I have Tom and Cleo sitting on the sofa across from me and four DVDs sitting on the table in front of me, but I can’t quite make my mind up which movie is the right one for tonight, as soon as I have the house to myself. It’s Valentine’s Day and not only am I oh-so single, but I’m also the only one at home this evening. Everyone has plans but, most notably, Fifi and Zach are going on a double date with Tom and his girlfriend Cleo. As if it isn’t bad enough that she stole him from me, I get to see them not only together all the time, but also hanging out with my best friend and her boyfriend. Yay!
Pretty Woman is my first option. After all, if a smart businessman can fall in love with a random prostitute that he picked up at the side of the road, then there might still be hope for me. My second choice is Closer – a personal favourite of mine, because I watch it, and it makes me so, so happy that I’m single. My third choice is When Harry Met Sally, asking that age-old question: can men and women be just friends? Can they? I don’t know. Technically Tom and I are friends, but with me wanting to be more than that, are we friends really? It’s so hard being his friend, especially on days like today when he’s sitting in my living room with his girlfriend, waiting to go on a double date with my friends. Finally, there’s Moulin Rouge. I figured I might as well throw that one into the mix too, to serve as a perfect example of how love can go terribly, terribly wrong – perfect viewing for Valentine’s Day.
‘Is it a bit unusual, to go on a double date on Valentine’s Day?’ I ask, making conversation because it’s so awkward sitting here in my Nightmare Before Christmas pyjamas with Tom and Cleo sitting on the other sofa, all glammed up, while they wait for Fifi and Zach to finish getting ready.
‘Not usual, I guess,’ Cleo starts as she fidgets with one of her brown ringlets with one hand and holds Tom’s hand tightly with her other. ‘But my dad is a sound tech, and he’s on tour with Coldplay at the moment. He has these spare access-all-areas passes for their show tonight, so he gave them to me.’
‘I see,’ I reply. God, I just want them to go so I can put my film on, eat the heart-shaped chocolate I bought myself – like the strong, independent woman I wish I were – and feel sorry for myself in peace.
‘Do you like Coldplay?’ she asks. ‘Everyone likes Coldplay, right?’
Erm, actually, they don’t. They really don’t. I honestly think I’d rather listen to the unidentifiable and frankly disturbing noises that I hear coming from Clarky’s room on a night for two hours, but I probably shouldn’t say this out loud because it might just come across as jealousy.
‘Not really,’ I say tactfully.
‘You into metal or something?’ she asks with distaste.
‘Something,’ I reply.
‘Such as?’
Ergh, why is she talking to me? She really doesn’t need to talk to me.
‘Luca is a rock chick,’ Tom says with a smile.
‘But not Coldplay?’ she asks.
‘Yeah, they’re a bit too heavy for me,’ I joke.
She smiles.
‘So, movie night is it?’ She persists with the small talk.
‘Yep,’ I reply.
‘What are you watching?’
‘Closer.’
‘What’s that?’ she asks.
I mentally roll my eyes. God, I just want to be left alone. This is torture. I toss her the box.
‘This doesn’t sound like something you should be watching,’ she insists, examining the box.
As much as I want the conversation to end, I can’t help but rise to it. ‘Why not?’
Cleo shifts uncomfortably in her seat. ‘Well … it’s Valentine’s Day … and you’re single. This isn’t the right film for that – how about I pick you one?’
‘Cleo, I am watching Closer,’ I say. ‘But thank you.’
‘Erm, The Passion of the Christ disc is in the box,’ Tom points out after taking the box from Cleo and looking inside.
‘Well then I guess I’m watching The Passion of the Christ,’ I reply with a sigh. ‘I haven’t seen that one before.’
‘Oh, don’t spoil it for me,’ Cleo says quickly, playfully covering her ears. ‘I really want to see that one.’
Is she kidding me? Not only have I not watched it before, but doesn’t everyone know how the story goes?
‘Right,’ I reply.
‘Sorry, sorry,’ Fifi says as she rushes into the room, closely followed by Zach. ‘Someone had five-aside and had to have a shower when he got in.’
‘No one said you had to join me,’ Zach says cheekily.
Fifi blushes.
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Cleo reassures her. ‘We’re pretty much at it all the time too.’
Kill me. Kill me now.
