On the drive home from their picnic at the lake, Sarah tried to sift through her conflicted feelings of despair, uncertainty and a new emotion: hope. Could she trust Nick to protect her secret? To protect her? Could they really go visit her mom?
Her swirling thoughts created overwhelming anxiety that nearly consumed her by the time they reached her house. Sarah was about to tell Nick to forget their plans of checking on her mother in Buffalo—it was too risky—when she noticed Mary Ruth sitting on her front porch. Her bonneted head leaned in close to a dog, a golden retriever. He must belong to the Zooks. Mary Ruth stroked his soft fur and seemed to be lost in thought.
Nick noticed the Amish girl at the same time Sarah did. “Mary Ruth, right?”
“Yeah, she usually visits me at the church. I wonder why she’s here. I saw her earlier today.”
“Do you want me to come with you to talk to her?”
Sarah slowly shook her head. “No, if something’s wrong, she’s more likely to open up to me when I’m alone.” She cut a sideways glance to Nick. “No offense.”
“None taken.” Sarah was still trying to adjust to his easy manner. “Think about that trip to Buffalo. I could take you later this week.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Sarah’s stomach dropped. Can I really visit my mom?
“Yes. You’ll be fine. You can wear something nondescript,” Nick continued. “Do you have a baseball cap?”
She couldn’t help but smile. Nick sounded like he was planning a bank heist. Not a trip to her childhood home. “I might be able to find a cap.”
“Great.” Nick turned to face her, and a light twinkled in his eyes. He reached out and covered her hand with his, and the warmth spread up her arm and coiled around her heart.
Heat warmed her cheeks, and once again she wished their circumstances had been different. She couldn’t allow herself to be caught up with another charming guy.
Especially not another cop.
Sarah might be willing to trust Nick to keep her safe, for now. But she couldn’t trust her heart to him.
Then why did I kiss him by the lake?
Sarah pulled her hand out from under his. “Later this week we’ll go to Buffalo. Visit my mom. But we can’t tell her ahead of time. I’d hate for her to tell someone in her excitement.” She forced a confidence into her voice that she didn’t feel. She climbed out of the truck and walked slowly toward the front porch. Mary Ruth didn’t get up to greet her; instead she seemed to be holding tighter onto the dog’s collar as his tail whacked the young girl’s shoulder when it stood and barked, enthusiastically greeting Sarah.
“Is this my guard dog the Zooks promised?”
“Yes, Mrs. Zook walked him over while I was waiting for you. I didn’t have the heart to tell her you were leaving. And she didn’t seem to want to stick around to talk to me.”
“Temperance knows about you and Ruben?”
“I suppose everyone knows about me and Ruben.”
“Word really does spread quickly in a small town.” Sarah leaned a hip on the porch railing. She studied Mary Ruth. While most girls her age back home were experimenting with makeup and fashion, Mary Ruth looked fresh and cute in her bonnet and makeup-free face.
Such innocence. Yet underneath lay such turmoil.
“I had to come by. I couldn’t get the fact that you’re leaving out of my head. I hope you’ll reconsider.” Mary Ruth swiped at a tear. “You can’t run away like my brother.”
Sarah bit her tongue, not wanting to disappoint her friend further, but also unable to lie. Sarah had no idea how much longer she could stay in Apple Creek.
“Mary Ruth, you’re stronger than you think.” The young woman needed to know that, for many reasons. Mary Ruth needed the confidence to face her parents, Ruben, the bishop, her community if she hoped to find peace in her life.
Mary Ruth hitched a shoulder. The dog licked the Amish girl’s cheek, sensing her need for comfort.
The conversation Sarah and Nick had had by the lake flitted in her brain like a fly trying to make its escape out the closed window and bouncing off the screen. “Does your family know you’ve called off your courtship with Ruben?”
“Yah, my dat was asking a lot of questions about if I’d be joining the next baptismal class.” An Amish person was baptized prior to marriage.
Sarah sat next to her young friend. She wanted to put her hand on her back, but she didn’t know how well it would be received. The Amish weren’t big on outward displays of affection.
