And I’m late. Of course, it isn’t my fault this time, not that it matters. No one ever cares why you’re late, do they? They only care that you’re late in the first place.
I am here though, finally, after one hell of a day and as if I wasn’t already excited enough to see Tom for the first time since before Christmas, after the day I’ve had, I’m craving his touch even more. He’s just the tonic I need after a tough day. One hug from him and a few of his easy words, and I’ll forget about everything I’ve been through over the past few hours.
We’ve been texting nonstop all Christmas, chatting, flirting, sending each other pictures. We’ve had this running joke, since that night he saved me, that Tom is my hero, so when we were talking about fancy dress costumes for New Year’s Eve Tom suggested, in a semi-flirtatious tone, that I might finally get to see him in spandex and a cape. Tom decided he’d go as Batman, so I said I’d go as Catwoman, so we had a sort of cute, matching theme going on, that I previously would’ve found nauseating but with Tom, I don’t care. I want to be cute and matching. I don’t care how dorky we’ll look, I just can’t wait to see him.
I dropped him a message earlier, to let him know that I was going to be a little late, but I can’t believe how late I actually am. If this is karma in action, after I did someone a favour, I’d rather opt out from this particular magical points system.
I make my way through our busy house, where the party is already in full swing, but I don’t recognise anyone I know. Then again, I’m not likely to, am I? If everyone is in fancy dress …
I can see Hannah Montana, Indiana Jones, a million Jokers, but no sign of Batman. I dash up to my bedroom – I need to change my clothes anyway – to see what kind of last-minute costume I can bash together, given that I haven’t had time to collect my Catwoman costume. What’s popular at the moment? All my clothes are dark, all my make-up is dark – it’s not like I can just knock together a Hannah Montana costume from what I already have. I think about what I do have – mostly black stuff. I’ve got it … Twilight. I’ll just stick on one of my usual gothic outfits and cover my skin in body glitter. That’s right, isn’t it? I know it’s a bit half-arsed, but it’s all I’ve got, and it’s nearly midnight.
I dash downstairs, carefully pushing my way through the hoards of party-goers to find my hero, to finally get that hug I so desperately need, and the first kiss I’ve been literally counting down the days for.
Across the large living room, I spy Batman, meaningfully pushing his way through the crowd too. I don’t think he’s seen me, but I can tell that its Tom from the shape of his body – that tall, broad, sexy, manly frame he has that drives me wild. As everyone counts down the last ten seconds of 2008, I notice Tom walking away from me, so I push harder to get through the crowd. As the clock strikes midnight, I finally get to Tom, just as he grabs a woman in a Catwoman outfit and kisses her passionately. It’s the perfect New Year kiss, timed perfectly with the stroke of midnight, but it isn’t with me. It’s with someone else. Someone dressed as Catwoman. I stand in front of them for a second, staring, my jaw practically on the floor. The girl, whoever she is, kisses Tom back. Well, why wouldn’t she? She doesn’t know what’s going on. She doesn’t know that he’s supposed to be kissing me, does she?
Devastated and embarrassed, I retreat to my bedroom before Tom spots me. Yet another party I’ve ended in my bedroom, in tears, crying over a boy. I kick of my shoes and climb into my bed, hugging my pillow as I think about what I should’ve done, or what I could’ve done. He’s going to realise his mistake at some point, when he comes up for air I imagine, but then what? If I keep out of the way maybe, when he realises, he’ll come find me … I wonder if he’ll tell me? The thing that’s really bugging me is that, as soon as I saw him, costume or not, I knew that it was him. How could he not know that wasn’t me he was kissing? How could he not feel it? What the hell happens next?