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Just being there for someone can sometimes
bring hope when all seems hopeless.
Dave G. Llewelyn
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I tilted my head to the side, taking a moment to capture every part of Lexi’s beautiful features. She was gorgeous and I was totally awestruck.
How the hell did I get so lucky?
I wanted her to remember this kiss.
And every kiss after that.
I was ready to take those lips captive and show them what they’d been missing.
I moved closer to her, preparing to give her what she wanted. I paused momentarily, teasing her just a little. “Are you sure you want me to kiss you?”
She nodded, speechless, as her eyes zeroed in on my lips. Her lips begged for me, and I lured her in, capturing all of her breath. Gently, I pressed my lips to hers and her eyes fluttered to a close. I kissed her softly, tenderly, experiencing all of her sweetness.
And damn, was Lexi sweet!
Cupping her cheek with my hand, I steadied my movements, even though I was eager to devour her. I could kiss her lips all night if she let me. Her lips parted, giving me an open invitation, and I took it. I slid my tongue into her mouth and she met mine, eagerly.
She tasted so damn good!
Kissing Lexi was better than I thought and I had kissed hundreds of girls, so that had to say something. But I knew if I didn’t stop, I’d never be able to. It took all my strength to break away.
I peeled my lips from hers. Her eyes remained closed and her lips puckered. “Lexi?” I whispered.
“Hmm?”
She was clearly drunk from my kiss and I loved that I had that effect on her. “Look at me.”
Slowly, her eyes opened, and I connected my gaze to hers. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you.” I ran my thumb across her lips, eager to taste more of her.
She inhaled and her chest moved rapidly. “I’ve been dreaming about you kissing me since the day I met you.”
“Really?”
Damn. If only I’d known that.
My heart pounded in my ears and I swallowed — hard. The hunger in her eyes filled me, working every part of me until my insides raged with an incessant need for her. It was as though her body was screaming for me to take her. And I was ready to. All the blood rushed to one area and I froze. I had to slow down. Way down. I didn’t want Lexi to think sex was the only thing I wanted from her.
“How about we go grab a bite to eat? I’m starving and if I don’t—” I stopped and smiled, embarrassed to admit I wanted to make love to her.
The flush of her cheeks told me she knew what I was thinking. The part that killed me the most was knowing she probably wanted the same thing. She nodded and relaxed back in the seat. “That sounds like a good idea.”
I turned the key and revved the engine. “I’m really craving Mexican food.”
“Perfect.”
Shit, Lexi was perfect.
I exited the parking lot of PHU’s stadium and headed down the street. I reached over the console and took her hand, holding it. It felt so good to touch her and I sensed she enjoyed it as much as I did. Being next to her brought me so much happiness. I warded off the demon voices continuing to taunt me, telling me I’d destroy her and things would never work out between us. I ignored them because if I didn’t at least try, I’d hate myself for it.
I took her to a Mexican restaurant off 7th Street. Spanish Christmas music played and colorful lights twinkled, setting a perfect holiday spirit. What I liked most about this restaurant was the collection of old car parts decorating the restaurant. Every time I went there, I spotted something different. Surprisingly, the restaurant was empty for a Saturday night.
The hostess led us upstairs to a corner booth and I sat opposite of her. I glanced over the menu, but I already knew what I wanted to eat.
“Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” I asked, eager to find out how she’d been doing.
She closed her menu. “No, not really.”
“I’m sorry.” I winced. “Why not?”
She shifted in her chair. “I, um...”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand,” I quickly interjected, sensing it was the wrong thing to ask.
With a head shake, she said, “It’s okay.” She rested her forearms on the table and leaned in. “I actually stayed in bed instead of going home to eat with my family.”
I felt so bad for her. “Were you sick?”
“No.” Her eyes darted to the table. “I mean, I told my family I was sick.” She grabbed her napkin and unrolled it. “But I wasn’t. I didn’t want to be around my mom. She won’t stop hounding me about my breakup and...” she took a deep breath, “so to save myself from the agony, I chose to lie to them instead.”
“Wow. I’m sorry.” I placed my hand on top of hers. I wanted her to know I was there for her, just like she promised me. Whatever was bothering her, she could tell me.
“Thanks. It hasn’t been easy.” She grasped my hand. “I basically grew up with Collin and everyone expected us to marry. I just went along with it because he’s all I’ve ever known. But deep down, I knew we didn’t love each other.”
I liked that she felt comfortable enough to confide in me. With the kiss and her confession, it meant our friendship status was definitely on the verge of changing. “It takes a lot of courage to admit that and do what you did.”
“Yeah, it does. I just want to be happy and...well, loved.”
And I wanted to be the one to show her that. “I understand. I’m sure there are women who just go with it and then several years later find themselves in a nasty divorce.”
“Exactly. And Delaney helped me realize that.”
I made a note to thank Delaney later. “Thank God for that. Otherwise, we might not be having this conversation.” I grinned.
“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I guess you’re right,”
Talking to Lexi came so easily. It was as though we’d known each other forever. “So, why are your parents so overbearing?”