“I have all these decisions to make, and I’m scared and confused,” Mary Ruth whispered. “My parents expect so much of me since my brother left. They’re worried. It’s every Amish parent’s wish that their children stay in the community.”
Sarah knew that overwhelmingly, the young Amish did remain, which explained the growing numbers of Amish. Sarah supposed it was easier to commit to the familiar than make the bold move to leave home, often forever.
The dog walked over Mary Ruth’s lap and wedged himself between the two women and put his head down on Sarah’s lap. She ran her hand absentmindedly down the smooth fur of his head.
“Take it as it comes. You’re young. You have time to figure it out. If you don’t join the next baptismal class, you can join the one after that.” It would be worse if Mary Ruth were baptized and then decided to leave. Baptism was a forever commitment. If she left after baptism, she’d be shunned.
“They’re worried I’ll be a negative influence on my siblings. They want me to hurry up and commit for fear I won’t ever.”
The stalks of corn rustled in the wind in the nearby field. All these months Sarah had gotten to know Mary Ruth, she thought the young girl was steadfast in her determination to be baptized into the Amish community and then be married. Turned out no one ever knows what was truly in another person’s heart.
“Did something else happen? Besides your brother leaving?” Sarah pivoted, and the dog shoved his snout under Sarah’s chin and she couldn’t help but smile and pat his head. Some guard dog. “You know, your brother may find his way back. Don’t give up hope. And please, don’t make a lifetime decision because you’re afraid of disappointing your parents. You have to reach in deep and do what you feel God is calling you to in your heart.” Sarah had always been careful not to sway an Amish person against their way of life, but she sensed Mary Ruth’s struggle was real. The poor girl had to find her place in the world.
A pink flush crept up Mary Ruth’s face. “You think differently than I’ve been taught. The Amish are more community driven. It’s not supposed to be about what I want.”
Sarah grabbed the railing and stood. The dog jumped up, perhaps thinking they were going for a walk. “I’d never try and convince you to leave the Amish community. I’m just asking that you dig deep and try to envision the life that’s best suited for you.”
Mary Ruth stood and swiped at the back of her long skirt. “Please don’t leave Apple Creek.”
Sarah hated to disappoint her friend, but she couldn’t lie to her, either. She didn’t know what her next step was.
Sarah rubbed the dog’s head, and he leaned into her leg. She laughed, shaking her head. “Do the Zooks really think this dog—what’s his name? Buddy?—will make a good guard dog?”
Mary Ruth laughed. “He barks every time a stranger comes up. What more do you need?”
“Can you do me a favor?” Sarah asked as she stroked the dog’s fur. “Can you take the dog back over to the Zooks? Tell them I’ll be happy to have him come back, maybe in a few days.” She didn’t want to worry about Buddy when she and Nick took their trip into Buffalo.
Mary Ruth’s mouth formed into a perfect O.
“You can’t keep avoiding Ruben. It’s a small town.” And maybe some of the hard feelings would go away if Ruben and Mary Ruth had a chance to talk.
The image of the dismembered snake flashed in her mind. Could Ruben be that angry? No, that had all the markings of Jimmy. Mary Ruth stomped down the steps, her posture resigned. At the bottom of the steps, she turned around and faced Sarah. “You always give me advice, but can I give you some?”
Sarah raised her eyebrows and held out her hand as if to say, “Go ahead.”
“You deserve happiness, too.”
Not sure what to say, Sarah plastered on a false smile. Sarah made her life’s work about helping others without revealing much about herself.
“You help people like me, but you seem sad and lonely.” Mary Ruth absentmindedly reached for Buddy as he jumped around the folds of her long dress, eager for attention, lightening the mood.
Sarah smiled. “Buddy wants to play.”
Mary Ruth crouched down and patted the dog’s head. “He makes it hard to have a serious discussion.”
“I know.” Sarah crossed her arms and grew solemn. “I can’t share why I’m in Apple Creek, but I’m learning to trust Nick.” She wasn’t sure why she shared this information, but she supposed she didn’t want her young Amish friend to worry.
