Day 19
Love is impossible
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7
The Love Dare starts with a secret. And though it’s been an unspoken element throughout each day, you’ve likely grown more and more aware of it all the time. The secret is this: you cannot manufacture unconditional love (agape love) out of your own imperfect heart. It’s impossible. It’s beyond your natural ability. It’s beyond all of our capabilities.
You may not want to believe that. You may be convinced that with enough hard work and commitment, you can muster up unstoppable, lifelong, and sacrificial love from within. And while, yes, you may be able to demonstrate kindness and patience at times, and while you may have learned to be more thoughtful and considerate than before, the task of sincerely and consistently loving someone unselfishly and unconditionally is another matter altogether.
How many times, for example, has your love failed to keep you from deceiving or manipulating, from lusting or envying, from overreacting or exaggerating, or from thinking judgmental or unkind thoughts? How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love failed to motivate you to willingly apologize, fully forgive, or bring about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument?
It’s this failure that exposes mankind’s sinful condition. Our own sinful condition. We’ve all fallen short of God’s standards and commands (Romans 3:23). We’ve all demonstrated selfishness, hatred, and pride. And unless something is done to cleanse us of these ungodlike attributes, we will all stand before God displeasing to Him (Psalm 5:4), guilty as charged (Romans 6:23). That’s why if you’re not in a right relationship with God, you cannot truly love your spouse, because He is the Source of that love.
You can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t call up reserves that aren’t already there. Selfish springs do not produce selfless water. Just as you can’t give away a million dollars that you don’t have, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own. You can try, but you will fail.
Love that is faithfully pure and able to withstand every pressure is out of your reach, as long as you’re only looking within yourself to find it. You need another source. You need someone to give you that kind of love. But here’s the good news: because of God’s great love for you and His love for your spouse, He has made a way to express His love through you.
“Love is from God” (1 John 4:7). The Scriptures consistently communicate that the way we discover love is by turning to God’s Son, Jesus Christ, who was sent to earth to be both the example and source of perfect love. It is only when we turn away from our selfishness and sincerely ask Jesus to step into our lives and take control of us that our deepest need for love is met and our greatest ability to love begins. Like a branch disconnected from the vine, Jesus said, “Apart from Me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). This includes loving your spouse unconditionally.
But “if you abide in Me,” He went on to say, “and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you” (John 15:7). That word “abide” means to stay relationally close. This is not religious jargon but a spiritual invitation. By entering into a daily relationship with Jesus, you can “know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19 NKJV). You can then love. Unconditionally.
By surrendering yourself to Christ, His power can work through you. He “is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us” (Ephesians 3:20). That’s how you love your spouse.
So your inadequacy and inability—as defeating as they may feel—have a happy ending if you will reach out in faith and receive the love God has for you. Then the love He has “poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5) will always be available to you, every time you admit your inadequacy and trust in His ability.
You simply won’t be able to do it without Him. But people are constantly discovering that they can . . . with Him.
Perhaps you’ve never given your heart to Christ, but you sense Him drawing you today. You may be realizing for the first time that you, too, have broken God’s commands, and that your guilt will keep you from knowing Him. But Scripture says that if you repent by turning away from your sin and turning to God, He is willing to forgive you because of the sacrifice His Son made through His death on the cross. He is pursuing you, not to enslave you but to free you, so you can receive His love and forgiveness. Then you can share it with the one you’ve been called most specifically to love.
Perhaps you’re already a believer, but you would admit that you have walked away from fellowship with God. You’re not in the Word, you’re not in prayer, maybe you’re not even in church anymore. The love you used to feel coursing through your veins has dwindled into apathy.
The truth is, you cannot live without Him and you cannot love without Him. But there is no telling what He could do in your marriage if you choose to put your trust in Him.
TODAY'S DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Do they reveal a difficulty in your ability to love your spouse? Did some seem impossible? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and give you His ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him and to give you the grace to seek Him, find Him, and walk with Him.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
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