“SIS, WHAT’S UP?” Karley asked, leaning her hip against the edge of the kitchen counter in their apartment. “You’ve been quiet for days and that’s not like you. Didn’t even try to cheer up cranky Mr. Lewis next door when he brought over the mail that got misdelivered.”
Emma sighed and looked up at her younger sister, standing there with her arms crossed waiting for an answer. With the holiday rush, it had been a busy time for both sisters and today was the first day in a week they’d both been home together. Emma had hoped a quiet Sunday would help settle her before the last big push to get the carnival done. They had less than a week now until Christmas Eve.
“I’m fine,” Emma said, trying not to let her inner sadness show. Seemed like an eternity ago now that she’d been with Thad, like a fairy-tale dream she’d wakened from too early. Or maybe too late. Either way, she was still reeling from their whiplash breakup and wasn’t sure what to do about it. Part of her felt silly even calling it a breakup, considering they hadn’t ever really been together—not in the relationship sense, anyway. But she missed him. Even with his prickly nature and lack of social skills and overall allergy to anything remotely bright and cheerful. Or maybe because of it.
Go figure.
The man couldn’t be more different from her and yet they shared the same deep connection. A connection that still tugged at her heart each time her phone buzzed, hoping maybe it was Thad.
He’d stuck to their agreement, only contacting her by text or call, mainly the former. And damn if she hadn’t caught herself glancing around the ER during her shifts this past week, trying to catch a glimpse of him. It was silly. It was infuriating. It was ridiculously confusing.
She was the happy one, the sunny person who made everyone else’s day brighter. Like the Cindy Lou Who of Manhattan West. And she’d allowed her light to be snuffed, at least temporarily, by the Grinch of Fifth Avenue.
How in the world had that happened?
She didn’t know.
All Emma did know for sure was she’d spent the last few nights since her fight with Thad tossing and turning, despite being bone-deep weary. Her usually pleasant dreams were haunted by memories of them together, his kisses, his taut, muscled body pressed against her, moving inside her, driving her to the heights of pleasure.
“Hello?” Karley stood beside the table now, waving a hand in front of Emma’s face. “Earth to sis. Is this about your partner? The cute doctor who took you to that dance?” Karley crossed her arms, gaze narrowed on Emma, waiting for an answer. When one didn’t come, her eyes widened. “Oh my God, sis! It is, isn’t it?”
“What? No.” Flushed and flustered, Emma shuffled the papers in front of her on the table, avoiding Karley’s too-perceptive stare. “Of course not. We’re just working on the carnival together. That’s all.”
“This conversation is inappropriate and I’m not having it with you.” Emma did her best to refocus on her vendor lists, but it was no use. Her mind was too cluttered now with anxious adrenaline, and the words blurred before her eyes. “Don’t you have homework or something to do?”
“Already done.” Karley grinned and leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table, clearly not going anywhere. Perfect. Not. “So, you like this guy, huh? I can tell by the way you’re acting.”
“I’m not acting any way at all,” Emma snapped, the heat in her face rivaling the surface of the sun. “And how I feel about Dr. Markson isn’t important.” Not anymore.
Her sister frowned now and sat back. “Why? Did he hurt you? Want me to go over there and smack him for you?”
“No!” Emma didn’t look at Karley then. “He didn’t hurt me. We just had a misunderstanding, that’s all.” Her chest squeezed tighter, and she swallowed hard before staring down at her papers again. Good Lord. She blinked hard against unexpected tears. She would not cry about this. Nope. Especially not in front of Karley. “I’m just under a lot of pressure right now to make sure this wish project turns out well, so I have a better shot at that promotion at work. After Christmas, I’ll be back to normal. Promise.”
Karley gave her a flat look. “You work harder than anyone I know, Em. You always put everyone else first, do whatever you can to make everyone feel better. But if this guy doesn’t appreciate it, then he doesn’t deserve you. End of story.”
“Dr. Markson appreciates me,” Emma said, rising to his defense though she didn’t know why.
“Sure.” Karley shook her head. “Whatever.”
“He does. He’s actually a really good man.”
