Caya stopped instantly and glowered down at Thea, who looked up at her with narrow, ice-blue eyes. The woman wielding such power over every single person aboard Pathfinder—including Caya—gazed at her as if she wanted to say something but didn’t know how to begin. This was of course ludicrous, as there was not one single day in the year when Gassinthea Mila Tylio wasn’t the smartest, shrewdest person in the room. She exuded intelligence, and that trait, combined with her brilliant and calculating political prowess, was enough for Caya to know for certain that Thea always held the winning cards in any game.
This didn’t stop Caya’s skin from tingling where Thea held her in a firm but gentle grip.
“Sit back down, Caya. It’s been too long since the naming ceremony.” Thea rubbed her thumb against the back of Caya’s hand. “I know I’m hardly your favorite person at the moment, but I still want to know—”
“What I’m up to? What my days are like? What if I were to tell you I’m going insane, little by little, cooped up in here? Would that matter to you at all?” Caya slowly sat down, close enough for their knees to touch.
Thea leaned closer. “If you were to tell me you’re not faring well here, I would do anything beneath the stars to change that, short of endangering your life.”
“Ah. But of course. Naturally. You’re the judge and jury on that particular topic, right?” Caya pushed back against the much-too-old frustration. Thea had let go of her wrist, but her skin still buzzed from the unexpected touch. Normally, Thea knew better than to initiate such things. Perhaps she really was afraid deep down, thinking that Caya might affect her subconsciously?
Not sure of her own motive, Caya took Thea’s hand in hers. It was obvious how this shocked the president. Her eyes went from narrow to wide within a fraction of a second. “What are you doing?” Thea asked in a low growl.
“Trying to make you see reason if that is at all possible.” Caya held Thea’s hand gently. Caya hadn’t counted on her own response when Thea remained motionless with her hand in hers.
Images began to flicker behind Caya’s eyelids, forcing her to close her eyes tight as she clung to Thea’s hand. Visions of a young woman, looking much like Thea, but perhaps at age sixteen, maybe eighteen, streamed through Caya’s mind. “What the…?” Caya gasped, and now she clung to Thea’s hand. Now the vision was clearing up, and Caya could tell the very young Thea stood by a middle-aged man, pale and upset.
“Father. I refuse. I’m going to the capital.” Young Thea pleaded, but defiance shone from her eyes. “I was accepted to the university there. You can’t keep me here.”
“I can cut off your funds, you ungrateful child!” The man, tall and burly as he stood up, raised his hand. Caya cried out as he hit Thea’s cheek, sending her to her knees.
“Caya?” Thea’s older voice reached Caya through the haze of the vision, but she had already been whisked away to another scenario. This time, Thea was older, perhaps in her mid-twenties, and a much-older Hadler stood next to her on a tall staircase outside an impressive building. Caya recognized the governmental building, as no other structure on Oconodos was made of bronze-veined marble. At first Caya thought it was a vision from happier days, but then she spotted Hadler’s iron grip of Thea’s upper arm. She wanted to yell “Let go of her!” to the despicable man Thea had married, but it was futile. Instead, she saw how Thea stealthily rubbed her arm when Hadler finally let go. Another whooshing sound and Caya’s vision morphed into Thea looking her current age. She stood by her desk in her office when Hadler stormed in, apoplectic and spitting as he cursed her with foul language. To Caya’s amazement, Thea didn’t look afraid any longer. Instead, she stepped well within Hadler’s personal space and poked him in the chest with two fingers as she hissed some inaudible words to him. A white flash broke the tableau into spinning shards, and now Caya gasped out loud and wanted to stop the visions from crashing into her mind. Here Thea was on her knees in a ballroom, and before her on the floor was Caya, writhing in what looked like a seizure. Thea held one of her hands on Caya’s shoulder, the other raised to keep the shocked spectators away. “Give her enough room to breathe!” Again, the vision changed, and this time, Thea was alone in her living-room area sitting curled up in the armchair and holding a pillow as she stared into nothing. Thea’s lips trembled, and just before the last vision faded, Caya thought she heard her whisper, “She hates me.”
As the mist disappeared from her mind, Caya became aware of still holding Thea’s hand.
“What did you see?” Thea spoke quietly and used her free hand to stroke up and down Caya’s lower arm. “Anything about what Lieutenant Diobring spoke of earlier?”
“No.” Caya was still shocked at her visions; she needed time to process them.
“Then what?” Thea held on to Caya’s hand with both of hers.
“They weren’t the usual visions. You know, of the future. These…oh, Creator of everything, these were like small scenes from the past. I’ve never had that happen before. Not even when it comes to Briar.” Caya let go of Thea’s hand, and for a moment the lack of connection actually brought her a stab of physical pain. She whimpered and curled up much like Thea had done in her vision.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Thea looked startled and slid forward, raising her hands.
