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Bianca didn’t slow until she reached the edge of the garden. There, she seemed to collapse onto a stone bench behind the safety of a tall hedge, the will that had kept her body erect seeming to drain out of her all at once.
“Are you all right?” I whispered, sitting by her side, my hand an inch from her bare shoulder. Inside, I’d held her hand, but here, the idea of touching her felt different. I didn’t dare.
She tore the mask from her face and turned to me, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I can’t help her,” she said in a low tone matching my own.
“I know.” I knew better than she could ever imagine.
“Talyssa, my...” A sob caught in her throat.
“Yes, I know. Your lady-help. ” I finished for her.
She frowned, confused.
“I remember her,” I explained, “from the market. She was with you the day you called the Sentries on me. I saw her shortly after I arrived here and recognized her.”
“She... looked so lost,” Bianca said.
Tentatively, I took her hand. She didn’t pull away, but her eyes were fixed on a faraway point, so I doubted she even noticed my touch.
“What does he do to her?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t torture yourself.” I had no right to tell her that—not when I spent my sleepless nights wondering the exact same thing about Timotei.
“He took everything from me,” she said. “He killed Papa and stole Talyssa. Even my home and the inheritance my mother left me went to him.”
So that was why she’d joined the White Court. She’d had no other choice. Like me. It seemed we weren’t so different, after all. King Maximus had destroyed both our lives.
“He has my brother,” I said in a rush of breath. “He’s only eight years old, but he’s a Trove. That’s why I joined. I tried to rescue him, but I failed.”
She pressed her free hand to her mouth. “Oh, Nyro.”
I glanced away as the back of my eyes stung. The last time I’d shed a tear was when Mother died. I didn’t want Bianca to see me cry. She had her own woes, and I had no business burdening her with mine.
“Talyssa looks after him,” I said, forcing myself to look back at her, a weak smile on my lips.
“She does?”
I nodded.
Bianca sniffled, then a smile graced her lips. “That sounds like her. I feel sorry for your brother. She can be quite bossy.”
I chuckled, glancing down at our interlaced fingers. Her hand was so small in mine. Yet, it felt strong, capable. I moved my thumb in a gentle caress but didn’t dare look back into her eyes.
“Maybe...” she started tentatively. “Maybe we can help each other.”
I met her gaze then. I doubted there was anything we could do for each other. She was with the White Queen, unable to come here unless one of these balls was taking place, and she wore a disguise. And what could I do? I’d failed at rescuing one small boy already. I couldn’t add Talyssa to the list and make it harder on myself. I’d only be adding to the list of people I would disappoint.
“How?” I asked, the bitter word crossing my lips before I could stop it.
“I... I don’t know.” Disappointment washed over her. She pulled away and hugged herself as a chilled breeze blew through the garden.
Standing, I took off my jacket and reached over to drape it over her shoulders. She sighed as my warmth enveloped her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I sat back down. “We shouldn’t talk here. We could try to think of something, but somewhere else.”
A little hope returned to her expression. “You’re right. Maybe... we could meet. On our free day. One is coming up.”
“Yes.” I nodded, my heart swelling with anticipation already. I would see her again.
We shared a smile. Quiet fell over us as we stared into each other’s eyes.
“Bianca...” I whispered her name.
She stood abruptly, letting my jacket slide off her shoulders and handing it back. “I should go.”
I rose to my feet and offered back the jacket. “Keep it. It’s cold and you...” I let my gaze wander over her bare shoulders.
“I can’t,” she said. “You’re the enemy. Remember?”
“You can throw it in the garbage when you get near the White Place. I don’t want you to be cold.”
She reached for it, but instead of letting her take it, I shook it open, swung it around her, and deposited it on her shoulders once more. I should have stepped back after that, but I couldn’t. She was like a magnet, drawing me near. My hands stayed on her shoulders.
I swallowed, expecting her to pull back, but she didn’t. Instead, she took a step closer and wrapped her arms around me in a gentle embrace.
For a moment, I stood flabbergasted. A hug?
