Chapter 7

Someone Seeks a Girlfriend

Karen stared at them from under the heart-decorated boxer shorts. She inched out a little farther. Her eyes darted quickly left and right, and then she hopped from the basket. She was excited to see her friends and began trotting happily toward them.

Stick Dog raised his paws to signal her to stop.

But it was too late.

Obviously not seeing the glass door and never adjusting her speed, Karen bumped her head right into it. She fell down instantly but popped back up just as quickly. She rubbed her forehead with her right front paw. The look on her face showed her pain, but it indicated sadness and frustration even more. She now knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get back to her friends.

Stick Dog pushed his shoulder into the doorframe as hard as he could a couple of times.

It didn’t budge.

Instantly, Karen’s face turned from sadness and frustration to panic. On the other side of the glass, Stripes, Mutt, and Poo-Poo were pacing and circling nervously.

Stick Dog gave the doorframe a final shove, but nothing happened. “It’s locked,” he said, and panted. “We can’t get her out this way.”

“Oh, yes we can,” said Poo-Poo. He took several steps away from the door, lowered his head battering-ram style, and said, “Stand back, everybody.”

Stripes and Mutt stepped quickly out of the way. Even Karen, who couldn’t hear Poo-Poo but certainly recognized the familiar head-smashing-into-something stance, stepped back on her side of the glass door.

Stick Dog didn’t move. “Stop, Poo-Poo,” he said, holding up a front paw, pads toward Poo-Poo. “We can’t have you crashing your head through a glass door. That’s dangerous.”

“What about the wall?” asked Poo-Poo sincerely.

Stick Dog smiled. “Yes. If we can’t figure out another way,” he answered. “Then you can try breaking through the wall.”

Poo-Poo tapped his forehead three times against the patio, then lifted up his head and said, “I’ll be ready.”

After looking over both her shoulders, Karen came closer and put her front paws up against the glass. Her eyes were pleading. She dropped back to all fours suddenly. And then she was gone.

“Where’d she go?” asked Stripes.

“She ran off,” said Stick Dog. A single second later he said, “Quick! Hide! She must have heard the human coming!”

Poo-Poo and Mutt scurried behind the grill and some flowerpots. Stripes ducked behind a big pot with a tomato plant growing in it. Stick Dog dove behind a chair. They could all still see through the glass door. And, sure enough, the big man with the beard came into the room. He began searching through the laundry basket.

“He’s looking for Karen!” Mutt whispered.

“He’s going to find her!” Stripes exclaimed.

“I’m ready, Stick Dog,” Poo-Poo declared, bumping his head against the grill two times. “Just give the word.”

“Stay where you are,” Stick Dog whispered. He was watching the human’s movements closely and with great seriousness. “I’m pretty sure she’s not in the basket again. He would have found her by now. She must be hiding somewhere else.”

“That’s the strangest hat I’ve ever seen,” whispered Poo-Poo. He was staring at a fuzzy strip of material the man had placed on his head.

“It’s hollow,” observed Mutt.

“Now what’s he doing?” Stripes asked from behind the tomato plant. She had already checked the plant for something to eat, but there were no tomatoes. It was too early in the season. “What the heck are those things?”

The bearded man with the strange, fuzzy, hollow hat reached into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out a wire. The wire plugged into a small box on one end, and from the other end ran a long wire with a small, white ball attached at the very tip. He took the small ball and pressed it into his left ear.

“What the—” Mutt exclaimed.

“What is that thing?” Poo-Poo asked.

“Maybe he’s a robot. Or an alien,” Stripes suggested. “That must be his brain antenna receptor.”

Poo-Poo nodded. “That explains it. No normal creature would shove something into his ear like that.”

“Shh!” Stick Dog said. “He’s a human. But I have no idea what he’s doing.”

“Look! Look!” Stripes said urgently. “Is he dancing?”

The man had spread out his legs very wide and was now leaning forward, trying to touch the floor. He did this several times in a row. He then put his hands on his hips and rotated his abdomen in one direction for a few circles—and then switched directions.

Stick Dog, Stripes, Poo-Poo, and Mutt stared at the human’s peculiar behavior. As they did, it got even stranger.

His head was rocking rhythmically back and forth while he grabbed his right foot and stretched his right leg backward. He then did the exact same thing to the left side.

“Ouch!” said Stripes, watching in amazement. “What kind of freak would hurt himself like that?!”

Next, the bearded man balled his hands into fists and began to swing his arms back and forth. Simultaneously, he lifted his legs in turn, his knees rising and falling.

