Dennis
I should have ended it. Right there, when Cassie recoiled as I tried to comfort her. I should have yanked out the knife and severed us. At least it would have been a clean break. Sure, it would have hurt like a fucker now, but it would have saved the inevitable pain down the line.
Pain I knew I couldn’t escape.
But I was weak and in the end, I’d managed to persuade Cassie to let me drive her back to campus. She didn’t speak as she climbed out. She didn’t look back. She didn’t reassure me that we’d be okay. Because, deep down, I think we both knew we wouldn’t.
We. Were. Doomed.
It was only a matter of time before one of us was strong enough to end it.
But I wasn’t ready.
A small part of me wanted her to do it. To save me from the guilt. From having to look into her eyes when I tore her heart to pieces.
Walking through the doors to Tillamook Regional, the cloying smell of cleaning fluid assaulted my senses. I despised hospitals to the point of clamming up the second I entered the sterile environment. But someone needed to find out if the kid was going to be okay or if we had a bigger problem than we’d originally thought. And with Jackson out of town, this shit landed on my shoulders.
“Hey,” I said, flashing the nurse a smile. “I’m looking for my brother, Aaron Leights. I believe he got brought in last night. Overdose.” I let my smile slip.
“You’re family?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I ran a brisk hand over my head doing my best to look concerned. “He’s my younger brother. Our parents are out of town right now. I drove down as soon as I could.”
She nodded and motioned for me to follow her to the nurse’s station where she checked a computer. “He’s stable. He was lucky. Very lucky. What did you say your name was?”
“Josh. Josh Leights.”
“Room two-oh-two. Down the hall, honey, last door on the left.”
“Thank you so much. I can go in and see him?”
She nodded and I flashed her another smile. “Thank you.”
I left the nurse tugging at the collar of her dress. Women were so predictable. Even amid all the tragic things they witnessed day in, day out, they still got all goo-goo over a good-looking guy with ripped muscles.
When I was sure she wasn’t going to follow me, I took off down the hall and slipped inside of the room. A lanky guy lay asleep in the bed, machines bleeping around him. Memories pushed at the boundaries of my mind, but I forced them out. Now was not the time to go there. The guy looked like any other student at CFA. I stalked closer, scrubbing a hand down my face. I came here to get confirmation he was going to be okay, but I couldn’t leave until I was certain he wasn’t going to talk. To his parents. To the cops.
To anyone.
Dropping into the visitor’s chair, I leaned forward and rested my chin on my fists and waited. When the guy’s eyes started flickering open, I saw the confusion almost immediately.
“W- what happened?” His voice was dry, and I offered him a cup of water. He sipped it slowly as I said, “You took some bad coke. You’re in Tillamook Regional.”
He lifted a wired-up hand to his eyes and rubbed. “Who are… Hayes? Dennis Hayes, is that you?”
I didn’t reply. I didn’t need to. The realization of his predicament widened his eyes. “Oh shit.” It came out so quiet I almost missed it.
“Yeah, oh shit. Listen, we need to know you’re not going to talk. To anyone.”
“Talk?”
Part of me felt bad. The guy looked ready to piss himself and a machine started bleeping furiously. I glanced back at the door and then stood. “We need reassurances you’re not going to tell anyone where you got the coke from.”
“I would never—”
“Good. You didn’t see me, okay? If anyone asks, I’m your brother. Got it?”
He nodded.
“We know who you are, Aaron Leights. Don’t fuck this up, yeah, or things will get crazy for you pretty quick.”
More nodding.
This dude wasn’t going to talk. He was probably more worried about getting chewed out by his parents than ratting out his supplier.
I slipped out of the room, pulled on the ball cap to cover my eyes, and took the emergency stairwell to avoid the nurse’s station.
Later that day, we were in the basement of Fallen House. Jackson was back, and he wanted answers.
“We tracked down as much as we could. Had to bribe a couple of stoners for their stash.” Travis threw down a handful of clear baggies filled with white powder. “People are starting to talk, man. This is not good for business.”
“Damn straight. Weed isn’t going to make anyone rich quick. This shit needs to be resolved.” Kyler paced the basement, glancing in our direction every few steps.
“Sit the fuck down, you’re making me dizzy,” I bellowed.
