The reverberations from the previous evening almost made Chloe forget the tremendously important task she had planned for that day. However, at lunchtime she went and bought another test.
Might as well be absolutely sure, she thought, returning from the pharmacy with her small paper bag. Yesterday she’d leaned against the wall of the toilet cubicle, stick in hand, hardly able to contain her delight as the blue plus symbol appeared. The instructions told her she’d know after a minute. She’d waited ten, checking her watch, just in case it disappeared again.
She tried to shake the excess water off her umbrella as she took it down, and then walked quickly through the communal corridors of the offices – wondering why she felt so shifty when no one had ever stopped her before and asked to see the contents of the brown paper bag she grasped. She went straight into the toilets, relieved to see the grey cubicles empty, and took out the test.
Today the blue symbol appeared again, and remained resolutely present.
Yesterday she had felt ready. It was perfect. The perfect time in her career, now she felt well-established in the practice. The perfect time in her marriage, with everything happy and settled, but probably not averse to an exciting shake-up.
However, today the thought of being pregnant scared the hell out of her.
It would be a shake-up all right. Chloe had never had any illusions about the challenges of motherhood, and that was before she had found out that her husband was keeping secrets from her.
Thinking of this while still sitting on the toilet, holding the white stick in her unsteady hand, Chloe wondered if there were other things she should have paid attention to of the tidbits she’d been fed from Alex’s mother. Catherine Markham was a thoughtful and reserved lady with solemn, soulful eyes, who didn’t automatically volunteer advice and information – which had been a blessed relief for Chloe, given her own mother’s habit of dropping wildly indiscreet or inappropriate remarks into general conversation. When Chloe visited Alex’s family home she loved spending time with his mother as she cooked a big meal in the kitchen. As they peeled sprouts and grated carrots they would sometimes chat, and at other times remained silent. Although sometimes she thought the peace was hemmed with sadness, still, Chloe had had an insight into a different kind of upbringing – one without the manic edge that her mother seemed to bring to any situation along with her inability to shut up, even for a few seconds.
Now, as she stared at the thin white plastic stick that foretold the biggest life-change she could imagine, she realised that she’d never thought that Catherine Markham might be privy to secrets about Alex that she, his own wife, didn’t know. She wondered if she should ring Catherine up and ask her directly what she knew about Julia, but then, if Alex were in the middle of a steamy affair he would hardly confide in his mother.
Chloe had always thought of affairs as the worst kind of betrayal, but now she felt that if she discovered Alex and Julia were just having a fling, she might almost be relieved – at least for a few moments before the anger arrived. Whatever that look had been between them, it had seemed much more potent than acknowledgement of an affair, and that frightened her.
She didn’t know what to think about last night. The whole scenario had been so unreal, and so unlike anything she’d ever encountered with Alex, that now she could hardly believe it had occurred. And Julia was Mark’s girlfriend. How awkward would that make things in the future, if secrets weren’t laid out in the open. She imagined them all at the dinners and law balls and charity events and Christmas parties that would have to be faced together, and once again she saw Alex and Julia’s faces freezing as they looked at one another, and her stomach twisted.
She stayed seated on the toilet, staring at the stick. Five minutes passed, then ten, and that positive blue symbol wouldn’t go away.
Yep, she was pregnant all right. But the joy of yesterday had entirely disappeared.
After Chloe had wrapped up all the evidence and pushed it to the bottom of the toilet bin underneath a variety of detritus, she called the local surgery and made an appointment for Monday morning. She needed to hear she was pregnant from a doctor, not just a little white stick. Then she tried to concentrate on her work for a while, but it was pointless. Eventually, she took a deep breath and went to talk to Mark.
At his open door she saw he was reading while eating a sandwich. Small pieces of lettuce were scattered over his papers, and as she watched he brushed them absently onto the floor.
She knocked. ‘Mark?’
‘I’m busy, Chloe.’
God, you can be a self-important prick at times, Mark, she thought to herself. But she bit her lip and said instead, ‘I just need a second.’
He sighed and looked up. ‘What is it?’
‘About Julia …’ She had so many questions she didn’t know where to start.
Mark was alert at once when he realised she was ready to talk. ‘What did Alex say to you?’
‘Nothing as yet,’ she admitted reluctantly.
‘Nothing? Didn’t you ask him?’
‘Not really. He was upset, then my mother called, with her usual impeccable timing …’
‘I couldn’t care less how upset he is. What I want to know is What Did He Do to Julia?’
‘Why do you think he did something to her?’ Chloe defended, alarmed now. The thought had never crossed her mind. Alex wouldn’t, couldn’t harm anyone or anything, surely. ‘What if she did something to him?’
‘I somehow doubt it.’
‘This is ridiculous.’ Chloe’s patience was suddenly worn paper-thin. ‘Why don’t you just ask her? I certainly don’t intend to interrogate Alex for you. I trust him, Mark – not that I expect you to know about that, of course.’ She couldn’t help the bitterness creeping in and she was infuriated with herself.
‘I can’t ask her, Chloe!’ Mark’s voice was oddly pitched. ‘I’ve only got a bloody address, and after last night I hardly feel welcome to pop round. So I expect I’ll never see her again, thanks to your fucking husband. Now, can I eat my lunch in peace?’
Silently, Chloe headed for the door. She passed Jana on the way back to her office, which was next door to Mark’s, divided only by a small stationery cupboard. The partition walls were useless – you could hear any noise above normal speaking tone, and she knew that the gaggle of secretaries that formed the centre pool in the nucleus of surrounding offices had probably heard that last line, as she was un ceremoniously thrown out. Her cheeks burned, and she avoided looking at them. When she’d closed her own office door, she sat down and took deep breaths.
Despite the confrontation, Mark’s last words had comforted her. What a fool she was. Why hadn’t she realised that Julia and Mark weren’t necessarily in the kind of relationship he’d made it out to be? If he only had an address and had never been there, things with Julia obviously hadn’t progressed very far. Just because he’d prattled on about her in the few days before their dinner date didn’t mean anything.
Julia had certainly raced off like a frightened rabbit last night. Maybe she’d taken off completely. If she would just vanish, then maybe they could pretend that last night had never happened.
Perhaps this should have been a comfort to her, but it wasn’t.