Chapter Ten

 

Hannah drew a brush through Lucy’s blond tresses as Lucy fumed. Her parents would be leaving for her Aunt Judith’s this morning, and no matter how much wine Lucy had offered her mother the previous evening, the woman refused to discuss her sister Mary and the reason she had not come with her parents.

“I am telling you, Hannah, I know my mother. She is hiding something from me; I am certain of it.” Then she paused. “I wonder if Andrew knows what she is not telling me.”

“I don’t know,” Hannah replied. “No one says anything to me, but if they did, I would tell you.” She smiled, which Lucy saw reflected in the mirror, and Lucy’s heart warmed.

Lucy turned and took Hannah’s hand in her own. “Thank you,” she said, hoping her tone would express how much she appreciated her. “I know you spoke of us being on friendly terms before, and to be honest, I was unsure at first. However, now I know we are becoming fast friends once again.”

Hannah’s cheeks reddened significantly. “It is an honor to hear that from a Lady such as yourself,” she said quietly, though the pride in her voice was clear. It was not common for a woman of Lucy’s position to befriend a person who was in all reality her servant, but she had no friends at the moment and needed one terribly. However, she found herself realizing that, even if she were to reconnect with her past friends, she would still consider Hannah one of, if not the best of friends.

Lucy turned back to the mirror and allowed Hannah to finish her hair. The woman was very adept at the latest styles, but today Lucy had insisted on something simple. There was no one who would see her today who would be concerned anyway. As Hannah worked, Lucy found her mind wandering once again. How was she to learn what had happened during the missing time period? She needed someone she could trust, someone who would tell her the truth no matter the cost. She glanced up at Hannah.

“Hannah?”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you would do me a favor.”

“Of course,” Hannah said, though she said the words with a bit of hesitancy and gave Lucy a suspicious gaze that made Lucy want to laugh.

“No, it is nothing too terrible,” Lucy assured her. “I would never ask you to intentionally eavesdrop on anyone, but if you were to ever happen to overhear anything at any time that you feel might interest me, would you be willing to share that information with me?”

Hannah seemed to consider her request before replying, “Yes, I would tell you.”

“Even if it was something terrible? Something that might upset me?”

“Yes, even if it was something that I felt you might not like to hear, if that is what you’d want me to do, I’d tell it.”

Lucy took Hannah’s hand in hers. “Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate your loyalty, and your care.” She looked at herself in the mirror one last time and nodded. Her hair had been swept up into a simple hairstyle tied with a yellow ribbon that matched the yellow dress she wore. “You have done a lovely job.” She sighed. “Now I must go see off my parents.”

Hannah followed Lucy into the hallway but then went left toward the back of the house as Lucy turned right toward the main stairway. Lucy was still amazed that Hannah continued to help with household duties when most women in her position would have taken the leisurely route and read when she had no work to do for her mistress. Lucy would have to talk to Andrew about seeing she got a small increase in her pay to show their gratitude.

Mason, the butler of Chudleigh Hill stood by the front door, as stiff and formal as always, bowing as Lucy walked past him and out into the bright sunlight that fell over the front of the house. The luggage had already been loaded on the back of the carriage and her parents, standing deep in conversation with Andrew, had yet to see her approach.

Lord Honeyfield pulled out his gold pocket watch Lucy recognized as the one her mother had given him on his birthday when Lucy was only nine years of age. “We really must be leaving if we are to be at Mary’s by nightfall.”

Lucy’s mother nodded. “I agree. If we are much later, then the boy will be asleep, and that will be yet another day we are unable to spend with him.”

Lucy halted her steps, their words confusing her. They were not on their way to see her mother’s sister, but instead were off to visit Mary? Lucy’s mind raced as she tried to make sense of what she had heard.

Lady Honeyfield glanced over, and when she noticed Lucy standing there, she smiled, though it had an undercurrent of surprise. “Oh, my dear, I am so glad you have made it before we left,” her mother gushed. Then she quickly added, “Although, we would not have left without saying goodbye to you, of course.”

“Yes,” said Lucy’s father with a broad smile, “leaving without seeing you once more is not even a consideration.” He took a step forward with his arms outstretched, but Lucy held up a hand to stop his embrace.

