A son can never take too many walks with his mother. So on a crystalline Chicago Sunday, mother and son walked hand in hand along Lake Michigan, as a thin October wind blew. The sky was a layered patchwork of red and bronze broken by stripes of gray.
More than a week had passed, and thankfully Raymond Sr.’s prognosis had improved. He was moved to a private room which gave the family greater privacy and freedom to come and go. He was conscious much of the time, though he still couldn’t speak. The left side of his body remained paralyzed, but in the last few days, some movement and feeling was detected. Kirby was able to turn his attention back to classes and football, while Raymond and his mother were able to leave the hospital each evening when visiting hours were over.
“It was good seeing Jared,” Mrs. Tyler said after several minutes of silence. Jared had made a surprise visit to check on the Tylers while conducting business in Chicago.
“Yeah, it was. I think it made Pops feel better also,” Raymond said as he watched a seagull scoop up something floating on the top of the water and then fly off.
“Is everything all right with Jared and Nicole?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, he just looked a little worried. Everything okay with him and Nicole?”
Raymond laughed and said, “Do you ever stop being a mother?”
“Can’t do it.”
“They’ve hit a bump in the road over when the babies start coming. But they will manage. I think I’ll give him a call when I get back to the hotel to make sure he’s cool. He was trying to be strong for us. But he’s a bit troubled,” Raymond said.
“And since you know I’m a mother twenty-four hours a day, I have a question. Is Trent going to come to Chicago before we take your father back home?”
“I don’t know. I think it depends on how long I’m here,” Raymond said softly.
Mrs. Tyler knew it was a difficult time for her son and that Raymond hadn’t talked with Trent often since arriving in Chicago. When Trent called, Raymond would only speak for a few minutes, often telling Trent he needed to get back to the hospital. Raymond would leave brief messages for Trent when he knew Trent was away from their Seattle home. His mother would also watch Raymond sit for hours looking at his father, unable to say what was in his heart. She knew that Raymond needed to make peace with his demons.
“You know, Raymond, I’m going to tell you something I swore I’d never tell you,” Marlee announced.
Raymond stopped walking and turned to face his mother before asking, “What, Mama?”
“Your father cheated on me once.”
“Pops?” Raymond said. “Pops cheated on you? No! Pops would never do that! And when I asked you before, why didn’t you tell me then?”
“It was our business,” Marlee said firmly.
“I can’t believe Pops would do something like that,” Raymond said, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Well, he did,” his mother said, “he most certainly did.”
“I’m sorry, Mama,” Raymond said as he hugged her tightly. “I know you wouldn’t lie to me about something like that, but it’s still hard for me to believe. I mean, the two of you always seemed so happy together. The one thing I always knew I could depend on was you guys being in love. What happened? How did you deal with it?”
“It was a very long time ago, Raymond. I haven’t really thought about it in ages. And, of course, it’s never happened again.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I know. We were so young then. You were just a toddler and your father had just hung out his shingle. It was tough going. He was trying to build up his practice and I had a little rascal like you running me ragged and I was teaching and working a part-time job. I told your father he should apply at some of the large law firms. I mean, he had finished at the top of his class at Howard, and if he wanted to be a judge, he needed that experience. But large firms weren’t interested in somebody your father’s color. The money was short and so were our tempers. We seemed to be pulling apart instead of pulling together.
“Anyway, one night he didn’t come home. I knew he was lying to me when he called with some silly excuse and it just about broke my heart. Not a day passed before he confessed that he’d been with another woman. Some out-of-law-school clerk who was helping him start his practice. It was like he couldn’t wait to rub my face in it. I thought he must be the cruelest man in the world.”
“Jesus, Mom. What did you do?”
“I did what you’re doing. I ran. Wouldn’t speak to him, wouldn’t listen to nothing he had to say. I just grabbed you and went to my mother’s. I was so angry, so hurt, I couldn’t see straight. But the pain, the anger, the hurt that I thought I’d left behind, followed me around until I had to do something. As bad as your father had made me feel, I loved him something awful. Yes, I wanted to fix him, get even with him, but I couldn’t imagine my life—or yours—without him. But my own mother pointed out that I had been partly responsible.”
“No way, Mama. How could you have been responsible? What he did he chose to do. No matter what, Pops shouldn’t have done that to you!”
The two of them walked toward some concrete steps and sat down, with the racing traffic of Lake Shore Drive behind them and the calm of Lake Michigan before them.
“Son, life is just not that cut-and-dry. People sometimes do hurtful things just to get the other person’s attention. And what I discovered was that I hadn’t been paying attention, or giving attention, either. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered why he hadn’t cheated sooner. Now, maybe he could have just come to me, sat me down, and told me what was wrong, but I probably wouldn’t have heard him. But it was my mother’s advice that meant the most.”
“What did she say?”
“She told me, ‘If you love him,’ she said, ‘really love him, then forgive him, forgive yourself, and move on with your lives.’ ”
“So that’s what you did?”
“That’s what I did.”
“Did it work?”
“Trust me, baby, it worked.” She smiled and grabbed his knee playfully. “It worked.”
“Forgiveness, huh?” Raymond said mostly to himself as he put his arms around his mother, buried his face in her neck, and gently kissed her.
Raymond went to the lobby of the hotel and called Jared’s cellular phone. Raymond didn’t want to disturb his mother, so he went downstairs to the lobby and called Jared. He picked up after a couple of rings.
“Hello, Jared Stovall speaking.”
“Hey, dawg. You miss me?” Raymond asked. He could hear the static of the portable phone in the background.
“Didn’t I just see ya?” Jared joked.
“Yeah, but you’ve been on my mind,” Raymond said.
“So you saw through me, huh?”
“And so did my mom.”
“Don’t worry, I’m cool. I’m down here in Atlanta enjoying Moms and my little sister and when I get home, Nicole and I will work everything out,” Jared said.
“OK. I just want you to know, despite everything I’m dealing with, I’m here for you,” Raymond said.
“I know that. And how are you doing? I’m still trippin’ on what you told me about Trent. I mean, man, I don’t know what I’d do if I ever found out Nicole was stepping out on me,” Jared said. He was shocked when Raymond, out of the blue, had said, “I thought the knowledge that my lover is lookin’ for dick elsewhere could be the worse thing that could happen and now this.” Raymond dropped the bombshell and then stated emphatically that he didn’t want to go into details. Jared had just deeply massaged his shoulders as Raymond stared out into space silently.
“Well, right now, my pops and you are my priority. I deal with Trent later,” Raymond said as he looked at his watch. It was almost midnight and he had thought about calling Trent just to check in.
“Well, I’m here if you need me,” Jared said.
“And you know that.”
“And I might have a solution to my problem,” Jared said.
“What’s that?”
“I still want my own children, and I know one day that will happen. But while I was on the flight to Atlanta, I sat next to this sistah who worked with Big Brothers and Big Sisters. We got in a conversation and I thought about what an impact Nicole and I could make in some of these children’s lives. And there is foster care as well. It will give us some training and help out some of the kids who need to know they matter,” Jared said.
“That’s a great plan. You’d be a great big brother or foster father. I know you’re a perfect best friend.”
“And so are you,” Jared said.
“Let me hang up before we both get too mushy,” Raymond said as he fought back the tears forming.
“I love you, Ray.”
“And I love you back.”
