Chapter 33
Danna and I sat at a table at two o’clock in an empty restaurant with a big orange sign on the front door: BY ORDER OF THE BROWN COUNTY HEALTH C OMMISSIONER THIS ESTABLISHMENT IS HEREBY CLOSED TO PROTECT PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY. There was more, but that was the really visible part. Visible to anyone who walked up the steps. To any car that drove by, any leaf-peeping tourist or vintage cookware fan. To any of my budding customer base.
“At least they didn’t go snooping around and find the tub full of turds,” Danna said.
“I know. I’ve got to get rid of all of it before tomorrow, though, so the inspection committee won’t find it.”
“I’ll help.”
“You don’t have to.” I traced one of the lines of wood grain in the tabletop.
“I want to. Come on, let’s get it over with.” She stood and rummaged under the sink to find two new pairs of rubber gloves. She tossed me a set and pulled on her own.
I blew air out, then rose and found a trash bag and three big nesting bowls. “We’ll need to sort the laundry from the dispensers from the silverware.” I followed her out the service door and stopped, stunned.
“Look at this day,” I said. Golden and brilliant red leaves fluttered against a perfect blue sky. A balmy breeze caressed my cheek. The scent of freshly cut grass tickled my nose as the lazy drone of a small plane receded into the distance. A yellow leaf zigzagged its way through the air in front of me, landing on my foot.
“How can I be in such big trouble on such a perfect day?” I frowned. “I remember reading, after the attacks on 9/11, how people on the East Coast couldn’t put together all that destruction and chaos with the clear, beautiful day it was.” Not that this compared to that event, of course. But it was still jarring.
“I know what you mean.” Danna opened the enclosure and dragged the tub out, but kept it behind the open gate, hidden from view to anyone passing by on the street. I separated the bowls and pointed.
“Salt, pepper, and sugar dispensers in that one. Silverware here. Napkins there. When we’re done, we can empty out the dispensers and sterilize them along with the silver. I’ll launder the napkins in super hot water.”
We set to work, unrolling the napkin rolls, weeding through the disgusting pile, tossing the dispensers into their bowl.
“I still don’t get how there were no traces of rats under the cabinets,” Danna said, throwing a fork into the silverware bowl. “That literally never happens.”
“I know. And don’t you think I would have seen droppings before now?” I shook my head and tossed an antique sugar dispenser a little too forcefully on top of the others. It crashed against the other dispensers, but blessedly didn’t break, the old glass was that thick. “The other thing is, you should have seen the pictures. There were rats everywhere. It was like the Pied Piper had lured them all in. I had no idea this town even had rats. I’ve never seen a single one.”
When the basin was empty of all but feces, Danna reached for the trash bag and stretched it wide open. “Dump it all in here,” she instructed.
I hoisted the tub and let the turds slide in. I set it down, picking out the last two and dropping them in the bag, then I scooped up a few that dropped on the ground and added them.
“Be right back.” Danna grinned and headed into the little patch of woods behind the barn.
I hosed out the basin and checked the enclosure. No evidence. Good. Curious, I lifted the trash cans. No rodent feces anywhere. Wouldn’t rats first be out checking the trash for free food before squeezing into a restaurant? I didn’t get it. The thought of someone doing it deliberately popped up again. But who? And why?
Danna came back, wadded the empty trash bag into a little ball, and stuffed it way down in one of the cans.
“Where’d you dump the evidence?” I asked.
“Let’s just say I fertilized a few redbud trees.” She hoisted two of the bowls. “We’re not done yet. Get the door?”
Danna left to the accompaniment of the dishwasher running at its highest temperature, bless the heart of the small-town appliance guy yesterday. I never would have gotten a replacement dishwasher so fast if my restaurant was in California. I carried the soiled napkins into my apartment and started a load of laundry, also on the hottest water the machine offered, setting the load on HEAVY DUTY despite its small size. Even though the napkins were blue, I wanted to add bleach, but I restrained myself. That oxy clean stuff and a good dose of detergent would have to do. Plus an extra rinse at the end. I’d do today’s napkins, towels, and aprons separately.
I took a moment to check my e-mail, but there was no news from Italy. Sighing, I pushed open the back door. Birdy came at a gallop and streaked out.
“I really ought to get you a cat door,” I said to his disappearing tail. It was still a drop-dead gorgeous day, even though the radio forecast a possible frost for overnight. I turned around and a minute later was back out juggling my laptop, a bowl of chips, a small bowl of salsa, and a beer. I set the stuff on the patio table and sank into a chair, stretching out my legs. I took a long swig of beer, then closed my eyes, letting the warm sun bleach my troubles away. A girl could wish, anyway.
