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Something poked at my cheek. I moaned and swatted it away, hoping a bug found its demise. That ended up not being the case, and my face was poked again. There was a soft giggle, and I realized the twins had found me.
“No.” I moaned and turned into something hard. The hands resting peacefully around me tightened. Memories came quickly after that of taking snuggles from Koen as I tried to steal his body heat, of stories and laughter. Of an amazingly sweet night.
I smiled into his chest, not caring that I was there. I was too comfortable, and I wanted the wonderfulness of last night to bleed into the morning.
“We should tip them over,” Dayton said. There was an edge to his voice that caught my attention, instead of the humor I would have expected. For some reason, guilt washed over me, and I stiffened, too afraid to open my eyes to see what was going on.
Could a hammock swallow a person? No, of course not. That’d be way too convenient.
“I’m with you there,” Bryce said with the same edge. “Maybe we should.”
I squeezed my eyes tighter, knowing I was going to have to face them. It was obvious we didn’t do anything last night, but it didn’t stop me from feeling bad for snuggling another man when I knew his two best friends liked me.
“Stop being idiots,” Koen said. He softened his voice before talking to me. “Maddie, time to wake up.”
His breath was warm against my cheek, and I shivered at the intimacy. Suddenly, I became all too aware of the position we were in. I was fully on top of Koen, straddling him with my legs, our most intimate spots awfully close to each other. I had my face pressed into his chest, and I could feel the rise and fall of his even breaths.
It was weirdly comfortable, and yet so very dangerous too.
I whispered, hoping the others wouldn’t overhear me. “If I get up, will the ground swallow me up.”
Koen’s hand had been rubbing my back, but I didn’t realize it until he stopped. “Do you want it to do that?”
I nodded. Being swallowed by the ground sounded very nice right then.
“This was not where we expected to find the two of you,” Dayton said. He sounded so angry. Oh God. What did he think of me like this? What did Bryce think of me? “Everyone was worried because the twins came down looking for you, Maddie. Why did you sleep out here? And with Koen?”
I flinched at the sting from the bite of his words. Carefully, I moved to get off the hammock, still refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. Hands found my waist and steadied me as my feet found the ground.
“I don’t understand,” Dayton said. “You’ve been going on about friendship. About not wanting more. So why?”
I finally looked at my audience, needing to brave what was going on. Dayton’s voice was laced with so much anger, and Bryce’s was too. I wanted to groan. The twins were standing next to Dayton and Bryce, looking confused and a bit scared, their eyes flickering at all the grownups around them. Lina was on the patio, frowning down at me.
Shame washed over me at Lina’s expression. She quickly became the last person I wanted to be mad at me, and disapproval was currently written all over her face. Screw what the guys thought of me, what did she think of me? It had to be so much worse. She didn’t know me at all. She thought I was someone important to her only baby boy. And yet, there he was, clearly upset with me.
“It was nice out,” I murmured, finally meeting Dayton’s eyes. He looked so heartbroken and confused.
His frown deepened. “So you come out here to sleep with Koen?”
“Enough,” Koen snapped. “You know nothing happened. Stop trying to make it into something that it wasn’t.”
Ouch. That oddly hurt.
Of course, nothing happened, and I hated what Dayton had to be thinking about me, but the brush-off from Koen also hurt.
This was a mess. I was a mess. I swallowed before a panic attack had a chance to take hold.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said, hating the taste of the bile in my mouth. “So I came out here to look at the stars.”
“I noticed and brought her a blanket.”
“And that ended with you in the hammock with her?” Bryce asked.
“What the hell?” I asked, now growing angry. “What are we in? High school? You didn’t catch us naked or anything.” I grabbed my sweater at the collar to prove my point. “We talked. We fell asleep. Stop trying to twist it into something it isn’t. Come on, boys, let’s get ready for the morning.”
I grabbed Lawson and Lee’s hands. Thankfully, they didn’t argue or pull away as I headed back into the house. I met Lina’s gaze and bit down hard, grinding my teeth together. Her expression was unreadable, but experience told me her thoughts weren’t anything good.
In the guest bedroom, I yanked out our bags and grabbed the boys’ clothes for them to change into before grabbing my own.
“Was sleeping fun?” Lawson asked.
I grinned at my sweet boy. “Yes, it was. The stars were really pretty.”
He frowned down at his clothes. “I would have liked to do that.”
I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t thought about if they’d enjoy it or not. I didn’t even plan on sleeping outside.
