Chapter Twenty-One

 

If one were to say that the Dowager Duchess was as dry as the cold November weather outside, Lucy would not disagree. Andrew’s mother had arrived the day before and now sat across the table from Lucy discussing the final details of the party scheduled to take place tomorrow evening. Guests would be arriving in the morning, and the Dowager Duchess felt a great need to offer her advice on how the event should be run.

“Nonetheless, it should be a grand event, one that I am certain will not disappoint,” the Dowager Duchess was saying. “It is good that I have arrived to help with any last-minute issues.”

A footman removed the barely touched plate before Lucy as she stole a glance at Andrew. He gave her a small smile, which she returned with effort. He had warned Lucy his mother could be a bit overbearing, but she had no idea how inaccurate his description had been.

“Though, I do wonder when a party will be held to announce a coming child,” the severe woman said. She smiled with a raise of her eyebrows and then took a sip of her wine.

Lucy wished only to ask the dreadful woman when she was due to leave, but instead bit her tongue.

Andrew, thankfully, came to Lucy’s rescue. “Family will come later, Mother,” he explained. “For now, per the doctor’s orders, Lucy must focus on her recovery. The stress of carrying a child is the last thing with which I wish to burden her.”

Much to Lucy’s pleasure, the Dowager Duchess held a look as if she had been slapped as she set her glass on the table. “You act as if I do not wish to see Lucy to recover,” she said, though Lucy wondered at the woman’s startlement seemed forced. “That simply is not true.”

“Mother, of course…”

“Yet,” she continued as if Andrew had not spoken, “she is able to attend parties, drink wine, visit friends. Trust me, my son, you will not cause her any undue stress. When I carried you, I was ill for months, but I did not allow it to stop me carrying you to term.”

Lucy bit back a burning retort. Andrew had told her of his mother’s propensity to complain of ailments as a means of gaining the attention of those around her. According to Andrew’s father, while she was carrying Andrew, apparently she spent much of that time bedridden, and yet, the doctor could find nothing wrong with her. However, when she had a visitor, or if she was invited to dine with friends, she made miraculous recoveries only to be stricken once again once she returned home or the visitor left.

“Mother,” Andrew said, this time much firmer than before, “when I believe the time is right for children, you will be the first person I inform.”

This seemed to appease the Dowager Duchess somewhat. Then she let out a sigh. “You must forgive me,” she said as she turned to Lucy. “In my time, a woman let nothing stand in her way of performing her duties. I must accept that not all can live up to my standards.”

Lucy went to speak her thoughts on the matter, but luckily, or unluckily depending on whose point of view one considered, Andrew spoke first.

“No woman could live up to your standards,” he said as he pushed his chair back and stood. Then he walked over to Lucy and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “For it would be a nightmare.”

Lucy almost spit out her wine but managed to cough as she set the glass down. “Oh, forgive me,” she said as she pressed a napkin to her lips.

“Shall we go to the drawing room for coffee?” Andrew asked.

“I would like to finish my wine and then I believe I will retire after,” his mother replied. “It was a long journey and I am not as young as I once was.”

“I would like to finish the embroidery on a table cloth, if that is acceptable,” Lucy said with an innocent smile.

Andrew nodded. It was clear he had caught her subtle hint at needing to escape his mother’s company, for he said, “Yes, of course. I wondered why you have fallen behind on your needlework.”

The Dowager Duchess gave a tiny click of disapproval but said nothing, which suited Lucy just fine.

“I will come by to see you in a while,” Andrew said with a wink.

Lucy gave a stiff nod to them both and quickly hurried out of the room. A lamp had already been lit, and a small fire that gave off little heat had been started in the fireplace. She walked to the window and looked out into the darkness and wondered how long before snow, if any, would come. A cold draft wafted past her, and she shivered wishing she had thought to bring a shawl.

Her mind returned to the conversation with her mother-in-law.

Although the woman’s words concerning children had angered her, Lucy also appreciated the importance of what she said. It was not unusual for a woman to hope for grandchildren, and it was Lucy’s duty to provide children for her husband, for the man she was supposed to love. However, though she had come to adore him, love still had not fallen upon her heart. In spite of the fact Andrew had given her a smile as his mother voiced her concerns, Lucy saw the longing in his eyes. She could not blame him, for a man, especially one who was titled, needed an heir.

