RECORD.
“After I left Cross, I was almost overwhelmed by my own emotion. I’d done it, I’d won. I’d beaten all of them and I was still winning every single battle. Every one.
“And yet I felt a subtle change in myself. Was I so filled with guilt… that I was someone different now? Why hadn’t I struck out at Cross?
“The honest truth: I wasn’t as impressed by him as I thought I might be. But was he playing me? Setting me up for the kill? He was certainly physically imposing, and smart, I suppose. He’s definitely passionate about what he’s doing.
“But I don’t believe he’s going to catch me, to stop me, to put me away for what I’ve done, the awful things.
“I’m not afraid of Cross.
“But that’s not what my feelings are about. This isn’t about the detective; it’s about me. I know that to be perfectly safe I should do nothing about him. I’m clever enough to figure out something deadly. I’m good enough to execute it, and get away with it.
“So why haven’t I acted? What’s stopping me? Is it guilt? Remorse over what I’ve done to the children? Maybe something got to me—something about Cross’s kids, or his wife, or Cross himself? His passion is inspiring.
“Or is it this: I know I can’t stop myself and I want Cross to do it for me?
“No. I don’t think so. I don’t believe I want to be stopped. I’ve won… and I rather like that.”