Prepare for the Journey

Author’s Preface

When The Love Dare was first published in 2008, no one fully anticipated the response. We were humbled and surprised that it quickly became an international best seller and has remained on The New York Times list for more than three years. Millions of people around the world took the Love Dare journey and began learning and practicing these principles in their relationships. Countless e-mails poured in, sharing how romance was being rekindled, dying marriages were being saved, and eyes were being opened to the nature of true, committed love. Marriage counselors and pastors started using the book to strengthen the couples under their care. Even divorce attorneys and judges were rerouting couples to the movie Fireproof and The Love Dare instead of to court.

We were moved to hear from soldiers returning home from war using The Love Dare to turn around their struggling marriages. Empty nesters shared with delight how they were falling in love again. One man personally went through the book six times with his wife because of how much they were learning and enjoying the experience together. We even heard about an elderly man who stood up at a public event and spontaneously cried out, “I want everyone to know that I just took the Love Dare and have never loved my wife more than I do right now!”

We thank God for every person, marriage, and family that has benefited and been blessed by this journey. We recognize that He is the One who changes hearts and resurrects dead marriages. We are so grateful that He allowed us to join Him in sharing with this generation these timeless truths about love.

So it is with gratefulness that we present this updated version of The Love Dare for your use. It is more than just a new cover. We have carefully gone back through and strengthened almost every chapter from the original manuscript, adding fresh concepts while still maintaining the overall feel and format. We’ve also provided some new resources in the appendix and shared actual reader responses at the end of each day to encourage you on your journey.

It’s still The Love Dare . . . only better!

If this is your first time going through, you will discover that some principles may seem simple and second nature to you, while others are new concepts outside of your usual box. The key is not what you already know about love or discover as you read, but what you will actually do and implement into your relationship on a consistent basis. Merely understanding these truths won’t transform your marriage. They must be applied to your relationship. Love must be a daily, active verb, not a dormant comprehension or feeling. Anytime you think, “I already know that,” you should follow it up with, “But do I do that?” We hope this book and experience will jump-start you into a new, dynamic way of thinking and living.

As you begin, here are five questions that have repeatedly surfaced that we would like to answer for you.

1. Should I do the Love Dare alone, or with my spouse?

If your spouse will go through the book with you, then consider reading it together and have fun attempting to “outdo” each other with every dare. If you don’t think your spouse will join in, then consider keeping it a secret, and enjoy making them curious, wondering what is going on.

2. What if my spouse finds out and says, “You are only doing all these nice things for me because this book says to do them”?

Simply say something like, “No one is forcing me to do any of these things. I’m choosing to do them. Yes, I’m getting ideas from a book, but the reason I’m reading it in the first place is because I want to become a more loving person and learn to better express love to you. Now that you know about this, I dare you to go through it with me.”

3. What if I fall behind and can’t keep up?

Don’t feel guilty if you can’t follow every dare perfectly. Go at your own pace. If you struggle at any point, then remember that moving slowly and completing the journey is more important than finishing it in forty days. But do your best and try to keep up, adjusting as needed.

4. What if I am currently separated or divorced?

Get creative rather than giving up. Focus on doing what you can feasibly do for your spouse or your ex. Some people in the past have just read the book, saved up dares, and then completed appropriate ones when opportunities arose during limited moments of interaction. Others have turned the dares into prayers for their spouse or completed them through the mail or over the Internet. Simply adapt to your situation and take on the challenge for your own benefit as well. Couples who are separated by job transfers, military duties, or travel schedules can also apply some of these creative approaches and still enjoy the blessings of the experience.

5. What if my spouse does not respond at all to this?

Just keep going. This journey is more about you learning to love than how your spouse responds. We’ve found that some spouses respond well right away. Others just need more time. If there are years of pain and emotional damage built up, it will take greater nourishment and slower healing over time. Even if you do everything right, your spouse may not know how to receive love and may initially react negatively as a test to see how sincere and consistent you are. Be patient and think long-term. One man relentlessly went through The Love Dare three times before his wife finally broke and turned back to him to restore their marriage. Even if she had not, what he was learning was priceless to his own life. Never underestimate the power of unconditional love. Take on the challenge and know that you are not alone in this journey, and that others are cheering you on.

We were both reminded recently just how precious the gift of marriage is, when a couple shared with us their personal story of reuniting and being remarried after being divorced for twenty-seven years. We were deeply inspired by their tearful testimony. It confirmed again for us that even during the hardest times, marriage is always priceless and worth fighting for.

Our hope for you is that this adventure will add a fresh dose of the extraordinary to your relationship. Then as you learn new things, be sure to share your story with others to inspire and encourage them in their journey! Dare to love!

 

Blessings to you,

 

Stephen and Alex Kendrick

Authors, The Love Dare

“Pursue love.” (1 Corinthians 14:1a)