“You are going to visit Mary?” Lucy asked, trying to keep her anger under control. “Why did you lie and say you were visiting Aunt Judith?”

Her parents gave each other nervous glances. “I…that is, we did not want to upset you,” her mother said. “It was I who withheld the truth of our destination.”

“But why?” Lucy asked angrily. “Why would you visiting my sister upset me? And who is this boy you speak of?”

Her father gave her a scolding look. “You do not speak to your mother this way,” he admonished.

Lucy, however, continued to glare. She would not be bullied into silence; she was married now.

“Oh, very well,” Lord Honeyfield said with a deep sigh. “The boy’s name is Peter and he is your nephew.”

Lucy’s eyes widened. “Mary has a child?” she gasped. “When did this happen?” Though the idea that her sister had birthed a child would have made her very happy in normal circumstances, the fact that Lucy had not even known Mary had been with child, let alone already had one, was just one more thing to add to the long list of important events that she felt she had missed.

Lady Honeyfield placed a hand on Lucy’s arm. “Peter is now one year old, and Mary is expecting a second child. It is why we are going to visit her; she is nearing the birth and has been restricted to bed-rest for the remainder of her pregnancy, which is to happen very soon.”

Lucy stood in shock as what she had learned settled into her mind. Although she found it difficult to breathe, she fought to maintain her senses.

“Are you well, my dear?” her mother asked quietly.

Lucy stared into the woman’s eyes and fought back tears. There was no sense in upsetting her mother when Mary needed her. “Yes,” she replied with a firmness she did not feel. “Please give Mary my best, and tell her I will visit her soon.” She gave her mother a hug, and when her father approached, she embraced him, as well.

“We will return soon enough,” Lord Honeyfield said before he followed his wife into the carriage.

As they rode off down the drive, Lucy stood and watched until they were completely out of sight.

“If you would like to eat breakfast…” Andrew started to say before Lucy interrupted him.

“Did you know about my sister?” she asked. When he nodded, she once again forced down the anger that threatened to explode within her. “Yet, you chose not to tell me? Your own wife?” She glared at him, hoping he would feel the daggers she wished to throw at him in that moment. “You disgust me,” she hissed before turning and entering the house.

The hurt and anger that coursed through her veins made her feel feverish, though she knew her ailment had nothing to do with any physical condition. One thing was certain, she had no plans to spend any time with the man who was now her husband, not if she had anything to do about it.

***

Lucy ignored Andrew’s plea as she stormed through the house and out onto the veranda at the back of the house. She did not stop there, however, but instead continued along the footpath, across the gardens and through the iron gate that led to the hill to where they had strolled only a few days earlier. Without even taking the time to close the gate behind her, she tromped up the hill as she finally allowed the tears to fall. What more had she missed during that forgotten time? She and Mary had often spoken of the wonders of having children, but without the memory of the birth of Mary’s first child, it felt as if she had been deprived of the excitement of such a wonderful event. It had been one thing to understand that her memory was gone, but quite another to be made to realize that so many note-worthy incidents had occurred during that time, incidents that would have brought her great joy and should have created everlasting memories.

Now, however, she was missing eighteen months of her life. So much had changed in that time, and the fear that she would never get back those days left her with a hole in her heart. At the crest of the hill, she stopped and gazed over the valley below, now appearing blurred through her tears. How many people out there tolling over their fields or enjoying their families took for granted the memories of yesterday?

“Lucy?” a deep baritone Lucy had now come to recognize as belonging to a man who was presumed to be someone she loved and yet felt nothing but frustration, and perhaps, a bit of guilt. The latter brought on even more feelings of anger, for it was unfair for him to expect more than what she had felt for him a year and a half ago when she had known him last. Yet, he continued to show great patience, which in turn brought on more guilt on her part. How could she have grown to love a man who she remembered as nothing more than a spoiled man who was accustomed to getting what he wanted, whether he hurt others in the process or not.

She heaved a heavy sigh but did not turn. He would not see her tears. “Yes?” she asked defiantly. “What is it you want?”

“I knew you were upset, so I came to see if there is anything I can do for you.”

She withdrew a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped the tears from her face, happy that Hannah had thought to place it there for her. The woman seemed to know in advance what Lucy would need.

