BRODY NEVER THOUGHT he’d be afraid of two little girls, but he sat outside Rain’s old house afraid to go up the walk and face them. He didn’t know them, and they didn’t know him. He desperately wanted them to see him as their father, call him Dad, and love him. If he’d been there from the start, he’d have all those things. Coming in halfway through their raising, he’d have to earn it. He had no idea how to go about doing it. The only thing he’d come up with over the last two hours was to win them over, just like he had to win over Rain. If dating Rain turned into love once before, it could again. He could date his daughters too in a sense. It all came down to time. He needed time to prove himself, to his girls and to Rain.
He grabbed everything he’d brought with him, got out of the truck, and made his way up the walkway. Before he knocked, Rain opened the door. She wasn’t quite smiling, but she wasn’t hissing and spitting either.
“The girls were watching you from their window upstairs. They thought maybe you’d changed your mind about being their dad.”
One side of his mouth went down before he answered. “Can’t change something that is.”
“Don’t I know it,” Rain shot back.
Unclamping his jaw, he held out the roses to her. “For you. Two for every year I was gone. One for each girl. I owe you a hell of a lot more. Think of this as a peace offering. At least, for tonight.”
Although she held the roses in front of her, she hesitated to bury her face in them. She didn’t want to like them. Then, she gave in and smelled them before brushing her fingers over the delicate petals. “How on earth did you find purple roses?”
“I’m a resourceful guy,” he said with a grin. Memories flooded back. “Whenever you came out to the ranch and we’d walk the fields, you always picked the purple wildflowers. I guessed purple was your favorite.”
“They’re beautiful.”
“Yeah, beautiful,” he said, looking at her face. Not quite as long as he remembered, her hair hung in waves down past her shoulders. Her face was scrubbed clean, maybe a touch of makeup on her eyes. She’d never worn much. She didn’t need to. Those deep pools of brown remained wary.
It was a moment, her standing there holding the huge bouquet of flowers, their eyes locked, time standing still. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Just say the words, let them fall from his lips and possibly wipe away some of the hurt and pain he’d caused her.
He opened his mouth, only to clamp it shut when his brother appeared behind Rain.
“You guys coming in, or what?”
Rain jumped and pasted that calm, blank expression on her face. She turned and disappeared into the house without another word.
“Was it something I said?” Owen joked with a wide smile.
“You might have given me another minute alone with her,” he said under his breath, trying to reel in his temper.
“The girls are tired of waiting.”
Magically, the two little ones appeared out from behind Owen’s legs. He gave them both a huge smile. He had to admit, he was happy to see them.
“We made spaghetti,” Dawn announced.
“You did?”
“Mom said it’s your favorite.”
“It sure is. Did you help her make it?”
“Yeah. Autumn helped, too.”
Brody stared down at his other daughter. Half-hidden behind Owen, looking up at him with her thumb and index finger pinching at her bottom lip. Her eyes were as wary as her mother’s. “Hi, Autumn.”
“Hi,” she said softly. He bent with the pink bakery box held in front of him. “What’s in the box?”
Brody smiled, letting her know he wouldn’t bite. “Well, now. This here is something special for you and Dawn. Want to peek?”
“I want to see!” Dawn shouted and moved closer, putting her hand on his shoulder. Nothing had ever felt better than that little hand, so trusting.
Autumn, obviously the more cautious and shy one, he’d have the hardest time winning her over. “Autumn, go ahead, take a look.”
She came out from behind Owen’s legs and moved toward him. Very slowly, she stretched out her hand and lifted the lid of the box like there were monsters inside. Her eyes grew wide as saucers and she smiled. It was the prettiest smile he’d ever seen, lighting up her whole face. For a moment, he thought she looked like his mother.
Dawn’s squeal was ear-piercing. “Cupcakes.”
“That’s right, sweetheart. For after dinner,” he added to Dawn. Fixing his attention back on Autumn, he asked, “Do you like chocolate, Autumn?”
She nodded and bit down on her lower lip.
“Well, how about we go inside and see about dinner. The sooner we eat, the sooner you two can have the cupcakes. Gotta eat all your dinner first,” he added.
“You’re certainly sounding like a dad,” Owen teased. “Come on ladies. Let’s eat.”
“I want a piggyback ride.” Dawn practically crawled up Owen’s leg. After Owen hoisted her up, Autumn stared up at her sister riding into the house on Owen’s back. The two of them whooped and hollered their way toward the kitchen.
“Want a ride, baby girl?” He wasn’t sure if it was the endearment or the fact she really wanted a ride, but she smiled hugely again and melted his heart.
