No one woke her the next morning. Not Grietje or Beth, not noise in the hallway, not the sound of cows outside the window or sheep or the rooster. There were roosters, mind, just not very near the main house. Rathna rolled over, sometime, to find Gabe lying there, reading, and buried her head again. He didn’t move, or at least not more than the finger or two required for the book.
When she finally roused, the clock on the bedside table said it was well past nine and she was starving. Gabe was still there, reading, though he’d got rather farther. “Why didn’t you get up?” She sounded grumpy. It came out all wrong. She didn’t actually feel like that. Probably.
He shrugged, agreeably. “Wanted to be with you. How are you feeling?”
Rathna stretched cautiously, taking her time to figure out how to answer that question. Achy, she’d expected that, given the amount of work she’d had to do on two portals. Plus an entirely different sort of bed and all the accumulated exhaustion finally beginning to ebb. It left fatigue poisons. She knew the basic theory of that. “Better for having some food. Why are you still here, Gabe?”
It wasn’t that she wanted him to go. She didn’t. But she didn’t know how to sort out what she did now. He must have caught something in her expression. He was watching her closely enough. “You know what I’m like after a case, love. You’ve the same thing. All at loose ends. I have some reading I need to do, catching up on all the analysis of what’s in public. But I can take the morning. How do you feel about breakfast, swarmed by children, followed by a ride?”
The thought of a ride made her grimace, but she missed being on horseback. “Just us?”
“If you’d rather.” There was a flicker of something in his expression now, and she filed it away, for when there was more information. “And then I can do my reading, and you all can do whatever you think best. You’ll have to make reports and all that, but no one’s going to bother you for them today. Start them tomorrow.”
Rathna let out a slow breath. “Riding breeches, then.” She could do that. It simplified the clothing choices, anyway. And it’d give her a good reason for a bath after, and a hearty lunch. Then she pushed herself up on one elbow, kissed Gabe on the cheek, and rolled out of the huge bed to get ready. It wasn’t his fault she was cranky. By the time she came back in jodhpurs to put on her low riding boots, Gabe was dressed himself in tall boots and breeches, as he preferred.
Breakfast was predictably loud, with half a dozen people talking at once. Avigail kept snagging a bit of her potatoes and then looking up and giggling. Rathna rumpled her hair and asked Anthony what he was up to, and Rowena wanted to ask Uncle Magni about something. All well and good. Rathna let herself coast along with it, agreeably enough.
It wasn’t until they got out to the stables that she caught another hint of something just a little off. Gabe was a ferociously talented rider. His parents were, their children all were - even Avigail was, despite her age. And there was a moment, just a flicker of one, where Gabe hesitated before mounting Meliora.
He never had before. She wondered, now, if he had the first time he’d got on Invicta after his terrible fall, the one that had changed the arc of his life in a dozen ways. Though that would have been obvious to his parents, at least. She’d ask them, maybe, if she got a moment this afternoon when Gabe wasn’t around. Or, well, Alysoun. Richard had apparently been gone nearly at dawn. There were bombs being dropped over South Wales.
She’d been told, over and over, that Trellech was probably safe enough. For the Luftwaffe themselves, the non-magical wouldn’t know there was a city there. Those who did were not as likely to be up in the planes, or at least not in quantity. If someone did try, there were precautions and magical warding that should help. But of course, it wasn’t the sort of thing one could actually test reliably. Whatever else, Richard would be needed to coordinate relief efforts, both among the folk of Albion and the non-magical folk, however they could. That line of thought wasn’t going to end anywhere good.
Instead, she swung up on her own mare, reminding herself how it felt to have a horse between her legs. Rathna guided the mare a step or two forward, halted her, checking everything was as it should be. “You take the lead?”
Again, there was a tiny flicker of something, but then Gabe led the way out of the stable yard. Predictably enough, he turned right, to the path that would take them through the woods, curving along the stream, back on the far side of the home farm. A pleasant hour’s ride, depending on how fast they went.
The ride itself was lovely, enough that she began to relax and not be quite so afraid of some other shoe dropping. Gabe relaxed as well, and once they were in the woods, he pointed out several things that were new since last she’d been out. A badger sett there, a curious vixen and her kits a little further along. By the time they turned back into the stable yard, Rathna wasn’t sure if her eyes had deceived her, or not.