“My mom got pregnant with my older sister when she was in high school. I guess they felt that if they directed all our steps, that wouldn’t happen to us. To be honest, I never really thought I was missing much.” She hesitated and then continued. “I just did what I was told, wanting to be a good daughter.” Her voice squeaked and her eyes watered.
I wanted to reach across the table and gather her in my arms and let her cry on my shoulder. “Sometimes it takes a rude awakening to realize there’s more to life. Believe me, I know.”
She nodded and then wiped away a stray tear.
A tall, skinny guy wearing a PHU ball cap stopped at our table. “Sorry to keep y’all waiting. Can I bring you something to drink or are you ready to order?”
“Do you know what you want?” I wasn’t sure whether Lexi had a chance to look over the menu.
“Yeah, I’ll have the chicken fajita salad with the dressing on the side.”
The waiter nodded. “And to drink?”
“Water with lemon, please.”
“No problem. And for you?” The guy obviously had a good memory because he didn’t write anything down.
“I want the beef fajitas, tortillas, refried beans, and rice. The whole works. And a tall glass of sweet tea.”
“You got it. And by the way, great game.” He tapped the table and grinned.
“Thanks, man.”
“If you need anything, just holler. My name is Brock.”
“Thanks, Brock.” I gave him our menus and he walked off.
Lexi smiled. “Do you ever get tired of that?”
“Sometimes.” I shrugged, even though it was a little ego boosting. “Especially if I want some privacy.” At that moment, I wished we were the only two people in the restaurant. It wasn’t hard to tune everything out and focus only on her. She wasn’t even freakin’ touching me and I couldn’t wait to get her alone. Keeping things under control might be harder than I thought.
The waiter returned with our drinks, bringing me back to reality. He placed a basket of chips, hot sauce, guacamole, and cheese dip on the table. “It’s on the house.”
“Thanks.” Lexi grabbed a chip and started eating. It was nice to be around a girl who wasn’t afraid to eat in front of me.
“Thanks, Brock. I’m starved.” I took a chip and scooped up some guacamole.
“It’s kind of nice to get special treatment.” She dipped her chip in the cheese sauce and then licked her finger when some of it dripped.
I had to look away before I grabbed her finger and licked it myself. “I won’t deny that.” I loaded a chip with everything and tried to focus on eating, but my mind protested. “But right now, I want to give you all the special treatment you need.” I winked at her and then stuffed the chip in my mouth. Lexi started coughing, and I felt like an idiot for flirting with her. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” She took a big gulp of water and patted her chest. “Just went down the wrong way.” After a few seconds, she said, “If I seem a little hesitant or tell you I’d like to take things slow, you’d understand, right?”
I took a couple swallows of my tea. If she wanted to go slow, I’d comply, but I couldn’t promise I’d be able to resist her. “Of course I do. I just want to get to know you, Lexi. Explore everything about you. From the sweet dimple that forms on your right cheek when you smile, to the curl in your pinkies when you play the piano, and the little shake of your hips when you walk.”
“I wiggle when I walk?” Her smile faded and her eyes widened. “Is my butt that big?”
“Relax.” I threw my head back in laughter. Leave it to me to screw up the romantic talk. “Baby, your ass isn’t fat. In fact, it’s tight,” I growled, just thinking of it, “and looks too damn good.”
“Oh, well, um...thanks.” Her cheeks flushed that familiar red as my gaze lingered on her. Vision of Lexi in her bra and panties danced in my head. I was in serious trouble.
I adjusted my pants and leaned back against the booth, resting my arm along the top. “But don’t worry. Like I said, I won’t do anything unless you ask me.”
Lexi stared at me for a long minute without saying anything. What was she thinking? Did she want me to see her naked? Damn, I was ready to throw everything on the floor and lay her on top of the table.
“Lexi?” I probed, trying to get her attention.
“Huh?”
Shit, had I said that out loud? “Did I say something wrong?”
She shook her head and her dimple reappeared. “I promise you, I’m good. In fact, I’m better than good.”
Thankfully, the waiter showed up with our food. I had been seriously contemplating testing the weight of the table. But I knew I had to take things as slow as Lexi asked. It had only been a month since she called off her wedding and a long-term relationship wasn’t something you just swept under the rug. It was going to take some time for her to get over him and I’d give her all the time she needed. The connection between us was intense, like nothing I’d experienced before.
She might be the one for me.
We ate and talked some more about her overbearing parents and how they ruled her and her brother’s life. I sympathized with her, assuring her she didn’t need to feel guilty about wanting to live her own life. I wanted to support her the best way I knew how, whether that was listening or giving what little advice I had.
She placed her silverware across her plate and relaxed against the seat. “We’ve been talking all about me and I really haven’t asked you anything.”
“Go ahead, shoot.” I cleaned my plate with a tortilla, getting my complete fill. “I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
“For starters, how was your Thanksgiving? Does your mom make a big feast?”
“Actually, my granny does. My mom and her sister help with the side dishes and pies. She lives in New Orleans and we usually go there every year. This year I missed out because of the game.”
