Haley was holding Rush’s hand as she gave that little speech, and she gripped his fingers tighter, hoping to convey that she included him in their odd family too.
She couldn’t know for sure how Rush felt about her or if he had any interest in joining their already established union, but she felt oddly connected to him. Perhaps even though they hadn’t met before she was pregnant with his child, the shared experience was enough to bind them together in a way no one else could probably understand.
Rush was right. He’d been violated when he’d been forced to provide sperm for a stranger. And she’d been even more violated to have been forced to receive it. But it had happened. There was no going back, and she wanted to make sure he knew she would never consider cutting him out of their lives now.
She hadn’t expected to feel so connected to him that day she’d met him, but he’d instantly burrowed into her heart with his kindness and gentle nature. When he’d met her gaze, he’d looked into her soul, and she could only hope he’d seen acceptance reflected in the depths of her eyes.
A sudden fear crawled up her spine. “Do you have a family unit in your life, Rush? A woman? A group of men?” She felt the rest of them stiffen around her, their thighs going rigid as she spoke those words.
Maybe some of them were hoping he was already in a relationship so they didn’t have to include him in the long run, but she doubted that was the case. She was pretty sure based on what little had been said and the nonverbal communication too that all three of her men would be willing to accept Rush into their lives. What about Rush?
He lifted her hand to his cheek and rubbed her knuckles against his growing beard, something no one else could see. “No. I’ve never found the right woman, nor have I established a family unit with any men yet.” He sucked in a breath and spoke in a new tone. “Enough about me. Tell me about you, Haley.”
She smiled, loving the way he still gripped her fingers and even more the way he dragged her knuckles across his lips and kissed them while he waited for her to respond. It was intimate and special. A private moment between the two of them that spoke volumes as if they were alone and not jammed into a small space with three other people.
Not that she meant to leave anyone out, but not every moment she shared with any one of them needed to be broadcast to the group. She was entitled to have individual relationships with each of them.
For the first time in her life, she tasted what freedom might look like. It was hard to imagine a world where she could choose much of anything, including who she had sex with and when.
A slight shudder raced through her body at the thought of having sex. It really did kind of suck that she was pregnant and hadn’t had a single man inside her. Until recently, she hadn’t found the idea remotely appealing, especially when Braylon gave her the dildo. But lately…
Yeah, her body reacted to these men when they were near. More so when they kissed her. And lying across all their legs like this was bringing out something new inside her. Or maybe it was because they were all touching her with both hands.
Ignoring her body’s awakening, she focused on Rush’s question. “I was born in Georgia and my parents took me off the grid when I was still a baby. I was six when militants from The Republic found us. They killed my parents in front of me and took me to the girls’ home where I lived until six months ago.”
Rush’s breath hitched. He was the only one who didn’t already know this story. “I’m so sorry. That’s unimaginable.”
Haley shrugged against their thighs. “I didn’t know anything different. We weren’t abused at the home. Mostly it’s just boring. It’s like a holding cell where girls are kept waiting until their twentieth birthday, knowing they would be sent to marry a stranger who’d paid for that right years before.”
Braylon’s hand stiffened in her hair. “My parents paid for Haley when she was ten.”
“Jesus,” Rush murmured. “I knew stuff like that happened, but it’s weird hearing it firsthand. There are people from all walks of life living with The Wanderers, many of whom have horrific stories to tell, but I don’t personally know anyone who escaped the aristocracy. It’s not easy. If we…” Rush pulled in a breath. “If we manage to pull this off, it will be amazing.”
Haley gripped his fingers again. “We will. We have to.”
“She’s right,” Storm agreed. “There are no other options.”
Rush kissed her fingers again before absently rubbing her hand against his cheek. “What’s your story, Storm?” he asked.
Storm sighed. “I was living in an apartment near here with my father. My mother took off when I was a baby and never came back. Probably a good thing because we didn’t have to worry about hiding a woman or having her taken from us.
“When I was nine, my father took a job working for the Hansons as their groundskeeper. We moved into a small apartment above the garage. It was weird at first. I’m two years older than Riggs and Bray. Plus I’m Black. I was afraid I wouldn’t fit in, but these two yahoos sucked me right into their lives and adopted me as if I didn’t have a different skin tone and wasn’t twice their size.”
Haley smiled. She loved that even at a young age, even before Bray and Riggs had realized what a cushy, sheltered life they’d led at the expense of others, they hadn’t cared about Storm’s skin color or his age. They’d seen a friend and made him part of their family. Just like they’d done for her.
“I was lucky. I know Mrs. Hanson seems gruff and cruel, but she wasn’t always like that. She let me join Bray and Riggs with their tutor. I’m blessed to be incredibly educated. I never took it for granted. I worked my ass off.”
Riggs chuckled. “He’s not kidding. He was way behind in his studies when he joined us. He worked hard night and day to catch up so we could all work on the same things at the same time. He hated that we could read better and our math skills were ahead of his.”
“I remember that,” Braylon said with amusement in his voice. “You used to get so angry when you couldn’t do your times tables as fast as us. You stayed up late at night memorizing them.”
Riggs laughed again. “Asshole caught up with us in less than six months.”
Haley loved the banter between them. Even though she’d been with them for six months, she’d rarely been able to freely engage with them all together. For some reason, Lorena didn’t like her spending much time with them. Haley thought the woman was possibly jealous that all three men took to her so quickly and doted on her.
“Sounds like we all got lucky when it came to education,” Rush mused.
“Not all of us,” Braylon added softly, stroking Haley’s hair again.
Rush squeezed her hand again. “True.”
Haley smiled even though none of them could see her. “Could have been worse. My parents knew I could easily be taken from them at any time. They wanted me to be as educated as possible. They taught me to read by the time I was three. Even though I had no education after I was taken at age six and haven’t been handed a book since then, I can still read and I know basic math.”
Rush lowered their entwined hands from his cheek to his chest, pressing her palm against his heart. “I can’t imagine not reading for fourteen years. The way The Republic insists on keeping women uneducated is barbaric.”
She flattened her hand against his chest. “Of all the things I’ve missed out on in my life, that one hurts the most. Sometimes I’ve wished I had no idea how to read so I wouldn’t know what I was missing. I would stare at the volumes of books in the Hanson library and drool. They just sat there. It seemed like no one ever touched them, while I wanted to devour all of them.”
Bray cupped her face and stroked his thumb over her lips. “We’ll get you all the books we can find, baby. I promise you’ll never run out of reading material again in your life.”
She pursed her lips, trying not to cry.
“He’s right,” Riggs added. “I had no idea you wanted books so badly or I would have snuck them into your room and hidden them under your mattress.”
“It would have been too dangerous,” she pointed out.
Storm squeezed her thigh. “I was always on guard. We could have had a signal or something to let you know to hide it.”
Haley drew in a breath. “I’m not sure how advanced my reading skills are anyway. I might not be quite up to par for reading just anything.”
Rush threaded his fingers between hers over his heart. “There are thousands of books in the bunker where we’re going. You will never run out. I promise. And we can take turns helping you improve your reading skills. You’ll be reading like a sponge in no time.”
“That sounds like heaven,” she murmured. Was it truly possible that they might get away with this and make it to a safe haven? She refused to let herself hope that far out. One hour at a time. First, they needed to get to the next stop and then the next, and so on. Freedom might taste a bit stronger on her tongue with every passing hour, but so far, it was not a flavor she recognized.