I stare out the open window into the garden. The sky is gray with low-hanging clouds. It's warm outside, muggy. It feels like rain, I just hope it holds off until tonight. I ask my maids to dress me down. Frolicking outside in a decorative gown will be hot and sweaty. I'd much rather be comfortable.
"Are you ready?" Alexander asks me as he knocks on the open door.
I shut the window and clasp the lock, making sure if it does rain, it won't make a mess in our chambers. "I am." I smile, taking his arm and following him downstairs and outside.
It's the first I've been out through the main doors since my arrival. Two guards accompany us; one of them is Sebastian. I feel his gaze, silently questioning if I've told Alexander the truth. I hope Sebastian gives me time.
"Carry this, would you?" It's not really a question. Alexander hands Sebastian our picnic lunch and grabs my arm, pulling me ahead of the guards, providing us a hint of privacy. "Are you feeling better today?"
I'm feeling a million different emotions but I'm not sure better describes a single one. "Can I talk to you?" My tongue darts out, licking my suddenly dry lips. I'm nervous and my pulse quickens in step with our strides, faster and stronger, the farther we are from the castle. The more distance I put between Sebastian and myself, I feel at ease, but then I look at Alexander and I'm dreading his reaction.
"Of course, you can talk to me. I'm your husband." He laughs. "I know we hardly know one another but give it time. I have a good feeling that you'll come to fall madly in love with me."
I could certainly question my sanity the longer I stay with Alexander, but in love, I'm not sure. Those moments of feeling passion for him are fleeting. "About that, I have a secret from my life back at my palace you should know about."
"Did that secret follow you here?" he asks.
Does he know what I'm talking about? Could he know? I purse my lips, contemplating how to answer. "I'm in love with a girl." The words race out and my heart surely skips a beat. My cheeks burn and my hands are trembling. I let go of Alexander, afraid of his reaction.
"That's your secret?" He looks smug with his wide grin and shining eyes. Alexander steps closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Do you want to hear a secret of mine?"
I swallow nervously, uncertain that I do. If it's that he's killed his father, it's best not to discuss the moment I witnessed. I'd rather pretend it didn't happen, at least until I can find a way out of this mess.
"I find it arousing to think about two women together," Alexander whispers, staring into my hazel eyes. He pushes an errant strand of dark hair out of my face and behind my ear. "Have you been with her before?"
Does he think this is just a fantasy? I want to escape his grasp, but I can't. He's holding me close and I'm certain I feel his arousal stirring down below. "Many times," I confess. "I loved her, deeply."
His hands pause on my lower back, his brow furrowed. "I see. Is it by chance this woman you speak of is your lady-in-waiting?"
How could he know? Did Sebastian say something?
"Please, I swear to you. What we shared is in the past." I don't admit fault, that I had done anything wrong or that it happened just last night. It's best to leave it a gray area, to protect both of us. I do hope that he'll find it in his heart to let her stay at the castle. I don't know how Sebastian would react should Alexander send her away.
The tips of Alexander's ears burn red. "It doesn't have to be in the past. She could be a mistress for the two of us to enjoy. An added bonus for when things get dull or boring in the bedroom. Not that I suspect they will," Alexander says in an attempt to clarify his reasoning. "I do believe fantasies should be enjoyed. We are a king and queen. Why not have all we desire? I wish to give you everything you want, Isabella. Do you not wish the same for me?"
"I do, but Sebastian is courting her," I breathe, staring into his dark blue gaze. He's charming and if it weren't for witnessing him ending his father's life, then surely I would be head over heels for the man. I drop a soft chaste kiss to his lips before pulling back. "You were going to show me the stream?" I don't let him off the hook so easily. He brought me out here to impress me. I'm waiting.
He takes my hand and leads me down to the edge of the river. It's narrow, and there are large rocks that cut a path through the stream. I could walk across the slippery rocks within a matter of seconds if I'm careful. Though I'm not sure the hem of my dress would survive without getting wet or dirty. Magdalene would probably give me hell over it. The river is moving fast and I'm certain there's a fish that jumps from the surface and plunges back down.
"It's beautiful out here, isn't it?" He lets go of my hand and I walk up to the water, bending down to run my fingers through the river. It's cold at first contact but feels wonderful on this humid day.
"Come with me," he says and dashes across the stream.
I stare down at the rocks and hesitate. "I don't know." It's not as though I'm afraid to get wet or fall into the water. I can swim. My concern is what happens once we're over there. Will he drag me away farther into the woods with the guards trailing behind? They don't seem in a rush to catch up.
"I promise I won't let anything happen to you. There's a surprise on the other side, just beyond the woods where the trees clear." He reaches his hand out to convince me to join him.
My head turns, finding Sebastian coming up the path toward us. I'm in no mood to spend time with him. Besides, I don't think he'll do anything to protect me, should Alexander try something irrational.
"Fine, but you're explaining to Magdalene why my dress is ruined." I take his hand and skirt the stones as quick as I can. My footing slips on the last rock, the mossy slickness forcing my legs to give way. I attempt to steady myself, thrusting my hips back and my arms forward.
