Throughout this book I have offered ways to generate compassionate alternatives for some of our depressing thoughts. Here are some ideas you could write down on flash cards (see Chapter 15) to deal with common depressing ideas and feelings. You might want to choose a card with a soothing picture.
• Depression is a horrible state to be in, but it is not evidence of weakness.
• Depression affects animals and humans because it is brain state made possible by the way our brains have evolved, therefore it is not my fault.
• Depression is a state of mind. Just as I can have other states of mind (e.g. happy, relaxed, angry, anxious), I can be depressed.
• Depression is unpleasant, but sadly many millions suffer from it because to the brain this is just one of its patterns for feeling.
• Depression can affect anyone – even people who are often regarded as strong (e.g. Winston Churchill).
• Depression is most often about becoming exhausted, trying too hard, feeling defeated, losing hope. Often there is something threatening us in our depression.
• By understanding it more, I can try to bring my rational/compassionate mind to help tackle it.
• There may be very real problems in my life that have exhausted me and made me vulnerable to being depressed.
• Depression is not about weakness, but can be about being exhausted.
• I need to get the evidence of whether an antidepressant would help me. If it can help me sleep better and boost my mood and confidence, then that might help me to get on top of my depression.
• Millions of people take antidepressant drugs.
• Whether I choose to take an antidepressant drug or not is my own decision. I don’t need to prove that I can cope without one as some kind of test of my strength.
• It is understandable to be anxious about revealing personal things to someone else, like a therapist.
• Properly qualified therapists are well aware that it is the things we are ashamed of that cause us problems.
• I have no evidence that a therapist will look down on me if I talk about the things that I am ashamed about. Indeed, just as a surgeon expects to deal with blood and guts, so therapists expect to deal with the less pleasant sides of life.
• The more I am prepared to face up to what I feel ashamed about, the more I may get to know myself and learn how to let things go, or see them in a different way.
• A therapist can’t force me to talk, so I can go at my own pace and decide whether the therapy is helpful.
• I am depressed right now, so it’s natural not to have my normal drive.
• Even though I can’t do what I used to, I can still do some things.
• I can praise myself for what I do do, rather than attacking myself for what I don’t do.
• There is no way I am going to bully myself out of depression.
• I can go step by step.
• By praising my steps, no matter how small they may be, I am moving forward.
• My task now is to try to develop a kind and com -passionate approach to tackling this depression.
• To sum up a person (e.g. myself) in simple terms of good–bad, worthwhile–worthless, is all-or-nothing thinking. ‘Kind of’ unkind too.
• Just because I feel stupid and worthless this does not mean that I am.
• If I over-identify with feelings of worthlessness then I am more likely to get depressed.
• The idea of worth can be applied to objects like cars or soap powder, but not to people.
• If I say ‘worthless’ is just one of a number of possible feelings that I, as a human being, can have about myself, then I can keep a perspective on these negative feelings.
• Anger is, like other feelings, something we are all capable of.
• High levels of anger usually point to high levels of hurt or vulnerability.
• My anger tells me that there is something I want to change and push against.
• True, flying into rages is not helpful, but I can learn to be more honest with my own needs and put them assertively.
• I can learn to understand my anger rather than just labelling myself as bad and trying to push my anger away.
• Maybe I can learn compassionate acceptance of my feelings and then slowly work to see how I want to act on them.
• It is natural to want to compete in the world and feel that we are up there with others.
• All human beings are unique and need to go at their own pace. Just because some people seem more able than me does not make me a failure. I dare to be average or even less. Just ‘doin’ me best’.
• I can focus on what I can do and what is important to me, in my own unique life, rather than on what others are doing.
• Disappointment is part of life and I can learn to cope with it if I keep it in perspective.
• I can learn to focus on what I do get out of doing things rather than how far short they fall of my expectations.
• I can practise the appreciation exercises and see how I go.
• I can check out whether I attack myself when I am disappointed and learn how to be kinder with myself.
• This type of thinking is rather all-or-nothing. Therefore I can learn to focus on what I enjoy rather than on what I don’t. It’s the old story of the glass as half empty or half full – happiness lies in seeing the half-full bits of life.
• After reading this book, I realize that there are many ways to tackle depression and these work for many people (e.g. drugs, psychotherapy, family therapy, and various forms of self-help etc.).
• I don’t have to suffer in silence.
• If I need extra help, I can talk to my family doctor and see what is available.
• I haven’t always been depressed, so depression is a state of mind that I am in right now, but this does not mean that I’ll always be depressed.
• I may have been trying to deal with my depression but, as this book points out, maybe I have been enduring it, trying to soldier on, rather than really tackling it.