There's only so long I can avoid my husband, the king and also a murderer. The hallway is quiet, a welcome relief after the guards and maids searched the chambers. Do I run? Where would I go? Even if my parents welcomed me back to court, Alexander would come looking for me. Someone would divulge my secret that I had returned.
My hand falls on the doorknob and I quietly turn the handle, peeking out to make sure the hall is empty. I don't want Hannah to get into trouble for hiding me. Sneaking out of her room, I close the door behind me and step down the back stairwell. It's best if I wander farther from my room into an unfamiliar part of the castle. I can claim I got lost. Though I doubt Alexander will believe me. Doubt creeps under my skin. If he knows I'm lying to him, will I be his next target? I can't think about that right now. I may already be his next target if he's after my kingdom as well.
Stepping down the stone stairwell, I run straight into Alexander, literally. "Where have you been? The entire court is looking all over for you." So much for the lie about getting lost. I'm a few paces from my room but not enough to give any story that Alexander would buy. "I was worried something might have happened to you," he says before I have time to answer and pulls me against him in a hug. His grasp is tight, restrictive. "Don't ever do that again." His tone is harsh, unwelcoming. Is that a threat?
I pull back and muster the best smile that I can. "How is your father? Are you sure I can't call a physician from my court?"
Alexander's eyes narrow and he drags me into the nearest room, closing the door forcefully behind us. "Who did you tell?"
"Tell what?" I ask, meeting his stare. I refuse to waiver and cower to this man. Hannah knows what he's capable of. If something happens to me, I trust she'll confide in Anne and Magdalene. Though it might be too late.
"Isabella," he says, using my given name. "I need to know who you told that we visited my father this morning."
I shake my head. "No one. I left and went straight to my room."
Alexander steps closer into my personal space. "You weren't there when I came looking for you."
"I know," I say and rest a reassuring hand on his arm. His muscles are tight, thick. "I got tired of staring out the window and went for a walk in the garden. Then I got lost trying to find my way back to my room. When you weren't there, I thought you might have already gone looking for me, so I thought to visit your chambers."
"Mine are that way." Alexander points to the opposite direction that I had come from.
I laugh it off and smile like I'm some dumb girl who doesn't know her way around a castle. "Oh, really? This place is huge! I'm sorry. I'm still getting turned around every time I try to find where I need to go."
Alexander takes the bait. His shoulders relax and a faint smile peeks at the corners of his lips. "Did you like the garden?"
"It's absolutely beautiful. Especially this time of year when the flowers are in full bloom."
He takes my hand and leads me to the nearest chair to sit down. My palms are sweaty; being in his proximity makes me nervous. "I need to tell you something," Alexander says and I sit. He's standing above me, hovering as the words expel from his lips. "King Charles is dead."
Of course, he's dead! I had watched Alexander murder him. My hand moves to my chest, resting over my heart. I don't bother to ask how it happened. I'm not ready to hear Alexander lie to my face. "I'm so sorry," I say, my eyes conveying what my heart can't.
Alexander bends down to my level, his eyes never leaving my gaze. "You can't tell anyone we visited with him this morning."
"How come?" The words spill out before I realize what I said.
"There are rebel factions that wish to destroy me and usurp the throne. Can I trust you, Ella? If I can't, you should know that your life will be in grave danger as well."
Another threat? My hands ball into fists at my side, my fingernails digging into the skin of my palm. "You have nothing to worry about," I say. Who would believe me? Are there really rebel factions that wish to overthrow Alexander, or is he merely making this up to frighten me?
"Good," he says and leans in, dropping a chaste kiss to my lips. It's short, sweet, and if I wasn't so disgusted by Alexander being a murderer, then I might have enjoyed it. I don't kiss him back. I don't move. My body is frozen, petrified of what he might do to me if we so much as have a disagreement. Pulling away, he studies me for a moment, looking curious before standing up. "I have some business to attend to this afternoon, including the planning of a funeral. We shall meet again tonight for dinner." Alexander reaches for my hand and plants a kiss to the soft skin before giving it a tentative squeeze and stepping out of the room.
I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. It hasn't even been a day and I'm certain he'll catch on if he hasn't already. My affection for Alexander has faded. He's no idiot. Surely, he can see something is wrong.
Anne and Magdalene move my trunk and the contents into my chambers with Alexander. There's a knot in my stomach, dreading the loss of privacy. How will I see Hannah without anyone garnering suspicion? It's not typical for a queen to visit a lady-in-waiting's chambers. However, the other way around would cause no issue for concern. Hannah is the least of my problems right now.
