Rathna was doing her utmost not to fuss. Fussing would not do any good, it would not change anything. It would distract Gabe, who did not need to deal with that nonsense, and it would worry everyone else. This did not make any of it easier.
They were assembled in the courtyard at Ytene, waiting while Gabe and Isobel checked their mounts over, looking at the hooves, the tack, all the necessities. Rufus was set to ride out with them, and he knew someone with a suitable barn where they could spend the night. Rufus, to be fair, seemed to know half the Forest these days, and Geoffrey knew the other half.
She tucked her hands behind her back so she’d stop fidgeting. Alysoun had not made the trip. She, Uncle Magni, and Uncle Gil were entertaining the children back at Veritas. Richard was at the Guard Hall in Trellech.
That left the people who lived here. Geoffrey stood further back with his wife, Lizzie, next to Alexander. The children of the house were off staying with Thesan and Isembard, and Rufus and Ferry’s little ones were off with some of Ferry’s cousins. What no one had spelled out - no one had had to - was better to have them out of the way if there was an urgent problem. Readily available, if need be, but not right on top of everything.
It wasn’t as if Gabe were going into an actual battle. It wasn’t even as if he were going off on a mythical ride with the Fatae. He’d done that one already. These were ordinary human people, with a touch of magic to them. Gabe had a pretty good idea what the ritual would involve. They’d talked it through enough with Alexander and Geoffrey and a few others.
Raising power, that was how the phrase went, making it swirl and aiming it. It was impossible to tell the form precisely until Gabe and Isobel were in the midst, but Rathna trusted they’d be able to manage. A great deal of what the Penelopes trained for was evaluating a new approach to magic on the fly. They were made into tools for measuring what it could do and what it mustn’t be allowed to do.
Tucking her hands behind her back wasn’t working, and she folded her arms. That didn’t help either, but at least was a different strain on her shoulders. Gabe was checking the packs one more time - his travel kit, wrapped food and drink, restorative and healing potions, a spare folding cane tucked behind the saddle. He knew what he was doing.
Finally, he left the mare he’d be riding with Isobel and came back over toward Rathna, holding out his hands. “Harder when you’re here, isn’t it, love?”
She sighed, then leaned her forehead on his shoulder as he held her. “It is.” It came out muffled. “And I can’t go down with you.”
“No. Even with Rufus. You wait here. We’ll have our journals. Rufus knows where we’ll be, and he’ll keep an eye out. We know the land around there, there’s nothing that unusual. Not even bogs very nearby.”
“If there were bogs, Rufus would be a particular help. Ex-bogs.” Rathna tried to make a joke, and it fell flat. Rufus was, in fact, strong enough magically to convince a bog it was solid earth for a little. Not that it was kind to the animals and plants there, exactly.
Gabe kissed her cheek. “One night. We’ve both done much more terrifying things, and recently.”
“What if we’re wrong about that? You said yourself...” Rathna swallowed, catching herself. She hadn’t been able to get that conversation out of her head, the one about sacrifice. They’d circled back to it, a couple of times in the days since, with no more resolution. Gabe hadn’t been able to expand on why he thought it might be the thing asked of him. Rathna hadn’t been able to put into words the gaping hole that she felt whenever they touched on it.
She had a family now. They loved her for her own self, not just on Gabe’s account. If sacrifice was called for, Gabe’s sacrifice, she’d had years and years with him. Not nearly enough, the century mark wouldn’t be enough. But a great deal more than many people got, including her own parents. And none of that began to fill the space in her life that was Gabe. That she wanted to have Gabe for decades and decades more.
Rathna hugged him tighter. It wasn’t helpful, not to either of them. In a minute, she’d have to let him go, and the Carillons would see she’d teared up, and that was going to be awkward. Gabe kissed her cheek again. “We’ll write when we leave Rufus with the horses. He knows what to watch for. And I won’t say yes to anything unless I’m sure it’s needed.”
“No promises you can’t keep.” Rathna agreed, sniffling a little now.
“No.” Another tight little hug. “And either way, it’ll be over tomorrow.”
There was that. “Not like when I was on the Continent, and we had no idea how long. However did you manage?” It was enough to get her to pull back a little.
