And there it was. Valid proof all the blood had vacated his head.
The way his cock pounded, it took every ounce of willpower Kelly had to step away from her. Check that. It actually took more not to immediately return once he locked onto her face and she gaped at him like he’d just jabbed her in the throat.
No. The last thing he wanted was her interpreting his actions as a rejection.
“Don’t.” He cupped her cheek, running the ball of his thumb over her lips. God, he wanted to taste her. Suck her tongue into his mouth. But one sip and he’d be a goner, every internal warning shut down by his need. “This isn’t me playing some stupid game or trying to mess with your head.”
Gritting his teeth, he dropped his hand and it hit his thigh with a slap. He was an idiot for calling a cease and desist to where they’d been headed, but God forbid she find out about his past after he’d been inside her. That snafu had disaster written all over it. “You’re not the only one with secrets, Eden. And I’ll be good and Goddamned before I take you to bed without first telling you the truth.”
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, and she crossed her arms, hiding those two mouth-watering nipples jutting against her robe. “What is this, Detective? A sudden case of conscience?” A huff dislodged her rigid shoulders. “Save yourself the worry. For God’s sake, it’s just sex.”
Wonderful. The walls were back up. That comment was bullshit and they both knew it.
“Oh, really?” He strode to the counter and snagged a coffee cup off the shelf. “Tell me something, Dirty Deeds. Of the men you’ve slept with, how many have called you by name? Your real name?”
Turning his back to her, he filled the mug to the brim, using the moment to readjust his hard-on. She couldn’t confess to never being herself around other men and then expect him to buy her cavalier attitude like some false bill of goods.
Twisting the facts to protect herself might work with other men, but it wouldn’t work with him. He’d gathered enough evidence in his day to spot the difference.
“Dammit.” Her harsh whisper was accented by a rumble of thunder, and he tossed a grin over his shoulder in time to catch her fingers balling into two tight fists near her thighs. “I really hate it when you do that.”
Blowing the steam off his coffee, he jacked his hip against the counter and swallowed the first sip. “Listen, I’m not saying we need to put labels on anything, but I get the feeling you’ve been jerked around a lot in the past and I’m not gonna do that. I need you to trust me. I need us to trust each other. And the best way to ensure that happens is for me to tell you the truth right off the top.”
“Fine.” She tossed her hand in the air and pushed off from the fridge. “Could’ve been having sex, but no-o-o. Crazy man wants to have a heart to heart.” Her bare feet smacked the kitchen tile, the edge of her robe brushing those come-to-Jesus thighs. The carpeting muffled her footsteps as she hit the living room, snatched a coffee cup off the end table and flopped onto the couch. “Well, let’s have it, Detective. I’m all ears.”
He nodded, lips pursed. Yeah, great, but where did he start? With her ninja skills and the way her frequency had been tuned to the This Had Better Be Good channel, one slip of the tongue and she was liable to make it so sex with her—or any female, for that matter—would be a non-issue.
“About a year ago, I got involved with a woman by the name of Jaclyn Parsons. You may have heard of her. She’s the daughter of Senator Charles Parsons and was the chief witness on a case I was working involving a robbery-turned-murder at a downtown Chicago nightclub.” Shoving away from the counter, he followed Eden into the living room. The clouds finally broke open and bloated raindrops sheeted against the sliding glass doors.
“Hold it.” She held one hand in the air, eyes closed. “Please tell me we’re not about to have some Oprah moment where you insist we sit here and rehash our sexual histories.” Her lashes popped open, and she pinned him with a determined stare. “I’ve been careful, I’ve been tested, I’m clean and that’s the only thing I’m sayin’.”
A silent laugh cinched his stomach as he claimed a spot on the opposite end of the couch. He didn’t give a rat’s ass how many sexual encounters she’d had. Because that’s all they’d been. Encounters.
The only thing that mattered was she was here with him now—the real Eden—and his hope the story he was about to dump in her lap wouldn’t screw that up and send her racing for the door.
“No.” He hesitated. “And me too.”
She eased back in her seat. “Thank God.”
Another chuckle, and he swigged a little more coffee before setting his cup on the table fronting his spread knees. “During the investigation, Jaclyn and I were…shoved together a lot by the press. Apparently, everyone liked the idea of Chicago’s lead homicide detective protecting a senator’s daughter, and since the department had recently taken some flak for improper behavior during a criminal arrest, she and I were encouraged to play up the angle. The DA was hoping our media coverage would take the focus off the two cops under investigation. Make the Chicago PD look like the good guys for a change.”