“Can I?”
“Sure.” He bent so she could climb up on his back. When she clasped her hands at his throat, he stood with one arm secure under her bottom. “All set?”
“Yep,” she said with more enthusiasm than he’d heard from her yet.
The house hadn’t changed much over the years. In fact, it was comforting to see most everything was still the same, yet Rain and the girls had made their mark. Along with the pictures of Rain at various ages growing up, several pictures of the girls sat scattered about the mantel and tables. He smiled and felt sad he’d missed so much.
The picture of Rain standing on the porch, a bundled baby in each arm, caught his attention. The smile on her face told him she was happy to bring her girls home, but her eyes held a distinct sadness. He wondered if she was thinking he should have been there. He still hadn’t had enough time to really take it in, everything she’d had to do to bring those girls home and raise them on her own. Then he thought of everything he’d missed. The anger bubbled up, but he tamped it down. It wasn’t Rain’s fault he’d missed it. Still, he wanted to blame someone, and blaming himself only made him angrier.
They made it into the kitchen, Autumn laughing the whole way as he bounced her on his back. Rain turned from stirring a pot on the stove, surprised when she saw him with Autumn. Placing the bakery box on the counter, he went to Rain, not giving her time to move away. “Give Mommy a kiss.”
Rain moved close to him to kiss Autumn, her nails digging into his shoulders. He inhaled her sweet scent and fell into a dozen memories of them as teens. One of her sitting on the tailgate of his truck, her legs kicking back and forth, licking an ice cream cone. He said something that made her laugh, and she leaned into his shoulder and laid her head against him. His gut tightened even now, thinking of the way she made him feel when she laughed, and made him want to join in.
“You look good up there, baby,” Rain said, her heart aching. Her daughters had waited a long time to have their father home. Here he was, giving piggyback rides and trying his best to make them feel comfortable. What little girl wouldn’t welcome Brody’s openness and charming smile? He was just a big kid himself sometimes.
She remembered them as teens in high school. Brody a senior and her a young freshman. She’d run up behind him and jump up on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist. He’d grab hold of her thighs with his big hands and hold her steady, smiling at her over his shoulder and laughing with her. He didn’t laugh often, but she brought it out of him. She cherished those fun moments they shared. Moments when he let his guard down. Something he’d only ever done with her.
The purple roses were nice. It touched her that he remembered such a simple thing about her.
She remembered things about him, too. Like he hadn’t been quite that well built when he was younger. The military had added a lot of muscle to his tall, lean frame. His hair had always been an unruly mass on his head, golden blond streaked by the sun. It was still the same bright color, but now it was trimmed short around the edges, he’d left the top a little longer. But it wasn’t his broad chest or the snug fit of his jeans that took her back. His smile brightened the blue of his eyes until you thought you might actually see that spark of a twinkle in them like some cartoon come to life. Now, that smile had a harder time coming. When it reached his eyes, that spark glowed, but didn’t ignite.
Owen spoke to her about Brody’s accident and what caused him to veer his truck off the road and into a ditch. Flashbacks from the war. Owen was there when Brody woke from a nightmare. The thought of Brody suffering made her physically hurt. Her chest grew tight and her heart shuddered.
“Rain, are you okay?” Brody asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.
Straightening her shoulders, she answered, “I’m fine. Dinner is just about ready.”
She turned her back on him and stirred the sauce. Dinner was done, but she needed a moment. She should have known Brody wouldn’t leave her be. He knew her too well.
He leaned into her, put his hands on both sides of her against the counter, his chest against her shoulders. He made her whole body come to life as warm waves of heat radiated out from her lower belly.
“Come on, Rain. What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.” She stirred the thick, simmering sauce.
“Mommy gets sad sometimes,” Autumn said from over Brody’s shoulder.
“She does?” Brody asked.
“Sometimes she gets sad and just stares. Sometimes she’s sad after she talks to Uncle Owen.” Autumn’s fingers slid through her hair, something she did often, and Rain always loved it. When Autumn was a baby, she’d grab fistfuls of her hair and just hold on to her. As if Autumn needed that reassurance Rain would never leave her.
“Autumn, would you and your sister please put the napkins on the table and tell Uncle Owen and Pop it’s time to eat.”
Brody set the girl on her feet, which gave Rain the perfect opportunity to move away. Distance was necessary to keep herself from giving in to the force that pulled her to him. He’d left her. Alone and pregnant, she’d cursed him for what he’d done, then she’d cried more often than she’d ever admit.
“Rain, honey, why are you sad?”
