As small as Millerton Community Hospital was, the staff all knew each other. The nurse at the duty station on the fifth floor looked surprised when Heather stepped off the elevator. She was sure that word had floated around quickly about the deception, just as she had learned via the active rumor mill that the boy was now being called Theo. The nurse offered quiet condolences before a patient-call button interrupted their conversation. With a roll of her eyes, the nurse went into a patient’s room, leaving Heather alone.
She padded quietly to the end of the hall and slipped into the room before anyone else noticed. Without the glow of monitors, only the night-light shining through the partially open bathroom door and the natural light through the window provided any illumination. Heather could make out the tray table pushed up against one wall and an empty visitor’s chair. She sidled up to the edge of the bed and stared at the huddled form under the blankets, his open eyes glistening in the dim light as he stared back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She blinked back the threatened tears. “I know, honey.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
“We’re hurting, but it’s not because of you. We’re hurting because we know my son is gone. We loved him.”
“So did I.” Those gray eyes blinked, and Theo shifted his gaze to the window. His tongue flicked out and ran across his lips. “I’m alive because of him. I would have never made it all those years without him.”
She struggled with her emotions. She knew she would spend part of the next day at the mortuary, planning a service. Connor had promised to go with her and help figure out the arrangements. No nineteen-year-old should ever have to plan his little brother’s funeral, but she needed his strength to get through it. And the boy sitting in front of her reminded her with his very presence of that pain.
But at the same time, she wanted to wrap her arms around him, pull him tightly against her, and kiss away that tear rolling down his face.
Her son was gone. This boy was there. The answer was that simple.
She reached out and held him as he cried. Once his tears dried up, she lowered his head to the pillow and pulled the sheet over his chest.
“I want to talk to you about Connor.”
The sides of the boy’s mouth turned up slightly. “I can see why Jaxon liked him so much. He’s a good brother.”
“Yeah. He’s a great brother. I wish he had gotten more time to be one.” She looked away to avoid making eye contact. “He’ll probably visit you tomorrow. I’m not sure if that’s good for him or not, but I think he will, anyway.”
“You don’t want him to see me?”
“It’s not that. I’m not mad at you, Theo.” She hesitated. “It’s that I’m not sure he should. I’m not sure it’s good for you, either. But I also don’t know if it’s bad for you.” She smoothed his hair with her hand. “He’s old enough to make his own decisions, and you’ve certainly earned the right to make your own decisions. I think maybe he needs to see you, needs to hear things.”
“Needs to hear things?”
“I think he needs to know more about what happened to his brother while he was with you… there.”
He studied his scarred hands. “Do you want to know more?”
“No.” She wiped the sweat from her hands across her scrubs. “I want to remember Jaxon as a happy little kid, not how things were there. Does that make sense?”
“I understand.” He nodded. “He was happy before. That’s why I knew so much about you and Connor. He talked all the time about how great you were.”
The room blurred as her eyes watered, and she fought against the tears. She resolved she wasn’t going to cry in front of him again. He didn’t need her tears. “I worked too much. I should have been there more. Loved him more.”
Theo sat up in the bed and focused on her. “I lived because he was there for me, but he lived because he knew you loved him. He never doubted that, not once, not on the darkest day. He always thought you or Con would save him. Or maybe his soldier dad would bust down the door. You may not want to know anything else that happened there, but you should know that.”
She bowed her head and let the tears flow despite her earlier efforts to hide them. She hadn’t realized how much she had needed to hear that, but she felt tension slip out of her. When she felt steady again, she lifted her head and smiled at him. “Good luck to you, Theo. I mean that.”
She turned to leave but stopped with her hand on the door handle when his voice reached her. “I am sorry. For lying, yeah, but for losing Jaxon too. I wish none of it had ever happened.”
“Me too,” she whispered and left the room.