Chapter Nineteen

 

The driver's side door of the police car opened, and the silhouette of an officer stepped out—a woman barely taller than me.

And before she could say anything else, I pointed at Bradley and shouted at her. "He raped Haylee Ricks," I said. "He's the reason she killed herself."

And Bradley yelled over me, his voice louder than mine, "She's a stalker. She attacked us! I want to file assault charges."

Assault charges? Oh no. I had shoved him. And tossed him out of the car. And grabbed him by the throat. I had no proof of what he'd done to Haylee. Even the journal wouldn't help. It'd be my word against his.

The officer hesitated, backlit by the headlights.

"He attacked me," I yelled. "Last week. In the woods right over there."

Bradley turned toward me, and Nick stepped between us before I could see the look on his face.

"Put your hands on the car, all of you," the officer said. As I did, I realized every inch of my body was shaking.

Nick gave me a wide eyed look as the officer hauled Catherine from the car, and searched us all. Bradley tried to chatter excuses at her, but she held up her hand and barked at him to shut up. This time, Bradley did.

When she searched Nick, she took the journal from him and flipped it open.

"It's Haylee's," Nick said. "She killed herself before Christmas. It's evidence."

As the officer carried it to her car, Bradley watched her go with wide eyes, and then turned a hateful stare at me. I smiled what I hoped was a knowing smile. Maybe he believed me about what Haylee wrote in the journal.

The officer stuffed Bradley and Catherine into the back of the cop car and locked them there, while Nick and I still stood with our hands on Bradley's car.

"Sorry," I whispered to Nick. I'd dragged him into all this.

"Don't be," Nick said.

"Are you kidding? We're in so much trouble."

"Yeah," Nick said. "But you're worth it."

I about melted into the car. I was worth it? All this? Too bad once Mom got a hold of me, I wouldn't see him again until I was thirty.

A second car pulled into the parking lot, and I hunched down. But it wasn't my mother, just another police officer, coming to haul Nick and me in. Together we climbed into the back seat. As the officer shut us in, I reached for Nick's hand. He met me halfway.

But as we drove in, my heartbeat refused to slow. I knew what I had to do. "I'm going to tell them everything," I said to Nick.

"Everything?" he asked.

"Everything." From Bradley, to the break in, to the lies Haylee told. They'd piece together a lot of it anyway, but that wasn't enough. It had to be said. I had to say it. I was never going to get a better chance than this one.

"Okay," Nick said. "But if my parents don't let me out of the house until I graduate from college, don't say I didn't warn you."

I squeezed his hand. If I didn't tell now, he'd never see me again, anyway. I would disappear. I would entirely cease to be.

 

Nick's mom showed up at the station before mine did. Mom hadn't said much over the phone when I called her. I was pretty sure she'd hung up the phone before fully understanding my words.

Nick's mom, on the other hand, chewed him out on her cell phone half the way to the station, until he finally told her he had to hang up.

She marched into the station wearing jeans and a stained T-shirt she might have been sleeping in, her hair a frizzy mess around her face.

She opened her mouth to yell at him again, but Nick spoke first.

"You knew," he said, looking her in the eyes. "You knew all along what Uncle Aaron did to Haylee."

He could have said that over the phone, but he hadn't. He'd waited until now, when he could look her in the eyes. And Nick's mom didn't have to say anything. The sad, stricken look on her face said it all.

Nick shook his head, like he didn't quite know what to say to that.

But I did. "Someone should have saved her. Before it was too late."

Nick's mom sank into a chair across from us. "She was six," she said. Her voice was small, just as Nick's had been earlier, when he admitted to picking Haylee up from that party.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed. "Haylee was six when Aaron abused her. When Hazel told me, I said she should leave him. But he willingly went to counseling—they all did. And Hazel thought they could fix it. She thought it could all be okay."

Nick's face turned gray. "They split up. Aaron and Hazel—that year when I was eight."

His mom nodded. "He wasn't allowed to come back until the therapist cleared him."

"She was six?" I said. "That was so long ago."

Nick's mom shrugged. "Some wounds go deep enough that they don't heal."

I leaned back in my seat. Judging by what happened, this one must have festered. "But he should have gone to jail," I said. I knew the rules my mom had to work under. She wasn't allowed to keep secrets about abuse. "The therapist should have filed a report."

"There was a report," Nick's mom said. "But he got help. Hazel didn't want to press charges, and the state decided not to carry it to court."

My mouth fell open. They'd failed her. Even her own family wouldn't protect her.

We all sat there, watching each other in silence, until an officer came to lead us to two different rooms—one for Nick and his mom, and one for me. Bradley sat alone in a room at the end of the hall. He looked up at the ceiling, as if going over his story in his head.

For my sake, I hoped it wasn't a good one.

When the officer led me to my room, I sat down in the chair by the table. "I want to wait for my mother," I said.

The officer nodded and shut the door.

I was only going to tell this story once.

The officer escorted Mom back after what seemed like an eternity. She was wearing sweats and a heavy jacket, even though I knew it wasn't that cold out. Her face was still wrinkled from her pillow.

"Don't yell," I said to her. "I'm going to explain everything."

"I don't see how you could possibly—"

"Please!" I yelled. "Please just sit down and let me talk?"

Mom looked like her head was going explode, but she sat.

I looked up at the officer. "I need to tell you everything," I said. "Everything about Haylee Ricks."

I wished I could go back and do things differently. To really hear what Haylee was saying—the things I never understood. But I couldn't. Not ever.

It was too late to save Haylee. But it wasn't too late to break her silence.

It wasn't too late to speak the words she couldn't say.