I DON’T KNOW how long I stood there in the kitchen of the inn after Mindy left. It doesn’t matter. Nothing mattered except the fact that I’d messed up. Horribly.
“Hey, everything okay?” Sorelle poked her head through the doorway. “Where’s Mindy?”
I lifted my hands. “Not here.”
I brushed past her and back into the hall, feeling the eyes on me as I passed the sitting room. “Brett?” Bree came forward. “Is everything okay?”
“Fine.”
I was still walking toward the door, but she reached out a hand to stop me. “Where’s Mindy?”
“I don’t know.”
Bree looked back at the roomful of guests. Now they were walking around, examining the clothing that Mindy had set out. “She’s supposed to run this boutique thing.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. Can you run it?”
Her dark eyes flickered, but she recovered quickly. “Yeah, I can run it.”
“Go for it.” Then I walked out the door.
Everything about this sucked, and it was my fault. I had been going to tell her everything, I had. I’d been waiting for the right time, and then I would’ve told her about my money and how I was going to have to head west again. Reality creates problems. I just wanted more time to be happy.
When I reached home, the emptiness hit me. The house was empty. My life was empty. Every footstep echoed on the tile floor, and still I felt restless. I should leave now. Go back home. Why not? There was nothing keeping me here except my garden, and the animals would take care of that. I’d pack up and leave and return home to be closer to my family and friends, and wasn’t that a kind of growth? I’d come east to escape my problems, and in the end I’d realized that the grass wasn’t greener. It sucked here, too. Mission accomplished.
You love her. I could almost hear David as I walked around, straightening up so I could leave. Don’t let her go.
“Like she ever wants to see me again.” That thought carved a hole in my chest. “Money ruins everything.”
I’d never wanted to be rich. I’d only wanted to be good at my job. I’d never wanted the scrutiny that came with success. And then I realized that I now knew what I’d needed to know: Mindy hadn’t cared that I didn’t have money. She’d thought I walked people for spare change and had gotten lucky with my housing. Maybe she’d thought I was living off of my savings. But at least she hadn’t cared. And look—money had ruined our relationship anyway. I was cursed.
You’re full of self-pity is what you are. Nut up and walk over to see her. Apologize for being an ass. Tell her that you love her and that you’ll work it out.
It was raining, so I drove back to the cottage. I parked on the street and went over my speech. It doesn’t matter because we’re going to figure it out. We had to, because what we had was too special to let go. I’m sorry. Don’t give up on me.
I unfastened my seat belt and was about to open the car door when I noticed a pickup truck parked in the driveway. Moments later, a man emerged from the cottage. My stomach tightened. Chase. A woman followed him. Mindy. They paused in front of the doorway in an embrace, and then Chase climbed into his truck.
I gripped the steering wheel so tightly that I thought it would break off in my hands. So much for apologies. I started the car and drove home.
WHEN I went back to the cottage after I walked out on Brett, I was alone. I was glad, because I needed it to be that way. I flung myself onto the couch and sobbed, sounding to my own ears like an injured animal. Of course Brett had used me like every other guy had. That was the only reason he’d lied about who he was and how he was leaving. I was nothing to him but a summer fling. What in the world was wrong with me?
I didn’t want to be alone. It wasn’t late, and most of the cars were still in the lot at the inn. So I set out toward the inn feeling guarded, because although I didn’t want to run into Vaughan or Brett, I did need to be around some friendly faces.
Inside, the Lit Chick boutique was in full swing, and Bree was at the center of it. “That’s not your color,” she said flatly as Luanne held up a yellow floral Emily dress. “That shade will wash out your complexion.”
“Oh. What should I try, then?” Luanne set the dress back on the rack.
“Here.” Bree handed her a green-patterned dress. “That’s going to bring out your eyes.”
I watched for a few minutes as Bree helped another woman who was deciding on a scarf, and then assisted someone else in finding the right bra. After a while, she looked up and noticed me. “Hey,” she said, and her eyes flickered.
I registered her discomfort and approached with a smile. “You’re doing great. I mean, wow. You’re moving product!”
She shrugged off the compliment. “This is easy. These clothes sell themselves.”
But what I saw were women with their arms filled with clothing. “No,” I said. “You’re doing really well, Bree.”
Joss and Mira had selected a few items. Vaughan was nowhere to be seen, and this was a relief. I approached Joss and said, “Have you seen Brett?”
“He left right after you did,” said Sorelle, coming from behind me. “He probably went home.”
I looked at the clock on the mantel. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected him to stick around.” Still, I was upset that he hadn’t come chasing after me. Why hadn’t he come to the cottage to talk?
Because it’s over. I’d had plenty of experience with men who never called, who walked out the door and never looked back. This had seemed so different. How disappointing that it wasn’t.
Sorelle smoothed her hand down my hair. “You okay? You want to talk?”
“I’m just . . . sad.”
“I know.” She linked her arm with mine. “Would a new bubble gum–pink underwire bra cheer you up?”
“No.” But I cracked a little bit of a smile.
“You’ll be okay,” she said. “Come on. Let’s sell some leggings.” It was the only reasonable thing to do.
• • •
AFTER THE Lit Chick boutique, Sorelle wanted to go out. “Girls’ night,” she said. “You, me, Joss, Mira, and Bree.”
But I couldn’t bear it. “I just need a little space.”