“No!” Caya flinched. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.”
“But—Caya, I wasn’t going to hurt you.” Hurt tinged Thea’s words as she lowered her hand and placed them on her lap in a heartbreakingly awkward gesture.
“Not your fault. Not this time.” Caya attempted some gallows humor, but it fell flat as her words made Thea go paler.
“Then tell me what was in your vision.”
“It was more than one. It was like a series of scenes from…from someone’s life. I think I’m not far off when I interpret them as pivotal moments in their life.”
“So it was about someone you know.” Thea studied Caya’s expression, and it wasn’t very hard to detect the moment Thea figured it out. “It was about me? My life. My ‘pivotal moments’?” She tightened her hands into fists.
“I can’t control where my visions take me, Thea. You know that. If I could, I’d stay as far as I could away from you and your life. I would never invade anyone’s privacy, least of all yours.”
“Yes. You’ve made it bloody clear that you don’t want anything to do with me.” Thea stood. “I want you to tell me everything about your visions about my past. I need to know if it is something your mind conjured up or not.”
After that volley of hurtful words, Caya only wanted Thea to leave. “I don’t—”
“No! What you fail to understand is that I need to know. This is not optional, Caya. Tell me.” Thea sat down again, back straight and her hands clasped. Two bright red spots burned on her cheeks, which was rarely a good sign.
Reluctantly, Caya gave a brief recount of the tableaus she had witnessed. With each one, she received confirmation about their accuracy by merely watching Thea’s expression and how she grew increasingly ashen. “I take it you really did live through those moments?” Caya winced at her words, but she had to make sure.
“Yes.” So tense now, she looked like she might shatter at the slightest touch, Thea rose and walked over to the food and drink dispenser. Punching in a few commands, she grabbed a glass and placed it under the spout, filling it with a green-tinted liquid. After she knocked it back, Thea put the glass on the counter and returned to Caya and sat down. “This is a first? Seeing someone’s past like this?”
“Yes. I’ve only had visions of future events so far. I’m not sure what I did different this time.”
“You held my hand.” Thea gazed down into her lap and untangled her fingers. “Can that be it?” She examined her hand and then looked at Caya’s.
“I don’t thi—wait.” Frowning as she tried to remember if she’d ever had any physical connection apart from with Briar when a vision hit, Caya had to conclude that she hadn’t. Back on Oconodos, while being homeschooled by first her parents and later Briar, her changer status had been a well-kept secret. It had taken her family quite a bit of time to realize she wasn’t just having seizures. Initially, they were afraid of her having a brain tumor or some other cerebral illness, but when they learned that she had the genetic makeup of the feared mutation, her parents almost wished she had been ill instead. As she grew older, Caya realized her parents had to have suspected the mutation as they had the test done in secret. When the Exodus operation commenced years later, Caya’s genetic results would have made it impossible. Briar had promised their parents to get them to safety, and when the time arrived to get the tests done, she used the same contact that had once helped her father to have them both changed. They didn’t know even Briar had the mutated gene, as her tests had given a false negative when they were younger. If Briar hadn’t been as meticulous as she was in changing both their test results, as they were sisters and had to look like sisters even genetically, she would have been found out long before she herself knew.
“Caya?” Thea broke through Caya’s reverie. “Can it be the case?”
“I think so. Yes. Damn it.”
“There’s only one way to figure it out.” Thea extended her hand. “Try again.”
Caya didn’t want to. She really, really didn’t. Mustering courage, she slid forward. “If we’re going to do it, let’s do it properly. If holding your hand gave me so much…” She shrugged as her cheeks grew warm.
“What do you mean?” Thea tilted her head. “Oh. Right.” She lowered her proffered hand. “How do you want to do this?”
“Want?” Snorting, Caya scooted even closer and wrapped her arms around Thea. She found it so ironic that she was holding the woman she had such conflicting feelings about for scientific reasons and nothing else. Thea was softer and curvier than her strict dress code and commanding persona suggested. Where Caya had expected to find a thin, wiry frame, she instead held full breasts and a narrow waist above slender hips. Just as Caya was about to let go since she had never felt more self-conscious in her life, Thea slowly raised her arms and wrapped them lightly around Caya’s shoulders.
“Anything?” Thea murmured.
“Please, Madam President, give a girl a chance to adjust, will you?” Perhaps it was their close proximity that made some of Caya’s hostility dwindle. That first month or two of Caya’s protective custody, they had been able to banter and enjoy each other’s company. Back then, Caya had just been relieved that Briar and Adina were all right, and in love, and she’d thought her stay in the guest quarters would be temporary.
“All right. Do take your time.”