It was Mary Ruth’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “So, it’s Nick now.” She beamed. “You’re not leaving?” Her hopeful tone buoyed Sarah.
“Not yet.”
“Gut.” Mary Ruth said.
“And Mary Ruth... Don’t feel you need someone else to make you happy. Find happiness within yourself.” This had been a mantra Sarah repeated to herself often. She understood the Amish way wasn’t to pursue personal goals, but rather work for the community, but she wanted her friend to make this very serious choice about baptism and marriage from a place of strength and not out of desperation, need or loneliness.
“I’ll do my best.”
Sarah watched Mary Ruth cross the yard. Sarah’s heart started pounding when she noticed Ruben cutting across the property to meet her at the fence. Sarah lifted her hand to wave, but he turned his back to her without waving back. He must not have seen her.
Or maybe he really was angry with her.
* * *
The fluttery feelings in Sarah’s stomach had only intensified over the past few days, a mixture of excitement and pure dread. Now the day had come, and she and Nick were headed to Buffalo to visit her mom. All had been quiet in Apple Creek since the snake incident—perhaps the increased sheriff’s patrols by her rented house had been a deterrent—but Sarah couldn’t help but feel like going to Buffalo was poking a hornet’s nest.
“You haven’t been home in six months?” Nick merged the sleek compact car onto the road after stopping at her mother’s favorite bakery to pick up some pastry hearts. He had borrowed it from his parents’ fleet of executive vehicles that were registered in Buffalo, not Apple Creek, one of the many precautions they had taken. The other was leaving after nightfall.
“No, I haven’t been back.” Sarah threaded her fingers and twisted her hands. “At the next light turn right.” At this hour, she envisioned her mother sitting in her favorite recliner watching whatever police drama was running on cable. She had tried to show her mother how to use Netflix so she could binge-watch her favorite shows whenever she wanted, but all the controls and choices were too much for her. Her mother liked things simple.
Sarah laughed to herself. Her mother had always made the best of things, until cancer and Jimmy Braeden infected their lives. Some things were too hard to overcome. Sarah hoped her surprise visit didn’t negatively affect her mom, making it even harder for her mom once she had left again.
Oh, maybe this isn’t a good idea.
As they approached her old neighborhood in Buffalo, Sarah’s nerves vibrated with anticipation. She longed to see Mom, but she couldn’t shake the foreboding that something bad was going to happen—really bad. Ever since Sarah’s panic attacks started, she struggled to separate real danger from perceived danger.
She sent up a silent prayer that her fight-or-flight response was off-kilter considering she was home for the first time in half a year.
“I live—my mom lives,” she corrected herself, “on this street about ten houses in on the left.”
Nick must have sensed her unease. “Everything is going to be all right. This car is registered to my parents’ company, which has a Buffalo address. It would take a huge leap to connect it to Apple Creek and you, for that matter.”
“So, remind me of this great plan.” Sarah’s tone came off as sarcastic, but inside she was trembling and nauseous. She prayed she’d be strong for Mom. And she prayed her mom was doing better than Nick’s friend had led her to believe. Matt didn’t know her mother, so what basis did he have to make that call?
That’s the lie she had been telling herself since Nick had suggested they visit her mom. And what she was quickly learning about Nick, when he made a decision, he didn’t waste time putting it into action.
“We’ll park on the street a house away so as not to draw attention.”
“What if someone sees me?” Sarah’s legs started to shake, and she couldn’t stop them.
“Did you bring a hat?”
Sarah nodded and pulled out a university baseball cap. It had her college logo on it, a large public university where she’d earned her master’s degree. She couldn’t recall ever having worn it. She looked goofy in hats.
“Tuck your hair up in it.”
Sarah did as Nick had instructed as he came to a stop at the light at the corner of her street. Nostalgia bit at her insides when she remembered how many times she used to ride her bike around the block in this neighborhood. How she and her friends would make a hopscotch board with chalk or play on the shuffleboard court painted on her best friend’s driveway.