She let out a heavy sigh and a fog formed on the window. Her not conceiving his child was just one more way she had disappointed him.

“I have a much warmer fire burning in the study, if you care to join me,” Andrew said, breaking Lucy from her thoughts.

She turned and smiled at him. Though her frustration at her own shortcomings were great, she found no fault in the man. “I would like that very much,” she replied.

He offered her his arm and she slipped her arm through his. He placed a gentle hand on hers as they crossed the foyer over to the study. Once inside, he led her to the sofa and he want to pour himself a brandy. “Would you like a glass of wine?” he asked.

“Yes, please,” she replied.

“I hope my mother’s words did not upset you,” he said as he handed her the glass.

“No,” she replied as she looked at the crimson liquid. “I understand her concern. It is my duty to bear your children, and I have failed you in that matter.”

He sat next to her. “I am afraid you are quite mistaken; you have not failed me.”

“I do not understand.”

“Your duty is to recover and to regain your memory, which you are doing. For now, that is my only desire.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Do you not wish to have children?” Then she scolded herself for asking him such a question, for a flicker of pain crossed his eyes, filling her with more regret.

“I wish to have you happy and nothing more,” he replied. “Now, there is no reason to discuss children at this moment. We have more pressing matters, such as our upcoming party. Are you eager for it to begin?”

Lucy smiled. “I am,” she replied truthfully. “And, now that you mention it, I really should get to bed soon. We have several guests who will be arriving in the early hours, and I must be well-rested.” A look of disappointment crossed his face. How she wished to tell him that he had done no wrong, but rather it was her continuous failings that were the issue. “However, I might enjoy the rest of my wine first.”

This brought on a wide smile, for which she was glad. She moved in closer to him and allowed him to rest his arm around her shoulders as she laid her head on his chest. This was the closest they had ever been, or at least as she remembered, and she found comfort in his arms.

They remained quiet, each lost in his or her own thoughts while the fire’s light sent shadows dancing around the room. Lucy felt its warmth and wished her passion for Andrew would be as bright and hot as the flames, for she felt as if she was still lost in the shadows of missing memories. However, at least she was in the same room, which was a vast improvement from where she began.

She turned her gaze to his face to find him already gazing down upon her. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, and a new heat rushed through her body. The kiss was hungry, needy, and she wanted with all her heart to soar with love for him. However, when the kiss broke, she realized that love was still lacking within her.

“That was beautiful,” he said, his voice husky.

“It was.” She had not lied, per se, but she did not feel as if she was being completely honest either. However, she could not break his heart any further by sharing her thoughts and feelings in this moment. “We should go to sleep,” she whispered. “The hour is late.”

He nodded and helped her stand. “If you do not mind, I will sleep on the chair in your room tonight,” he said. “Mother will be up long before the sun, and if she finds me…”

Lucy felt a wave of shame wash over her. “I understand,” she replied quietly. “Come, let us go.”

Once they were in the bedroom, Andrew closed the door behind them. He removed his coat and she felt a pang of regret as she removed her slippers. The humiliation the man must feel being made to sleep in a chair rather than his wife’s bed had to be beyond measure. If others learned that they did not share a bed, what would they say? What would the gossip-mongers make of their situation? How would she answer their questions? That she refused her bed because she did not love him although she was married to him? How many other women married for other reasons besides love, but still offered up their bed?

She wiped at a tear in her eye as Andrew flicked out his blanket to cover himself as he went to the chair he had slept in so many nights before.

“Andrew?” she said in a quiet voice.

“Yes?”

“It is much too cold for you to sleep in that chair. You may sleep in my bed tonight.”

He nodded as he set the blanket down in the chair and pulled back the covers on the bed. “I will face this way so you can change,” he said.

Lucy said nothing as she removed her dress. Rather than changing into her dressing gown, she remained in her shift and crawled under the covers. A moment later, Andrew extinguished the lamp and Lucy felt the bed sink under his weight. The bed shifted slightly as he turned onto his back, and Lucy swallowed, bracing herself for him to take her.

His hand moved across the bed and she closed her eyes as she waited for him to grasp her shift. However, he did not do so. Instead, he took her hand in his and squeezed it.

This time she did not wipe away the tears that fell as his words echoed through the room and into her heart. “Tomorrow is a new day. No matter what it may bring, we will face it together.”