I began to drop off into dreamland—that in-between state where you know you’re still awake, but you start seeing pictures on the insides of your eyelids. When the pictures turned to rats, though, I popped my eyes open and sat up straight. I had real rats to look at. I opened the laptop, turning the brightness up to high, and found the e-mail from Inspector Lake. The sun was still too bright to see the screen well, so I moved my chair into the shade and peered at the first picture. What seemed wrong? I saved the image and opened it in a picture viewer where I could enlarge it. I blinked and looked again. Every single red-eyed rat was in the same position. All the tails curved around to the right. Exactly the same whiskers stuck out from each snout. Their heads angled in the same positions. I sat back and swore.
Somebody had staged fake rats in my restaurant. Either that, or they’d used Photoshop to alter a picture. The droppings were real—I knew that for a fact. So that was why there weren’t any feces inside the cupboards. Whoever it was had scattered the evidence and the plastic animals about, gone outside, taken pictures, and then removed the rats. I jumped to my feet, knocking into the table and grabbing the beer just in time before it watered the flowerpot below it. I strode out to the edge of the woods and back. Who in hell would do a destructive, disgusting thing like that? Someone who wanted to put me out of business, that’s who.
Elizabeth seemed like an intelligent person. Wouldn’t she have noticed they were fake rats? I shook my head. If I hadn’t enlarged the picture, I wouldn’t have, either. I found the inspector’s number on the bottom of her e-mail, dug my phone out of my back pocket, and called her. It went to voice mail, though, with her message saying the office was closed, to please call back during regular business hours, and to leave a message of any urgent health infractions. I left a message describing my suspicions and saying I needed that sign taken down as soon as possible. I doubted the inspector would think this was urgent. Although, whoever sent her the fake pictures sure hadn’t waited for regular business hours. I munched a chip and opened the second picture. Same rats. Same problem.
Birdy sidled back. He settled into a spot on a warm flagstone and began to bathe, lifting his leg above his head in a pose worthy of a lifelong yogi. I thought again about getting better locks.
“Birdman, who left those rats in my restaurant?” I slid my phone back into my pocket.
He ignored me, then assumed the Sphinx pose, looking equally as inscrutable with his eyes half closed.
“And how did they unlock a locked door?”
I stared at Birdy and narrowed my eyes right back at him. Whoever did it must have picked the lock, which was a simple one in the doorknob itself. I’d heard a noise while I sat at my desk, hadn’t I? I’d chalked it up to wind, even though a murderer was on the loose. What an idiot I was. It was past time to invest in some dead bolts. And see how much an alarm system cost. I stood again and gathered up all the stuff. If I didn’t get a bike ride in, I was going to explode. Or go crazy. Or both.
I changed into my hot pink long-sleeved cycling shirt and socks, slipped off my jeans, and pulled on my black stretchy shorts, with the gel-filled padded seat that always felt a little like wearing a diaper until I mounted the bike. Then it provided exactly the cushion and protection my lady parts needed.
The pocket of my jeans rang. I hesitated a minute, listening, longing only to be out on the road, when I remembered Jim was going to call. Reluctantly, I pulled it out. Sure enough, the readout read James Shermer. I connected and walked back into the sun in my socks.
“Hey, how’s your mom?” I asked.
“She broke her hip, but she’s stable.” He yawned. “Sorry, I didn’t get in until about three.”
“I’m glad she’s okay and you arrived there alive. I was worried about you driving so far.”
“I’m worse driving in the afternoon when I’m tired. When it’s dark, I often get a second wind. And the coffee and sandwich helped. Thanks, Robbie.”
“Any time. How’s your father holding up?”
“Dad needs a lot of attention. I’m afraid he’s in early Alzheimer’s. I see it now I’m here. I haven’t visited him in a while.”
“Aw, too bad.” When he didn’t go on, I decided to tell him my news. “Had a little excitement here today, and not the fun kind, either.” I told him about finding the droppings and getting shut down, and about the pictures. “I swear they’re plastic rats, or rubber ones. Fake, anyway. I’m really steamed.”
“Whoa. That’s a lot to handle. I’m sorry I’m not there to help.”
“What could you do? I’ll talk to the inspector tomorrow. She’s gotta see they’re all identical.”
He spoke away from the phone, then said, “I’m sorry, Robbie. I have to go. The doctor just showed up to speak with us. I wish . . .” His voice sounded wistful.
“You do what you have to do. I’ll be fine. It’s a stunning day and I’m headed out on my bike to blow off a load of steam.”
“Good. Be careful, okay?”
I promised him I would and disconnected. I’d been careful cleaning up last night and look where it got me. With a cease-and-desist-to-cook order. Perfect.