All a lifetime ago.
The light turned green, and the car in front of them proceeded through the intersection, allowing Nick to turn right onto her street.
Sarah’s heart plummeted and her mouth went dry. Rescue vehicles were parked near the house. Sarah couldn’t find any words. Are they here for my mom? No, no, no...
Nick reached across and touched her hand, sensing her unease. He parked across the street and down two houses. Sarah stared at the fire truck on the street and the ambulance in her mother’s driveway. Her stomach knotted, and she feared she was going to throw up.
“My mom,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with emotion. She pushed open the door and climbed out, her legs unsteady under her.
Nick scrambled out of the car and jogged around to her side and grabbed her elbow. “It’s okay. Let’s go in and see what’s going on.”
Unable to speak around the lump in her throat, Sarah nodded. Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Then she closed her eyes and prayed in earnest. Dear Lord, watch over my mom. Let her be okay. Let me be able to see her again.
“Are you okay?” Sarah opened her eyes to find Nick close to her, studying her face.
“I need to see my mom.”
“Come on. I’ll be right there with you.” He took her elbow. Sarah turned toward the house and noticed the outline of a man in her mother’s doorway.
Broad shoulders. Thick chest. Flat buzz cut.
Jimmy.
It couldn’t be.
It had to be. She’d recognize his stance anywhere.
Sarah yanked away from Nick’s touch, her world tipping off its axis. She flattened her hand against the cool metal of the passenger window and ducked her head.
“It’s him,” Sarah whispered. “Jimmy Braeden is standing in my mother’s foyer.”
* * *
At the alarmed expression on Sarah’s face, Nick’s gaze snapped to the front door. A tall, broad-shouldered police officer stood in the doorway. Nick couldn’t be certain if the man was watching them or the EMTs loading the ambulance.
“Are you sure it’s him?”
From her semicrouched position, Sarah glanced over the roof of the car. “Yes.” She visibly shuddered. “It’s him. I’m sure. I don’t know why he’s here. He’s not a Buffalo cop. He’s in a neighboring suburb.”
Nick gently took Sarah’s trembling hand. His heart shattered for her. “You’re safe. I’m here.” She looked up at him, and her eyes glistened under the white glow of the moonlight. Sarah nodded slightly. Unsure. He hated that a man had done this to her. Made her afraid. He tamped down his anger. He had to keep calm if he didn’t want to raise any red flags.
“Get inside the car and lock the doors. Stay low. I’ll be right back.”
Sarah stared at him, uncertainty flickering across her face. “Don’t leave me here on the street. Alone.”
“It’ll be okay. Lock the doors,” he repeated. “We need to see what’s going on with your mom.”
Sarah spun around and clutched his arm. “Let’s follow the ambulance to the hospital. Don’t waste time talking to him.”
“Sarah, trust me.” Nick brushed his thumb across her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. “I won’t jeopardize your safety.”
Sarah nodded slightly and slipped into the car. Nick handed her the keys. “Stay in the car. Don’t get out no matter what. And if things go south, drive away.”
She opened her mouth to protest. Nick locked gazes with her. Trust me.
Wide-eyed, Sarah nodded in silent agreement. He trusted she wouldn’t leave the car. He straightened and placed a hand on the doorframe. “Hand me the bakery bag.”
Sarah twisted around and grabbed the bag from the floor in the back of the car.
Nick watched the man still standing in the doorway. “What church does your mom belong to?”
“Saint Al’s?” Sarah answered, a question in her voice.
“Okay...now lock the doors as soon as I close the door.”
Sarah nodded ever so slightly. Nick closed the door and heard the click of the automatic locks. He crossed the street with the bakery bag in hand. He glanced over his shoulder at the car. In the darkness, Sarah wasn’t visible inside. Nick made a straight line toward the ambulance, but the man who had been standing in the doorway strode out to the driveway and cut him off.
The man matched the image of Officer James Braeden that Nick had pulled up on the Orchard Gardens Police website.
“Can I help you?” Jimmy asked, his eyes piercing and dark. Anger and entitlement rolled off him in waves.
