Chapter 26

Later that evening, Brian walked toward the guest house just in time to hear Tess playing the guitar. The door was open, so he stopped short and leaned against the doorway as she bowed her head and strummed the strings, her delicate fingers touching them in just the right ways. Shots of jealousy rushed through him. The way she played that guitar moved him on so many levels. She had such a passion. When she belted out the tune she was working on, his insides turned to mush. She had a pretty singing voice, no matter what she said about it.

Tess stopped and glanced up. Her face contorted into an O. If only that expression was for other reasons. Yeah, damn, he went there.

“You startled me! What's up?”

“I wanted to thank you again for today. The girls were so happy, and Tatum's dress is perfect for her.”

Tess climbed to her feet and approached him. She set the guitar against the wall and touched his elbow. So much emotion reflected in her eyes. “You're welcome,” she said softly. “Do you have something on your mind? You seemed lost in thought most of the day.”

He scratched his head and sighed. “Somehow, word is getting out about my diagnosis. The questions are already beginning. It just hit me really hard today. Apparently, word is I'll be blind by September.”

Tess's soft laugh comforted him. “Oh, God, Brian. I'm not laughing because of your situation, I'm laughing because of small towns and their gossip. Wow.”

“Yeah, just imagine all the other questions I'm going to get. Merrilee stopped Hattie before she could ask more, but it makes me wonder what other questions I'll be asked?”

“The only thing you can do is live your life the best you can. Adapt and adjust. Questions are going to come, and you can answer them how you want. You'll still be able to do so many things that you could before.”

“Yeah.” He stopped talking and let his mind wander, even though that was a scary thing to do.

“Alice had a suggestion for me to do something for you today.” Tess hesitated.

“Oh? Dare I ask? I'm kind of scared. I know my girls.” He feigned worry.

“Alice suggested that I help you experience life a little more before you lose your vision. She commented on how I was helping you adapt, but I wasn't helping you utilize the time that you have with your vision now.”

Her words hit him in the center of his core. The fact that his nine-year-old daughter had said that to Tess really put things into perspective. “You know, I never thought I'd say this, but she's right. I've never been much of an adventurer. Maybe it's time I change that.” He took her hand. “Will you accept the challenge and help me?”

Her beautiful smile warmed his heart. “I'd love to help and show you adventures.”

“Up for porch conversations?”

She nodded. “Always with you.”

*****

“You should make a list,” Tess suggested.

“A list? What kind of list?”

“A list of things that you would want to do before ... well, before your vision goes. Maybe a list of what you wouldn't want to do.”

“First one is going to take some time to think about. The second one ... I’m kind of afraid to give you, because you might push me to do it.”

Her wicked grin told him everything he needed to know.

“Would I do that to you?”

“With my daughters backing you up? Hell yes!”

She snickered. “It's nice to have them on my side.”

“Yeah,” Brian agreed, “it really is.” He left plenty unsaid, but no doubt Tess knew. No amount of bringing up the subject would change things if they weren't meant to be changed, but he could sure as hell hope.

“I expect the list in a week,” she teased.

“A week? Man, I thought you would only give me a couple days. I can do a week.”

“I'll go easy on you.”

His thoughts went to other places, like that he wouldn't want her to go easy on him. But he did want her on him. Damn, did he want her on him. Doing things: kissing, hugging, touching. If he didn't stop the current direction of thoughts, he'd have to go take a shower. A cold one.

“Tell me what you'd like to do,” she pleaded. “Skydiving? Going on a plane? Parasailing? Go in a shark cage?”

Brian held up a hand. “Hell no. I draw a line at the shark cage thing.”

“You know, I don't blame you there. I don't think I'd do that, either, unless somebody really dared me. I'm not good with turning down a dare.”

He perked up with that thought. “You shouldn't have told me that. I may have to use it to my advantage.”

“Oh? And how do you suppose you're going to do that?”

He leaned closer and whispered, “I can't tell you that, but I may just have to come up with something.” He trailed a finger along her arm, higher and higher until he moved up her neck and touched her cheek and her chin with affection.

A tiny moan escaped her. “Brian...”

“I want you, Tess. I can't stop wanting you. I can't stop thinking about you, needing you, in every way that I can get you.” His voice came out hoarse, and a shot of desire flowed through him like hot lava.

“I...” She looked away.

