We had porridge for breakfast, just the same as at home, but I was so hungry it tasted like the finest sweets I’d ever eaten. Nellie and I were the only people in the kitchen, which meant I didn’t have to talk, and I could concentrate on eating. I used my finger to pick up the last few grains of porridge, but stopped when I saw Nellie glaring at me.
A maid came to take away my bowl and I wondered why Nellie wasn’t standing up to go. A second later the same girl came back in carrying two plates.
‘Leftover meat pie from last night,’ she said, as she put the plates in front of us. ‘Cook goes mad when food is sent back from the dining room – takes it as an insult.’
I smiled. I didn’t care if the cook felt insulted – the meat pie was delicious! I still wished that I was at home, but I was beginning to see that life at Lissadell might have its compensations.
* * *
After breakfast, there was plenty more work to do, and once again I followed Nellie up the back stairs.
‘This is where Lady Mary sleeps,’ said Nellie. ‘She’s downstairs having breakfast now, so we can clean in here.’
We were in a bedroom that was about three times the size of my house. It was the most beautiful room I had ever seen, with three windows, and a big four-poster bed. If I had that bed, I’d pretend to be sick every single day of my life, so I could stay lying there on the beautiful silk pillows and sheets, looking out at the gardens and the mountains.
Making the bed took ages. All the blankets had to be shaken out, and the top mattress turned, and then the bed had to be made up again. Then we cleaned the fire, dusted and polished everything and moved on to the next room.
After a while, I was so tired, I didn’t care that Nellie had stopped talking to me. My arms and my back ached, and the blisters on my feet were hurting me. I felt as if it had to be bedtime, but as we’d just had breakfast, I knew that wasn’t very likely. The day seemed to be going on forever.
* * *
Much later, when I was nearly ready to curl up in a corner and fall asleep, Nellie said it was time for dinner. We went into the servants’ dining hall, and suddenly I felt shy. The room was full of servants, all lined up along a huge table, with men on one side and women on the other. There was no sign of Isabelle, and I wondered if I’d ever see her again. Maybe she had to eat with the children in the nursery. I wished I could be with her, instead of here amongst all these strangers. Nellie went and stood behind a chair, and I hesitated, not knowing what to do. All I knew was that I didn’t want to sit next to her, so I found a space on the women’s side, near the middle of the table, and stood there. Suddenly the room went silent, except for one young boy who pointed at me and laughed out loud. I felt all hot and bothered, and could tell that my face had gone bright red. I knew I had done something wrong, but didn’t know exactly what that was. Then a nice man who was standing opposite smiled at me and jerked his head towards the end of the table, where Nellie was standing.
‘Housemaids sit down there,’ he whispered.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered back, and feeling like a dunce, I moved toward the other end of the table. I noticed that as I walked, the servants were getting younger, and their uniforms were getting less fancy. It was a bit like school, where the silly little children all had to sit together at the front of the class, while the older, more important ones sat at the back. It was strange, being one of the youngest again.
The line of chairs seemed to go on forever, as I walked slowly, still not sure which of the empty seats was meant for me. I saw a space on Nellie’s right, and just as I got there, she turned and gave the tiniest nod. I smiled to thank her, and stood in the space, feeling happy that maybe, somewhere deep inside Nellie, there really was a heart.
There were two more girls standing on my right, and I wondered who could be even less important than me.
Just then, Mrs Bailey came in and stood at one end of the table, and a tall, very stern-looking man with white hair and a beard stood at the other. Mrs Bailey said grace and then everyone pulled out their chairs and sat down.
‘Who’s that tall man with the beard?’ I asked the girl next to me.
‘That’s Butler Kilgallon,’ she said. ‘He’s been at Lissadell for many, many years. He started work here when he was ten years old!’
My brother Denis was ten. He still wore short pants, and got into fights over conkers with the boys at school. He still cried when Mam smacked him. He sometimes did odd-jobs for William Carty, the farmer who lived near us, but I couldn’t imagine him moving away from home and having a real job.
The girl smiled at me. ‘I’m Maggie,’ she said. ‘I’m the laundry maid. What’s your name?’
‘I’m Lily,’ I said. ‘Maggie is a pretty name.’
‘It is,’ she said. ‘It’s not really my name though.’
‘But you said …’
‘My real name is Agnes, but one of the kitchen maids is called that, and she was here first, so Mrs Bailey says I have to be called Maggie.’
