Day 29
Love’s motivation
Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. —Ephesians 6:7 HCSB
It doesn’t take long to discover that your mate will not always motivate your love. Many times they will de-motivate it. More often than you’d like, it will seem difficult to find the inspiration to demonstrate your love. They may not even receive it when you try to express it. That’s simply the nature of life, even in fairly healthy marriages.
But although moods and emotions can create all kinds of moving motivational targets, one motivation is certain to stay in the same place all the time. It’s this: When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed . . . because love comes from Him.
Think of it like this. When you were a child, your parents most likely established rules for you to follow. Your bedtime was at a certain hour. Your room had to be kept mostly clean. Your schoolwork needed to be finished before you could play. If you were like most people, you bent these rules as often as you obeyed them. And if not for the incentive of force and consequences, you might not have obeyed them much at all.
But sometime in childhood you might have been taught an idea like this—“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). At some level you began to realize that you didn’t merely have your parents to answer to anymore. This was no longer a battle of wills between you and your mom or dad. This was now between you and God.
As it turns out, however, the relationship between parents and children is not the only thing enhanced by letting God become your driving motivation. Consider the following areas where pleasing Him should become our goal:
Work. “Do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23).
Service. “Obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22).
Everything. Work hard at “whatever you do . . . knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve” (Colossians 3:23–24).
Even marriage. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
This means the love you demonstrate in marriage should actually have one chief objective: loving and honoring the Lord with devotion and sincerity. Your role as a husband or wife will take on new focus and drive when you see it as an instrument for living out your love for God, when pleasing Him becomes the why behind what you do.
God’s Word says we can love Him through the ways we treat, serve, and love other people (1 John 3:17; 4:11–21). So every loving thought, attitude, or action in your marriage can become another way for you to say “I love you” to God. The fact that it blesses your spouse in the process is simply a wonderful, additional benefit.
You may think your marriage or love for your spouse will suffer from making God your primary focus and your greatest delight. But quite the contrary, all of it will flourish as you draw closer to the One who created marriage and who loves your wife or husband infinitely more than you do.
This change of focus and perspective is very strategic and crucial for a Christian. Being able to wake up knowing that God is your source and supply—not only of your own needs but also those of your spouse—changes your whole reason for interacting graciously toward your mate. No longer is it this imperfect person deciding how much love you’ll show them, but rather your omni-perfect God is using even a flawed person like yourself to bestow loving favor on another.
Has your wife become fairly hard to live with lately? Is her slowness at getting over a disagreement wearing on your patience? Then don’t withhold your love just because she thinks differently from you. Love her “as to the Lord.”
Is your husband tuning you out, not saying much, brooding over something he’s not interested in sharing? Are you tired of him being so inconsiderate of you, not even responding to the children the way he needs to? Then don’t battle back with silence and inattention. Love him anyway. “As to the Lord.”
Love motivated by raw duty cannot hold out for very long. And love only motivated by ideal conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing. But love that is lifted up as an offering to God never loses its anchor and is able to sustain itself when all other weather conditions have lost their ability to energize us.
Those who are fine with mediocre marriages can leave their love to chance and hope for the best. But if you are committed to giving your spouse the best love you possibly can, then shoot for love’s unchanging motivation. Love that keeps God as its primary focus is unlimited in the heights it can attain. When you’re not motivated to do it for them, do it for Him.
TODAY'S DARE
Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.
____ Check here when you’ve completed today’s dare.
How will this change of motivation affect your relationship and reactions? What does this inspire you to do? What does it inspire you to stop doing?
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