I knocked quietly, and when nothing happened, I knocked again, this time a little louder. After a minute, the door opened and in front of me stood a red-headed girl of about my age. She was wearing a white apron over a stiff black dress and a funny white cap. She had a face on her that would turn milk sour.
‘Well?’ she said, folding her arms and staring at me. ‘What do you want?’
‘I’m the new housemaid.’
‘That would be under housemaid,’ she said. ‘You’d better follow me.’
I wasn’t very happy about following this grumpy creature, but I didn’t feel like arguing with her either, so I trailed along a corridor after her until she stopped outside a black door.
‘Wait here for Mrs Bailey, the housekeeper,’ she said, and then she knocked once on the door and flounced off the way we had come.
By now my feet were killing me, and the sand from the beach was irritating my blisters. There was a chair next to me, but I didn’t dare to sit down. I didn’t dare to do anything but stand up straight, and try not to look as if I were about to faint away from hunger, tiredness and fear.
‘Come.’
It was a woman’s voice from inside the door. Was she talking to me? Or was she calling to her pet dog? I hopped up and down on my sore feet, trying to decide what to do, when the voice came again, louder and a bit impatient-sounding, ‘Come!’
I opened the door and took a single step inside. It was a big bright room, and I could see a woman sitting behind a desk. She smiled at me, and once again I could feel the tears coming. Why did nice people make me cry? I realised I had no one to ask about this, and that made me want to cry even more.
‘You must be Lily.’
I nodded, too afraid to speak.
‘I’m Mrs Bailey,’ she said. ‘You are welcome to Lissadell. If you work hard here, you will get along very well – and you won’t have to be an under housemaid forever, you know.’
‘Yes, Mrs Bailey.’ I wasn’t looking forward to being an under housemaid so it was good to know it wasn’t a life sentence. I wondered what else I could be, but didn’t dare to ask. What would she say if I told her that I really wanted to be a teacher?
Mrs Bailey took a big book from a shelf, and turned to a new page. Then she wrote down my name and my address and my date of birth. She asked me if I could read and write, and I told her I could. Then she asked me what sewing I could do, and I proudly told her all the things Miss O’Brien had taught me. When I told her I was allowed to sew on material instead of newspaper, she laughed, and I felt a bit stupid. I suppose rich people like her never have to sew on newspaper.
When she was finished writing, Mrs Bailey rang a bell, and a minute later the door opened and another maid came in. This girl was dark-haired and pretty and she had a lovely friendly smile.
‘Isabelle, please take Lily to her room and help her get settled.’
‘Yes, Mrs Bailey,’ she said in a quiet voice. ‘Come along, Lily.’
I followed her along a corridor, past rooms packed with bottles and jars and all kinds of food. One room had shelves and shelves all full of fine china. There was a smell of freshly baked bread that made me feel weak. What I wouldn’t give for a warm crust with a scrape of creamy butter!
At the very end of the corridor, Isabelle opened a door.
‘Here you are,’ she said, stepping inside. ‘Home sweet home.’
It was a lovely room, with a window at one end, and a small, metal-framed bed against each of the side walls. In a corner there was a narrow press, and near the door was a real fireplace.
‘You’ll be sharing of course,’ said Isabelle. ‘Everyone shares except for the housekeeper and the butler.’
‘How many to each bed?’ I asked, thinking if it were more than three it might be a bit of a squash.
Isabelle laughed. ‘Oh, you are funny,’ she said. ‘You share the room, but the bed is your own.’
‘I was only joking,’ I lied. I remembered Mam’s warning, and felt bad. Isabelle thought I was being skittish, even when I was being perfectly serious. I hoped I wasn’t going to get a bad name, just because everything was so new to me.
Then I noticed that there was a small locker next to each bed.
‘And I have a locker all to myself too! Do you think I could save up for a candle, and then I could read at night time?’
‘No need,’ said Isabelle pointing to the wall over the fireplace. ‘Lissadell is very modern. There’s a gas light in every single room.’
I’d never heard of such a thing, but didn’t want to say it.
‘This is your bed,’ said Isabelle, pointing to the left. ‘And your uniform is all ready in the press.’
Suddenly I felt very lost and lonely. I sat on my bed and Isabelle sat down beside me and put her arm around my shoulders. ‘I know everything is strange at first,’ she said. ‘But you’ll soon get used to it.’