I wasn’t expecting that, nor the feeling of fellowship... of friendship. I’d thought she liked me, but not like this. I hugged her back, fighting the urge to pull away and make sure this chaste embrace didn’t stow me in a category from which I could never come back. I didn’t want to be her friend only.
But then her hand slid up my chest, feeling, exploring. I exhaled in relief and surprise. She wanted more, too. My skin rippled with a chill. The ember she’d inadvertently lit inside my chest glowed brighter. I had been so long without any real human contact. Was it the same for her? It had to be.
I caressed her back and turned to inhale the intoxicating scent of her hair. One of her hands rose to my neck, then traveled to my nape, gentle, careful. My body awakened, heat covering me, sliding down my spine like delicious honey. Her fingers threaded into my hair and twirled.
Pressing her against me, I slid my cheek against hers. Her warmth and softness made me weak. Very slowly, I pulled away, my face gliding against her soft skin. I ached inside, my bones too brittle to contain the desire that built and built within me.
I peered into her dark eyes, our noses a mere inch apart. We shared a breath. Her eyelashes fluttered.
“I’ve never kissed anyone,” she said.
Her voice—raspy with the same desire I felt—unhinged me.
I wet my lips, doing my best not to tremble like a scared babe. “I want to be the first.” The only. “If you allow me.”
Her bosom rose and fell against my chest as her breaths quickened. She nodded. Her acquiescence unleashed something in me, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Hope.
I leaned forward, slowly, so very slowly. Her eyes closed. I cupped her face in my hand as if she were breakable.
Our lips met. Our breaths mingled. She quivered against me as I fell into her, tumbling and tumbling without care.
My lower lip caressed hers. Her mouth felt full, soft, heavenly. I deepened my kiss, wishing to taste her, but afraid to go that far on her first kiss. Every muscle in my body was tense. I wanted so much from her, it took everything I had to hold back, to curb my desire.
Her hands explored my chest, the muscles in my stomach. She wasn’t shy but daring, self-assured. My breath caught after a sharp inhale, revealing how she affected me, but I didn’t care if she knew. I wanted her to know. I’d been with women before, but I’d always felt full of pretense with them. This was different.
With Bianca, I felt bare, like the peaks of the East Fog mountains must feel against the wind.
Gods, I wanted her.
Suddenly, she pulled back, breathless. I leaned forward, reaching for more. She pressed a hand to my chest and held me at bay. She was as breathless as I, as intoxicated. Elation filled me, seeing that I affected her as much as she affected me. It was a selfish, vain emotion, but she was so beautiful, so strong and fiery that I couldn’t help my conceited pride. She liked me and had granted me her first kiss.
Me, of all men.
“Where?” she asked.
I immediately knew what her question meant. I searched my mind, trying to think of a good place for our meeting. “Alfil Park,” I said. “Do you know where it is?”
She nodded. “White Square, G2.” She began to pull away.
We quickly decided on a time.
As she pulled away, I grabbed her hand and stopped her. “Stay a while longer.” It was a plea, and I was a beggar.
The struggle was clear in her eyes. She wanted to stay, too, but she shook her head. “I’ve already been gone too long. The other Pawns will begin to wonder.”
“So you’re also a Fourth Pawn, now?”
“No, a First Pawn.”
I was in a bit of a shock. First Pawn! How? I hated to think what sort of challenges she’d had to survive, but the fact that she was strong to live through it gave me a measure of peace.
“Let me walk with you with you, at least,” I said.
“We shouldn’t be seen together.”
Of course not. I understood that, but I didn’t want to part from her.
She came closer, pushed to her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to mine, her tongue taking a quick taste of my lips. A thrill speared through my very heart, adding embers to my desire.
Then, without a word, she whirled and rushed away, leaving me with a wild turmoil of emotions that crippled my reason.
It wasn’t until much later—when the heady effects of her touch, her kiss, and her presence dissipated—that I realized what a mistake nurturing this connection with Bianca would be and how much more complicated it made things.
The problem was... my heart was shouting, while my mind only managed to whisper its opposition.