By the time she was done with a long soak in the Roman baths, Gabe had had his own upstairs. He’d disappeared into his work in the small office he used when he wanted privacy, with Isobel, who at least was at less of a loose end now. Ferdinand had joined her at lunch - he’d already eaten.
She was worried about him, too. He was quiet, rather withdrawn. Understandably so, given all the chaos and the additional worries about his family. He earnestly had reassured her, the sort of reassurance that wasn’t really, that Isobel had shown him around all the public parts of the house. She’d taken care to make him feel welcome. And they’d had a pleasant conversation with Alysoun before lunch.
Something in the way he put that made Rathna tilt her head. “Not much like your mother, then?”
“Yes and no, Mistress.” They’d claimed a bit of the library, by that point, but apparently everyone else was leaving them to it. “She wanted to know what would make me feel welcome.”
Rathna smiled, leaning back in the chair. “She’s very good at that. I didn’t expect it when Gabe brought me to meet his parents.” She nodded. “You let any of us know if there’s anything you need. And you truly are welcome to stay as long as you like. No reason you shouldn’t.”
“My family,” Ferdinand stopped, then started again, “They won’t like it. They’ll say I should stay with my cousins or something.”
“Do your cousins really want you coming and going at all hours? We will probably be, for the record. A few days to recover and write our reports, maybe a week or two, but then we’ll need to get back to work. You’ve learned a tremendous amount, the past months, and we can pick up some of the load. Testing, if not repair.” She waved a hand. “This household is used to it. They have been since Richard and Alysoun married, near enough.”
Ferdinand tilted his head. “Oh.” There. She’d given him a good few dozen new calculations to work on. That should be a help for a bit.
“And you ask Alysoun how to finesse your cousins, if you need to, or aunts or uncles or whoever it is. She doesn’t go out much, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know who’s who.” Ferdinand nodded again. Rathna took pity on him, settling into talking about what the reports would need to include, and what the debriefing would probably be like. That part, she was less worried about. She had a pretty good idea what they wanted and needed to know.
The rest of the afternoon and into the evening were full of the ordinariness of family life. Gabe and Isobel reappeared in good time for tea. They took a walk with the children before supper. Then there was a delightful, complex, dance of tucking everyone into bed in sequence and relearning how the routines went right now.
Avigail wanted two chapters of her book, of course, and both her Mama and Papa there. Anthony wanted to hear about what it had been like to be away for so long. Not about the war, which she’d half-expected, between his age and the way the world was going. Just the places. She got on to talking about some of the food in Dax, and then about the cave, and his eyes lit up.
Rowena was a little trickier. She was watchful, making a dozen evaluations as they talked. Very like her father that way, and even more like Alysoun. Rathna had wanted to talk through the rest of her school year, all the things that hadn’t made it into the journals. Instead, she asked about what Gabe had told her while they were out riding, about spotting a couple of things in the notes. Rowena looked away, flushing. “I remembered what you said about the patterns? And I looked for the patterns.”
“Papa was very proud of you. Me too. When we get a chance, let’s talk through it properly, shall we? And if you want, if I can get a little time, I can show you a bit about the portal here.”
Rowena blinked. “Mama?”
Rathna had not expected to have this conversation right this moment, but no time like the present. “Your Papa thinks - and I agree - you maybe show a knack for the portal magic. If you’d like, we can try a few things and find out more.” Finding out more was a family habit, and perhaps less scary than all the larger decisions that might come later.
The Guild had long run on family connections, since the gift for the portal magic tended to pool in particular families. It would, in fact, be possible for Rowena to apprentice with Rathna if she wanted. Or they could find her someone else. Rathna wasn’t entirely sure which she’d rather. Not a decision she had to make tonight, whatever else. Figuring out if Rowena wanted to learn more would do for now, and even for the next year or two.
While she was still thinking, she was startled by arms around her, a tight hug, before Rowena pulled back. “I’m very glad you’re back, Mama. It wasn’t easy on Papa. Or any of us.”
“I know, love. And - well.” She wouldn’t be going anywhere from here, she was quite sure of that. Too much risk, not enough benefit, even those places she might have considered early this spring. “I’ll be here. And we’ll see about sorting out what else would be helpful.”
Rowena nodded, and then wriggled into bed, half-reaching for her book. “You should go to Papa.”
Rathna half-laughed, and bent to kiss Rowena’s head. “I’ll do that. You sleep well, love.”
