BRODY AND OWEN cleaned the breakfast dishes in silence. Brody needed the space and time to collect his thoughts, think about what happened that morning and last night. What to expect when Roxy arrived, and the impact it would have on Autumn—and his tenuous relationship with Rain.
“Things seem good between you two.” Owen broached the subject with tact, even if his voice held a lot of concern, but Brody had no doubt he wanted the real scoop.
“Last night started off kind of rough.”
“She told you what Roxy did to Autumn.”
“The whole sordid story. She sold my child.” Anger laced every word and vibrated through him. Without an outlet for his rage, he took a deep breath and sat heavily in his seat at the table.
“Best thing that ever happened to Autumn . . . and you.”
“Rain is the best thing that ever happened to Autumn and me. She’s . . .”
“Exceptional,” Owen supplied.
“Absolutely. After what I did, I thought the most I owed her is a huge apology, show her I’ve grown up, taken responsibility for my life, changed my ways.”
“You’ve done all those things. She accepted the apology. After all, time has a way of putting things into perspective.”
“The fact we share two children doesn’t hurt,” Brody admitted.
“Definitely makes it easier.”
“I’m afraid the obstacle between Rain and me is her.”
“Huh?”
“She gave up college, every cent she had, her freedom”—Brody hated to admit the next part—“dating, finding a man to love and marry, have a family with on her terms.”
“The last she did with you. Any other guy would have been a substitute.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Can’t get around the truth, man. It is what it is.”
“She’s smart. She shouldn’t be working in her father’s garage. There’s no challenge in it for her.”
“She loves working with her dad. Maybe it’s not what she wanted to do with her life, but she’s good at it. The hours are flexible. She can be with the girls when they have school events and other activities.” Owen leaned in. “Did you ask her what she wants to do now that you’re back?”
“Not specifically. We talked about the house, her living with me. We skimmed the topic of having more kids.”
“Stop sweating it then. If she agreed to all that, you’re golden.”
“We didn’t make any definite plans. Given time, and the money I gave her, she may decide she wants something else.”
“Are we talking about the same woman who not half an hour ago kissed you, told the girls you two were getting married sometime in the near future, and who did everything she could to keep this family intact?”
“She gave up all her dreams,” Brody said, frustrated Owen didn’t get it.
“So, I’ll dream a new dream,” Rain said from the door. “Owen, could we have a moment alone.”
“I’ll get the paperwork Brody asked me to complete.”
Brody bowed his head for a moment. When he faced her, she stood in the doorway, her shoulder propped against the frame. God, she was beautiful. Her hair softly waving down past her shoulders. Dressed for the softball game, she wore black leggings, a billowy white top that skimmed the tops of her thighs, and white socks. Her black high-top Converse shoes dangled from her hand. The bruises on her arm stood out against her satin, cream skin. A touch of makeup on her eyes highlighted the understanding in the brown depths.
“I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said.
“You never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do in the first place.”
“You wanted to go to school.”
“I wanted to be a mother more.”
“You didn’t have a choice.”
Rain’s eyebrow shot up. She pushed away from the doorframe and walked toward him, standing just out of reach. “Every decision we make has a multitude of choices. We make the best ones we can and live with the consequences. The choices I made are the ones I could live with without regrets. Given the choices again, I’d do the same thing.”
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”
She smiled softly, more to placate him than anything else.
“You seem to think I gave up everything and gained nothing. That simply isn’t true. The things I wanted when I was sixteen aren’t the same things I want now. Life, time, experiences change the things we want and our perspective on the things we decide are worth giving up for something else.”
“You wanted me then. Has that changed?”
“How can you ask me such a stupid question after what we shared last night?”
“Because I feel guilty about the mess I left for you to clean up. Because if it was me, I’d resent the hell out of you for having the life I’d wanted and never got to have.”
She came to him then. The weight of his guilt settled like a lead brick in his gut.
“Maybe things happened for a reason. Maybe you needed time to realize the dreams I had for myself were dreams you could have for yourself. You always thought you weren’t smart enough, or good enough. Your father had a lot to do with that, and maybe if he’d given you the words he gave to me when the girls were born, things could have been different for you. Whatever the reasons for the way things happened, there was a reason. I’ve had a lot of time to imagine how things could have been if you’d stayed. Can you imagine how tumultuous our lives could have been if you’d stayed?”
Too easily Brody conjured images and scenarios of how Roxy would have made their lives a living hell. How he and Rain would have fought and grown apart because of what he’d done and because Roxy would never leave them alone to raise the girls. She’d have been a constant thorn in his side, gangrene eating away everything good in his life until everything was poisoned and dying. Not to mention the life Autumn would have endured.
“Exactly,” Rain said, reading his mind. Not difficult. They both knew what Roxy was capable of doing. Rain maybe more so.
“I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days.”
“Why doesn’t that sound like good news to me?” he asked, only half kidding.
“Probably because, like you, I’ve had to deal with a lot of changes in a short time. It’s not easy to make decisions when you’re bombarded and your thoughts are scattered.”
“Great sex will do that to you.”
He loved it when she laughed like that.
“I’ll have to take your word for it. You’re my only reference.”
“Another thing I boxed you into.”
