‘What!’ squawked Princess Gusty Ox. ‘That would be far too unladylike!’
But Princess Lulu’s eyes lit up. ‘I’d love to have a go!’ she cried. ‘I’ve never been on a trampoline.’
‘What!’ squawked Princess Gusty Ox again. ‘You’ll be wanting to swim in the moat next!’ She stared at Princess Lulu. ‘I thought you were a proper princess!’
A silence fell between them. Prince Marvin found he was holding his breath.
‘That’s what my mother wants me to be,’ said Princess Lulu at last. ‘She wants me to do embroidery and write poems and play stupid music.’ She looked at them with big eyes. ‘I’d rather climb trees and jump on trampolines and yes, Princess Gusty Ox, I’d love to swim in your moat.’
Princess Gusty Ox stared at Princess Lulu’s flushed, unhappy face and her mind began to spin. Something was wrong. Princess Lulu was supposed to be a proper princess and here she was wanting to do all the things Princess Gusty Ox used to do before she spoke to the mean rabbit in the Magic Mirror.
‘I don’t understand,’ said Princess Gusty Ox. ‘What’s stopping you?’
‘My mother wants me to be what she calls a proper princess,’ said Princess Lulu, sadly. ‘And that means marrying Godric the Geek, too.’
There was another stunned silence. Princess Gusty Ox’s blue-lidded eyes popped out of her head. ‘Godric the Geek!’ she cried. ‘But he’s—’
‘The weediest twit ever,’ said Princess Lulu. ‘I know!’ She stared at Prince Marvin and Princess Gusty Ox. ‘It’s too awful! Godric the Geek actually likes doing girly things like embroidery and writing poems. He’s even trained bluebirds to fly around his head.’ Princess Lulu rolled her eyes. ‘That kind of stuff makes me sick!’
Princess Gusty Ox looked down at her silly dress and felt her ridiculous curls. Now she understood there was no such thing as a proper princess. She hadn’t listened when Quail had told her and she knew even Prince Marvin had tried to do his best. She had made a complete fool of herself and it was her own fault for talking to the Magic Mirror. Then she noticed Princess Lulu and Prince Marvin were staring at her.
‘Is something wrong?’ asked Princess Lulu.
‘You look a bit strange, sis,’ said Prince Marvin.
Princess Gusty Ox wiped her mouth with her sleeve and pulled off the fake eyelashes that were tickling her eyeballs.
‘I’ll meet you at the trampoline in five minutes,’ said Princess Gusty Ox, then she ran off without saying another word.