He raked a hand through his hair, grinding his teeth. Shit, admitting what a complete idiot he’d been was even harder than he’d anticipated. He might as well have tossed a handful of tacks into his mouth. “Jaclyn did an outstanding job of playing her part as the shaken victim. In fact, I’d go so far as to say she’s a consummate actress.”
And the day he’d come to grips with how badly he’d fallen for her act, was the same day he swore to never again buy into anyone’s bullshit. “I remember one interview where she started crying and leaned into me. At first, I was so surprised, I just stood there like an ass, until the DA’s spin doctors asked for a retake. I was supposed to put my arm around her, comfort her. Make it appear like I was holding her up while she had some sort of meltdown.”
A disgruntled huff came from Eden’s direction, and Kelly turned. She twirled a hand in the air for him to continue, lips twisted like she’d just sucked a lemon.
Yep, there it was. The same disgust he carried for himself. The same he got from his brother and dad. “I lost count the number of times that clip kicked off the evening news, but it did the job of bolstering the department’s reputation so I kept my mouth shut. Took one for the team, so to speak. Soon after, the story went national, and Jaclyn and I were tossed together even more. Dinner parties, charity events, a few political gatherings so the senator could show off his daughter and her lapdog cop.”
Kelly fell back on the couch, linking his fingers behind his neck to stare at the ceiling. How sad was it that his life had been reduced to a cliché? Pride cometh before a fall. But there was no denying he’d played his part as well, too cocky after all the attention to consider Jaclyn’s affections were just a part of the scam. Her scam to make sure the lenses stayed firmly focused in their direction. “One thing led to another and, by the time I collared the arrest and the case had been closed, Jaclyn and I had moved in together. None of the higher ups seemed to mind we’d trampled straight through protocol or that a cop had been dating his key witness during an active investigation. Or maybe they preferred the don’t ask, don’t tell policy and chose to believe we were only dating in front of the cameras. Hell, I don’t know. But somewhere along the way the lines got blurred, and I thought Jaclyn and I were happy…right up until the press moved on to their next story and we became yesterday’s news. After that, Jaclyn came to the startling realization she’d made a mistake.”
“It’s called Knight in Shining Armor syndrome.”
Kelly jerked his chin to the side. One of Eden’s eyebrows lifted like she’d seen the train wreck coming a mile down the track, even though he wasn’t convinced Jaclyn had ever felt anything for him. Syndrome or otherwise.
“Call it what you want. All I know is, once the fuss died down, Jaclyn lost interest in me. In us.” Dropping his arms, he leaned forward and reached for his cup. “Though, to be fair, I’m not really sure there ever was an us. The entire time we were…” He frowned at the tan shag between his feet. “Hell, I’m not sure what we did even qualifies as dating since I never officially asked her out. Not that it matters. Archer repeatedly told me I was being played.” Scraping a hand down the bristle on his face, he grunted a derisive laugh. “I preferred the view from inside a set of blinders.”
A quick sip to wet his whistle, and he returned the cup to the coffee table. “The night I met the senator, Jaclyn told me she loved me and, like a fool, I believed her. I also believed the lies, the excuses, the crazy mixed-up stories she told me whenever she disappeared for hours on end.”
Eden lifted her feet off the floor and he followed the path of her red toenails as she tucked them under her ass. Resting her elbow on the arm of the couch, she dropped her head into her hand, coffee cup resting in her lap. The nondescript composure on her face was as expressionless as a mug shot. Was she processing? Upset?
Maybe he’d bored her stiff. In her line of work, she probably heard tons of sob stories. Still, he’d expected some reaction from her. A snarky comment about his complete lack of professionalism or how he deserved what he got because of his fucked up choices.
She squinted and he got the sneaking suspicion she was already three steps ahead of where this rodeo was headed.
But better to rip off a Band-Aid in one motion than to pick at it all day.
He cleared his throat. “After I moved out, a reporter caught wind of the breakup and wrote an article for the Trib about how the whole affair had been faked in order to move public awareness off the brutality going on inside the Chicago PD.”
A sardonic smirk hitched one corner of Eden’s lips, and he nodded.
