I once was given seven minutes to write down the names of all the villains, heroes, turning points, and successes in my life—each on a sticky note. Next I had to put them in chronological order. Finally, I had to analyze them, looking for any lies that might have taken root from those events and people during the course of my life—“lies” meaning anything that is not a biblical truth. This group exercise was designed to help develop a biblical worldview, as opposed to one that merely filters all life experiences through a secular worldview—the world’s viewpoint. It was a powerful exercise.
I found myself focusing on mainly the villains in my life—wolves, as I have come to call them. I had plenty of painful experiences listed as well. After analyzing them, we were asked to share one lie with our group. I didn’t want to share the really dark, painful stuff in such a public format, so I shared something I felt was pretty generic: when I was thirteen, my family was asked to leave our church. It was actually a profound event in my life, leaving me feeling I’d never really measure up to the expectations of good Christians. I understood and knew that this belief was a lie, but I realized that in my heart, I actually still believed it. I also began to realize that this, such a fundamental fracture in my sense of truth, was only the tip of the iceberg. I was actually carrying around quite a collection of lies I’d accumulated throughout my life—many of which had taken deep roots. To really find them, I had to start at the beginning, and I had to finally come to terms with the wolves in my life.
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When I look at pictures of myself as a little girl, I see a smiling, blonde, pudgy-cheeked little angel. It’s funny how I grew up feeling the opposite. I wonder how a person can look one way on the outside and feel moldy on the inside. Brown eyes, big grin, dimples on my little girl hands—and whenever I compared myself, no matter where I went, I felt somehow less than the freckled, fair-haired children I stood next to.
This is my story of hope and healing. In order to understand my recovery, though, first you have to know how it all began—where I came from and how I got myself in so deep. In my story, perhaps you’ll find a bit of your own.
If you are a Christian, you may find this book to be very comforting. I hope it communicates a message of freedom.
If you are not a Christian, you may think I am letting all the wolves out there off the hook. What I am hoping you find is that I am. Read on.
“Look I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Be wary as snakes and harmless as doves” (Matthew 10:16, NLT).