“I’m fine, Brody. Leave it alone for now. Dinner’s ready.”
“No. Not this time. Seems to me I’ve left you alone for far too long.” He backed her up against the counter.
Rain wasn’t about to put up with it. She planted her hands on his chest and shoved. “You don’t get to come in here and ask about me. You walked away, turned your back and left, making it damn clear you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Absolutely. No argument. But . . .”
“No, but—”
“Rain.” Owen stepped into the kitchen.
She wanted to say more, but clamped her mouth shut.
“Not now,” Owen said low, but urgent. “The girls are at the table. Let’s eat.”
Rain grabbed the pot of boiling noodles from the stove and dumped them in the colander in the sink. Steam billowed up like the anger roiling in her gut. Owen was right. Now wasn’t the time.
Strong hands clamped on to her shoulders. She stood in front of the sink, the window fogged from the steam. Owen leaned in, and she hated that her heart suddenly filled with disappointment that Brody didn’t come to comfort her.
“Take a breath. The girls don’t need to hear you and Brody hash this out now.”
“They’ll hear me knock you to the floor if you don’t get your hands off her,” Brody interrupted in a deadly tone that both Rain and Owen recognized.
Rain held back a groan when Owen kissed her on the head, a gesture she was used to, but was sure to set Brody off like lightning hitting dry grass. Brody grabbed Owen by the shoulder and spun him around to face him. She expected Brody to throw the first punch, starting a brawl right there in her kitchen. Instead, he stood firm, fists at his sides, and glared at Owen before addressing her.
“Are you sleeping with my brother?”
Shocked, Rain took a second to grasp Brody’s audacious question. Her anger flashed. Because of him, she’d put her whole life on hold and hadn’t had the time or inclination to think about another man.
Oh, who was she kidding? The only man she’d ever thought about was Brody. She’d given him her heart, her love. Everything she was she’d put into loving him and it hadn’t been enough to keep him with her—or out of Roxy’s bed.
“What business is it of yours who I sleep with?”
“You’re my business,” Brody growled. “We have two daughters.”
“Up until today, I had two daughters I’ve been raising on my own.”
“I should have been here, would have if I’d known.”
She ignored the implied accusation she should have told him.
“You want to know why I’m sad,” Rain said defiantly. “Because I’m the one who’s looked in those girls’ blue eyes and tried to be everything to them when all they wanted was their father. Every time I watched them do something for the first time, every birthday they celebrated, every time they hit a new milestone, got a good grade, were happy or sad, skinned a knee, discovered something new and you missed it, it tore another piece of my heart to shreds. Every time they asked about you and wanted you here, I’m the one who comforted them and assured them that if there was anyone you could love it would be them.”
“I do love them,” Brody snapped, stomping down his hurt and letting his anger reign. “I love you. I’ve loved you my whole damn life. I never stopped loving you.”
“Don’t you dare say you love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left. You’d have stood on my porch pounding on the door, demanding I come out and face you and everything between us. You would have let me rage and then found a way to get me to forgive you. If you loved me, you’d have known I loved you enough to forgive you anything.”
“Then forgive me now.” He raked his fingers through his short hair and let his hand fall to his side. His eyes pleaded with her to forgive him, it meant something to him.
“Don’t you get it? I forgave you the day I found out I was pregnant, that you hadn’t left me all alone in this world. I forgave you again the day I brought both those girls home, even though I was terrified to be left alone with them. I forgive you every day I have them, because they give me everything you didn’t. I forgive you for sleeping with her, because I have them. After everything we shared, you turned your back on me.”
“Rain, I’m sorry.” Misery laced his every word.
“Yeah, well, you can take sorry and shove it up your—”
“Mom?” Dawn stood directly behind Brody where no one had seen her.
Rain pulled herself together and shifted her glare from Brody and rested her eyes on her daughter, who looked more and more like her father every day. She took a deep breath and tried desperately to remember she couldn’t have an all-out yelling match with Brody with the girls only one room away.
“Yes, honey.”
“Why are you yelling at him?”
Rain snuck a peek at Brody. His eyes went soft on his daughter, and he cocked up the corner of his mouth, concerned about Dawn overhearing them fighting. She’d give him credit for understanding they weren’t doing the best they could by their children. He cared. She could even imagine how many times he watched his father and mother fight. How often those fights turned into something very ugly—for his mother and him and Owen. She didn’t want Brody to fall back on what he’d known as a child. In order to make sure they didn’t, she needed to stop goading him into a fight.