“We’d been busted.” And so had his heart. Jaclyn had seemed only too happy to send him packing. Hell, she hadn’t even stuck around long enough to say goodbye. “No one liked that we’d been outed, least of all me, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. Or so I thought.”
Eden smiled, but no pleasure filled her eyes. “If I remember correctly, last year Senator Parsons was up for reelection.”
Yep, she’d nailed it. He nodded again, but the motion morphed into more of a pathetic, bobble-headed shrug. “A couple days later, the captain called me into her office and informed me I’d be receiving a Law Enforcement Commendation from the senator for my work on the case. I declined, of course. The last thing I wanted was to be rewarded for my behavior, but my refusal fell on deaf ears.”
He’d been given a choice—albeit an unspoken one—and he’d folded like a cheap suit. Either put up and shut up or say goodbye to his years on the force.
Standing on that dais, smiling into the face of a lie while the cameras flashed and his embarrassment was caught on film, had to be the epitome of every humiliating moment in his life. “Everyone connected to the case understood exactly what my receiving that award meant and so did I, especially after Captain D’Avella hung it on the wall of the precinct.”
He met Eden’s gaze. “It was a payoff. A way for the senator to kill two birds with one stone. He’d not only defused the article by pretending to show the public there were no hard feelings, he’d also put a positive spin on the whole deal and made sure I’d keep my mouth shut if ever confronted by the press.” Kelly leaned in, elbows braced on his thighs. “I’d broken the rules by sleeping with Jaclyn, and that commendation made it crystal clear Parsons owned my ass. If I ever crossed the line again or said anything derogatory about Jaclyn, he’d ruin me, ruin my career and destroy everything I’d spent my entire life working toward.
“So instead of drawing any more negative attention to the department by issuing a statement, I did as I was told, and it’s a decision I regret to this day.”
Especially now, after finding himself in a similar situation with Eden. Then again, if he’d been kicked off the force, they never would’ve met. At least something good had come out of that clusterfuck of a year.
Lightning flashed, the rain continued pelting the windows, but Eden remained silent. She picked a piece of lint off her robe and flicked it to the carpet.
Kelly arched a brow. “Well?”
“Well, what?” She shrugged. “I’m not sure I see the problem.”
A burst of air sputtered his lips. No way she was letting him off that easy. “Aren’t you the least bit concerned about hopping into bed with me after what I just told you? An eye for an eye, right? Cause and effect?” He raked his hand through his hair. “What about the fact I accepted credit for an undeserved commendation? That doesn’t piss you off?”
Lifting her head from her hand, she dismissed his question with a wave. “Did you solve the case?”
“Well…yeah.”
“Then you deserve the credit.”
His shoulders fell. “What about that shit with Jaclyn? Aren’t you worried someone will find out what we’re doing here and the press will rake us over the coals?”
Her eyebrows shot toward her hairline. “You planning to blog about our time in bed? ʼCause I’m not. And, as far as I can tell, we’re the only two people here.”
“No, no.” He studied her from the corner of his eye. What the hell? “And you’re not pissed.”
“Well, I can be if you want, I guess.” Her focus danced around the room as if she were searching for a good reason to lay into him. “I mean, you loved her, right? This…Parsons woman?”
If such a thing existed. “I thought I did at the time, yeah.”
“Then I’m not exactly sure why you—”
She jerked upright and his balls seized like he’d taken a header into an ice bath. Shit. Here it came. The pieces had finally clicked into place.
He braced, waiting…
“Oh, my God.” A sour laugh spilled from her lips, and she dropped her forehead into her hand. “Son of a bitch. That’s classic.”
Dammit. What was going on inside that head of hers? Say something, asshole!
But his vocal chords pled the fifth. Besides, what could he say? You’re right? She’d finally connected the dots, and understood exactly what kind of trouble having sex with him could bring.
Easing her cup onto the coffee table, she shoved to her feet and crossed her arms, but nothing could’ve hidden the bright anger, the hurt, the gut-fisting resignation in her eyes. “I would’ve done it for free, you know. In fact, it would’ve been my pleasure. But this…” She shook her head, chuckling. “I do believe we’ve just hit an all-time low.”
Hold up. He scrambled to figure out what hell she was talking about. Do what for free?
“Which one of them would you like me to target, Detective? The senator or his lovely daughter? Just say the word, and I’ll be sure they get what they deserve.”
His jaw dropped, and Eden spun on her toe for the hall.