Find Your Why and Your Me

The things you choose to do in life are very important. In fact, they shape your life experience and how you affect the world around you. But the reason behind why you do the things you do is even more important. If you find the right why (it’s in italics because it’s significant) for doing your art, it will both inspire you and keep you wanting to be in the game for longer. Why? Exactly!

When a two-year-old incessantly asks the question, “Why?” it’s terribly annoying. But it’s probably the best question to ask when you’re all grown because it gets to the bottom of your motivation, which, in turn, helps you discover if you’re on the right path. Here’s a great example of a dramatic actress named Cass finding a great why:

Now, that is a great reason to act in a film.

Cass’s deepest why is personal and powerful and has the potential to fuel a lifetime of creating characters. When you find your why, you not only find inspiration from somewhere deep in your gut but you also may open your mind to other ways to pursue your why. For example, Cass could also pursue photography and create a book of photos showcasing the lives of people in Haiti or start a philanthropic social media campaign. In short, finding your why gives you inspiration and options. Your why is what fuels your determination.

This approach can also be a great thing to explore when doing anything that takes time or energy that you could put elsewhere. For example:

In this case . . . call your boss! The truth of the matter is that humans do random things to avoid doing other, meaningful things much more often than they would like to admit. And what’s interesting is that your brain will tell you that the inconsequential task is the most important thing in the world when it’s not at all. So . . . if you find yourself actively pursuing useless tasks, check in with yourself and see what the thing is that you probably don’t want to do. This takes a very sophisticated level of self-awareness, by the way. Along these lines of thought, it is possible to have a why you do your art that isn’t serving you. It’s also possible that pursuing your art is the equivalent of rearranging your sock drawer. Here’s a violinist named Greg who finds a not-so-great why:

In this case, Greg has some serious thinking to do. And he’s not alone. Many people pursue careers that they aren’t passionate about just to gain acceptance from their family, friends, or childhood mentors. Or they decide to pursue a career because it’s “easy” or “expected.” For instance, “My mom was an artist, and my grandmother was an artist, so . . .” Guess what? Those two facts do not mean that you have to be an artist. If, in going through the exercises in this book, you discover that you don’t want to have anything to do with the arts, then you’ve made a good investment of your time and money. You should work to pursue your best future—whatever that may be. Essentially, when you pursue something you’re not passionate about, it is the equivalent of rearranging your sock drawer. You’re inevitably ignoring what you were put on this planet to do. There is something that everyone is meant to pursue. It takes some people a long time to find their passion, and others know from infancy. If you haven’t found it yet, that’s totally okay. Your chosen path may be hard or it may not be accepted by your peers and family, but if you find a path that is supported by a strong why, you’re headed the right way. The best thing you can do is choose boldly and listen to your heart.

After you explore finding your why, you’ll investigate your me. Your me is your ideal, best self that you will put out into the world—that is, the kind of artist you want to be. And, guess what? It’s influenced largely by your why. For instance, do you want to be an ambitious winner-take-all go-getter? Or a compassionate everyone-comes-toyou-for support artist? Sure, we can all be both at times, but it’s important to define the underlying essence of your ideal future self, because if you know how you want to present yourself to the world, you’ll understand how to market both yourself and your art. And you’ll know how to best hone your craft to support the kind of artist you want to be.

Your me is very related to your why because they both define to how you want to relate to the world. Finding your me (and your why) force you to look deeply inward, make discoveries, and then share the results of those discoveries with the world. It’s a multifaceted concept, but if you do it correctly, it’s something that will affect your entire future (in your personal and professional life). Here are two dancer/choreographers with very strong and very different ideas of their me who have brainstormed words and phrases that describe the type of artist they want to be.

Dancer/choreographers Tyrone and Abby are both great people who will probably have successful futures . . . but very different careers. The type of person you are affects your art, whether you want it to or not. The arts give us the ability to transcend words and convey some sort of higher meaning that connects us as humans. If you’re not very specific about the type of me you would like to bring to the table through your art, the things you do run the risk of seeming shallow and soulless (which we all know, if you’re reading this book, that you aren’t).

If you identify the words or phrases that describe the core of your artistic soul, you can use them as the backbone for everything you do. You can also check in on a regular basis to make sure you’re still acting or creating in a way that is true to your describing words and, thus, true to yourself. For instance, Tyrone can ask himself, “Is this choreography edgy, innovative, and disruptive?” If not, then he’s found a jumping-off point for altering his work . . . or a jumping-off point for redefining himself as an artist. Likewise, if Abby decides that she has not been loving, gracious, and a good listener in her dealings with her fellow dancers, then she has some thinking to do! Defining your me is also useful when it comes to decision-making. If you’re at an impasse, you can always ask yourself, “Which choice is most congruent with my me?” That’s generally the best thing to choose.

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY. . . .