“How about we do a summer camping trip?” I asked. “Once school is over, we’ll make it into a fun vacation. Just us and nature. We’ll let the bugs eat us, and you guys can play sacrifice when a bear comes into our campsite. We’ll go swimming, climb trees, and pretend we were raised by wolves. Does that work?”
“Really?” Lee asked, now interested as he jumped, trying to get his jeans up. I swear, if that boy grew again, I was going to scream. I’d bought those pants only a couple of weeks ago. I eyed him until he finished and nodded in approval. His pants fit... for now.
“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind suffering for you.” The idea of going camping, real camping, was not attractive at all. But I’d suffer through the bug bites, poison oak, and putting up a tent if it was something they wanted to do.
“Then we want to go camping,” Lee said.
“Then we will.” It’d be cheaper than trying to bring them to Disney World anyway. Though I had a feeling, they’d still want to do that. “Did you guys brush your teeth?”
They shook their heads and ran to the bathroom when I raised my eyebrows. While they were causing mayhem in there and away from me, there was a soft knock on my door.
What were the chances that it was someone delivering room service rather than one of the guys ready to call me a harlot? The chances were dangerously low, but I could be hopeful when I wanted to be. I didn’t want to see their expressions, their disappointment and confusion.
The knock came again, summoning me, and at the same time mocking me. It was like whoever was on the other side could sense me. I was the prey to their predator, and I wasn’t so sure what state I’d be in after they pounced.
Blowing a breath and knowing at least the world wouldn’t end if I answered the door—I think—I opened it.
The one person I didn’t expect to see was Lucas. He stood with a plaid long-sleeve shirt, jeans, and boots. His eyes were framed by gray glasses. I hadn’t even realized he wore them. He probably didn’t have time to put his contacts in yet.
“Maddie.” He tried to smile but it came out strained. “I hope everything is okay?”
I blinked, trying to figure out his angle. I’d expect to see Lina before seeing him. Lina was obviously the woman of the house, and she didn’t seem like the type to stand in the shadows. A quick peek up and down the hallway proved that she wasn’t hiding. It was just Lucas before me, and he clearly looked uncomfortable.
“I’m fine, thank you,” I answered in a low voice, trying to not scream and slam the door in his face. There was no telling what kind of reaction that would have gotten from him.
“Good, good. I heard about the commotion this morning.”
“Commotion? It escalated to a commotion?” I asked, even more worried than before.
He sighed. “Don’t mind them. They’re a bunch of idiots.” He shrugged.
That threw me off. “You don’t care about them finding me sleeping in the yard?”
“You were with Koen.”
His response was like that was the answer to everything. I didn’t see how that was the case. My confusion must have been clear on my face because he chuckled.
I never expected to hear Lucas chuckle. He was so stoic. So rigid. So... I don’t know. But not a person who laughs often, if at all. He ate serious pills the moment he woke up in the morning.
“Koen isn’t someone I’d ever worry about taking advantage of anyone. Now if you had slept through the night with either Dayton or Bryce, I’d be asking more questions. Those two live off flirting. Koen. He’s a solid man, responsible. He’d never do anything to take advantage of you. If he said nothing happened, then nothing happened.”
“You trust him that much?”
“If Dayton didn’t live with Koen, I’d have made that boy move back here with us.”
I tried to suppress the giggle rising at the fact that Lucas called his son a boy. Failing, the sound escaped me as I broke into a grin.
Lucas smiled too. “Don’t mind them. They’ll get over it. They’re just jealous.”
I looked down, feeling weird to admit this to Lucas of all people. “They like me.”
“It’s hard not to like you.”
I shook my head. “Like like me. They told me so.”
“Again, not that hard.” Lucas’ smile was soft, if not a little amused. I didn’t know him well enough to be sure.
I frowned. “But isn’t that not fair?”
He shrugged. “Life’s not fair. They know that. I came to make sure you were still going to come down for breakfast instead of hiding out in your room.”
Darn. He knew me too well. I was going to send the boys downstairs to steal some food for me. From Lucas’ expression, he wasn’t going to let me get away with that.
Caving, I said, “Yeah, I’ll be down.”
“Good.” After giving me a nod, he turned and walked away, his heavy steps thudding against the wood flooring. How did I not hear him coming? He had a heavy tread.
“Ready?” Lawson asked, coming back into the bedroom.
“In a second.” I quickly tossed on an off-white blouse with silver threading weaved through it in a flower pattern. I matched it with an emerald green skirt and my black boots. “Ready.”