She was being kind, but it wasn’t helping very much. I missed Mam and Rose and Hanora. I missed my home and my brothers and sisters. Everything was too different and too new.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ I said. ‘I’ve never been in a fine house like this before. It’s so big, I’m afraid I’ll get lost and never be seen again.’
Isabelle laughed. ‘Trust me – everyone feels like that in the beginning. After a few days you’ll be grand.’
‘And I don’t know what to say to all these fancy people.’
‘Don’t worry about that. You don’t say anything to them unless they speak to you first – and usually they only say “good morning”or “good evening” and you say the same and then you go on your way. They don’t want to be your friend or anything like that.’
‘You make it sound easy – but I’m still scared.’
‘You don’t have to be scared. We’re lucky to be working here – the Gore-Booths treat their servants well – not like some I’ve heard of. They are good people – and always have been.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My daddy told me that way back in the famine times, some landlords did terrible things, but the Gore-Booths were kind, and helped to feed the starving people.’
I was glad to hear that my employers were kind, but I was still worried.
‘And the work,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and I’m afraid of getting things wrong. Will you be able to show me?’
‘I’m sorry – I’m not a housemaid. I’m a children’s maid – I help the nurse to look after the little ones. There’s four of them, you know. They’re very sweet, but they keep me on my feet, I can tell you. I’m only down here with you because they are all napping at the moment.’
‘So who will show me what to do?’
‘Oh … Nellie will help you for the first day or two,’ said Isabelle, not sounding very sure.
It took me a minute to understand, and then I remembered the grumpy girl who’d opened the door for me.
‘Has Nellie got red hair?’ I asked.
‘So you met her?’
I nodded. ‘She wasn’t friendly like you. She was …’
‘You’ll get used to Nellie. She’s always in a bad mood on Saturdays.’
That made me feel better, until Isabelle continued. ‘And every other day too.’
Then I had a horrible thought. I pointed at the bed next to mine. ‘Do you sleep there?’
‘No. I sleep in the night nursery – in case the little ones need me. That bed is …’
‘Nellie’s?’ I asked.
‘Yes. You have to understand, Nellie is …’
‘What?’
‘Nothing. Now you need to get into your uniform. I’ll go and call Nellie and she can bring you back to Mrs Bailey when you’re ready. Look sharp – we’ve already spent too much time chattering.’
She went outside and closed the door. I took off my boots and put on the black shoes that were waiting for me at the foot of my bed. They weren’t new, but someone had polished them until they shone – and they didn’t hurt my blisters too much. I took off my own dress and got the uniform from the press. I’d never had a uniform before and for a moment I felt big and important as I slipped the stiff black dress over my head. I didn’t feel so good when I realised that the apron was a complicated piece of clothing, and I had no idea how to put it on properly. I was still trying to work it out when the door opened with a clatter and Nellie came in.
‘Did you touch my things?’ she said, staring at the locker next to her bed. ‘You’re never to touch my things!’
She was just a girl like me, but I couldn’t help feeling afraid of her. She sounded so angry. She sounded as if she hated me, even though she didn’t know me at all.
‘No,’ I said in a shaky voice. ‘I didn’t touch anything, I swear.’
‘Well get a move on. Mrs Bailey is waiting.’
I still hadn’t put on my apron or frilly white cap, and without a mirror, I didn’t know where to start. Nellie grabbed the apron from my hands, put it over my head and tied the bows in the front, pulling them so tight they hurt. Then she took the cap from the bed and rammed it onto my head.
‘There,’ she said with a smirk. ‘That’s perfect.’
I didn’t like the way she said that. Maybe my hair was all sticking out or something, but before I could ask, Nellie was half way down the corridor, and I ran to follow her, afraid of getting lost on my own.
* * *
Nellie and I were standing outside Mrs Bailey’s office, with our hands behind our backs. Mrs Bailey looked as if she was about ready to explode.
‘Is this meant to be some sort of joke? Because if it is, I have to tell you I am not amused.’
I hadn’t even said a word, so I knew she couldn’t be blaming me – or could she? She was looking at me as if she wanted to give me a good shake.
‘What is it, Mrs Bailey?’ asked Nellie. ‘Is something wrong?’