‘One of the lads is popping over to get his wallet,’ Zach says. ‘I told him he could put it in my bag while we played and forgot to give it back to him. Then we can get off.’
Great. I can’t wait. I just wished they’d be quicker.
The gang sit enthusing about Coldplay as they wait for Zach’s football buddy to arrive. I sit waiting for them all to leave so I can get on with my night. I’ve been thinking about it, and perhaps Moulin Rouge is the film for me tonight because it pretty much sums up my love life – hopeful, but ultimately tragic. Plus, who doesn’t love a Baz Luhrmann movie?!
There’s a knock at the door. Zach is tying his shoe, so Fifi jumps up to answer.
‘Your friend is here,’ she says.
Fifi is closely followed into the living room by a buff guy in a grey tracksuit. Under his open hoodie he’s wearing one of those low-cut vests that guys like to wear to show off their muscle cleavage. He’s undeniably attractive, with his toned body and his shaved head – he’s the big, strong bad body women are supposed to fall at the feet of. I suppose I’ve always liked my men a little softer though.
‘Alright mate,’ he says. ‘Sorry, I hope I haven’t made you late.’
‘No worries, pal,’ Zach says, tossing the guy his wallet.
‘You guys off anywhere nice?’ he asks.
‘Off to a gig, mate,’ Zach replies.
‘Are you going like that?’ he asks me.
‘I’m not going,’ I reply, fairly sure he was joking. These are so very blatantly my pyjamas.
‘Luca is alone tonight,’ Cleo says.
‘Thanks, Cleo. I’m looking forward to it more and more by the second.’
‘What gig are you going to?’ buff guy asks.
‘Coldplay,’ Cleo replies excitedly. She seems to have a little glimmer in her eye. Blinded by muscle, I’d guess. ‘My dad is a sound tech, he got us all tickets.’
‘Coldplay for Valentine’s Day? I’m so jealous,’ he says.
Maybe he does have a sense of humour because, y’know, it’s Coldplay.
‘You not got plans, Alan?’ Zach asks him.
God, his name is Alan? That’s not a very sexy name, is it? He looks like a Chad or a Brad or something. If this were an American romcom movie, Alan would definitely be playing the most popular guy in school, the one that absolutely isn’t going to ask you to the prom.
‘Nope, no plans,’ he replies.
‘Why don’t you hang out with Luca,’ Zach suggests.
I subtly shoot him a dirty look, telling him to leave it.
‘I didn’t bring my pyjamas,’ he says cheekily.
‘Pyjamas optional.’ Zach wiggles his eyebrows, clearly not taking my telepathic hint.
‘She’s watching The Passion of the Christ,’ Cleo tells him, and I’d swear she was trying to put Alan off.
‘Actually, I think I’m going to watch Moulin Rouge,’ I say.
‘Oh, sweet,’ Alan replies. He picks up the box and examines it thoughtfully. ‘Who doesn’t love a Baz Luhrmann movie?’
He doesn’t pronounce his name right but, still, it’s kind of cute. And those were my thoughts exactly … Perhaps I’ve got Alan all wrong.
‘You’re welcome to watch it with me,’ I say. ‘I’m just going to order a pizza, watch movies, and chill.’
‘I’m cutting at the moment,’ he says, sitting down next to me. ‘But I’d love to join you.’
That suits me just fine – more pizza for me.
‘You two behave,’ Zach says, all smug, unable to hide his pride in his matchmaking skills. ‘Or not.’
‘Come on, let’s go,’ Cleo says, taking Tom by the hand, pulling him from the room.
As she drags him, he holds eye contact with me. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t until he reaches the door.
‘Bye, Luca.’
‘See you around,’ I call after him.
Playing the cards I’ve been dealt, I turn to Alan and smile.
‘Luca is a lovely name,’ he says.
‘Thanks,’ I reply. I’m not exactly sure I can return the compliment.
‘Well, let’s get this movie on,’ he says. ‘It’s one of my favourites.’
I smile before heading over to the shelves to grab the DVD. This time I check it is in its box – thank God, it is. Someone in this house is terrible at putting DVDs and games back in the correct boxes.
Maybe Alan isn’t the guy I thought he was at first. When he walked through the door, I might have decided he was a dim meathead. Now it seems like there may be more to Alan than meets the eye.
Perhaps I’m not going to have such a rubbish, lonely Valentine’s Day after all …