Chapter Twenty-Four

 

As the footman closed the door of the carriage, Lucy peered out the window at the man who was her husband. He waited just outside the front door of Chudleigh Hill, a light breeze fanning his dark hair around his face. Even from this distance, his hurt was evident. Although running away would not rectify her problems, Lucy found staying here to be much too painful to endure. She would miss Andrew, of that she was certain, but it was unfair to expect him to continue putting aside his needs for a woman who did not love him. Her life, or the memory of her life, was at Foxglove Estate, and even after all that Andrew had attempted to do to help her feel comfortable, Lucy simply did not feel at home here.

“We are ready, Your Grace,” the driver said through the window.

“Thank you,” Lucy replied and the carriage rocked as the man climbed up into the seat above her. Then he clicked his tongue and the carriage sprang into motion. Andrew lifted a hand in the air and Lucy raised hers in reply. Soon, the house grew smaller as they made their way down the drive, and soon everything around her became obscured through the tears that fell.

“Don’t worry, Lucy,” Hannah said quietly as she placed a hand upon Lucy’s. “Everything will work out in the end.”

“Thank you, Hannah,” Lucy replied, though she had great doubts about the words Hannah spoke. If only she could remember what it was like to be in love with Andrew, then perhaps her life would have turned out much differently. However, it would be best for everyone concerned if she returned to her old life and continued down the path she was meant to follow, for the path she had been walking since she awoke from her long sleep did not feel as it should. She and Andrew were incompatible; they always had been, and pretending they had been destined to fall in love would not change that fact. One could playact at being in love, but to truly be in love was another thing altogether.

The landscape flashed by in a great blur as the carriage increased its speed once they reached the main road. It would not be long before she was home once more, returned to where she was meant to be. The further she got from Chudleigh Hill, the easier it seemed that she was making the right decision, for if in the moment the horses had taken their first steps he had asked her to stay, if he had run after the carriage, she might have relented. However, he did not, which told her that he agreed this decision was best for both of them. His life would be that much better without the need to make apologies when she did not recall the name of a client or an acquaintance she had met before though did not remember. He would no longer agonize over whether or not a story he told would bring her to tears. They would no longer be expected to pretend there was love where it did not exist.

Perhaps, one day, Lucy would return to Chudleigh Hill to be the wife Andrew deserved, if they were able to rekindle a love affair she did not recall. However, until then, this was what was best.

Yet, as she stared at the gray sky that threatened rain, the hope she anticipated upon leaving Andrew’s side did not materialize. Instead, only despair remained.

***

Being back to her childhood home, which it seemed as such in her mind, brought about a feeling of familiarity she so sorely needed. Chudleigh Hill was a beautiful home to be sure, but it lacked that feeling of home a residence should have. Lucy and Hannah had only arrived moments ago, and her mother had already ushered them into the sitting room and had tea brought up, apparently thrilled they had come to visit.

“I do hope Andrew’s business dealings go well,” Lady Honeyfield said as she added a splash of milk to her tea. “I am so pleased you were able to come to visit me; I have missed you terribly.”

“It was Andrew who suggested I come see you,” Lucy lied. “As he will be traveling extensively, he preferred I not be alone with all that has happened.” She turned to Hannah and patted her hand. “I do not mean to say that your company is unwelcome or unappreciated; I hope you know that.”

Hannah laughed. “Of course,” she replied. “No offense taken. I understand the importance of having family nearby.”

“I am glad,” Lucy said before turning her attention back to her mother, wondering if the woman had found her story believable. Although Lady Honeyfield gave no indication of finding untruths in what Lucy said, Lucy could still not help but feel a bit of guilt wash over her at the prospect of outright lying to her mother.

“I was hoping to call on your sister tomorrow,” Lady Honeyfield said as she set her teacup back on the table. “We can make the journey together, I should think.”

This raised Lucy’s mood considerably. “I cannot wait to see her,” she said enthusiastically. “I have been so immersed in recovering my memory that I must admit I have completely forgotten about her.”

“Oh, nonsense; there is no need to feel guilty, my dear,” her mother admonished. “She understands that you have not been well. I know she has mentioned how terrible she feels that she has not gone to visit you since your accident, but I informed her that you realize that having a new child can be more than enough of an excuse for anyone.”

Lucy nodded. She was appreciative of her mother’s words but they did little to placate her. Enough memories resided in her head to know that her sister was important to her.

“You are fortunate to have a husband as understanding as His Grace,” Lady Honeyfield stated. “I hope you know that.” She punctuated her words with a pointed raise of her eyebrows.

“Yes, Mother, I do, but why do you say that?”

Her mother smiled as she returned her teacup to the small table in front of them and then placed her hands in her lap. Lucy had seen this posture before and knew that a lecture followed. “A husband that allows his wife to travel at will, turns a blind eye when she slips away from a party when she is the hostess…Your father and I left early, and when we could not find you to bid you farewell, Andrew told us you had retired early due to an aching head. However, the fact that Charlotte also attending this party, and knowing you as well as I do, I imagine that you had not, in fact, retired for the evening, but more than likely sneaked off to commit some sort of mischief.” She picked up her tea cup once again and gazed at Hannah over its rim. “Or am I mistaken?”

Poor Hannah, thought Lucy. She was much too honest and kind for her own good, not to mention that Lucy’s mother was quite accomplished with her pointed looks, for Hannah responded to Lucy’s mother with a shy smile and a shake of her head. “What I am saying, my dear, is simply this: there are times when a person focuses on that which is not right rather than on that which is, simply because the former seems more convenient than the latter. However, whenever this is the case, it typically causes that person quite a bit of heartache. Do you understand?”

Lucy nodded as she worked the words her mother spoke through her mind. She did understand and, as always, her mother was correct in her assessments; however, putting what she said into practice was difficult. Lucy knew that Andrew was more than accommodating to her wishes, even this morning she had seen the pain in his eyes and could hear it in his voice when she informed him she was leaving. He was no fool, for he knew what Lucy was doing and why. Yet, to allow the man to bear the burden of having a wife who did not remember him as he remembered her was more than any woman could ask of any man.

Plus, how certain was she that what she had done in leaving him was not the right thing to do? Perhaps in this one decision she was doing what truly was right.