That meant it was time to find Gabe. She found him, curiously enough, in their bedroom on the sofa, draped over it as he often was. As soon as he heard the door, he sat up more or less properly. “All good?”
“We have some entirely amazing children. Had you noticed recently?” She turned away to take off her watch and pendant, setting them neatly on the dressing table. When she turned back, he was leaning forward, elbows on his knees.
“They are. Entirely due to an amazing mother.” He tilted his head. “Though Mama and Papa help. And Uncle Gil and Uncle Magni. They’ve been a wonder, keeping steady. Uncle Magni’s been drilling Anthony a bit. No charms, just the physical. If Isembard gets a chance, they’ll do a bit more this summer, when they can contain things fully.”
“If we all get a bit of a breather.” She glanced at the lights over the doorframe and gestured. “Richard’s not back yet, then.”
Gabe shook his head. “Likely sleeping in Trellech tonight. I’ll have to go in tomorrow, at least.” Again, that tiny catch.
Rathna considered her options, feeling along with them, the way she felt along the connections of a portal. “Something happened to you. More than one thing, or no. Wait.” She held up one hand. “You’re thinking about something, deep and hard - and don’t make that face at me. I didn’t mean the innuendo. Yet.”
That at least made him laugh. Gabe stood, coming to slip his arms around her and nuzzle at her neck. “I’d like that too, tonight, if you’re up for it. I missed you.” Then she heard the catch of his breath. “And I have been thinking about something. Are you all right talking about it tonight? It’s a heavy topic.”
“Time-sensitive?” She asked it for information, but also because how he reacted would be telling. She could feel a slight flinch, the tension there, and answered her own question. “That’s the sort of thing we need to talk about tonight, yes. Meet you in bed?”
He kissed her neck, then the spot just in front of her ear, before letting go and padding into the bathroom to wash up. She focused on braiding her hair, wrapping a ribbon in the last inch or two and tying it off to keep it tidy. Then Gabe was wandering out, kissing her on the way by, and she took her turn. By the time she was done, he was lounging in bed, looking like something out of a Roman mosaic, lying on his side propped up on his elbow.
“You look suspiciously still, love.” She settled in, facing him for a moment, then twisted onto her back, where she could watch him but let her shoulders begin to relax a little.
“Figures, that’s what you’d catch. What else?” She’d have to prod him into conversation then, but it was a reasonable enough question. Gabe would want to know what gave him away.
“Half a dozen things. Particularly that you hesitated this morning, before getting on Meliora. And then things like this.” She wriggled a finger. “A little too quiet, a little too still, not your usual ratio of pacing.”
He grunted. “Fair.” Then he took a breath. “I’m not trying to be difficult. I just don’t know how to start this conversation at all.”
“If you had to pick one word, what would it be?” She might as well try that.
What she hadn’t expected was the face he made, like she’d cut through to the heart of it, tunnelling through every defence he had. “Sacrifice.” Immediately, Gabe held up one hand. “That’s where it gets complicated.” Her heart was pounding now in her chest, she could hear every beat.
“Start somewhere and go on until you’ve covered everything.” It was the only way forward. However, she fumbled with her hand, reaching for his free one, and her heart only slowed a little when she did. She was being entirely too rational for that word and the way he’d said it. Some part of her knew that was her fear, all her worry suddenly having a place to roost.
Gabe nodded once. “This is out of order when it comes to time, but I think it makes more sense this way. At the end of the Wild Hunt, the Fatae set three things as the payment for the ring.” He’d explained that part and that he’d agreed, but not the requirements. Some things were better not written down, and they both knew it. “Two of them were easy. Riding with them for the night and doing my best to bring everyone together. I was already doing both. We’re making some progress, and more to come. People are listening, at least. The ring does something. Not a compulsion, we tested for that, but an openness. A sincerity? Though that’s the oddest thing to accuse a Fatae ring of, isn’t it?”
“There are the legends about how truth telling is a gift or curse they bestow.” Rathna pointed out. “And the third?”
“That’s the hard one.” Gabe let out a long breath. “To quote, ‘when you are asked a question you wish to refuse, say yes. You will know which one when that time comes.’” He looked at her, suddenly seeming very young and unsure. “I said yes, and I should have asked you first.”
Rathna squeezed his hand, unable to find words for the moment. Her mind was racing. She could see, or at least begin to see, why he’d got the thought about sacrifice. But she was reasoning ahead of the actual information. “Tell me why that brings you to sacrifice?”