"There you are!" Hannah rushes toward me, throwing her arms around my curvy figure. "We were searching for you all day!" Her lips brush against my ear, making it so only I can hear her whispers. "I'm glad you're still alive."
Me too.
Hannah lets go of me and wanders toward my maids as they're hovered over the wooden trunk we brought with us. "What's going on here?" Hannah asks as my maids unpack my gowns and trinkets, trying to make me feel at home.
"We're moving Isabella's belongings into her room with Alexander. No sense in making the queen leave her chambers to get dressed."
Hannah glances me over and smiles. "What's it like to be a queen?"
If it wasn't for the fact the position shouldn't be mine, King Charles should still be alive, I'd be delighted for this moment. Instead, all I feel is sorrow and despair. "Same as yesterday," I say, though it's a lie. There are no two days stronger in differences than my last two.
Hannah snorts. "You are Queen Isabella. Yesterday morning, you weren't even married."
Hannah is right about that; a lot has happened in a short span of time.
Magdalene removes a gown and hangs it in the closet. "Tell me, Queen Isabella, what was it like with King Alexander last night? Surely, you'll be at it again tonight, wanting to make heirs."
My cheeks burn. "I'm not discussing that!" I grab Hannah's arm and pull her with me out of the room. "Walk with me," I say, keeping her close as we scurry down the stairs and out to the garden. The garden is situated in the center of the castle, keeping us well within the walls and protected. There also isn't the need for guards to follow us here, which makes it the perfect place to converse.
"Everything all right?" Hannah asks me as we stroll through the small park. There's at least a dozen butterflies congregating among the flowers. The sight is beautiful, but it doesn't help dispel the feeling of being torn. I want to like Alexander and trust him, but he's given me very little reason to believe he's a good man. No honest or loyal person would commit murder.
"Hardly," I whisper, doing my best to keep my voice down. I don't want to alarm suspicion. "Alexander asked me to keep our visit to his father this morning a secret."
Hannah groans. "Of course, he did! The nurse found him dead when she checked on him. The story going around the castle is that he died in his sleep. If anyone knew the truth—"
"You can't say a word. Swear you won't tell a soul."
"I promise."
I step closer within her personal space and reach for her hand. Our fingers intertwine. "I need you to do something for me, Hannah."
"Anything, Your Highness." She squeezes my hand, staring into my eyes, listening intently. I find it endearing that she cares and would do anything to help me. I'm just not sure I should ask her, but truth is I don't know where else to turn.
It feels strange to be referred to as a queen. I smile, trying to hide my discomfort with my new title. Though I did want to be queen, I didn't want it under these circumstances. I momentarily dismiss my feelings and focus on Hannah. "I need you to poke around, quietly. Alexander is concerned that there is a rebel faction among the kingdom. He mentioned it to me earlier. I want to know if this group exists and who they are. Can you do that for me?"
Hannah's pale blue eyes light up. "You'll side with them?"
"I don't know." It's the truth. I won't make any rash decisions. With all that's happening, I need to put the interests of the country first, including my own kingdom. "Can you get me the information without getting caught? If King Alexander suspects either one of us of treason, he'll have us beheaded."
"I'll be careful," Hannah says. "I swear, I won't get caught."
"Don't make a promise you can't keep," I say and lean in, kissing her cheek. "I love you. Be safe, Hannah. I can't protect you, certainly not here."
She nods, her eyes glistening. Does she know how my desire to be with her is tearing me apart inside? "What are you going to do? Magdalene is right, King Alexander is going to want heirs."
I stop walking and a butterfly flutters beside my head, coming to land on my arm. "I'll have to figure something out." Though I know avoiding Alexander will only rouse more suspicions.
Hannah stares at the flowers. Is she lost in her own thoughts or avoiding my gaze? I can't be sure. "You could tell him about us."
My eyes widen and I stare at Hannah. "Why would I do that?"
"It would cast doubt away from what we're really after," Hannah says. She turns to face me. "If you don't sleep with him, he's going to grow suspicious that something is wrong. Tell him you love women. Make it clear that this marriage is out of convenience for both of you."
My skin flushes at the mere thought of telling Alexander the truth about Hannah. "He could send you away! I won't do it."
Hannah has to know it's a huge risk. "What other choice do you have?"
I nod my head no. "Absolutely not. It won't change anything, Hannah. He'll want an heir; all kings do." There's no secret that sex between kings and queens often occurs for the love of one's country. "Besides, having a mistress is punishable by death if you're a woman."
"Hardly seems fair. Kings can have mistresses and bastard children without being looked down upon." Hannah crosses her arms and approaches the door. "You can't hide forever from Alexander."
