Chapter Nine

Gabby saw the relief on Taka’s face seconds before he took her mouth with his. She stepped forward into his arms, no longer able to deny to herself how much she did want him.

Her arms went up around his neck, her mouth opening to his. His hands slid down her back to cup her ass and pull her against him, his obvious arousal pushing hard into her stomach.

Need coiled through her veins, sinuous and alive, settling itself between her thighs. She pushed herself harder into him, the friction of her body against his causing him to moan deep into her mouth. Taka lifted her up and wrapped her legs around his hips. He pulled his mouth from hers long enough to look up as he carried her out of the kitchen to the lounge room.

Gabby shoved her hands into his hair, her mouth burning a trail down his neck. The taste of his hot skin on her tongue and the sounds of pleasure coming from him with her touch fueled her increasing desire.

They reached the sofa. Taka kneeled on the plush cushions, laying her beneath him.

His mouth worked its way down her throat to her breast, his tongue flicking across the front of her shirt. She arched her back toward him as he took her into his mouth and sucked her through the soft material.

His shirt pulled free of his jeans easily. She scraped her hands up over his sides and back. Touching, learning.

Taka pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor beside them, her bra following it to the pile. He took a moment to stare down at her lying half-naked beneath him, his expression reverential, then his hungry mouth descended on her hot skin. Her hands twisted into his hair, holding him to her.

He inched his way down her body to the low waistband of her jeans. His hands lit fires along her nerves in their wake. His mouth retraced its path back up to her breasts while insistent fingers snapped the button on her jeans. The instant Taka drew her bare nipple into his mouth, his hand slipped beneath the fabric of her underwear and down into the center of her.

Gabby cried out, shocked at the intensity of sensation his hand caused.

She seized a fistful of hair and hauled his mouth back to hers, drinking in the heady drug that was him. His hand moved between her legs, his long fingers sliding into her heat, mimicking what he wanted.

She slid her hands down his body and across his taut stomach. He had far too much clothing on for her liking. She grabbed at his waistband and slipped the button open.

She pushed hard, his jeans and boxers skimming down his hips and thighs. She wrapped her fingers around his thick length, sliding gently over him, exploring him. He was so smooth to her touch, but so very hard. He groaned loudly and bit her lip in response to her hands stroking him. Her jeans and panties landed alongside the rest of her clothes on the floor.

Taka moved above her, parting her legs with his knees.

“Wait,” he whispered in her ear, then shoved himself to sit back on his knees. He dug frantically in his jean’s pocket. Trembling fingers finally pulled a small packet from his pants. He tore it open with his teeth.

Gabby leaned up and wrapped her hand around his. “Let me.”

She took the condom from him and pulled it from the foil, glancing up at him as she wiggled to a better position. Anticipation flushed his face, his eyes flicking between her face and her hands.

She took him in her hand and slid her fingers slowly up his shaft. Gasps of breath burst from him. He grabbed the back of the sofa with one hand, muscles and tendons straining. Moisture beaded on his tip. She brushed her thumb over it before placing the condom over him.

“Fuck.”

His hips jerked as she rolled it down, taking her time, letting him enjoy it. He pushed her back against the soft cushioning as soon as she got to the base. Her hand was still wrapped around him, rubbing and stroking as she guided him back between the thighs. She let go to seize his hips as he drove inside her.

Taka stopped dead still and leaned up to look at her, their harsh, rapid breaths the only sound in the room. His stunned eyes stared into her own.

“Oh my God,” he whispered.

Gabby held his gaze and pulled down on his hips with her hands, then lifted her own to draw him deeper. His eyes closed as he slid fully inside her. His head dropped to her shoulder as he started to move. Her legs wrapped around his hips as he moved, tentatively at first, then more sure as need overcame nerves.

“Harder,” she whispered.

Bliss washed through her as he shifted his hands beneath her shoulders and changed position slightly. Was this what she’d been missing out on all these years? This was heaven. He was heaven.

“Like that?”

“Yes…harder,” she breathed, her words fading to a soft moan.

She was losing control fast. The feel of him so hard inside her was quickly sending her out of her mind. His soft moans and exclamations as he thrust into her nearly undid her.

“I’ll hurt you if I—” Gabby’s hands went to his face, desperation in her touch. “No, you won’t. Don’t hold back, I need you. All of you.”

He took both her hands in his and placed them above her head and leant his full weight into her, stealing her breath with the pressure. Threading his fingers through hers, he plunged into her.

Air exploded from her lungs with his weight on her, over her, inside her. She writhed beneath him, her back arching. She tightened around him, her cries increasing with every thrust of his hips, each thrust tearing at her resolve to hold on.