Lee came in, wiping at his mouth. “Me too.”
“Okay, soldiers. Are you ready for battle?”
“Sissy, we aren’t at war,” Lawson said and laughed.
“Are you sure?” I asked, trying my best to give him a serious look.
That had his smile dropping away as he considered my question.
Lee sighed. “Food isn’t war. Food is good.” He went to the door, not playing along with my silliness. He was too smart for that. Or so he thought. The little man was trying to grow up too fast on me.
Breakfast started out awkward and remained that way until about halfway through. I managed to build a small fort with my cut up pancakes. There was even a fountain in the middle filled with the elixir of life: maple syrup.
“Maddie, aren’t you hungry?” Lina asked, staring down at my plate. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” To prove my point, I stabbed a piece of sausage and shoved it into my mouth. Mm, syrup had gotten on it, making it all the more delicious. “See?”
Lina’s expression said she wasn’t impressed. I forced myself to swallow the food; it suddenly tasted like ash and felt like lead in my stomach.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Ivy asked, sensing all the tension, but not understanding the reason for it all. Dayton and Bryce hadn’t even bothered looking at me since I’d sat down. They were still attentive to the twins, helping to fill their plates and talking with the others, but nothing came my way.
They were playing the silent game. Unfortunately for them, I was queen at the silent game. They had forgotten who my stepmother was, which meant I had a ton of practice in acting like a stubborn child.
So I refused to look at them too. If they were going to act this mean, I wasn’t going to give them any attention until I got an apology. Lucas was right; they had no right acting like that. We were all adults. I couldn’t let them bring the thunderclouds to a wonderfully perfect memory.
“Thanksgiving.” I moaned. “That’s this week, right.”
Ivy smiled. “This Thursday. Every year, like clockwork.”
I grunted. “I think I bought most of the food, but I’ll need to buy more.” I glanced at the twins. Lawson was playing with his food like I was—good man—and Lee was listening to me.
“Do we get pie?” he asked. “I like apple.”
“Yup, I’ll buy the ingredients when I go shopping.” Meaning I would buy an already made pie and lay claim to making it. That was what I usually did. Mandy always saw through it, but knew to keep her trap shut.
That thought had me glaring down at my food, fighting against the tears with everything I had. All these holidays this time of year were proving harder to deal with than I thought. All these firsts without my sister. I glanced at Lawson and Lee, looking for signs that they were feeling or thinking the same thing I was. Nothing. At least not yet. I had a feeling when it came to the actual day, that was when it was going to hit them. We had silly little traditions we had done every year, like filling a pre-made pie crust with whip cream, hiding it around the house, and then watching the two of them race around looking for it. Whoever found it got to pie the other twin in the face. Or sometimes, one of us. Lawson had done that to Mandy last year.
Would I even do it this year? Should I? Would they want that? I didn’t know.
“Maddie?” Ivy called out to get my attention and I realized everyone was looking at me.
“Yeah? Sorry. Was just thinking about this year. It’s the first time...” My throat clogged up and I cleared it. Lawson’s attention was also on me. I stared at the two of them, trying to not get lost in the misery of Mandy’s loss. “It’s the first time it’ll just be the three of us.”
“Three of you?” Ivy glanced at me and then the twins.
“Yeah. Their mother passed away in July.” I didn’t want the twins thinking about it yet, but now they were. Their little bodies went rigid and they looked down at their plates. I hated myself for making them think about her right then.
“Oh. Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Lina said.
“No. It’s fine. I didn’t even realize it until you asked about Thanksgiving.” I chuckled. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.”
Ivy glared at the guys. She tried to be all secretive about it, but it didn’t get passed me. At least they looked guilty now.
“We’ll spend it with you,” Koen spoke up.
“Excuse me?” I rubbed at my ears thinking I didn’t hear him right.
“Thanksgiving. We’ll spend it with you.” He tried to smile, but it was a little flat, his emotions no doubt a little raw too. Thanksgiving was about family and it was always hard. Every year, even before this one, I felt it too because I didn’t have my mom with me. For him, it’d be his dad. It was a time when it was impossible to not miss family members no longer there.
“You have your own families to see,” I pointed out.
“Naw, it’s fine,” Bryce finally decided to say something to me. I didn’t respond to him.
“Koen,” I stressed his name, “you don’t have to bother. See your family. Spend time with them. I doubt they see you all that often.”