Mrs Bailey looked at Nellie, narrowed her eyes, and then she spoke to me in a softer voice.
‘Who told you to do your apron and cap like that?’ she said.
Behind me, I could feel Nellie’s fingers pinching my arm. She’d been mean and I wanted to get her into trouble, but I guessed that wouldn’t end well for me. So I did something that always worked in the Master’s classroom – I completely avoided Mrs Bailey’s question.
‘I’ve never worn an apron like this before,’ I said. ‘Or a cap either. And I didn’t know the right way to put them on.’
Mrs Bailey took a long look at Nellie, and then she smiled at me. ‘Well, I’m afraid this isn’t the right way. I will show you once, and you will have to do it on your own from now on.’
She took off my apron, put it back on the other way around and tied the strings behind me. Then she took the cap off my head, turned it right way out, and put it gently back in place.
‘Do you think you’ll be able to manage that on your own?’ she said.
‘Yes, Mrs Bailey,’ I said. ‘Thank you.’
‘Now, Nellie,’ said Mrs Bailey. ‘Lily is to follow you for the rest of the evening, and watch what you do, and she can start work proper in the morning. And mind you behave yourself. Off you go, the bedroom fires won’t light themselves.’
I wanted to say that I was hungry, that I hadn’t had any tea before I left home, but I was too shy and too afraid, so I rubbed my tummy to stop it from grumbling and I set off after Nellie.
* * *
Nellie stopped at the bottom of a curved staircase.
‘After you,’ she said.
I looked at the stairs twisting up and up, higher and higher. They were so steep, and so scary! The grey stone steps were worn black and shiny in the middle. I wondered how many servants had gone up and down. I wondered how many of them had been afraid, like me.
‘Keep moving, Lily, you’ve seen a staircase before, I hope.’
‘Of course I have,’ I said. This was true – once Mam took me to Sligo and I saw stairs in a hotel. Only thing was, I never had a chance to walk up those stairs. My house and my friends’ houses and my school were all on one level, and the church only had three steps outside the front door. When it came to climbing stairs, I was still at baby infant level. I took a deep breath and held tightly to the handrail as I carefully followed the steps upwards. At the top, I felt as proud as if I’d climbed all the way up Benbulben, but I didn’t tell Nellie that. I didn’t want to give her a reason to laugh at me.
* * *
I followed Nellie around for what felt like hours. I watched as she lit fires and straightened eiderdowns and picked up clothes. There were so many rooms – and some of them were bigger than my whole house. Everywhere I turned there were rugs and soft couches and silk curtains with tassels on them. It was like being in a palace in a fairytale.
I thought of all the fun Rose and Hanora and I could have in this place – playing games and pretending to be fine ladies – but Rose and Hanora were far away. All I had was Nellie, who looked like she didn’t even know what fun was.
One bedroom had a huge four-poster bed, piled high with pillows and eiderdowns and velvet blankets. Even looking at it made me feel tired. I wanted to kick off my shoes and jump in and wrap myself up in the softness, and sleep for hours.
Nellie grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. ‘Stop dilly-dallying,’ she said. ‘We’ve got work to do.’
A few times I asked questions, but I soon learned that I was wasting my breath. Nellie either ignored me completely or looked at me as if I had grown two heads. Mam’s advice about being nice to people wasn’t working so far. I was being as nice as I could to Nellie, but the nicer I was, the more she seemed to hate me. In the end I just followed her around like a silent shadow. A few times I stuck my tongue out at her behind her back, but that didn’t make me feel much better.
* * *
It was nearly midnight when I got to my bed. Within seconds Nellie was slumbering soundly, but even though I was exhausted, I had trouble sleeping. I’d never slept in a bed on my own before, and though I’d often dreamed of this, now that it had happened, I wasn’t sure I liked it. I was used to the warmth of my brothers and sisters. I was used to Winnie’s little fingers twisting the hair at the back of my neck. I was used to the steady breathing of the four little people I loved most in the world. I was used to knowing that Mam was only feet away, ready to jump from her bed in the kitchen at the first sign that one of us needed her. And listening to Nellie’s loud snores didn’t make up for any of these things!
I wrapped myself up in Mam’s shawl and tried to imagine that she was there, hugging me and making me feel safe. I lay and looked at the ceiling and tried to cry silently as I wondered if I would ever get used to this strange new life.