The man suddenly stopped, dropped to his stomach, and pushed himself up and down from the floor with his arms. He did this ten times, still rocking his head in a rhythmic manner.

“Stick Dog?” whispered Mutt. “Can you explain any of this? This guy’s scaring me. I mean, really scaring me. I think he’s mad at the carpet or something. He’s pounding it with his whole body.”

“I can’t explain it,” Stick Dog answered, and shook his head. “Oh no! I think he’s coming out. Be ready to run if I say so.”

Indeed, the bearded man with the wire in his ear had stood up and walked toward the sliding glass door.

“Should we run?” Poo-Poo asked. “Please say yes. I want to get out of here!”

“No, wait,” said Stick Dog. “Hold still. I don’t think he’s coming out.”

The man did not reach toward the handle to slide the door open. Instead, he turned his body sideways and stared blankly at the glass. He then sucked in his belly and puffed out his chest. He did this several times.

And then he left.

The dogs all looked at each other with shock on their faces. They had never seen such a weird display of actions from a human.

Finally, Mutt asked the question that all of them were thinking. He asked, “What was Mister Beard-O Strange-O doing in there?”

It was quiet for a moment while they tried to figure it out. Then Poo-Poo provided a theory.

“I think I know,” he said. There was confidence in his voice, as if the correct answer had suddenly dawned on him—and he was now quite sure of it.

“What?” asked Mutt.

“I’ve seen birds doing it in the forest,” Poo-Poo answered. “It’s called a mating dance. He’s trying to attract a girlfriend.”

“That makes sense,” said Mutt.

“Well, of course,” said Stripes. “I was just about to think of that myself.”

Poo-Poo, now gaining even more confidence from his friends’ reactions, continued. “That’s why he did it here in front of the glass door. He’s hoping a female is looking in. Obviously, there wasn’t one around, so he stopped.”

Mutt and Stripes nodded and then turned to Stick Dog. “What do you think, Stick Dog? Do you think all that stuff was a human mating dance?”

“I don’t know,” answered Stick Dog. He then shook his head vigorously for a couple of seconds. It looked like he was trying to shake the visual memory of the human’s behavior out of his mind. When he stopped shaking his head, Stick Dog tilted it ever so slightly to the side. “Wait a minute. Quick! To the screen door at the front of the house! Follow me!”

“Why?” Poo-Poo asked, tensing up and getting ready to run.

“I’ll explain when we get there.”

They ran along the side of the house to the front. To their good fortune, there was a line of bushes on either side of the front door. The heavy main door was open, but the screen door was closed securely. They hid out of sight between the house and the bushes. Panting and crouching there, Mutt asked Stick Dog, “What’s the plan? Why are we here?”

“This is going to be easy,” said Stick Dog, looking at each of them in turn. “That human is getting ready to exercise. He’s going to come out any minute and ride a bike or run down the sidewalk. That’s what he was doing in there—getting his body ready to move.”

“You mean it wasn’t a mating dance?” asked Stripes.

“I don’t think so,” said Stick Dog.

“I’m not so sure, Stick Dog,” said Poo-Poo doubtfully. “I think he was trying to get a girlfriend. Let’s be honest; that guy looks desperate.”

Stick Dog was nodding his head while listening to Poo-Poo. He was also searching under the bush for something. In a few seconds, he had a long stick in his mouth. He dropped it right in front of him and then addressed Poo-Poo.

“You might be right—and I might be wrong, Poo-Poo,” said Stick Dog quickly. “He may have been performing a mating dance ritual or he may have been getting ready to run on the sidewalk. Either way, I think he’s going to be coming out this door any minute—either to start running or biking. Or to look for a girlfriend.”

This was enough to satisfy Poo-Poo. “You’re right: either one of us could be correct,” he said. “What do we do when he comes out?”

“I know how these doors work,” said Stick Dog. “They swing open fast when humans push on them. But they close slowly before slamming shut. We’re going to hide right here. When he comes out to run or bike or whatever—”

“Or go hunting for a little lovey-dovey,” added Poo-Poo.

“Right, or, umm, what you said,” Stick Dog conceded. “That door will close slowly behind him. He’ll be several steps away, and I’ll slip this stick into the door before it closes. It won’t shut all the way, and we’ll be able to push it open and let Karen out.”

They crouched down and waited for the bearded human to come to the door.

After three minutes, someone did come.

It wasn’t the man with the beard.