“Why did you lie to me?” she asked quietly. “I do not understand.”

“I did not tell you about your sister because I care for you,” he replied, his voice sounding hurt. “Your mother was worried that hearing the news of your sister would upset you, and it appears she was correct in believing so.”

She spun around and glared at him. “Was anyone going to tell me at any point?” she demanded.

“Of course,” Andrew said earnestly. “We planned on telling you, but at a later date, once you had adjusted to your current circumstances. What we wished was only to spare you the heartache of not remembering. In all honesty, we hoped you your memories would return on their own and save you the pain of finding out all you do not recollect.”

“Well, your attempt at sparing me of my pain has brought on more pain than you can ever imagine,” she snapped. Although deep inside she knew Andrew and her parents were only doing their best to help her, the anger and hurt she felt buried any form of gratitude she might otherwise have felt.

He took a step toward her. “Allow me to share in your pain,” he said, his voice still quiet. “I am here to listen.”

Her laughter reeked of bitterness. “You care what I think? Or even how I feel?”

He seemed taken aback by her words. “Of course, I do. I love you, and as your husband, I do not wish to see you hurt.”

She sniffed derisively. “I am married to a man I do not love and live in a house I do not know. I have forgotten events, what should have been wonderful occasions, while the world around me, including the people for whom I love and cared deeply, have moved on. And people continue to lie to me in some sort of valiant plan to protect me, only their attempts merely make everything worse!” She was shouting by the time she concluded her outburst, and much to her angst, the tears had begun once again.

Andrew reached inside his coat, pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. She murmured words of thanks, as her own handkerchief was now soiled from her previous tirade. “What can I do to make it better?” he asked.

Lucy stared at him in amazement. “Were you not listening?” she asked. “I am married to a man I do not love; that is you, Andrew Balfour!”

“I promise that I have listened, and I understand your frustration. I will not lie, but I must admit that your words cut deep into my soul. However, if this is how you feel, that you care not for me, then who am I to say otherwise? I cannot, and will not, pressure you, nor will I attempt to force you to feel something you do not.”

Lucy nodded. “If you would like to me to move into a smaller room so you are able to return to your bedroom, I will. I will attend any function that is required of me as your wife. Whatever you desire, I will agree. All I ask in return is that I can remain here so I am able to live out my shame in private. To all those outside of our home, we will appear, if not loving, at least the faithful couple. There is no reason you should suffer public humiliation for my shortcomings.”

She was shocked when he took her hands in his. “Love is a beautiful thing,” he said, “something that you taught me. You are my wife and will remain so in our bedroom. Do as you please; I feel no shame for what has happened.”

Tears streamed down her face unchecked as she looked into his vivid blue eyes. “But I do not love you,” she whispered. “Surely that must anger you.”

“No, it does not anger me, though I will admit it does sadden me that my wife does not know me as she did. However, I have faith that, in time, you will remember the love we once shared.”

“How long will you be willing to wait?” she asked, almost afraid to ask such a question.

“Forever,” he replied.

Lucy bit at her lip. How sweet and soothing were his words. However, she could not stem the trepidation that plagued her. “I am afraid, Andrew,” she said, her voice so quiet he had to lean in to hear her. “I am afraid I will never remember the past. I am afraid of that which I have forgotten.” She gazed down at the ground between them, if only to remove his gaze from hers. “I wish more than anything I could remember everything, but what I want to know is why I accepted your request to court me and, if what you say is true, how I came to fall in love with you.”

He smiled. “It is a wonderful story that could be told to you in great detail,” he said as he placed his fingers under her chin. “Though, I have an idea that may be better than me simply recounting the tale.”

She crinkled her brow. “And what would that be?”

“Allow me to court you as I one did,” he replied. “Let me take you back to the places we visited, the outings we took, the times we shared, and you will see how it was you came to love me and I you.”

She considered his words and found herself warming to the prospect. What he suggested was indeed a good idea, and perhaps through retracing her steps, she would regain those missing memories, or at least some of them anyway.

“In the end,” she asked, “if I do not remember? Then what?”

He smiled again as he brushed back a strand of hair from her face. “There will be no end,” he replied. “For I will never give up.”