Alexander reaches for my other arm, whisking me off the rock. I'm not the smallest, most petite girl, like the servants and commoners. Royal blood is fed and it's no crime to have curves and thick breasts. The royal men love that sort of thing. However, I am surprised how easily he lifts me, as if I weighed nothing to him. It's been obvious since I met him that he's strong and well built but seeing it in action is entirely different.
My feet stumble onto the ground. He may be able to lift me from the rock, but there's no grace in my footing as he pulls me onto dry land. I tumble forward into Alexander, knocking him back onto the grass, just inches from the river.
Landing on top of him, he's grimacing, and I swiftly lift off his body, not wanting to hurt him any more than I have. "I'm sorry, Alexander." The last thing I want is him to think I'm ill equipped to handle being queen. I have poise and grace, just not when I slip off a rock in a stream.
I offer my hand, helping Alexander stand. He dusts off the dirt and grime, shaking his head. "It's fine. Happens all the time."
I know it doesn't, but he tries not to make a big deal of it and, for that, I'm grateful. "Come with me." He takes my hand and pulls me into the woods.
I glance behind me. The guards stop at the edge of the bank. They aren't following us. "Where are we going?" I ask. Being alone with Alexander makes me nervous.
"A special place just beyond the forest that I like to go when I need some time alone." We dart around trees and under low hanging branches. Alexander is quick on his feet, heading north and then cutting to the far left. I don't know how he can tell which way to go, let alone how to get back to the castle. There are no special markings on the trees or any signs of civilization out this way. It's peaceful and beautiful; Alexander is right about that much.
"We're almost there," he says, and I refuse to slow, keeping pace with him. His hand never lets go and out of nowhere laughter fills my chest and my anxiety lifts as we reach the clearing.
"Archery?" I'm intrigued. "Why do you have a target set up out here?" I ask. I would have suspected he trains with the knights, should he partake in any defense activities.
"I like not feeling the court's eyes on me. I practice better and can take riskier shots. Do you know what it's like to have everyone look up to you?" Alexander asks. "It gets tiring."
"I don't doubt that for a minute," I say. I let go of his hand and walk closer to the field. "Where are your bow and arrows?"
"Hanging on the other side of the target. Do you want to give it a try?" he asks.
Do I tell him my father is a skilled archer and he spent two hours almost every morning training me as a young child? They thought it important I know how to protect myself, not that they let me practice outside of court. It has been years since I touched a bow. Walking around to the target, I remove the bow and the quiver filled with arrows, walking back to give myself plenty of room to hit the target.
"Ladies first," Alexander says, and since I've already retrieved the equipment and am putting the arrow to the bow, I might as well show him what I'm capable of. Perhaps he'll learn not to mess with this queen unless he's looking for a skilled fight.
"How about we make this interesting," I say.
"What do you have in mind?"
"If I win, you tell me about the rebel factions. If you win, I'll tell you another secret."
Alexander's eyes narrow as he stares from me to the target. "You're on."
My fingers release the tension on the bow and the arrow glides to the center of the target with precision.
Alexander's eyes widen. "Beginner's luck?" he asks and takes the bow from me along with the quiver. He fingers through the arrows, finding one to his liking. He pulls the taut string and his arm back, focusing on the target, pausing a moment before letting go.
The wind picks up speed now, when there hasn't been an ounce of wind all day. His arrow slices to the right, hitting outside of the inner ring. I won, no question. "Best two out of three?"
"Sure, I can go all day," I say, hoping I didn't just jinx myself. I borrow the bow again, grab another arrow and repeat my shot. I'm not as dead center as the first time, but I'm still in the middle of the target. Both of my shots out match Alexander's first play.
He shoots a second time and curses under his breath. There's no way for him to win now. "Do you want to do the best four out of five?" I'm teasing him. I can't help it.
"No." He nods his head. "I'll honor my word." His brow is furrowed. He looks shocked that I won.
A drop of rain from the sky pelts my forehead. I wipe the offending raindrop away only to feel a second swipe my skin. "We should head back." I hand Alexander the bow and quiver, letting him return them to their rightful place before he grabs my hand, leading me through the thicket of leaves covering us. Rain is cascading down on the canopy, but the trees offer us a small amount of protection. The sweltering heat has vanished and for the first time in months, it feels wonderful outside.
Alexander stops walking, his hand tugging me to stay back.
"What is it?" I ask, and as soon as the words are out of my mouth, Alexander's lips descend down onto mine, hard. His kiss is powerful and the intensity flows between us as rain slicks our skin and mattes my hair back in thick, dark tendrils.
As quickly as the kiss started, it ends. Alexander pulls back, the smile shining on his face. "I've been wanting to do that since you beat me with that first arrow. Where'd you learn to shoot?"
Together, we walk back to the riverbank and Alexander steps on the rocks first. I'm more careful this time, which is good, because the large stones are far more slippery with the rain assaulting them.