Nick tamped down his growing dislike for the man, afraid it would show on his face. He relaxed his shoulders and tried to act like he wasn’t former military or current law enforcement. Nonthreatening.
“Is that Mrs. Gardner? Is she okay?” Nick put on an air of concern consistent with being a long-time friend.
“And you are?” Jimmy asked, not offering any information. Nick wondered why he was here when he wasn’t a Buffalo cop.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Nick held out his free hand, offering to shake the man’s hand. “I’m Nick—” he purposely didn’t give a last name, even a fake one. Harder for the officer to catch him in a lie. “My mother and Mrs. Gardner are friends from St. Al’s. My mother wanted Mrs. Gardner to have these baked goods.” Nick lifted up the bag as evidence. “Thought they’d cheer her up. But now I see she’s taken a turn for the worse.” Nick turned toward the street and noticed the taillights of the ambulance disappear. He knew Sarah must be going out of her mind stuck inside the car, wondering what was going on with her mother.
With Jimmy.
Nick hoped she took comfort in seeing the ambulance didn’t have on its lights and siren. That had to be an encouraging sign.
Unless she suspected there was no longer any sense of urgency.
Nick turned back around and found Jimmy staring at him, the two men squaring off eye to eye. “As you can see, Mrs. Gardner has been taken to the hospital.”
“Did she call the ambulance?” Nick asked, trying to glean some information to share with Sarah.
“A neighbor did. Happened to stop by to check on her. When Mrs. Gardner didn’t answer, she peered through the window and found the old lady flat on the floor. Unconscious.” Jimmy looked past him to his vehicle parked in the street. Nick had purposely made sure he didn’t park under a streetlamp so as not to draw attention to the details of the car. Now, he was especially glad because Sarah was nothing more than a shadow.
“My mother’s a friend. She’ll be concerned. Is there any news I can give her?”
“They’re taking her to Buffalo Mercy.”
“Did she regain consciousness?”
“Yes, but she’s confused.” Jimmy turned his focus to Nick’s car. “Is someone waiting in the car?”
Nick lifted a hand, he tried to act casual, but he was on high alert. “My wife. We’re on our way out tonight. Once she saw the ambulance, we knew we wouldn’t be visiting with Mrs. Gardner.” Nick frowned. “I suppose I won’t be leaving these baked goods. Any chance anyone else in the house would enjoy them?”
“If you knew Mrs. Gardner, then you’d know she only has one daughter. She’s currently out of town.” The tight set of Jimmy’s mouth must have been his “I’m annoyed with the world” tell.
“It’s my mother who likes to visit with her friends after church. Me, I’m more a get in and get out and I’m good for another week.” Nick shrugged. “Just hope lightning doesn’t strike me dead while I’m there.”
Behind Jimmy in the house, Nick heard a Buffalo police officer instructing another officer to make sure the house was secure before they left.
“It’s a shame her daughter is out of town. Has someone contacted her? Let her know her mother has fallen ill?” Nick let the question hang out there.
Jimmy scrubbed a hand across his cropped hair as he studied Nick. Nick had to resist the urge not to put this guy in his place. He didn’t want to trigger Jimmy’s temper.
“Someone from our department will be sure to track her down,” the Buffalo cop said.
Nick nodded curtly. “Night.” Nick made eye contact with the Buffalo cop and then Jimmy. Nick turned and jogged across the lawn. He waited until Jimmy climbed into a large SUV parked in front of Mrs. Gardner’s house and pulled away. He didn’t want to open the car door and allow the dome light to reveal his passenger.
In the briefest of seconds before he pulled his door shut and the dome light went dark, he saw tears shining on Sarah’s pretty face. His heart went out to her.
Given a chance, he’d punch old Jimmy in the jaw. No man had the right to treat a woman as poorly as he had treated Sarah. Now she had lost time with her mother.
He hoped they weren’t too late.
Undoubtedly, Sarah would insist they go to the hospital to check on her mother. Given the circumstances, he couldn’t deny her.
He only hoped he could protect her.