Her sister responded by raising a skeptical brow at her. “If he’s so good, then why are you sitting here miserable now instead of being at his fancy Park Avenue town house with him?”
“Fifth Avenue,” Emma corrected before she caught herself. “And you shouldn’t judge someone just by where they live. Just because his family had money doesn’t mean there aren’t problems to go along with it.”
“Maybe.” Karley shrugged. “Is it nice there?”
“At the town house? Yes, very nice.”
“Does he have servants?”
“A butler. Older man named Everett.” It was Emma’s turn to scowl now. “Why?”
“So it’s just him and his butler living alone in that great big house?” her sister asked.
“Yes. Oh, and Thad has a service dog named Baxter.”
“Service dog?” Karley perked up a little at that. “Why would he need one of those? Is he sick?”
Oops. It wasn’t her business to talk about Thad’s illness. Realizing she’d said too much already, Emma stood and picked up her paperwork for the vendors. “I think I’m going to take a nap.”
Her sister protested as Emma brushed past her. “Hey, sis. Don’t get offended. I’m just trying to figure out why he’s got you so torn and twisted.”
“I’m not...” Emma’s voice trailed off. She was tired. Exhausted, really. She sank onto the couch in their living room and buried her face in her hands, her voice sounding raw to her own ears as she said, “Please, just forget it. Okay?”
Karley joined her in the living room and put her arm around Emma’s shoulders, pulling her into a much-needed hug. “Hey, it’s okay, sis.”
“No, it’s not,” Emma said, her words catching on a sob. God. This was not how it was supposed to work. Emma was the older one, the strong one, the one who should be comforting Karley, not the other way around. Yet she couldn’t seem to stop her tears. “Everything’s a mess.”
Despite her wishes, the whole sad tale of what had transpired between her and Thad over the past few weeks came tumbling out—well, except for the sleeping together part. Some things needed to stay private, even between sisters. Still, Karley was smart enough to connect the dots. Seventeen going on thirty indeed.
“Wow,” her sister said, sitting back a short while later and pushing Emma’s braids away from her face. “Yep. Sounds like a mess all right.”
Emma laughed through her tears, swiping the back of her hand across her damp cheeks. “Thanks for agreeing with me.” She sniffled, then shrugged. “It probably would’ve been easier to move on if we didn’t still have to stay in contact because of the carnival, but little Ricky’s depending on us and I won’t let him down, so...”
“There’s the Em I know.” Karley smiled and got up, returning a minute later with a box of tissues from the bathroom. She handed them to Emma, then pulled one out to dab the tears from her sister’s cheeks. “The optimist with a spine of steel. Honestly, I’m not an expert on men.”
“That’s good to know.”
Karley gave her a look. “Seriously, though. It sounds to me like you need to take charge of the situation if you want to fix things with him. And you need to do it face-to-face. Go to his town house and talk to him.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She blew her nose, then scowled down at the tissue as she twisted it in her hands in her lap. “We agreed not to see each other again and he’s so reclusive, I’m not sure how I’d even get in.”
“Hmm.” Karley sat back, her expression thoughtful as she stared at the coffee table. “What about those papers you’re working on?”
“The vendors?” She blinked at the stack of papers she’d been working on earlier. “He hasn’t given me the specifications for the site yet and it’s getting down to the wire.”
“That’s good.” Her sister nodded and grinned. “Go over and fib a little. Say you’d been trying to call him all day but couldn’t get through. Tell him one of the vendors is pressing you for the specifications. Then when you get inside, sit him down and have a talk about things.”
Before Emma could respond, Karley’s phone buzzed.
“Need to take this. My bestie’s having a man crisis, too.” Karley leaned over and kissed Emma’s cheek, then stood. “Good luck, sis. Can’t wait to hear how it turns out.”
Emma watched her sister walk away, then leaned back into the cushions and stared at the ceiling. She hated to break the agreement with Thad about sticking to phone communication only, but how else were they supposed to mend fences between them? And needing to know specifics about the venue was important. With only a week left until Christmas Eve, they did need to get confirmation from his foundation on the location for the carnival. So far, Thad had brushed her off when she’d asked, but as a partner on the project, she had a right to know. Still, she didn’t feel right just showing up at his town house again, nor did she want to wait all day like he’d made her do before. She pulled out her phone and stared down at the screen, her stomach lurching. Should she text first? That would be easier. But no. He could ignore a text and it could come across wrong. Best to call and get it over with. She pulled up his number and waited as it rang once, twice...