Koen’s gaze flickered to Bryce and Dayton before looking back at me. I did my darndest not to look at the other two. They were still buttheads, even if they were willing to sacrifice their holiday. I needed more than that for how they had been acting until this moment. It was like they were only now pulling their heads out of their butts because they felt bad for me.
That wasn’t how apologizing worked. I needed repentance. At this point, nothing less than kowtowing at my feet and calling me Queen was going to be good enough. Their reactions to my innocent and super sweet night with Koen offended and hurt me. Confused me too.
Friends were hard work, especially when emotions were involved.
“Our families will understand. Actually, if we visited them instead of spending it with you, they’d be pissed,” Koen finally answered.
“I agree,” Lucas said while doing a dangerous looking glare that went right at Dayton. That one look said so much. If it was pointed my way, I’d have been freaking out.
Dayton sighed. “You don’t have to look at me like that, Dad. I already planned on it. It isn’t an option, really. We’re there.”
I pursed my lips, wanting to say some not so nice things. But then I remembered that annoying comment that if there was nothing nice to say, to keep my lips together.
So I stood up, said “thank you for the meal,” and with my plate in my hand, disappeared into the kitchen to put it in the dishwasher.
I didn’t understand the power of a dishwasher. I was old fashioned like that, so I was rinsing my dish when Bryce and Dayton walked in. I still refused to look at them, but I knew it was them by the way they walked, by the awareness that washed over me, by the silence that was heavy in the air.
“Maddie, look at us,” Bryce said in a soft voice.
I remained silent.
“Maddie.” Dayton sounded so sad that my heart hurt, but I was stubborn, and they were going to learn why. So, still not looking at them, I popped the dishwasher open, dumped my plate into it and turned to walk out the door that led outside.
Dayton stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop. The man was too big to get around him. And when I tried, he only needed to shift to keep me from slipping by.
Not fair.
“Maddie, we’re sorry,” he finally said.
I narrowed my eyes. “How so?” I crossed my arms over my breasts.
Dayton looked over at Bryce.
Bryce came around to stand at his back. “For acting like idiots,” Bryce said.
“Yeah.” Dayton nodded.
“The two of you made me feel like shit,” I admitted.
They flinched, not liking that.
“You made me feel like what I did was wrong. Like having a fun, sweet night staring at the sky and swapping stories was wrong. Like I was dirty.” It hurt saying that out loud, to admit to the shame they so easily instilled in me.
“Maddie...” Dayton’s voice broke with his emotions. “We never wanted that. We were just jealous that you got to have such a nice moment with Koen and we were left out. We were jealous that we didn’t get to stare at the starry sky and tell silly stories. We’d have loved doing that with you instead of sleeping.”
I glared at Dayton. “So you didn’t have fun when we went apple picking and climbed the tree?” I turned to Bryce. “Or when we picked rotten pumpkins and drew on them. Then you helped me carve a cute one? Those were sweet moments with each of you. With only you alone, no one else. Should I feel bad about those moments too because the others weren’t there?”
“No!” Dayton stepped forward, crowding me. “No. I loved those moments.”
Bryce sighed. “Please, forgive us? We were being greedy idiots.”
“Buttheads,” I corrected. “You were being greedy buttheads.”
“We deserved that,” Dayton said.
I bit my lip, looking between the two of them and their sincerity. “Fine. You can spend Thanksgiving with the boys and me. But if this happens again, it’s over. I don’t need this kind of drama. I had a lot of fun with the three of you, as friends. Don’t try to twist it into something it isn’t.”
“That’s fair,” Bryce said.
“I agree.”
I nodded. “Good. Now, I’m going to pack my stuff, and Koen is taking the twins and me home. We’ll see you later. I’ll text you details for Thanksgiving once I figure it out.”
“Thank you, Maddie,” Dayton said.
I blew out a breath, my anger going with it. I couldn’t hold their idiocy against them for long. They were too cute for that. And it all wasn’t on them. I had to be careful. I needed to be mindful of their emotions. I enjoyed our current friendship, the way things were, but if I did the wrong things, said the wrong things, then a day would come when they’d leave me.
I didn’t want that. I wanted to greedily hold on to them.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, I just wanted space. Flashing them a smile, I backed away and then turned and ran to the guest bedroom, trying to remain calm as my thoughts whirled with everything that happened.
They were good guys. I didn’t want to twist them into something they weren’t. Careful. I needed to be careful.
Friends. We were only friends. Only friends.