Need built, coiling through her blood like a drug. It rose, twisting and snaking through her. Taka took on a desperate rhythm, his body hammering against her as if in an attempt to imprint himself on her very soul. The feel of him filling her drew her to the edge of the abyss. He thrust harder, throwing her over the edge where she exploded around him.

Her scream echoed through the room. Shockwaves smashed through her. Her body shattered and refitted, only to shatter yet again as Taka fell apart above her.

He lay heavily on her, his spent body shuddering with the force of his climax. Reaching between them, he withdrew.

Gabby scrubbed a hand across her face and tried to control her breathing. She felt him reach over her, then heard the rustle of the box of tissues that sat on the lamp table.

Taka rummaged with something for a moment, then went to move off her. She held him still. He whispered into her ear. “I’m too heavy, I’ll crush you.”

She turned her head, grazing her lips across his cheek, and smiled. “No, you won’t. I like it. You’re fine.”

He leaned up on one arm and gazed down at her, his breathing still rough. The gentle line of his knuckle down her cheek made her breath catch.

So tender.

“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Gabby laughed. “Are you kidding me? That was incredible.”

Taka’s face expanded in an enormous grin. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Marishaten. Just as long as you’re all right. I got a bit carried away. I know you haven’t been with anyone for a long time. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

Gabby reached up and traced the line of his jaw with a finger. She loved his nickname for her. Queen of Heaven—the goddess of light, sun and moon. She didn’t mind the comparison, even though it had started as a joke. His eyelids flickered with the touch of her hand.

“You didn’t. I can handle that kind of carried away. I’ve never…”

The smile slipped from Gabby’s face. Fear rose like a blanket, smothering her, stealing her post-sex glow.

Taka frowned. “What’s wrong?”

She bit her lip and glanced away from him toward the doorway. “I should get dressed. We wouldn’t want someone coming in and seeing us like this.”

He looked up, seeming to realize where they were. They hadn’t made it past the lounge room. “Could make for an interesting conversation.” He yanked up his jeans and stood, holding out his hand to her.

Gabby paused from dressing and looked at him. Nervousness coiled through her stomach at the expression on his face. It was obvious he wanted to do that again.

The scary thing was—so did she.

“Taka, as much as we may want it to, this can’t happen again. You know that, right?”

He knelt down in front of her and took the clothes from her hands, trying to get her to look at him. “Don’t do this, Gabby.”

Her gaze slid from his. She couldn’t bear to look at him when he was staring at her so intently. She busied herself with pulling up her jeans.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t push me away. Not now. Not after that.”

The feel of his hand on her face almost undid her resolve to hold herself away from him. His warm palm radiating into her flesh felt too good to be legal. She tore her face from his touch with difficulty.

“This can’t go anywhere. We can’t be. I’m too old for you. And you’re leaving tomorrow. Tomorrow! You’re off to college. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re just too young.”

He needed to see that this couldn’t be some casual thing that happened when they saw each other. She couldn’t do that. Not to herself and most definitely not to him.

“Too young,” he said, his voice flat. “What if we’d met at a nightclub? You would never have thought to ask me how old I am, would you? At least, not at first. And by then maybe it would’ve become something you didn’t want to let go.”

Gabby’s heart clenched hard in her chest. She didn’t want him to make sense because she didn’t know what to do with these new feelings.

And she didn’t want these feelings. Not now. Not with her son’s best friend.

What have I done?

She looked down at her hands. “Please. This was just one of those amazing things that can happen sometimes. Just leave it, and it will be something we can both remember. Don’t try and make promises now that you’ll regret after you’ve thought about it for a few days. It was what it was. Great sex. That’s it. End of story.”

Taka shook his head at her. “No. That’s not it. You really don’t know, do you?” he asked, looking quite surprised.

Gabby frowned. “Know what?”

“That I love you.”

Shock at his confession rushed like ice water through her whole body, clearing her mind of the last lingering disorientation of mind-blowing sex.

“Don’t be silly, Taka. We had sex. Yes, it was wonderful, but don’t try and confuse it with something it’s not. You don’t love me.”

His gentle smile unnerved her more than any protest could have. “You know me better than that, Gabby. I don’t say things I don’t mean. That’s why I came to the house.”

“What are you talking about?” She was getting more confused by the minute.

“Before. I didn’t come inside to try and get laid. I wanted to tell you how I felt. That I loved you.” He smiled. “Being with you like this was a bonus—jackpot-sized.”

She shook her head at him, denial at his words stampeding through her brain. Fear rose in a rush, almost swallowing her. What would people think? This wasn’t a city, just a regular old country town. She didn’t care about herself, but Matt, he had friends here. The unpleasant reality of his conception had taken years to reduce to speculation that perhaps she’d done the right thing in keeping the baby, then finally the whispers had stopped. This would start rumors far worse than that. No matter how drawn she was to Taka, she couldn’t do that to Matt. It wouldn’t be fair.