“What?” Thad’s deep, growly voice rolled down the line and over her like velvet and sin.
For a moment, Emma couldn’t say a word. Then she blurted out, “It’s Emma.”
A pause. Thad exhaled slowly, sounding about as worn out as she felt. “What do you need?”
You. I need you.
Emma gripped her phone tight, her heart slamming against her rib cage and her throat dry. “I need to speak with you about the vendors. We need specifications for the vendors so they will be able to set up properly,” she said, praying she hid her nervousness well. “We only have a week left.”
“I know how long we have left, Emma.” His tone turned sharp. “Now is not a good time.”
“Are you at the hospital?” she asked. Dammit. She really hadn’t thought this through as well as she should have. If he was in the middle of an important case, she didn’t want to interrupt him. “Sorry.”
“What? No. I’m home. But I...” She heard the sounds of leather creaking and pictured him getting up from behind his desk in the study, pacing back and forth in front of the tree they’d decorated together. He cursed under his breath. “Fine. Yes. What time can you be here?”
“Half an hour?”
“Okay. I’ll call my foundation and get as much information as I can from them. Have you eaten yet?”
The question took Emma by surprise. “Uh, no.”
“Good. Everett serves dinner at six. Will that work?”
“Sure.”
“See you then, Emma.”
He clicked off and she sat there staring at the wall in her living room, stunned. It had worked. She and Thad were going to talk. About the carnival, but it was better than nothing. Pulse racing, she straightened and walked over to knock on Karley’s bedroom door. Her sister was still on the phone but stopped as Emma stuck her head inside. “Can you do takeout for dinner?”
Karley nodded and gave her a thumbs-up. “Go get him, sis.”
Around five forty-five Thad finished up the phone call with his foundation. They’d pulled a lot of strings to find a venue to meet their needs, but in the end, they’d managed to secure an amazing place. In fact, if everything came together as planned, they’d be able to invite not only the children from the PICU at Manhattan West, as Ricky wanted, but also all the other hospitals’ PICUs in the city. Thad was nothing if not an overachiever and besides, it soothed an old wound inside him that had festered too long. Granting little Ricky’s wish was like throwing the party Thad had always wanted as a child himself and never received.
Now that he’d solved one problem, he faced another. Emma.
Inviting her to dinner had probably been a mistake. He should have stuck to his guns and insisted they handle the carnival issues over the phone as they’d agreed. But man, the thought of seeing her again after time apart made his battered heart sing.
Which made no sense. For once since this whole debacle started with her, he’d thought rationally and acted from logic, not emotion, when he’d said they should work apart from now on. Then all it had taken was one phone call from her to crumble his resolve. How would he ever survive if he pushed her away again? How would he ever survive if he didn’t?
Thad was still stewing over that dilemma when Everett knocked on his office door to announce, “Ms. Trudeau is downstairs, sir.”
“Thank you,” Thad said. “I’ll be right down.”
The butler left and Thad watched his old friend go, still concerned about the man’s condition. Everett still had a slight limp and his coloring had not improved much. Thad had tried to get the older man to let him examine him again last night, but Everett had waved him off once more, stating he had an appointment with his own physician the next day and that it was nothing. In fact, Everett had insisted he felt better, even if he didn’t look it.
Anxiety buzzed through his system even as he tried to tamp it down. Not just over Everett’s condition but also the fact that Emma was there, in his home, once more. Not for a social call or date, but for business. He needed to remember that and keep his emotions out of it. Never mind that each time he closed his eyes, Thad remembered the feel of her beside him, beneath him, around him. Could still smell her spicy-sweet scent and taste her lips. He needed to forget those things. She wasn’t meant for a man like him. Love wasn’t meant for a man like him.
Resigned, he headed downstairs to find her already seated in the large formal dining room where Everett would serve dinner tonight. Normally, Thad ate in the kitchen where it was smaller and homier. But considering what had happened in there with Emma on the first night she’d been here, Thad didn’t want reminders of the past to muddle things any more than they already were.