"I'll think about it." I don't want to put Hannah in any more danger than I already am. Having asked her to look into the rebel faction is dangerous enough. Hopefully she doesn't get caught but putting the spotlight directly on her because we have feelings for each other, that could be the worst sin of all. I will not risk her getting killed because of my desire for her. Love means sacrificing one's own happiness, not putting the one you love in further danger.
Anne helps me prepare for dinner, insisting that a queen should dress the part. It wouldn't surprise me if Magdalene and Anne were sewing new gowns for me to wear. I slide into my heels and stalk out of the bedroom without a word, heading downstairs for the dining hall.
It feels awkward to eat in such a large room, with a huge table for just the two of us. Though I imagine it's used on other occasions as well, like when royals from neighboring kingdoms come to visit.
"You look lovely this evening," Alexander says and pulls the chair out for me to sit down.
"Thank you," I say and let him guide me closer to the table. I know he's trying to be a gentleman. What I can't tell is why. Is this an act that he's keeping up for appearances? I'm the only one witnessing it. Well, me and a few servants bringing food and clearing dishes as we finish a course of meal.
"How was your day?" I ask, trying to make small talk. I know he is planning the funeral for his father. It can't be easy.
"Difficult," Alexander says. "I don't want to talk about it if that's all right with you." His answer is short, brash. "How was your day?" he asks, trying to change the subject. I don't mind the distraction, though I can't tell him the truth.
"Still getting the layout of this castle." I smile politely and take a small sip of soup. It's plenty hot, just came off the stove. "I visited the gardens again. They're beautiful this time of year. I think they might be my favorite place in the entire castle."
"I'll have to take you outside of the castle tomorrow," Alexander says. "There's a beautiful stream just a few minutes north on foot. With the warm weather, there should be birds in the trees and maybe even some wildlife roaming the grounds."
I fake the best smile I can muster. "That sounds wonderful." It doesn't sound bad if the time was spent with someone I could trust. I'll have to let Hannah know where I'm going, in case I don't return back to the castle, should something tragic happen to me as well.
"We'll plan for a picnic lunch and leave early in the morning. The guards, of course, will have to accompany us," Alexander says.
I breathe a sigh of relief. We won't be entirely alone. Hopefully his men, though loyal to him, will also respect the crown and its country by not assassinating their queen.
I fake cramps and ask to be left alone. Alexander obliges without any questions. Walking to what would have been my own chambers, I slip across the hall and open Hannah's door. She's left it unlocked. Did she do that for me, knowing that I might come to her during the night?
"Can I sleep with you?" I ask as I shut the door behind me.
Hannah sighs and pulls back the covers. I'm already in my chemise, and I climb into bed with her. "You didn't tell Alexander about us, did you?"
"You didn't really want me to?" I can't believe Hannah's suggestion. Nothing good would come of it. Men don't like to think there's competition for their wives, let alone it be another woman.
"Did you lock the door?" she asks, moving her fingers through my hair, pushing the dark locks behind my ear and out of my face. "It would be worse if we got caught. What did you tell Alexander to get away from him for the night?"
"Cramps," I say and lean down, capturing Hannah's lips in a searing kiss. My fingers tangle in her hair. I guide Hannah onto her back, my weight pressing her down into the mattress. She grinds against me, her hands searching for the hem of my chemise, lifting it up and off, throwing it carelessly to the floor. "We'll have to be quiet," I say, reminding her that neither of us can make a sound. There's more risk involved now than ever before. If we're caught, there's no talking our way out of this situation.
"Shut up and kiss me." Hannah's voice is raspy and deep. I do as she instructs, shoving my tongue into her mouth. She submits to me. One hand cups her breast, feeling her nipple harden beneath the thin fabric. My other hand trails a course down between her thighs, lifting her linen chemise and finding her curls. Did she know I would sneak into her room? She's warm and wet already, her bead swollen as I draw my thumb in circles over her clit.
Hannah's eyes are half-closed, struggling to stay open. Her kisses move from my lips to my neck, finding that spot that makes me wanton with desire.
I slide my hand back, long enough to remove her nightgown. Once our clothes are discarded, I slide down the mattress, leaving a trail of kisses and tender caresses across bare skin. She's restless under my touch. I part her legs, guiding myself down between her thighs. I can smell her sweet scent and I place a soft kiss to her curls. She likes it and I enjoy doing it for her. Her hips buck off the mattress as she silently begs for more. My fingers separate her folds, taking a taste of her wetness as it seeps onto my tongue. Licking and stroking, I slide two fingers into her warmth. Her fingers tangle in my hair and her gasps are soft but not silent. Reluctantly, I pull away, climbing above her, my fingers teasing her while my lips cover her mouth.
"Quiet," I remind her, kissing her, hoping that her soft breaths and moans will be muffled.