“You know what, sweetheart, I don’t know why I’m yelling. Your dad and I have a lot to talk about, but yelling won’t fix anything, because there’s nothing broken here. It is what it is. Can’t be changed.”
Dawn looked confused, and she couldn’t blame her. Rain was confused herself. As much as she wanted to rage against Brody and all the injustices in her life, it wouldn’t change a damn thing. “I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. Brody, I’m sorry. Let’s eat,” she said, putting a stop to the whole thing.
Moving to the sink, Rain grabbed the colander and dumped the stringy noodles into a bowl. She handed it to Owen, who’d stood quietly glaring at Brody with a look of disgust. “Owen, take this to the table. I’ll bring the sauce.”
Owen walked out without a word, making her sigh all the more. Dawn remained next to Brody, watching them both with worried eyes. “Honey, go on in. We’re coming.”
“Are you going to make him leave?”
“No, honey. We’re having a family dinner, and Brody is family.” When he frowned and his eyebrows drew together, she thought she might have gone a little too far.
“We aren’t done.”
“Not by a long shot,” she fired back. She turned her back on him, grabbed the ladle and the pot of sauce, and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Dawn looking nervous and Brody trying not to look as angry as he was. Rain tried not to notice the way he rubbed his hand over his left thigh. He was probably in some pain from carrying Autumn on his back. He hadn’t complained or told her no. Another thing she gave him credit for. So how come she couldn’t put the anger aside and just talk to him? Because she finally had him in her sights and she could take aim with all the things she’d given up to raise their girls.
There it was again. Their girls. It’s how she’d always thought of them. Somehow, she’d never really taken it in that every time she looked at the girls she daydreamed of how it should have been, her and Brody raising them together.
She was angry because he hadn’t stuck around to make that dream come true.
She’d been eighteen, dreaming of going off to college, marrying Brody, having children, having it all. Part of her wish had come true, but something had always been missing. Him.
She’d given up college reluctantly, but willingly. She could live without it. It was difficult to accept that after everything that happened, she couldn’t live without Brody. It hurt too much to watch the girls grow up without him, to have them feel as if something was missing from their life, too.
Dawn took her seat at the table. Rain smiled at the two girls. They’d left a place for their father between them, and Rain’s heart melted. Despite her anger toward Brody for leaving her, she made sure the girls knew the Brody she’d loved. They begged her every night for more stories about him. So easy to remember the good times. Meeting at the bleachers for lunch in high school. Afternoons on the weekend, riding horses at his ranch. Watching him play baseball and hitting a line drive down third base, him running the bases with a cocky grin on his face, tipping his hat to her in the stands. Friday night parties with friends, sitting around a bonfire, snuggling together to keep warm—and be close.
She placed the sauce on the table and gave Owen and her father a halfhearted smile to let them know she was okay. She headed back to the kitchen to grab the salad and garlic bread. She caught Brody slipping a pill bottle back into the front pocket of his jeans. The look of shame and guilt on his face hurt her heart. She couldn’t imagine how it made him feel to have to need those pills. His father drank himself near to death for most of his life. He’d always hated that his father couldn’t get by without the booze. Now, here he was, a man who couldn’t get through the day without pills to take away his pain and help him cope with everyday life.
Home, he was fighting another kind of battle. She wasn’t exactly showing him she wasn’t one of the hostiles in this world. In fact, she wouldn’t be surprised if he’d rather go back and fight insurgents, rather than face off with her. This was personal for both of them, and that meant it was messy and complicated. Where he’d been for the last few years, things had been easy—identify the enemy and take them out. Here, they had old wounds, old feelings, past hurts and baggage. The only thing keeping them both from fleeing this field of battle: the stakes were too high. Two little girls counted on them to not be those teenage kids who’d fallen sloppily in love and let it all fall apart—or self-destruct, in Brody’s case.
Yeah, that’s exactly what he’d done. She’d known him long enough to understand whenever something went well for him, he’d find a way to screw it up. She had just been naïve enough to believe he’d change for her. Stupid. Brody was Brody. And wasn’t that one of the reasons she loved him. He never lied or made you think he was anything but what you saw in front of you. He’d never pretended to be her knight in shining armor. He’d always been a badass with a big heart where she was concerned. Too bad that night with Roxy he’d been too much the I-don’t-give-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks guy and not the I-only-care-what-Rain-thinks guy. His fault for letting Roxy push his buttons and opening the door for him to be that part of himself he’d tried so hard to leave behind with her.