Now, as I sat alone in the cottage, I set a hand over my aching heart and doubled over to cry. I had to hand it to Brett: This was an all-new kind of pain. Chase had led me on for years, but even he had been more of a gentleman than to sleep with me while planning to move across the country. I had given Brett so much of myself that I wondered if I’d ever be able to love someone so openly again. At the moment, I didn’t think I’d be capable of it.
I picked up my cell phone, conflicted as to whether I wanted to call someone or be alone. If I called Lettie, she’d understand . . . sort of. She was in a committed, honest relationship with Eric, though. She might not get it. Of course I couldn’t call my mom. She was busy with Michael and his kids, anyway. God help me, I texted Chase.
You were right. I fucked up again.
Because there was something about me, something defective and unlovable. That must be it. Chase always had his cell phone on him, so I wasn’t surprised that he texted me right back. Pregnant?
No asshole. Single. Again.
I couldn’t even celebrate that Vaughan was moving out of the inn. She wouldn’t be, even though Brett had tried to swoop in with his bags of money and pay her off. And remember when you thought he was homeless? I was such a fool.
Chase texted back. Want company? I’m nearby.
I frowned at the phone. What about Jackie?
Meh. Having problems.
Chase is bad for you. Chase is a big, fat, lying, jerk pig. But at least with Chase, I knew what I was getting myself into. We’d been friendly forever and I was over him, and if he was having problems with Jackie, maybe we could talk about our misery together. I texted, I hope you’re going to apologize.
For what?
Comments at party.
OK sorry. Leaving now.
I hesitated before typing back, OK.
He brought some beer and we sat on the couches. I’d opened the windows because a brief rainstorm had cooled off the evening. “I don’t actually want to go into specifics,” I said.
“Me neither.”
So we sat in silence and drank our beers. I took off my shoes and dug my toes into the couch cushions. “What’s wrong with us?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Broken, I guess.”
“That was my guess, too.” I combed my fingers through my hair. “You know, you should really marry Jackie. She loves you, and no matter what you say, I know you love her, too.”
A strange look appeared on his face. “I thought you didn’t approve.”
“I hope that’s not what’s held you back.” I took a pull of my beer and then set it aside on the coffee table. “Look, we always get together and bitch about our exes. I’m kind of tired of it. Like, we have to grow up at some point and realize that we’re part of the problem, too.”
He arched an eyebrow at me and then scratched his shoulder. “In what way?”
“I’m selfish. I’m quick to anger. I’m stubborn.” Chase started laughing. “Shut up.”
“Sorry.”
“I think about myself, like, all the time.” My throat constricted around that. “Even this thing with Brett, I think it’s about me. That he should’ve told me more about himself. That I deserved to know.”
“You were in a relationship with him,” Chase said. “Don’t you think that’s fair?”
“I don’t know. He was so great and now I’ve lost him, so maybe not.” My heart ached. “Okay, your turn. What’s wrong with you?”
But Chase smirked—a sure sign he wasn’t going to take this exercise seriously. “My sex drive is too high. No one woman is enough.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, okay. You know what’s wrong with you, Chase? And I say this as a friend.” I shifted so that we were fully facing each other. “You’re insecure. You put me down. Do you know this? It’s amazing that I still talk to you after the things you’ve said. But I value you as a friend even still. That’s one of the things I’m good at, being a friend. But from now on, I expect you to be better than that.
“And you know what else?” I continued, on a roll. “You’re never satisfied. You’re so focused on closing the next deal that you’re never thinking about what you have right in front of you. And no, I’m not interested,” I added. “To be clear.”
He nodded his head. “Gotcha. Yeah, this is a great exercise. I’m glad we’re doing this.” He took another long pull. Sarcasm was his defense.
“I’m saying this because if you don’t cut the shit and realize what you have with Jackie, you’re going to lose her. I know you two fight sometimes, but you know what, Chase? You’re quick to walk away. You’re being a quitter.”
“And you’re not?”
“No. My boyfriend planned to move to Seattle without telling me. That’s not quitting. That’s having some self-respect.”
“Ah. Got it.” He tore off the label from his beer bottle and rolled the paper into a ball. “I thought you were texting me tonight to, you know. Get some.”
“No, I was definitely not. Wait.” Now I sat up. “You considered it? Chase, you’re engaged.”
“I was going to turn you down.” He scratched at the side of his nose. “It’s complicated.”
“No, it’s not. Jeeeezus.” I had to stand up and leave the room, but my mouth kept going. “Please understand that I would never, ever do that to Jackie. Or to you. If you can’t understand that, we can’t be friends.”
He stared down at his bottle, chastened. “Got it. I was kidding, anyway.”
“Right.” I crossed my arms and leaned one shoulder against the wall. “Look, I want you to be happy. God knows I should never speak to you again after the way you treated me at that party. But when you care about someone, you care about them even when they’re acting horrible. So I forgive you for all of those terrible things you said.”
He swallowed. “I felt really bad about that. I’d been drinking too much and . . . I was sort of jealous to see you with Brett.”
“I know. You’ve liked the attention I’ve given you. It’s a boost to your self-esteem. But I know you’re better than that. I know you’re better than this. Chase, look at me.” I waited for him to lift his eyes. “Be better. Don’t fuck this one up.”
For a moment, he was still. Then he nodded his head, very slowly. “You sure know how to put a guy in his place. You learn that in teaching school?”
I snorted at that one. “As a matter of fact, yes. I learned it in teaching school.”
Chase never finished his beer. Our conversation had gotten too heavy, but we hugged as he left. “Be better?” he said.
“Be better.”
“You should, too.” Then he patted me on the shoulder and climbed into his car.