sixteen
BLUFFTON, SOUTH CAROLINA
2010
Kate dropped onto the slipcovered couch at Mimsy, groaning. “That’s enough for today,” she said.
Lida laughed. “No way. Let’s set the boots up on the front table before we open tomorrow.”
On an April evening Norah, Lida, and Kate moved furniture and display shelves as they remodeled Mimsy, emulating Wisteria in Birmingham. The couches had been re-covered in white sailcloth, and they were placed in the middle of the room facing a long mirror. Lida sat next to Kate. “Is everything okay with you and Rowan now?”
Kate smiled. “Yes, of course.”
“I’m so sorry. Again, I’m sorry if I got you in trouble.”
“Stop it, Lida. There’s nothing to be sorry about. I made my own mess and you got caught up in it.”
Lida leaned forward and shifted the handbags on the coffee table into an organized pattern. “It’s crazy with a capital F.”
“You are so bad.” Kate gently swatted Lida’s leg.
“I want you to be happy, Kate. It’s like you run into it and then away from it as fast as you can.”
“Well, it’s all good now. I don’t know why I waited so long to tell him.”
Norah called from the other side of the boutique. “Kate, Lida, how does this look?” They stood and walked to the scarf display.
“Perfect,” Kate said. “I think that we’ve set up a more social scene now, one that’ll make women want to stay and not only shop, but talk and hang out.”
Her phone buzzed in her jeans and she lifted it out, glancing at the screen. And there, in the middle of finally not-thinking about Jack, he called.
The preacher who had once told Kate that she had free will didn’t understand love at all, or at least the thought-life of love. It had been a full month since she’d left Alabama, a full month in which Jack entered her thoughts—unbidden and unwelcome—again and again. Jack preoccupied her in ways that made her miss meetings, run red lights, and wake at three AM with no hope of returning to sleep.
Kate looked down at her cell phone and smiled. “I’ll be right back,” she said, walking to the rear room where boxes cluttered the space.
“Hey, you,” she answered.
“Hi, you. I’m sorry it took me so long to call you back.”
Kate had called Jack several times. She couldn’t bear to leave their last words as the last words.
She took in a deep breath. “You’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad,” he said, quietly.
“I called you because I really want to talk. I didn’t want to leave things like I did—running off. I’m sorry Rowan busted in like that. It’s not his usual way. He was worried.”
“I understand. And you were right—we have to finish some things before we start new things. I understand now, that’s what you were doing.”
“I don’t think that’s all I was doing.”
“Listen, let’s let this go. Isn’t that why you were here? To let it all go? Begin again?”
“It’s all mixed up now.”
“Kate, there’s not much more to talk about.”
“Then why do I feel like there’s so much left to talk about?”
“Probably because you need to talk about them with Rowan. Not me.”
“Oh.” Kate closed her eyes and dropped her forehead onto the doorframe of the storage room. “Okay.”
“Take care of yourself, Katie.”
Then he was gone.
Lida ambled into the storage room, dodging packages of folded clothes and boxes of hangers. “You okay?” she asked.
Kate looked up. “I don’t know.”
“Who was that?”
“Jack.”
“And?”
“He was cold and short.”
“What else do you want him to be?”
“Mine,” Kate said as she sat in an office chair shoved in the corner. “I want him to be mine.”
“What?”
“It’s insane, but so true. And sad. And terrible. And impossible.”
“Damn,” Lida said, leaning against the wall. “What are you going to do?”
“I have absolutely no idea.” Kate glanced at her cell phone as if it held answers. “‘Patience is wider than one once imagined…’”
“Huh?”
“A poem … never mind.” Kate stood. “Right now let’s get this store just right. Let’s finish.”
“You’re a mess,” Lida said, and hugged Kate before they walked out into the boutique.
They emerged, and Kate’s mom stood in the middle of the store talking to Norah. “Mom,” Kate said. “What a nice surprise.”
“Oh, the store looks so great. I was talking to Norah about having a cocktail party here with some of my friend, maybe a fundraiser for my friend, the mayor, Lisa Sulka.”
“You love saying, my friend, the mayor, don’t you?” Kate teased her mom.
“Shush. But don’t you think that’s a good idea? I mean, if you’re trying to make it more social, why not have events?”
Together, the four women talked about parties and displays, about clothing lines and artwork, until Norah yawned and ended the evening.
Left alone with her mom, Kate asked. “Okay, Mom, really why did you stop by?”
“To see you.”
Kate smiled and placed her hands under her chin as if framing her face. “Here I am.”
Her mom sat on the couch and motioned for Kate to do the same. “Darling, I really want to hear about how it went when you saw Jack. You won’t talk about it and you know how Dad and I care about all of it. We do.”
“I know you care. Jack is doing well. And I’m glad I finally told Rowan. But that’s all over now. Really, there’s nothing to talk about.”
“He hasn’t heard anything from Luna, has he?”
Kate exhaled through her mouth, blowing her hair off her forehead. “Don’t you think that’s something I would have told you?”
Her mom nodded. “Yes, I guess it is. I just…”
“I want to know about her also, Mom. But guess what? I can’t. And neither can you. So, let’s get on with our lives until we can, okay?”
“Okay, I get it.”
“I’m glad you do,” Kate said and smiled. “Because I sure don’t.”
Mom and daughter sat in silence, quiet and sure of their place in each other’s world. The sad knowing that her own daughter was out there in the world settled right next to Kate’s need for Jack, knotted and aching.