Caya was about to snort again at Thea’s arrogant tone when Thea suddenly leaned her cheek against her temple. Unable to stop her entire system from responding, Caya gasped. “Thea…” She meant to say they had to stop, but then more images poured over her, flooding her mind, and acute vertigo made her cling to Thea as if outer space had tried to suck her out through an airlock.
“Thea?” A stunning blond woman dressed in an ankle-long, flowing, off-white dress came into the room where a little girl with the same hair color sat playing with a large tablet. She moved her little fingers deftly as she made her small hovercraft move across the screen. Now she looked up, a big smile on her lips.
“Mommy!” She let go of the tablet and rushed toward the woman. “Daddy said you weren’t coming until tomorrow.” The little girl, yes, of course it was Thea. Caya could clearly see the resemblance between the child and her mother.
“I know, darling. I just couldn’t wait to see my best girl.” The woman hugged young Thea to her. “Tomorrow is your eighth birthday. I couldn’t miss that.”
“But—but Daddy said the doctors wanted you to stay and get stronger.” Thea looked up at her mother, her long hair cascading down her back. She was dressed in blue shorts and a white shirt, which Caya recognized as parts of a school uniform. She saw Thea had kicked off her shoes and taken off her socks, as they were right beside the tablet on the floor.
“I feel stronger just for being with you and your father,” Thea’s mother said and rocked her daughter back and forth. “You’re more important than anything else to me.”
“Now, Thea. Don’t tire your mother out.” A tall, dark-haired man stepped into Thea’s room. He had a becoming, well-trimmed beard and was dressed in an old-fashioned blue suit. He put an arm around Thea’s mother. “Rionna? I thought we agreed you could come home today if you stayed down here. You’re not well enough to climb the stairs.”
Thea looked alarmed, but Rionna placed a kiss on the man’s cheek while still holding onto her. “Don’t be such a worrier, Mattner. I’m perfectly able to climb one set of stairs. What do you think I’ve done during my physical-therapy sessions? Have them carry me through the exercises?” Rionna chuckled. “Now, I could smell the food being prepared. Let’s not disappoint Ms. Dimin. No doubt she’s been cooking up a storm.”
The vision blurred, and then Caya found herself in a large foyer. Black-and-white marble walls stretched up toward a skylight that showed it was evening or night. Young Thea stood clinging to the banister halfway up the stairs, whimpering. “Mommy. Mommy…”
“Stay there, Thea,” Mattner called out from behind Caya. She turned and gasped at the sight of Rionna. Thea’s mother lay on the floor, her head in her husband’s lap. Her skin was as white as the marble. “Rionna. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!” Mattner’s voice rose to a roar. “Damn the Creator, wake up!”
Thea’s whimper rose until she was screeching for her mother. She passed Caya and threw herself next to her. Taking Rionna’s hands, Thea kissed them and hugged them to her. “She’s so cold, Daddy. She’s so cold.” Crying fat tears now, Thea suddenly hit her father on the arm closest to her. “Make her wake up. Make her warm again. She’s too cold.” She hit him over and over again, her voice getting hoarse from crying. “Mommy…mommy…”
Caya was crying along with Thea, her heart breaking for the child and remembering when she and Briar had lost their parents. At least they had each other, but who had taken care of Thea once her mother was gone? Had Mattner been as loving and nurturing as his wife? Caya studied the man’s expression through her tears. Thea was still hitting him with her little fists in her anguish, but he wasn’t even looking at her. He was holding his dead wife, and Caya had the distinct sense that what love he had been able to share with anyone had died with her. Slowly the scene faded and Caya was back in grownup Thea’s embrace, crying so hard she was shaking.
“Caya? Please? What’s the matter? What did you see?” Thea rubbed her hands up and down Caya’s back. “I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t have tried this again so soon. Let me page Briar—”
“No. No. I’m all right. Or I will be.” Trying to pull herself together, Caya was reluctant to let go of Thea. She wasn’t quite sure if she needed the comfort of her embrace or she had just witnessed what had to have been the most traumatic event in Thea’s life.
“Of course you’ll be all right. Just breathe.” Thea rocked her. “That’s it. Breathe.”
Slowly the impact of the vision receded, and Caya pulled back enough to wipe at her wet cheeks. “I think I soaked your jacket.” She felt foolish now. Young Thea’s pain hadn’t been hers. A small, inner voice insisted that her feelings for Thea were the reason for her strong reaction. Not ready to confess any type of strong feelings for the woman who wielded such power over her life, Caya let go of Thea completely and slid back so their bodies didn’t touch anymore. She didn’t want to risk any other inadvertent visions from Thea’s past until she knew what triggered them.
“Never mind the damn jacket. What did you see?” Thea moved as if to take Caya’s hand again and winced when Caya shook her hand and backed off some more. “That bad?”