She approached Brody and put her hand up to place it over his heart, a gesture she had done so often long ago, she didn’t even think about it. Until he shied away from her hand . . . again. An unconscious protective gesture not to let anyone close enough to hurt him. She pulled her hand back, but he grabbed it, pressed it to his chest, and kept his own hand over hers. The intensity in his eyes made her catch her breath. His heart pounded against her hand. He wasn’t as calm behind the new shield he wore to protect himself. Long ago, he wouldn’t have needed that shield with her. It broke her heart he couldn’t just be with her anymore.
“It was sweet of you to give Autumn a piggyback ride. It probably hurt your leg to carry her around like that, but you made her happy.”
“She makes me feel happy. Well, and a little terrified.” He grinned, the one she remembered from so long ago. His chest heaved out and sank, relaxing him a bit beneath her hand and easing the ache in her heart because he was trying. “It’s been a long time since I was happy.”
Uncomfortable with that familiar look and sound in his voice, she hurried to break the intimate moment. “We should go in. They’re waiting for us.”
“Why do you have Autumn?” He didn’t take his eyes off hers or release her hand.
“Because she’s mine.” She wasn’t about to let him think for a second Autumn wasn’t the daughter of her heart.
“I can see she’s yours. That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
“I do, but now isn’t the time to get into it.” Before he could make the demand about to leave his lips, she pulled her hand free and held it up to stop him. “We’ll talk about Roxy when we’re alone and no one’s within shouting distance.”
“Literally,” he said on a laugh.
“Absolutely.” She gave him half a smile, because they both knew talking about Roxy only ever ended with one or both of them yelling at the other. “You want to know why I have her?”
“It’s why I asked.”
Infuriatingly cocky, and definitely the Brody she remembered. Growing serious, she waited a beat to make sure he understood the importance of what she was about to say. “I have Autumn because she’s yours.” Nothing harder than laying her pride at his feet and telling him the truth.
He took a step closer, forcing her to take one back, unable to have him this close when she let her heart rule her mind.
“What are you telling me?” he asked, his voice husky and soft.
“You left. So I kept the pieces of yourself you left behind. They were all I had left of you and a dream I dreamt of us.” She tried to turn away. He caught her by the arm and spun her around so fast, she slammed into his chest. His mouth clamped down on hers, she didn’t have a chance to catch her breath, only to hold on.
With his arms banded around her, she slid her hands up his back and pressed them to his shoulders, bringing him close. Her breasts smashed against his chest, the very heat of him seeping into her skin and bones. Cold inside for so long, she didn’t even feel it anymore, but she felt him, his heat, and his demand as his tongue slid past her lips to stroke over hers. As demanding as the embrace was, the kiss was the opposite, soft, coaxing, inviting. He wanted her to know he wanted her in his arms, but more, he wanted her to want to be there, to share in the kiss with as much aching tenderness as he put into it. She responded to that sweet caress of his mouth over hers. She couldn’t help herself, had never been able to help herself. When he was close and this open to her, she’d always dived in head first, no matter how deep or shallow the water might be. She didn’t care. She just needed. Him.
Her heart wouldn’t let him go, or let anyone else inside. And it made her sad.
With a last desperate slide of her tongue over his and her lips pressing to his, she ended the kiss abruptly. Pushing her hands against his shoulders, she shoved herself out of his embrace and took two steps back.
“Don’t.” Angry, a tear slipped down her cheek. Swiping it away with the back of her hand, she tried to move past him to get the rest of dinner. He caught her by the waist with his arm, his hand planted on her hip, searing her through her jeans straight into her bones.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry.”
“You didn’t stick around long enough to see it when I found out what you did.”
Swamped with emotions, her mind took her straight back to the morning she woke up alone in his bed, and her heart bled with the pain she felt when she saw the note and realized he left her. I’m sorry. All the hope she woke with that morning, the first day of the rest of their lives together, vanished. Her soul turned cold as the sheets beside her. She’d given herself to him, mind and body, she’d poured all her love into making love to him. She tried. So hard. She put everything she is into loving him. But it wasn’t enough to make him stay.
Two weeks later, sad and desolate, she discovered he hadn’t left her alone after all. Pregnant, a glimmer of the happiness and love she’d felt the night she shared with Brody woke up again. It bloomed with her pregnancy and a future with her child and helped to heal her heart. Then she discovered not only did he sleep with Roxy, he got her pregnant, too, and the pain tore her apart again. Living without him, dealing with Roxy, struggling to raise her girls and keep them safe, and missing him more and more each day wore on her battered heart.
She couldn’t go through that kind of agonizing pain again.
“Why do you cry because I kissed you?”
“Because kissing you only leads to pain.”