Historical Action Figures

Buzz Aldrin wants to colonize Mars—

well, not by himself, but maybe he can

be a consultant, which as far as I can tell,

is about the best job there is, better

than even astronaut or wildcatter.

Let’s go to Mars. It’s a great idea

because it increases the odds

of finding things on Mars

to kill. Cut a hole in Mars and what

comes out. Buzz Aldrin is an historical

action figure at this point, but that’s not

his fault, per se—he sounds like

a quarterback in a game of what

we care about instead of what happens,

while Haliburton sounds like a posh couch

or a horse with thicker-than-average legs

who wins all the races but is revealed

to be a robot. He gets to keep

the prize money anyway.

You fish, you wish you were robots

so you could drink the crude

that robots drink. You pelicans

you turtles you shrimp you know

the drill: IT IS WE WHO ARE IMPORTANT

when we swim down to the holes

we’ve punched in the world

and suck the money out.