Her eyes dropped. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Covering my mouth, so she didn’t see my food, I said, “It’s no big deal.” I shrugged off her comment, trying not to let it bother me. “I actually went to my friend Josh’s house.”
“That’s good. So you were able to have turkey and all the fixings.”
If it weren’t for Josh or Shawn, I would’ve been by myself. Thank God for friends.
“Yep. His dad makes fried turkey and it’s the best.”
“Hmm.” Lexi’s eyes lit up. “Never tried it.”
“Well, you’re missing out.” I cleaned my hands on a napkin.
The waiter appeared again and took our plates. Before I could ask for the check, Lexi spoke up. “Can you bring the check when you get a moment?” She pulled out her wallet and I knew she was honoring her promise of paying for the next meal.
Sweet.
“The manager said it was on the house.” Brock continued to clear the table.
“Wow, thanks,” Lexi responded.
“Thanks, man.” I cleaned my face. “Tell him we appreciate it.”
“Will do. Can I get y’all anything else?”
“I’m good.” I turned toward her. “Do you want any dessert?”
She let out a small giggle, making me wonder what she was thinking. “I think that will be it for now.” The waiter took off toward the kitchen.
Lexi straightened in her chair. “I hear you talk a lot about your mom, but I’ve never heard you mention anything about your dad.”
Those words paralyzed me. Did she have to bring that up? But in all fairness, she had no idea.
“Oh, yeah, um...” I rolled my shoulders a few times and took a deep breath, trying to shake off the voices laughing at me.
Regret spread across her face. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that question.”
“It’s cool.” I told the voices to take a hike. “You’ve shared your issues with me, it’s only fair I do the same.”
I stalled for a moment, wondering whether she really wanted to hear the truth. My issues were deep and I hadn’t shared them with many people. It wasn’t something I went around admitting. Even though people knew I had a jacked up life, admitting how it all got started wasn’t something I did. But Lexi wasn’t just anyone. Something told me I could trust her and she wasn’t going to judge me.
“I’ve never talked about my dad because I don’t know who he is.”
“Oh.” Concern filled her voice and her eyes softened as she leaned in. “I’m so sorry.”
I picked at the edge of my napkin, shredding it into tiny pieces. I took a deep breath, releasing it in a slow, steady stream. The sturdy brick wall I had built around me, threated to crash. Was I ready to let her? Let her see the real Raven? What if it turned her off and she didn’t want to see me again? That was a chance I had to take. Though, I was convinced Lexi would understand and not hold it against me. Setting the fear aside, I said, in a low voice, “I’m the result of a gang rape.”
Lexi’s hands flew to her mouth and she gasped. “Oh, Raven, I-I don’t know what to say.” The regret in her voice told me she felt bad for asking.
“It’s okay.” I looked at her. “There’s nothing you can say that will change the fact.” I slumped in my seat, feeling somewhat relieved to share my deepest, darkest secret with her. Maybe it was time I removed some of the bricks. “It’s was tough growing up...knowing that my mom really didn’t want me. She thought about aborting me,” I snickered, “even tried to, but I guess God had bigger plans for me, because here I am.” I lifted my arms and then let them fall to the table.
She grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly as tears poured from her eyes. “You’re right, Raven. God does have bigger plans for you. And don’t you ever forget it.”
I felt bad for upsetting her. My issues weren’t easy to understand or deal with. I only hoped she could accept them. “Don’t cry.” I reached across the table and wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Especially for me.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that...I feel your pain. I really do. I know you’ve been through a lot and although I don’t know if the rumors are true—”
“They are. It’s no secret. I’ve had a drug problem, off and on, for a few years.”
“But you are so talented, Raven.” Her eyes bore into mine and I could see the sincerity along with the warning. “Don’t throw it away for a good high or buzz.”
“Sometimes it’s easier said than done.” I wadded up the napkin and tossed it aside. I hated that I fell victim to the lure of getting high. It just seemed to take away all my problems and helped drown the voices in my head.
“I’m sure it is.” She grabbed my other hand and I sensed her concern for me. “Do you remember when we sang Lean On Me that day at my dorm?”
“Yeah, why?” I cocked my head to the side.
“If you’re ever feeling that down...” she paused, as though deep in thought, “to the point where you feel you have to resort to the unthinkable, I want you to call me. I’ll be there for you.”
“Lexi,” I shook my head, “I don’t expect you to help me with my problems.”
“Look, Raven, I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I won’t allow you to destroy your life when I know there is something great and big planned for you.”
“Thanks, but the truth is...I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Sure, I have dreams of going to the pros, but that’s what they are — dreams. I’m just taking everything day by day. If I make it, great. If I don’t, it’s no big deal.” I relaxed against the seat. I loved playing football, but I was also smart enough to know less than two percent of college players were actually drafted. The odds were extremely low and with my background, almost unrealistic. Even though, deep down, I wanted it so damn bad.
She gripped my hands tighter. “You will make it to the pros. I know you will. You have a special talent and when you’re on that field, it comes to life. So, if you need someone to help you battle those demons, I’ll be there for you. I swear on my life, Raven Davenport, I will be there for you.”
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