“Hello, Emma.” Thad stopped on the threshold to meet her gaze down the length of the long mahogany table. She wore a silly red sweater tonight with Santa on the front and looked more beautiful than ever. Yearning constricted his throat and he swallowed hard against it, battling his rioting emotions. From the moment Emma Trudeau had entered his life, all of his ideas about himself and the world had exploded into a million pieces. She didn’t think he was broken or a monster. She’d asked him for nothing except his help and his kindness. She had scars and had suffered hurt, but she used her pain to bring light to others, not hide away. She made him question his decisions, and for a man whose patients lived and died by those decisions, it was terrifying as hell.
“Thad?”
Her voice startled him back into motion. He headed for the chair across from hers. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
She watched him warily, like he might have another hypoglycemic episode. Dammit. He’d been in the same room with Emma for less than five minutes and already his plans for a quick professional meeting were derailing.
“I’m fine, thank you.” He gave a curt nod to Everett, hoping to keep the rest of the evening on track. “We’re ready for dinner.”
The older man disappeared through a doorway into the kitchen, Baxter sticking to the butler’s side like glue. Odd that, since he rarely left Thad’s side when he was home, but Thad didn’t have the brain space to worry about it now. They sat in awkward silence as Thad studied Emma from beneath his lashes. There were faint shadows under her eyes, suggesting she’d had sleepless nights, too. Before he could ask her, however, thankfully Everett returned with their meals, grilled salmon and quinoa, Baxter trotting beside him.
“So,” she said, after thanking the butler, then placing her napkin atop her lap. “Did you speak with your foundation?”
“I did,” he said, taking a sip of his water. “They’ve secured an excellent venue. One I hope you’ll be as happy with as I am.”
“Oh.” She blinked at him, looking surprised. “Good. Where is it?”
“They actually originally had two that met our specifications. Large, good ventilation, heated.” He ate a bit of salmon, watching her. “I settled on the second one. Madison Square Garden.”
She froze with her fork halfway to her mouth, eyes wide. “The Madison Square Garden?”
“Yes.”
“How... What...” Emma shook her head, setting her fork down carefully, then wiping her mouth before continuing. “Do we have the donations to cover that expense? I’m sure it’s not cheap.”
“Far from it.” Thad smiled, satisfied that she seemed suitably impressed with his work. “And yes, we have the funds to cover the rental.” With my help. “It took some finagling by my foundation, too, to get the Christmas Eve date we wanted for the arena. They wanted to use it for some sporting event, but I pulled some strings and now it’s ours.” He cleared his throat. “With the capacity, our vendors should have no problems setting up the booths and rides in there. And we could also invite more people.”
“Who?”
“I’m thinking children and their families from other PICUs in the city.”
“Uh, wow. Okay.” She took another bite of her food and chewed slowly, as if considering all that he’d said. Then she looked behind her at Everett. “This food is excellent.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” the older man said, bowing a bit awkwardly.
Emma laughed, then shook her head. “You can call me Emma, Everett.”
“As you wish, ma—” the butler stopped himself. “Emma.”
Thad regarded their exchange with astonishment. In all the years Everett had been with him, he’d never asked the man to call him Thad. He felt bad about that now. Scowling, Thad shifted his attention back to Emma. “May I ask you a question?”
She ate a roasted carrot and Thad tried not to remember how soft her lips were. “Sure. If I can ask you one in return.”
“Fine. How exactly do you remain so happy all the time?” He waved his fork around at the room in general. “Stay so friendly and open and joyful, with the state of the world?”
Emma didn’t respond at first, her expression serious. “First of all, I’m not always happy, Thad. Some days are harder than others.” He managed not to wince at the thinly veiled reference to their conversation in the break room the previous week. “But then I remind myself that I can’t fix every problem in the world. All I can do is get up each day and improve my little corner of it. The rest is up to the universe.”
“The universe?”
“Or God, or whatever you believe in that’s bigger than you. Divine intelligence.”
He shook his head, the idea of leaving anything up to chance only spiking his anxiety more. “I don’t know what to do with your concept.”