“Two things.” Gabe lowered himself to the bed, dropping her hand so he could slide an arm around her and set his head on her shoulder. Permitting himself the closeness, that was good. Giving it back to her was even better. She needed it rather desperately. “Livia Fortier’s death. My fall.” He hesitated. “And there’s that death in the ritual in the New Forest, the hypothermia.”
She could more or less see how that fit. “All right. Go on? You’ve been thinking about it - well, one of them for decades now, and the first since it happened.”
Gabe swallowed. He, who was usually so glib, was struggling for words here, and that was telling. “I didn’t like her. I certainly didn’t trust her, except in the most formally bound circumstances. And I know what she thought about you.” That sort of gossip got back to them sometimes, the rants and nastiness. “But she had as good a death as anyone like her might want. Doing something that made a difference, going out fighting.” His fingers closed, knuckles brushing against her skin before he straightened them again. “Turns out I respect that.”
“You’re your father’s son. And the long line before you. You appreciate a death in battle.” His family history was littered with it, even if it wasn’t recent. “That doesn’t mean you have to. And you’re not a fighter, Gabe, not like that. Duellist, yes, but you’ve other uses.”
“That’s the thing. I can’t get it out of my head that this is what the land magic saved me for when I was eighteen. When it twisted and caught me and shattered me.” He’d had the pain in his ankle ever since, for all the damage had theoretically healed. Until they’d met, he’d also carried a tremendous amount of shame about it, not that he’d ever talked about that with anyone.
Rathna didn’t know how to think through this sensibly. “Do you really think this is it?”
He let out a long sigh, curling up against her far more deliberately, the way all the children had burrowed into her today. “I don’t know.” It came out muffled. “Do I feel like this because I’m fighting it? Because it’s right? Because you weren’t here? Because I agreed without talking to you about it?”
Ah, that’d be part of the knot, certainly. She let her fingers trace along his shoulder, up far enough for the length of his hair, feeling the strands against her skin. The smell of him, of grass and summer flowers and the herbs of his shampoo and the smell that was all him. “We both knew we’d have to make choices we couldn’t consult about. I did, half a dozen times. When to stay, when to leave. It all worked out, but there were so many places it could have gone wrong.”
Gabe let out a shuddering breath. “Not angry?”
“No. We’ll see it through. Whatever’s needed.” It made him twist his head to peer at her. “Don’t you do anything more reckless than usual, mind. If you don’t need to sacrifice yourself, if it’s not what you’re asked, don’t. Can you promise me that?”
He nodded immediately, then something in him relaxed, despite the way his body was arranged. “It doesn’t bind, in my oaths. That helps, love. Rather a lot.”
“Good. We’ll keep talking about it, then. Tomorrow, you’ve got to be in Trellech. I have reports and the first part of the debriefing. London, for us, apparently, one of the inns the Ministry keeps.”
“Home for supper?”
“I entirely expect so.” They talked through the practical parts of it, the timing of it, if they’d both be home for tea. Once they’d done something that felt absurdly, joyfully normal, she brushed her fingers against his neck, the spot she knew he found a particular sort of arousing. “I missed you entirely as much as I should. And we did get to bed very early.”
He pushed up on his elbow and smiled. “May I exhaust you properly, my brilliant wife? Praising you as I go?”
It made her laugh, shaking loose the fragments of what they’d talked through. “Sate me.” Before she could say anything else, his hand was sweeping up her hip to her breast, easy and deft. Like he was when he was on a horse, flying to take a fence and completely free. She could feel him rock against her as she spread her legs slightly, to give him space to rearrange.
“I learned a new charm or three while you were gone. An application of something I was researching. Never tried it on anyone, of course.”
“You are single-minded about me, love. I am entirely sure of that.”
From that point, there was not much talking, at least not on her end. On his, he managed to keep up a long string, through her first climax, into her second. He drew it out, like beads on a necklace, praising every bit of brilliance she’d shown that he knew about since she left, all in order. The praise still could make her shudder all on its own. Hearing him lay it out as perfectly and completely as he did shattered her in all the best ways. She knew how hard he’d worked to put it all in order in his head and keep it that way, storing it up for this particular moment.
When they were finally both sated and thoroughly exhausted, she took a long breath, snuggling up against him as they drifted off to sleep.