“I kept very very busy and annoyed everyone who loves me in strict rotation.” Gabe was teasing, but only a little. He had, too, both the annoyance and the rotation. He was considerate about that point. “Charlotte threw me out of her house twice.” That said quite a lot. His sister was in many ways calmer and more even-tempered than Richard.
She considered for a moment, then kissed his nose. “Tell me that one tomorrow.”
“If it is within my gift, I will.” His eyes were shining now. “This is just going to get worse the longer we wait.”
Rathna swallowed. He was right. They both knew it. She just nodded. “Just. Do what’s needed. Don’t do what isn’t.”
That got a quick smile, a quirk of one, and he stepped back to make a bow. “As my beloved wishes. Wise words to guide my choices.”
She had to laugh, it was the only answer. “Take a handkerchief with you, as a favour, if you’re going to be like that. Even if it just stays in your pocket.”
“I won’t have pockets for some of this, I’m quite sure. But I’ll keep it with me, so much as I can.” She fished out a clean handkerchief from the sleeve of her jumper and handed it over. Properly embroidered with the emerald-green R that made it clear it was hers. He kissed it, folding it into his breast pocket, and then leaned to kiss her one last lingering time. When he pulled back, she nodded once, and he turned and went back to the horses.
She stood there without moving, just watching them, until they were past the turn in the road, past where the dust from the hooves could be seen or the clip-clop sound heard. She stood there until Geoffrey came up beside her. “They’re off the immediate property now.” He’d know, of course he’d know. He knew the bounds of his own lands as well as Gabe knew Veritas.
Rathna nodded once, unable to bring herself to speak. Lizzie came up on the other side, tsking. “Geoffrey, why don’t you and Alexander make sure we’re set up in the library? Ferdinand, too, if you would?” It wasn’t at all phrased as an order, but Rathna was sure Geoffrey heard it as one.
He murmured a simple comment, “Of course, Domina.” Then he called out, pitching it just right. “Ferdinand, we had a book we thought would interest you. Come along, they’ll be in in a bit.”
Rathna could tell she was being managed. She didn’t have the force of will to argue. Lizzie waited until the men had all gone inside - Benton, as well, of course. Lizzie didn’t reach to touch her, just waited. “You have something to say?” Rathna’s voice cracked on the last word.
“Not platitudes. You know what he’s doing. What might happen. Is there something you’re particularly worried about?” Lizzie half-turned to her. “I know you’re closer to Thesan, some ways. She’s nearer your age, of course. And there are the professional pleasures.”
Rathna shifted, twisting her shoulders to face Lizzie better as she blinked. “Is that what you think?” She swallowed. This was certainly diverting, as a topic, if also a challenging one. She let out a sharp breath, then saw a slight shift in Lizzie’s expression. “You are deliberate.”
“I suspected I wasn’t going to fool you for long. Would you rather sit, or walk in the garden, or go watch the mares and foals?”
“You want a conversation, just us, where we won’t be overheard.” And she wasn’t going to fuss over it. “The foals.” She could see gardens at a number of places, and while Ytene’s were flourishing, they were in much the same style as Veritas. And sitting, well, they could do that inside. But Veritas didn’t breed most of their own horses - in fact, they often came from Geoffrey’s stable these days. All three of the children’s current mounts had been born here.
Lizzie didn’t say anything further as they circled round, through the aisle between the courtyard and the stable yard, with its long L of stalls, off to the right. They went along past the nearer paddock, off to the further one, where three mares and foals were grazing. Lizzie gestured at the mares. “Lean on the fence? Bench?”
“Leaning.” Rathna felt fidgety. It’d be easier if they weren’t sitting. Then she turned her head, peering at Lizzie. “What are you up to?”
“It’s not easy letting them go off, is it?” Lizzie shrugged, wriggling the hand off toward the house. “Geoffrey in Germany.” Rathna had known about that while it was happening, the trips that had brought Geoffrey and Alexander into orbiting each other like a tight little system of stars. Triple, arguably, or more complicated.
Rathna had come to the decision that the Carillons and their various others were more like the Ursa Major Moving Group than a binary or even triple or quadruple system, though they’d come to that from different places. The metaphor didn’t hold up at all well. She’d ask Thesan about it sometime, when they both needed a laugh.