“I know.” She gave him a small smile, her eyes kind. “But I always remember what my mother told me when I was little. Sometimes it’s braver to surrender what you can’t control.”
Part of Thad recognized she was trying to get a point across to him. But another part, the part conditioned by his dead father to believe his worth came from the results he produced, balked.
Emma chuckled. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you speechless.”
He shook his head and finished the last bite of his food. “Your answer just surprised me, that’s all.”
“Hmm.” She sat back for Everett to take her empty plate, then waited until the butler took Thad’s as well and disappeared into the kitchen again before saying, “Now it’s time for my question.”
His heart skipped a beat and Thad gulped more water. “All right.”
“I want to know the real reason you pushed me away.”
Tell her. Tell her the truth. Let her see you for who you really are. Let her in. Open up.
It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, harder than losing his mother, harder than suffering his father’s emotional abuse, harder than all those long nights in the hospital as a scared little boy alone. But he wanted this, needed this, needed her in his life, more than he needed his next breath.
“I—” he started, only to be cut off by a loud crash from the kitchen followed by the dog’s frantic barks. Thad scowled, his attention snapping to the door behind Emma. “What the hell? Everett?”
No answer.
Anxiety soaring through the roof now, Thad was up out of his chair and pushing into the kitchen in a flash. “Everett, is everything—”
No. Everything was not all right. The details of the scene before him registered all at once, flooding his mind with information. Everett on the floor, unmoving and deathly pale. Baxter by his side, nudging the older man with his nose and crying plaintively. The heat of Emma as she ran into the kitchen behind him, then stopped short.
“Help me, Emma. Now!” Thad’s medical training overrode his shock and he dropped to his knees on the tile, not caring about the shards from the broken dishes cutting into his knees.
“Call 911. We need an ambulance here now!” he yelled to Emma as he turned over his butler, noting the bluish tint to his lips and his greenish-gray complexion. He checked the older man’s pulse and breathing and detected neither. Not good. Not good at all. “Then get down here and help me start CPR until they arrive.”
His blood froze.
Please don’t die on me. You’re the closest thing I have to a father. Stay with me.
Thad ripped open the front of Everett’s black butler jacket, then his shirt to reveal the man’s bare chest. Then he placed his hands over Everett’s sternum and began compressions, counting in his head. He thought back over the last week or so. The unusual limp in Everett’s walk, his unhealthy pallor. Given the man’s age and the fact that he was overweight, chances were high he had elevated blood pressure and heart disease. A stroke was highly possible. Thad cursed himself for not insisting on taking his butler to the doctor earlier.
“EMS is on the way,” Emma said, kneeling on Everett’s other side and tipping the man’s head back to clear his airways, and began giving him lifesaving breaths. “Had he been feeling unwell lately?”
“Yes. This is my fault,” he growled, checking for a pulse again and this time finding one—thready and weak. “He’s been limping for the past few days. And he didn’t look good. But I let him brush me aside instead of taking him to the doctor. If he dies...”
No. That last thought was too horrible to bear. He couldn’t let Everett die. Wouldn’t let him die.
Sirens grew louder outside and Emma rushed to the door to let the EMTs in, a hand on Baxter’s collar to keep him out of the fray. As the paramedics worked to get Everett stabilized and onto a gurney, Thad gave them his assessment. If it was a stroke, which he suspected it was, time was of the essence. “Take him to Manhattan West. I’ll call one of my colleagues and have them meet us there.”
Emma accompanied them to the door. “I’ll follow you.”
“No.”
Dammit. He hadn’t meant to say that as harshly as he had. But he was stressed and sick with worry and berating himself for being so self-absorbed that he’d allowed this situation to get to the point it had. Thad turned to see Emma’s stricken expression. “I have to go.” He glanced out the door to the ambulance at the curb where the EMTs were loading Everett into the back. “I’ll check in with you later and give you an update.”
Then he was running down the sidewalk, barely stopping to tug on his coat before climbing into the back of the rig and hurtling toward the hospital, the life of the man who’d taught him what it meant to be a real man, one who loved and cared for others more than themselves and their own comfort in life, in dire jeopardy.