I could hardly believe what she was saying. ‘She just took your name – the one your mam and dad chose for you?’
She nodded.
‘Who can’t do what, Lily?’ asked Mrs Bailey.
I could feel my cheeks going bright red. Was I going to lose my job on my very first day?
‘I was only…….I thought…..you see……….’
But just then the cook came in and started to talk to Mrs Bailey about the next day’s menu, and I was saved.
‘It doesn’t sound fair to me,’ I whispered to the girl next to me. ‘I’ll call you Agnes if you like.’
‘That’s nice of you, Lily,’ she said, smiling. ‘But it’s all right. Having two names would be very complicated, and I’m used to being Maggie now.’
I smiled back at her. I was glad she was happy, but I couldn’t help thinking – what if there was another Lily at Lissadell? What if I had to change the name I’d had for all my life? Would I ever be able to get over the unfairness of that?
* * *
We were all given a fine meal of meat and potatoes. I finished my food quickly, and picked up my plate to lick it – then I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I turned the plate around in my hands, pretending I was examining it. ‘I’ve never seen a plate like this before,’ I said. ‘Such lovely stripes.’
After the meat and potatoes, there was dessert, and an apple for everyone. The meal seemed to go on for ages. There was mountains of food, far more than we ever had at home, and there was lots of talk and laughter. I couldn’t enjoy myself, though. I was surrounded by strangers, and everything was so new and frightening. I wished I was back at my own table in my own little kitchen, eating bread and potatoes with people I loved.
* * *
After that, time went very slowly. All the days seemed the same, with hours and hours of work that never got any easier. In the mornings I often thought about Rose and Hanora. Were they at school yet? Was it playtime, and were they playing Pickey or skipping? Were they busy in the classroom, learning all the things I might never know? Was Rose the best at reading, now that I was gone? At sewing time, was Miss O’Brien praising Hanora’s tiny stitches, and saying she was a little star? I wondered were my friends thinking of me at all.
I spent most of my time with Nellie, which wasn’t any fun, as she still seemed to be angry with me all the time. I only saw Isabelle once or twice, and she was always rushing back to the nursery. Maggie was friendly, but except for mealtimes, we were never together. The days were very long and every night I cried myself to sleep.
* * *
It was the strangest thing. Sir Josslyn and Lady Mary were the owners of the house, and I knew they slept under the same roof as me, but it was almost as if they were ghosts. I tidied their slept-in beds, folded their newspapers, and swept up crumbs from their meals. Sometimes I went into a room and got a faint scent of perfume or hair oil, but I never once actually saw them. Nellie and I were following them around, cleaning each room as they left it. Life at Lissadell seemed to be arranged so that we would never meet. It was almost as if Nellie and I were carrying some contagious disease and had to be avoided no matter what happened. It wasn’t a nice feeling.
* * *
Thursday was Nellie’s day off, and I thought I would curl up and die from jealousy as I crawled out of bed, wondering how I’d get everything done without her to help me. It was a cold morning, and all I could see was a tangle of red hair, her bright blue eyes, and her pointy nose poking out from under her blanket.
‘I suppose you’re going to see your family today,’ I said as I got dressed in my uniform. ‘You must be so excited. You probably have lots of things saved up to talk to them about. I have so many things to tell my family, I think I’m going to burst from holding them all in.’
Nellie didn’t answer me. That shouldn’t have been a surprise. I’ve always been a chatterbox, and sometimes, first thing in the morning, I forgot that Nellie wasn’t like me.
Then I looked closer at her, and her eyes seemed all watery. Maybe she had yawned while I was struggling with my apron – or maybe she was crying? That didn’t make any sense though. Nellie was too tough for tears, and besides, why would she be crying on her day off, of all days? I knew my day off was going to be the best day of my whole life.
‘So what time will you be leaving?’ I asked. ‘Have you far to go?’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she snapped.
‘But your family …?’
‘My family live too far away. I couldn’t get there and back in a day.’
Nellie might be the meanest girl I’d ever met, but maybe it wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t imagine how I’d live if I didn’t have a trip home to dream about. How would I cope with the endless fires, and the dusting and polishing that never seemed to be finished? How would I survive if I had nothing to look forward to?
‘I’m sorry, Nellie,’ I said. ‘I hope you enjoy your rest anyway.’
I was trying to be nice, but I knew I sounded stupid. Me and my big mouth!