“I witnessed your mother coming home from some hospital the day before—”
“—my eighth birthday.” Her complexion grey, it was Thea’s turn to pull back. “Oh, Creator of mercy.” She covered her eyes for a few moments with a trembling hand. “What exactly did you see?”
“How much she loved being back home with you and your father—especially with you. Then you and your parents were in a foyer and your mother was dead.” She could find no easy way to say it. No well-meaning, cautious words would help minimize the pain Thea had felt the night her mother died.
“It was actually the next day. I mean, it was past midnight and I couldn’t sleep because I was so happy to have my mother home—and for turning eight. I had wished for a hover bike, and my father had hinted that I might get one. More than that, though, I had wished for my mother to get well and come home, which happened in part, I suppose.” Thea spoke with calm, measured words that were completely contradicted by the pain in her eyes. “I heard my father yell my mother’s name from downstairs and ran to see what was going on, afraid she was ill again, but she wasn’t. As you saw, it was much worse. She had left the bedroom my father had installed for them downstairs and probably fainted as she was walking up the stairs. She fell down and broke her neck. I learned many years later that she would have perhaps lived another ten or twenty days if she hadn’t fallen. Her condition was rapidly deteriorating, and she knew it. That’s why she came home even if she wasn’t well enough. She wanted to be with her family.” Thea’s expression hardened. “The autopsy results showed her condition clearly, but that didn’t stop my father for blaming me for her death.”
“What? But why?” Caya came close to taking Thea’s hand again. “That’s insane.”
“You would think so, wouldn’t you? Remember, she was going upstairs even after promising him not to. In his mind, that was my fault. If I hadn’t been so selfish and excited about my birthday, my mother wouldn’t have ventured up the stairs and fallen down when her weakened state caused her to faint or get dizzy. I believed him for years.”
Caya sobbed and wiped at her tears. “That’s just so wrong. Your mother loved you more than anything. She loved your father too, I could tell, but you—she adored you. I think—and this is just a hunch—that he was jealous. And when she died, he couldn’t handle the grief, or the shock…or both. It’s what I felt from him during my vision anyway.” Caya wiped quickly at her tears again. Her skin was starting to feel raw from all the crying.
“You may well be correct,” Thea said and sighed. “I think we proved our theory regarding how your visions of someone’s personal past occur. At least to some degree.” She smoothed down her hair. “I apologize that you had to witness the birth of my dysfunctional relationship with my father,” she said, her tone stiff.
“Thea. Don’t. I need to make a few things clear because I can tell you’re about to bolt, and knowing you, you’ll stay away and send your minions to deal with me until we reach Gemocon.”
Looking affronted, Thea folded her hands on her lap. “Do go on.” She raised her chin in a clear challenge.
“I promise never to tell anyone, not a single soul, what I learned and what I saw during my visions about your past today. If you never want to mention any of it again, I’ll respect that. I know I’m often furious with you for my situation, but, that said, I don’t want you to stop coming to my quarters. The only thing worse than being furious at you—is being angry with you and never seeing you again. I’m probably not making sense at all, but please. Don’t withdraw behind President Tylio, the public figure, even if you only stop by when you need something from me.” Caya tried for a smile but knew it probably looked more like a weird grimace.
Thea studied her quietly for a good minute, and Caya held her breath for nearly as long. “Very well. I trust your work ethic. I always have since that day when you had a vision at the presidential ball.”
As that had been one of the first visions, Caya realized she hadn’t read too much into Thea’s expression when she had warded off the crowd around them with such fury.
“All right.” Caya slumped against the backrest of the couch. “Good.”
Thea stood and adjusted her jacket. “I will let you know when we find the young woman in your vision. I pray she’s all right.”
Caya nodded. “Me too.”
Thea walked to the door and was about to push the sensor to open it when she stopped, still with her back toward Caya. Lowering her head, she spoke in a barely audible voice. “I did get the hover bike. Our cook found it hidden from my prying eyes in the pantry later in the day and gave it to me.” Tugging at the hem of her jacket and resuming her trademark proud posture, Thea cleared her throat. “I never rode it.” She slammed her palm against the sensor and walked out the door.
Caya curled up on the couch and pulled one of the blankets around her. She was cold and tired, having depleted all of her energy. Thea had lost her mother and her father’s love in one instant. Something told Caya that the woman who had just left her quarters had never celebrated any of her birthdays again. Had she perhaps been looking for a father figure of sorts when, at twenty-two, she had married the much-older Hadler? It made horrible sense. To think that he had turned out to be an abusive cheat of a husband, not worthy of someone as amazing and beautiful as Thea, infuriated her.
Closing her eyes reluctantly, as she was afraid of what any potential dreams might entail, Caya hugged a pillow close to her chest under the blanket. She could still feel Thea’s arms around her and her cheek against her temple as she finally drifted off to sleep.