“I'm sorry, Tess. I keep telling myself I'm not going to do this, not going to push, and then I do it. I just can't help the way I feel about you. I'm falling for you, Tess Dixon. Falling hard and fast, and I don't know what the hell to do about it.”

She said nothing, which worried him to no end.

“I don't want to make you feel trapped or anything. I didn't expect to feel this way for you.”

“I didn't expect to feel the way I do for you, either,” she finally responded.

“Do you ... feel trapped?” Deep concern resonated in his tone.

“A part of me always feels trapped, but honestly? I don't feel it as bad as I have been. But... “ She stopped again.

“But you don't want to settle down, have a family, and plant roots yet?”

“I think about it, but that's as far as it goes. I don't feel ready. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just trying to be honest.”

“I'm good with that. I keep getting hints from my sister and the girls that Chloe wasn't happy, and I never really completely knew that. Now she's not here for me to ask her what she felt. Then comes all of this uncertainty with my diagnosis.”

“I feel horrible that maybe I've been leading you and the girls on,” Tess admitted.

“You haven't done any such thing. We knew from the start that you wouldn't be permanent. We've all just fallen for you.”

She bobbed her head in a slow nod. “I had a feeling I shouldn't have taken the job, with the way I feel about always taking care of someone, but something about you guys called to me. I couldn't say no.”

“When did you start taking care of your family?”

“Not too long after my mom left,” Tess admitted, “and then Dad got sick. He started drinking, which led to liver problems, then the diabetes and everything that came with that. A lot of weight fell on my shoulders. I was young, Brian. Way too young to be dealing with everything that I did.”

“I hate that all of this happened to you.” He took her hand and brushed a kiss against her palm. “I get it, and I appreciate everything you've done while you've been here. If you need to go, I guess I'll have to deal with it, but I hope you won't. I mean, earlier than expected, anyway.” He cleared his throat, unable to get words out easily.

She shook her head. “I don't want to go. I want to see the talent show and Tatum's dance. I want to spend time with you guys this summer and do some of those adventurous things. But...” Emotion clung to her voice. Brian wondered if she'd burst into tears at any given time.

“But you feel like I do, like if we do this much longer, we're going to hurt so deeply when you have to go.”

“Yes, something like that.” Tess heaved a sigh. “The thing is, I don't have to go. I could stay, and I want to, but I'm afraid of the restlessness that may come again. The one that's been pushing me for years to travel, to sightsee, to live so Gypsy like, as some would call it. That's what a friend said that this lifestyle would be.”

“What was it like for you when you were in the hospital?” Should he have even asked this question? It treaded on the too personal territory.

She sucked in a deep, ragged breath. “It was horrible. The doctors kept telling me that I needed to admit it, that I helped my dad die. No one wanted to believe me. No one. All they ever wanted to do was adjust meds and get me to talk about things that I couldn't talk about, about things that weren't true. They told me if I cooperated I'd get out sooner, but that was a lie. I knew it. I wasn't going to lie just to get out. Then the other patients, they all said I was a killer. They all looked at me funny and picked on me, making sure to single me out and terrorize me. Then to come back out with no family support, to think that everyone believed him ... it was the worst feeling in the world. I wanted to run as fast as I could far away from there.” By the end, she trembled with anger and tears.

Everything in Brian surged with anger, sadness, and frustration. “I am so sorry, Tess. If it's any consolation, I would never ever have believed them. You're such a sweet, caring soul. I know having to deal with taking care of your family from a young age and then your dad's sickness might have stressed you out. Well, I guess I can't really say might have, I'm sure it did, but I still wouldn't ever believe you would do that.”

“That means everything,” she said quietly. “It doesn't help that Dad wanted to die. He wanted me to help him end it, and he made sure everyone knew it. But when it comes down to it, even if it's what he'd wanted, well you know. It's assisted suicide, and that doesn't look good on a person being accused of it.”

“You don't ever think you'll get proof that it was your dad's partner?”

“I'm beginning to think no. While he wouldn't physically hurt me, I wonder if he would make my life hell knowing that I've settled down when I finally decide to.”

“Sometimes I forget how much younger than me you are. You're so wise and amazing. It's hard to think that you're only twenty-seven.”

She laughed, the sound bitter and full of pain. “Some days it feels like I'm way older than that.”