“When you’ve had the best, you don’t go looking for mediocre.”
He’d been with other women and shared an apartment with one of them. He’d had a lot of less than mediocre because none of them had even come close to her. He couldn’t say that to her.
“Brody, stop worrying and analyzing the life you had away from me with the life I had here with the girls. They aren’t the same because you and I aren’t the same.”
“I’m the asshole who left the best behind, left a trail of not-worth-mentioning behind me, and lived out several of your dreams.”
“You’re also the man who went off to war, defended our country and the rights of others to have a life free from tyranny and hate. You came back to face me, knowing I might slam the door in your face again. When you found out about the girls, you didn’t hesitate to claim them as yours, love them with your whole heart, and take on being a father without blinking.”
“That was easy. You’re scary as hell.”
“Why, Brody?”
“Because I don’t know what you want.”
“I’m a simple girl. I want the same thing I wanted when I was ten and you kissed me for the first time. I want you, Brody. I’ve always wanted you.”
“You said when we get married.”
“You caught that, huh?”
“A drowning man needs a lifeline.”
“I’d never let you sink.”
“No, you wouldn’t. So, tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen.”
“You want a list,” she asked on a laugh.
He stood and closed the distance between them without actually touching her. Somehow, that smart remark made him feel better.
“That would be very convenient. I could mark them off one by one until I had you.”
“Oh, Brody. You have me.” She stepped to him and put her arms around his neck, her body pressed down the length of him. She smelled like flowers and citrus. Warm and pliant in his arms, he drew her even closer with his hands at her lower back. His whole body woke up to her. His hard cock was painful against the fly of his jeans.
“I never thanked you for what you did last night,” he said, kissing her temple, inhaling her sweet scent.
“I think I should thank you.” She nibbled at his lips with each of her words. “Once, twice, and again, four times, five.”
His laugh burst free when he tried to keep a straight face. “You’re a couple up on me, but I guess I owe you.”
“Big time,” she agreed, pulling him close and kissing his neck.
He tightened his hold on her hips and rocked his erection into the V of her thighs. Not good. That made the throbbing worse. He wanted to strip her bare and bury himself in her right here on the kitchen floor.
Serious again, he stopped playing and waited for her eyes to meet his. “I meant the way you brought me out of the nightmare last night.”
“Oh well, that was my pleasure,” she purred.
He grabbed her shoulders and held her. Completely serious, he refused to let her joke away the significance of what she’d done for him.
“I mean it, Rain. Every night I lay down knowing what’s waiting for me in the dark. Most nights, I’m lucky to get a couple hours of sleep, which makes the anxiety that much harder to control. Having you with me last night . . . you not only chased away the dream, you made me forget it entirely. Though we didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, it was the best sleep I’ve gotten in months. Even when I was overseas, it was hard to get more than a few hours of sleep sometimes, but I never could rest. This morning when I woke up . . . I felt better.”
Her hand lay over his heart and he took in the comfort of it. Sometimes when he came back in from a dangerous mission, hopped up on adrenaline and a good healthy dose of waning fear, he’d sit among his men and pretend he could feel her hand over his heart, her love magically seeping into him. Two minutes of that and he could breathe easy again, put the mission out of his mind and fill it with images and memories of Rain.
“Brody, you’re having a difficult time adjusting. We haven’t really had time to talk about what happened to you, the things you saw and did. We’ll need to soon, because I need to know how I can help you.”
“You help me just by being with me.” That didn’t seem to take the troubled look out of her eyes. “You’re worried about me.”
“Of course I am.”
“You’re concerned about me being around the girls, that I might . . . that something might happen.”
“I told them if something happened, where you weren’t responding to them, or acted strangely, they should get me or Owen immediately.”
“What if you’re not around?”
“I told them to stay away from you, but watch you to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.”
“Great. What mom has to tell her kids to stay away from their father because he’s lost his mind?”
She grabbed the front of his T-shirt with both hands and shook him.
“You listen to me, I don’t want to hear you talk like that. Not to me and not to the girls. You haven’t lost your mind. You’ve been through a series of traumatic events. You’ve been shot and cut up and nearly died in an explosion.” The last was said at the top of her lungs.
Tears ran down her cheeks, stunning him. Her hands shook against his chest. For the first time, he realized she’d been here, probably hoping and praying she didn’t have to tell their girls their father was dead, and they’d never get to meet him.
He pulled her close, wrapped her in his arms, and laid his cheek on her head. “Sssh, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong that won’t get better,” he assured her.
Oddly, he believed it himself, because he had Rain. He wanted to be well for her, Autumn, and Dawn. He’d do anything to never see the look in Rain’s eyes he saw when they’d been walking out of the pizza parlor. He’d scared her then, too.
“I thought you were going to die,” she sobbed.
“Ah, Rain. No way I’d leave you thinking I’m a complete bastard. You’re the reason I put myself through that grueling rehab day in and day out. My military career is over. I’m staying here with you.”
Rain had a lot of pent-up emotions. He’d been wrong about what she’d been holding inside. He should have known the things that bothered her the most about the past had nothing to do with her. As always, her concerns were for him. Always, everyone else in Rain’s life came first. He needed to do something to show her how much he appreciated her.