Dear Rita,
When I got home from that terrible moment at the coffee shop your letter wasn’t waiting for me as you hoped it might have been. It came a few days later and you know what? I needed it more by then. I’d had a few days to grow more and more unhappy about all the decisions I’d made so far in this adult world. I felt, for the first time, that I’d taken on too much too soon. Who was I to think I could be this grown-up woman? It’s a burden I (naively) wasn’t expecting.
When I was little my parents threw glamorous parties. The summer parties here were my favorite. All the help would put tables outside and string up paper planters. I liked to run around and watch them. All the hustle and bustle of the big event. And I adore the idea of making the outside work like inside rooms. I wish I could live outside. I truly do.
Anyway, after Franny put me to bed I’d sneak back out and climb into the willow next to our yard. I watched and listened to those magnificent affairs.
And one night...one night my father looked right into the tree and caught my eye. He knew I was there. And you know what he did? He winked! Really. I never felt so close to him. He gave me his approval right then and there to buck the rules and the trends of society.
When I got home that day (The day the mourning mother slapped me across the face? Yes, that day), the first thing I did was climb that tree. You see... I’m trying to remember who I am.
And when I got your letter I thought long and hard about what you said about the lipstick. I looked at myself. Stared for a good two minutes at this strange woman I’ve become. And then I consulted Anna.
This is what she said: “Sometimes the parts of us that we don’t like are useful.”
So I started to think about my shameless behavior. My disrespect for both Levi and Robert. How much I hate to admit my own wrongdoing. Burying it under mountains of other things... I do that well, bury things. I am able to turn a blind eye to what bothers me the most. I get it from my mother. And truly, I dislike that ability.
But...it sure is useful.
And—if I am to “be a lady” it’s only logical that I look like one when I’m in public. She also told me this: “Many times the world isn’t ready for change. It has to be eased in or else it will be resisted. Change takes patience.” Just like with the plants. I introduced them to the sun and wind, little by little. And they’re doing fine.
So your life is changed now, Rita. And you need to ease into it. But just don’t get stuck. We all need you.
OH! And guess what happened? Silly Glory... I did make a mistake... I planted sunflower seeds in my makeshift greenhouse. (Did I tell you? Levi is building me one in the yard. Says my fine mother should have her fine dining room kept nice for posterity.) Anyway...those seedlings grew too fast and got all leggy! I didn’t know you just have to wait and put them in the real ground—the terra firma—so that they can root and grow up properly. Hide in the dark soil until they are good and ready for the sun. Oh, those wonderful sunflowers. So wise.
Love,
Glory