The door swings wide open and Sebastian, one of Alexander's guards, enters the room without warning.
I pull the sheets up around us, my cheeks flushed, hair tousled, and out of breath. "What do you want?"
As quickly as he enters the room, he leaves without a word. I can't fathom why he paid Hannah a visit. Are they…were they sleeping together? Did I miss something over the past two days? I climb off Hannah and grab my clothes from the floor.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" I glance over my shoulder at her and put my chemise back on. Would he tell King Alexander what I was doing with Hannah? I have to track him down and stop him at once.
Hannah clears her throat. "I may have come on to him last night."
"What?" She's gotten my attention, that's for sure. I spin around on my heels to face her. "How does that happen?"
Hannah glances away and her top lip snarls when she speaks. "You were busy consummating with Alexander. I got tired of listening to you both having sex."
"So, you went and found yourself a suitable companion?" I can't believe her! I've always been prone to liking both men and women, but Hannah had shown no desire for men. It's why she didn't want to find a husband.
"Don't turn this around on me, Ella. You're married to King Alexander!"
"I know!" I grimace and scrunch my eyes. I feel a headache coming on. No, I don't have time for this. I must find Sebastian right away. "I don't want to fight with you, Hannah." In all our years of palace secrets, not once had we ever argued. There had been disagreements, but it had always been civil.
"Then don't," she says and covers herself with the sheet. "Get over the fact I'm sleeping with Sebastian. Be happy for me. He's a sweet guy and I deserve to be loved."
"Okay. I can do that." I want to be able to do that, not lie to her about how I feel. I hate that she's intimate with another person, and even worse, she hid it from me. She could have told me earlier in the afternoon when we spent time together in the garden.
"Come back to bed." Hannah pats the mattress beside her. "Sebastian doesn't care what we do."
I'm not so sure about that. "Right." I decline the invitation, shaking my head as I walk out of her room. I know she'll keep my secrets, just as I have kept hers. I can only hope Sebastian will be as forgiving.
From the hall, I search for Sebastian. He's nowhere in sight. I tiptoe through the corridors, finding other guards, but I pay them no attention. They don't ask what I'm up to at this late hour. Being a queen definitely has its perks.
Coming down the stairs, I round the corner and catch sight of his reddish-brown hair. "Sebastian!" I rush after him, wanting to speak with him alone. At least he isn't in with Alexander. I don't know what I would have done if he'd already confided in him on what he saw.
Sebastian turns around, glancing me over. "You're certainly looking well dressed."
I grab his arm and steer him into the pantry and shut the door. It affords us privacy. "You can't tell anyone what you saw, Sebastian."
"Why not?" There's a smirk on his face, almost like he looks forward to seeing my destruction.
"I don't wish for Alexander to find out about Hannah. Not from anyone else," I say. I hang my head, pretending to be ashamed of my transgressions. Alexander will forgive me, won't he? Especially if I'm careful with the details, leaving out Sebastian and the fact that Hannah and I used to care deeply about one another.
"You will tell him, or I will." Sebastian's voice is cold and distant.
He sounds as though I've offended him in some way. Is this because I was in bed with Hannah? It wasn't like she came clean about Sebastian. How would I know she had shacked up with a guard the night before? Apparently, one who likely had a jealous and possessive streak, by the looks of it. If she's happy with him, then fine. I won't stand in their way, but his behavior makes me question otherwise.
"I'll talk to him in the morning," I say.
"Good. Now stay out of Hannah's room." Sebastian's nostrils flare and he leans forward. "If I catch you in there again, I won't be so generous to wait for you to tell the king. No more secrets, Princess."
"It's Queen Isabella to you," I say, correcting him.
Sebastian snorts in response. "You're only a queen because Alexander needed your alliance to hold strong. When the rebels attack, and they will, your country's soldiers and knights will join the fight."
"You know the rebels?" I don't dare ask if he is one of them. Had that been why Hannah kept Sebastian close? No, it couldn't be. She met him last night in her chambers, before we discussed the rebel factions. Does she know Sebastian is privy to rebel knowledge? Can I still trust Hannah to gather information?
Sebastian leans closer, his eyes cold and his response calculated. "Everyone knows that this country is on the edge of war. One wrong move, for instance, a queen who betrays her king, could be all it takes for chaos to ensue."
"I assure you, Sebastian, I have no desire to see war break out in this country or among the nations. You have my word I will do what I can to protect Alexander."
He pats my head in a condescending gesture. "I know you will, and I'm confident you'll stay away from Hannah."
Sebastian opens the door and exits the pantry. I need to tell Alexander the truth. I'm just not sure how he'll take the news.