Rathna brought herself back to the current conversation with a start. “I am not at my best right now. Do explain?”
Lizzie laughed, but it was a cheerful laugh, not a mocking one. “He went off to do something important, and he came back and the world changed. His. Ours. And he could have got quite badly hurt, in the process. He almost did.”
“That part was not entirely clear at the time, besides the dangers from the espionage itself. Which were there, yes, but - different?” Rathna didn’t know how to put that. She was used to her work being aboveboard. Or when it wasn’t, it was more about privacy than secrecy. Gabe was the same way. Rathna knew he could keep things private when he had to, but she also knew he hated it, he wasn’t made for not sharing what he’d learned with someone. Enjoying the learning, that was a good way to put it.
Lizzie snorted. “Well, it wasn’t supposed to be that obvious. And we did explain after, when we invited you and Gabe to size up Alexander for yourselves.”
Rathna smiled at the memory, the way Gabe had immediately offered a duel. And then fought Alexander to a draw, which Alexander absolutely hadn’t expected. She looked back out at the horses, cleared her throat, and did her part in this conversation. “I don’t even know what I’m scared of. Or I do, but it’s not like most of it’s new. Penelopes don’t have the safest line of work. And it’s not as if I haven’t been taking risk after risk.”
“There’s something different about this one, perhaps? You know the patterns. This is outside of them.” Lizzie laid it out evenly, without any hint of judgement.
“Something like that. Gabe and I talked it through. The range of possibilities. I don’t know. That there’s something in here that will change everything.”
“Like falling in love, but you’re not at all sure it will be nearly that pleasant?” Rathna glanced over, and Lizzie was half-smiling. “This is nothing like I expected my life to be, and I still find myself thinking it most days. You either, I’m sure.”
“No. There’s a way we’re more alike than Thesan and I. She at least is doing what she expected to be doing from the time she was sixteen or so, in the place where she expected to be doing it. Though she’ll admit the marriage was a bit of a startlement.”
“I can’t decide if it’s better to know a lot of what our husbands get up to, or to have to send them off and not know. I feel for everyone left at home, having no idea what their men are up to. Especially anyone without a journal. Or where their loved ones can’t have it with them. We, at least, we know when we should be more or less worried?”
“More. Currently more.” Rathna let out a long breath. “I - it’s not mine to talk about. But I appreciate you’re wanting to make space for it.”
“Fair. And we’re well used to people not talking about things around here. Geoffrey’s better than he used to be, but Alexander? Still king of not saying things he doesn’t mean to.” That was entirely affectionate. “We’ll give you space, and all three of us pulled out books you might like. And Ferdinand, of course.”
Rathna ducked her chin. “I appreciate you having him out here. He’s rather at loose ends.”
“That would be the other reason we should stay out here for a few minutes. Geoffrey wants to get him thinking about some of the interconnections a bit differently. Between what you do and ritual magic, in particular. He and Alexander have been looking for a chance for weeks, I gather.”
“Am I going to regret that? No, of course I will, and I won’t. Do I get the teacher’s notes so I can keep a step ahead of him?”
“Annotated bibliography and a couple of copies of the relevant books, waiting on the desk in your room. And a copy of Geoffrey and Alexander’s working notes.” Lizzie grinned impishly now. “We do try to provide exceptional hospitality.”
Rathna laughed. “Certainly unique. Can I get twenty minutes up there to look at it, without attracting too much attention?”
“Oh, at least that. It’s the question of how soon you want your tea. I could come up with you, read companionably?”
Rathna nodded. “I’d like that.” Then she swallowed. “Thank you. For understanding.”
“If we don’t, who’s going to? Besides your family. But we’re here and they’re not.”
Rathna let out a slower breath now. “And Gabe will come home, and we’ll see what we do then.”
“Just so.” Lizzie gestured back toward the house. “Shall we?”
They walked back, chatting idly of the late summer plans for the property. They talked over when the figs might ripen, the tomatoes in the kitchen garden, and how things were coming along for the harvest fair. Pretending everything was ordinary.