Chapter Fourteen

Drake

Fuck me! He looks so sad, so broken. And it’s all because I'm too much of a pussy to be honest with him. I should tell Jeff it was me under that mask and that I'm the one with the problem.

I want so desperately to reach out and hold his hand, not in a sexual way, but just to comfort a friend. But I can't even do that. Not here.

“Well, I should get going,” Jeff says quietly after finishing his beer.

“Yeah, me too.”

We get outside and the air feels ten degrees cooler than it was when we walked in. The street is dark and fairly empty. This part of town is mostly industrial with a few apartment buildings and some retail, but not a lot of nightlife.

When my shoulder rubs against Jeff's as we cross the street, the surge of panic that usually spikes through me with male-to-male contact isn't present. I almost feel comfortable. And when he hunches his shoulders and bends forward to shield against the cool wind, it feels natural to wrap my arm around his shoulder and tuck him closer to my side.

Jeff's entire body stiffens as he glances at me. He appears to be questioning what I'm doing. I'm certainly questioning what I'm doing. But instead of pulling away like I should, like I usually do, I smile and press my lips against his temple.

“I mean it. It was his loss. You're too good for that bastard.”

The look of shock on Jeff’s face is almost comical. I’m grinning stupidly until we reach the parking lot and I realize I have to say goodbye. Before I can back away, my mouth opens and the words I promised I would never say to another man tumble out. “You want to come back to my place?”

Jeff’s mouth is gaping open and his eyes squint in confusion. “But I thought you…” He looks around the parking lot to confirm we're still alone. “Are you gay?”

I flinch slightly at the word. I don't know that I’ll ever admit that out loud, but I'm definitely not gonna do it right now in this parking lot. Shifting so he's standing right in front of me, I gently squeeze one shoulder and smile. “That's not a label I use for myself, but I would enjoy your company tonight.”

All hope drains from Jeff’s face and a tortured frown fills it. “Well, it's probably not a good idea. You have a good night.”

Jeff pulls away and fumbles with his key to get inside his car. I'm still standing there like an idiot as he disappears from view.

What the fuck did I just do?

Did I seriously just come on to an employee, only to have him reject my inappropriate advances?

~**~

I can't sleep at all.

I know I can't take back what I said or did, but the roiling in my belly isn't just about fear of being outed. I don't think Jeff will say anything to anybody. My fear is about why he was so quick to dismiss my offer.

Maybe he has strong enough ethics to know that any kind of physical relationship with an employer is not a good idea. But he said it himself. We had a connection that night. I don't know what it was, and I couldn't name the feelings, but they were different from any I've felt before.

There was something about the way he looked at me that wasn't just lustful. He wasn't just trying to get off. Jeff wanted to feel me, see me, hear me. Hell, I didn't even give him my name and he’s still thinking about me weeks later.

But he's looking for more. I used him to warm my dick then I tossed him aside. It's no wonder he's afraid to get involved with somebody so soon. Then again, maybe it's just me. Maybe the illusion of a masked man that he'll never see again is a better fantasy than a night with me.

He might not have wanted to come home with me, but my dick was definitely ready to bring him home. Even though he's not physically here, I can't ignore my hard-on any longer. With a towel across my belly, I lean back in bed and wrap my fingers around my dick. It’s easy to picture those big blue eyes staring up at me the night we met. The attention he gave me was as loving as it was needful. It was slow and fast. Hard and soft.

Adjusting my grip, I set the rhythm of each stroke to match the memory of Jeff bouncing up and down on my shaft. He’s so gorgeous as he moves up and down. His torso is slick as sweat glistens off his tight muscles. Pressing him against my chest, I can feel his soft moans vibrating against me, teasing me even more.

My hand is covered in my own slick as I thrust up into my fist, wishing Jeff had decided to come home with me. I need him straddling my body right now, begging me to fuck him harder. He would moan and writhe, urging me to find the place inside him that would make him break into pieces.

Pieces that he would allow me to put back together.

A puzzle he would say could only be complete with me in his life.

Christ, where the fuck is all this mushy shit coming from, and why is it making my orgasm start deeper in my belly than ever before as I pump to the visions of Jeff riding me?

I briefly imagine what it would be like to be with him in public, to hold his hand with others watching, and to kiss him in front of my family.

Fuck!

I come hard, shattering against the mattress as thick ropes of cream puddle on the towel. I'm seriously fucked up if that’s what gets me off these days.

~**~

On Friday morning, Jeff is the first one into the conference room. It’s a full twenty minutes before nine when we generally convene.

“Hi,” he says quietly, glancing at me from the other side of the table.

“Good morning, Jeff.” I promised myself I'm not going to be pissy or short with him today. I don't want him to think he's in trouble for not being interested in me outside of work. However, I do need to make it clear that what happened is private and not something I would expect him to talk to anybody about.

“Jeff, I want to apologize for—”

“No.” He raises his hand to stop me. “Pease, don't. Let's just forget about it. Okay?”

I hold his gaze and try to understand what's going on inside that head of his. So many emotions seem to be at war in those crystal blue eyes. I wish I could pinpoint at least one of them.

“I would appreciate it if we could keep this between us.”

“Of course.” He opens his laptop and taps his finger on the table while waiting for it to boot up. “Everyone always does.”

“What was that?” I turn my head sharply to look at him but he won't make eye contact.

“Nothing.” Jeff barks out a laugh that is anything but humorous. “It’s exactly what I'm used to. Don't worry about it.”

Just as my anger level seems to be at an all-time high, Diya pops into the room. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” I say quietly, hoping I don't take out my frustration on the team today. There's too much to be done and too many other things to worry about than how I hurt a stranger in a moment of selfish, narcissistic ecstasy.