Want to know one of my deep and dark secrets? True confession? I eat at work when I’m putting off something I don’t want to do. Even when I’m not hungry. No joke. I will legitimately eat the pumpkin ravioli I brought from home at 9:45 a.m. to put off calling someone to have a hard conversation or deliver bad news (which, incidentally, is bad news for me around 2 p.m. when I get hungry for the lunch I’ve already eaten). Interestingly enough, though, I have a sticky note on the top corner of my computer screen where I write my weekly me words. This is where I often pause. When I look at the top word—“Disciplined”—away goes the fork and the half-eaten ravioli to finish after I return from the gym.

So let’s find your why and your me so that you can use your art to make the world a better place. Let’s get started.

DAY 1

Today we’re going to start exploring the reasons behind why you want to be an artist. I recommend that you go to three levels of why you want to do your art. I have included bonus fourth and fifth levels of why, in case you feel that you haven’t gotten to the bottom of the deepest part of your motivation. Please take the time to truly reflect in this exercise. It should take some soul-searching, so really explore your why from the inner depths of your artist’s soul. Your answers can be a sentence or a whole paragraph (or more!). And don’t judge your answers. “I want to end hunger” is not a better why than “I want to make people laugh.” Every why is completely valid if it’s true.

After you write your first why, enter a paraphrased version of your first why into the question part of the second why.

Why do I want to pursue my art?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

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Why do I want to _______________________________?

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Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

DAY 2

Today you’ll be brainstorming your why for each of your three chosen dream gigs (see day 5 of week 1). Here’s how it works. On the first line, write, “Why do I want to [insert job here]?” After you answer the question, take your answer and ask why again to the second answer. Then do it again. Again, really spend some time soul-searching and getting real with yourself.

Goal #1

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Why do I want to do goal #1?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Goal #2

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to do goal #2?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Goal #3

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to do goal #3?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

Why do I want to _______________________________?

_____________________________________________________

If you happen to have found in this process that some of your three goals’ whys don’t line up with your overall why, that’s okay. In fact, that’s great! That’s why we’re doing these exercises. Knowledge is power! Perhaps, at this point, you might want to go back to the exercises from week 1 and rethink your three goals with your newly defined why. It’s always good (in life in general) to check back in with your goals and your trajectory from time to time. Priorities shift and times change. The ability to “pivot” in life is one of the main reasons why many artists are successful.

DAY 3

Next, let’s find your ideal me. You probably already know who you are as a person, but now we want to explore how you will present yourself as you relate to your art. They may be the same, but they also may not. If you’re the type of artist who may be asked to embody different characters, explore how you want to be seen in the classroom or rehearsal studio. In the exercise below, brainstorm adjectives for your me. Set a timer for ten to fifteen minutes and get creative:

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DAY 4

Now you’re going to choose your top ten me words or phrases, ones that you feel best describe the type of artist you want to be, and put them in order of how strongly you feel about them (“1” being most strongly). These are the words that you will use to shape yourself as an artist and the words you can look back on to make sure that you’re staying true to the person you want to be. And don’t worry: you can always change your selections. In fact, you should change your words and phrases from time to time to develop different aspects of your personality and to reflect you as you live, learn, and change through time. Ready? Go!

The words or phrases that most strongly represent the me that I want to be in the world are:

1. _____________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________

6. _____________________________________________________

7. _____________________________________________________

8. _____________________________________________________

9. _____________________________________________________

10. _____________________________________________________

DAY 5

Your last task of the week is to set up your whys and your mes in places where you will be reminded of them on a daily (or hourly?) basis. Perhaps you will write your main why on a piece of poster board and put it directly in your line of sight when you lie in bed. Maybe you will change your e-mail password to be your top three me words. Set your phone alarm to wake you up with a label that is one of your whys. Write it in your ballet shoes. Make it your screensaver. Write it on the window of your unwashed car. Write it on your bathroom mirror in lipstick and reread it every day while you brush your teeth. Whatever!

What we focus on becomes our reality. In an article in Forbes magazine, writer Amy Rees Anderson says, “Research has shown that it is our thoughts that drive our emotions, and our emotions that drive our actions. Therefore, if we want to act in a way that will bring us the most success, we have to control our emotions by learning to control our thoughts.”¹ And our brains can be pretty forgetful monkeys. So put your why and your me in as many places as you can. You will want to remember why you’re working so hard and who you are destined to be.

Oh, and tell people. Accountability is everything. Often, when you speak your motivation and inspiration out loud, they become even more real. If you tell your friends about why you are pursuing a life in the arts and who you want to be as a person while you do it, they can support you and remind you. And hopefully, you may even inspire them to do the same exercise for themselves.

List three prominent places you will put your main why.

1. _____________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________

List one prominent place each where you will put your three whys that relate to your goals.

1. _____________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________

List your top three me words or phrases.

1. _____________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________

Now, list three ways you will remind yourself of your top three me words or phrases.

1. _____________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________

NOTE

1. Amy Rees Anderson, “Never Say Anything about Yourself That You Don’t Want to Come True.” Forbes, January 21, 2015, https://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2015/01/20/never-say-anything-about-yourself-that-you-dont-want-to-come-true/#6b2d67136f98.