And Yumi. She would lose the friendship of the one person outside her family who really mattered. She and Mas and the twins, they would have to walk down the street once the boys had gone. She’d suffered through whispers and finger pointing, so she knew what it felt like. There was no way she’d put her closest friend through that. Not to mention what Yumi would think about what she’d just done. Oh, hell. She felt sick.

“You can’t love me like that. It’s not possible,” she whispered.

He took her hand in his, twining his fingers through hers. “I do, and I can. This isn’t something new. Something I thought I’d say just for the hell of it. Why do you think I haven’t had a girlfriend for so long? I’ve loved you for the last two years, Gabby. I just never had the courage to say anything. Matt convinced me I should tell you before we left.”

She stared at him, speechless. Matty knew? And approved?

He rubbed her fingers with his thumb, the sensation so distracting she could think of nothing to say.

“I’ve been thinking.” He looked down at her hand, then back to her face. “I don’t have to go to the States. I can do medicine just as easily here in Australia, and—”

“No!” Gabby’s heart shuddered to a screeching halt. She jumped up and backed away from him. “No. That’s not happening. You have an amazing opportunity to learn at one of the best schools in the world for what you want to do. You’re not giving that up. Not for this. For me. I won’t let you.”

He stood and walked toward her, crowding her. “Don’t you think that’s up to me?”

She shook her head violently at him. “No. You’ve worked too damn hard for this. This is your future! You deserve the chance to be the best surgeon possible. It’s what you want.”

“I want you.”

His frank words cut her to the core. She didn’t want to hurt him, he meant too much to her, but his whole future was riding on this. He didn’t know what he would be giving up.

It was as if everything had simply shifted a few degrees, but her whole world had altered, become this alien thing she didn’t recognize in only a matter of moments. He couldn’t be allowed to throw it all away because of her. For something that couldn’t be.

“You can’t have me.”

Taka stopped dead.

“It was a mistake. A big one. It should never have happened. And it won’t be happening again. Ever.”

His confusion was obvious. “I didn’t imagine how you were with me just now. You can’t fake that. I know you care for me. You would never have let me touch you if you didn’t.”

He was so close to the truth that it felt like she’d had a cold bucket of water dumped over her head. Her head swam. Cold sweat erupted all over her as she realized what she’d have to do.

She was definitely going to be sick. She just hoped she could hold onto it until he was gone.

“That may be, but it doesn’t change things. You’re good in bed, I’ll give you that much—damn good. But you can’t base something on nothing.”

“It’s not nothing if you care for me.”

Gabby heard the uncertainty creep into his voice. The sudden doubt. She had to play on that, had to get rid of him. Had to make him go and be all he could be, not waste such talent on her, no matter how much she cared for him. She steeled herself, took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

“Don’t make me say it. Please.” She clenched her hands. Her nails bit deep into her palms with the intensity it took to control her hands from shaking.

He reached out a hand toward her, then stopped when she stepped back from him. “Do you care for me at all?”

Gabby made herself meet his eyes with a flat stare. She would never forgive herself for this. “No. You’re just a kid. I want a man,” she said in a bored tone.

Taka flinched back as if she’d struck him. The horror on his face made her insides clench and twist in pain.

Please don’t let him see through me.

“I, uh…” He took a step back, unable to look at her. His hand shook as he raised it to run his fingers through his hair. “I’d better go. I have to get some stuff ready for tomorrow.”

She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek hard, the sharp metallic taste of blood running over her tongue, making her stomach heave. She didn’t trust herself to speak. She knew if she opened her mouth, she would take it all back and tell him what he so desperately wanted to hear, and she couldn’t do that. Wouldn’t.

He reached the doorway and turned, finally looking at her. The pain she saw there tore through her heart. She couldn’t bear seeing him like this. Desperate to hide any emotion, she fought with everything she possessed to keep her expression neutral.

His soft voice resonated across the silent room.

“I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

Then he was gone.

She stood motionless, her eyes closed and her fisted hands pressed against her mouth until long after she heard the sound of his bike roar past the front of the house.

Don’t breathe, don’t breathe!

Her traitorous body ignored her. A great rush of breath drew into her lungs, a single sob escaping. All the strength left her knees and she sank to the floor, shaking. Her arms went around her waist, grasping at her sides. An agonized cry ripped from her body, doubling her over with its force.

She couldn’t stop it. Waves of grief wracked her body. Tears poured down her face at what she’d had to do to him, at the death of what could have been hers.