“What’s wrong, Hayes? Got your panties in a twist over some little slut?”
I saw red. “What did you just say?”
“I, I was joking, man. Someone said they saw you arguing with a chick. I figured that’s what had you in a shitty mood. I was just jok—”
My body slammed against Kyler, caging him against the wall. “Don’t ever fucking open your mouth about shit you know nothing about, got it?”
Fuck.
They were watching me, the air thick with confusion and surprise. I knew I needed to rein it in—to calm the fuck down—but rage boiled through my blood. Hearing the little shit talk like that, about Cassie… Not. Happening.
“I said sorry, didn’t I? Get the fuck off me.” Kyler shoved me away and skulked over to the table while I tried to calm down. Leaning against the wall, I took a couple of deep breaths.
“I’m going to ask Uncle Marcus again about news from Reibeckitt. We need to keep a lid on this from our end.” Jackson caught my eye as I went back to the table. “If the guy talks to the cops, then we could have a major issue on our hands.”
“He won’t talk,” I said.
I’d made sure of that.
“Okay, keep your ears to the ground. I’m at a thing tonight. If anyone needs me, then text.”
“A thing? Without us?” Shaun drawled, pouting like a child.
“He’s got new friends, or hadn’t you noticed?” Kyler didn’t even bother to hide the bitterness in his voice, and I bristled again. He needed knocking down a peg or two, and if he carried on running his mouth, I’d be more than happy to oblige.
“It’s just a small thing,” Jackson said. “Ana and her friends. I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow. Go get drunk and get laid or something.”
“Damn straight,” Shaun cheered. The dude was a fucking dog.
“A word,” Jackson directed his words at me, and I followed him up to his room. Once we were inside, he got straight to the point. “Going to tell me what the hell that was about?”
I shut down, crossing my arms over my chest. “Not really.”
“Okay, let’s try it my way. Kyler mentioned a girl? Is he right?”
I stared at him—my best friend—the one person I trusted with my life. It would have been so easy to fess up, but now was not the time to come clean. Too much was happening.
When he realized I wasn’t going to reply, he said, “Is she going to be a problem?”
Cassie wasn’t the problem.
I was.
With a shake of my head, I changed the subject. “This gathering… am I invited?”
“You can come as my plus one.” The fucker smirked.
“Who’s going?”
“It’s a thing for Cormack. Mari asked Ana if she could use the house, and Ana didn’t want to say no. So: Manster; Jamie; Nate and his girlfriend, Elena; Cassie, I guess.”
Cassie was going to be there?
Of course she was.
“Nah, I’ll pass.” I couldn’t do it. Be close without touching her. Kissing her. There was no way I could do it. And after this weekend, I wasn’t sure she’d want me there. We’d left things unresolved, Too scared to have the conversation we’d been avoiding for weeks now.
Cassie deserved better. I’d spent three days getting to know her, asking her about her childhood and favorite memories. She’d talked animatedly about Thanksgivings spent with her family. Big dinners. Extended family visiting from out of town. The love she’d experienced growing up shone in her expressions. And for a second, I’d been jealous. Because Cassie had everything I didn’t.
Her childhood was full of smiles and warmth. Mine was tainted by memories I’d rather forget. Memories I worked hard every day to push further and further into the recesses of my mind. But I could never completely let them go because I was shackled to my past. It haunted me. And one day, my darkness would snuff out her light.
I couldn’t do that to her.
I wouldn’t.
She was the one good thing in my life, and the thought of giving her up was almost too much to bear. But my father had been unable to set my mom free, and in the end, it had killed her.
This fucked up life had taken away the one person we’d loved more than anything.
It had almost killed him too. Not in the physical sense, but he was never the same after she passed. I watched my old man, plagued with guilt and self-loathing, try to chase her soul into the depths of hell. But not even hell wanted a man like Miller Hayes. After two failed suicide attempts, he’d finally realized he was destined to live out his days in the underbelly of Stonewood Creek.
But it wasn’t enough.
Regret turned to greed and grief to anger. And the man I once called Dad became someone I barely recognized. Driven by the need for more.
More money.
More drugs.
More business.
Always more.
Miller Hayes had grown a criminal empire right out of our beat down house. People feared the man they once called their neighbor. And one day, that empire would be mine.
Whether I wanted it or not.