"My father taught me. He believed I should know how to fight and ward off any unwanted advances or threats to the crown."
Alexander nods at Sebastian and the other guard as we walk past them both.
"Your Majesty," Sebastian says, drawing Alexander's attention.
"We're heading back to the castle. The rain has spoiled our picnic. You can bring our food to the dining hall for lunch," Alexander says to Sebastian. He turns and faces me as we walk together back toward the castle. "What were we talking about?"
"You were about to divulge what you know about the rebel factions." I try to keep my voice down. The only two people who might hear us are the guards and one of them I most certainly do not trust.
"Bring our lunch to our chambers," I say to Sebastian. He gives me a quizzical look and Alexander nods.
"Do what your queen asks." Alexander turns to face me, taking my hand as we wander through the palace up toward our room. "I have no idea what you're planning but I admit, I like spontaneity."
Sebastian leaves the basket of food on the table and I remove the bedspread, pulling it like a wave rippling across the ocean to the floor. "We shall have a picnic in here," I say. Alexander looks uncertain, like either I've lost my mind, or I have the most brilliant idea in the world and he's speechless. "Come sit."
I drag the basket of delicacies to the blanket and sit down. I'm careful with my dress, putting my legs to the side to sit lady-like for this very occasion. "We shall celebrate my victory."
"Your victory?" Alexander repeats. He sounds confused.
"Yes, of course." The smile never leaves my face. "I beat you in archery. That is quite the accomplishment, I hear." At least I assume it is. I can't imagine a king would allow too many competitors to win. Though I know Alexander didn't let me win. I beat him fair and square, didn't I? Yes, I'm almost certain of it. There's no way he'd want to confide in me about the rebels. He'd skirted the subject as long as he could.
He removes each item, one by one, from the basket. The last is the wine and two goblets to drink from. They're both made of glass, a rare item, and beautiful. Alexander pours us each a cup. "A toast," he says, holding up his goblet. "To never ending happiness, health, and love."
At first, I'm not sure whether he said wealth or health but I'm confident he would be speaking about health. His father did just perish, even if he was the culprit.
"Yes, I can drink to that," I say and clink our glasses together before taking a sip.
The wine makes my cheeks flush and the room feel a few degrees warmer. If it weren't for the persistent downpour of rain, I'd open a window.
Placing my wine goblet down on the ground, my hand stays around the stem, careful not to let it spill. Our bedspread is gorgeous, and I would feel terrible if anything happened to it. Someone had done such exquisite handwork in sewing it.
We finish eating, the meal mostly consisting of small talk between us. When it's over, Alexander takes my wine goblet along with his and places it on the dresser. It's a bit of a reach for me, sitting down, but he's taller and has longer arms.
"I had an amazing afternoon with you, Ella. Even if we did get rained on." He reaches out to stroke my hair. The wet locks haven't quite dried, but I can no longer wring out my hair. Alexander's fingers trail across my jaw and he leans in preparing to kiss me.
I pull away, freezing, my heart stuttering, unsure what to do. Kissing him in the forest had been amazing. I also hadn't seen it coming. Our first night together had been even better. I'm torn with how I feel, knowing he murdered his father. I can't love him; it would be wrong.
"What is it?" Alexander asks. He must sense my discomfort. "Is it too soon?"
My eyes are cast down on the ground, avoiding his stare. How do I answer? What could I possibly say to right this situation? We're married. He's going to expect us to be intimate again. Most likely, he'll desire an heir as well.
"Ella, are you regretting that we consummated our marriage last night? It was too soon for you, wasn't it?"
We had only known one another for less than a day. My eyes slowly reach Alexander's. "Yes," I say. It's an easy lie and one I can live with.
He groans under his breath. "I should have known. It's why you ran out of our room yesterday morning and avoided me after breakfast. You didn't get lost, did you? You were trying to keep away from me." Alexander runs his hands through his hair, frustrated.
"That's right. I was uncomfortable with what happened. I just need more time, some distance," I say, hoping it's enough of an explanation.
Alexander's icy stare locks on me. "Then why did you agree to come with me today to the river? Why toy with my emotions, pretending that you want this marriage to work?"
"I do want it to work," I say. At least I did, up until I witnessed him commit treason to the crown and murder. He's the one who killed his father, not me.
Alexander stands up. "You don't act like it. I offered you the world and the woman you loved. What do I get in return? A wife who can't even look at me when we talk. When you figure out what you want, you know where to find me."
"That's not true," I say. I do look at him, I even have feelings developing for him, which are making this entire situation far worse than I wish it were.
"I'll see you at dinner," Alexander says and storms out of the room.
I can't stop him. There's little I can do to fix the mess that's been caused. There's no undoing the damage that he's done or forgetting it happened. I can't move on and I certainly can't talk to him about it. When I look at him, I feel so many conflicting emotions: love and anger, fear, and lust. It's a powerful combination and potentially deadly. Lying to him will only last so long. Then what will I do?