CHAPTER 5

Dreams make sense when you’re having them, but they sound weird when you try and tell anyone. In my dream, I’m running away from my black dog. I’m in my room, then Stanley Park, then I come to a cliff and jump without thinking. I hang in the air like Wile E. Coyote, my legs going. Then I plummet toward the rocks at the foot of the cliff. They get bigger and clearer every second. You know how this looks.

I’m about to squish like a dropped piece of fruit, when a beam of light streaks down out of the sky and carries me off.

It’s an angel. Gown, wings, halo, the usual. Only this isn’t an angel from TV or a church window. It’s my sister, Ruby. With wings.

“Hey, you!” she shouts, like usual. Ruby’s a shouter. And she calls me you a lot. How’s it going, you? she’ll say. “Hey, you! Wake up!”

So I do. I’m in bed in my room. It’s as dark as the inside of a pocket.

My phone is still on my desk. It was there all day.

It says 3:44.

I think about my dream.

I’ve mentioned Ruby, but I don’t think I’ve introduced her. She’s my big sister. Six years older, so nineteen going on twenty. She’s on the rowing team at Saanich College on Vancouver Island. She’s also on the debating team. Which makes sense because Ruby has big muscles and a loud voice. She’d like you. And I’m pretty sure you’d like her.

What time is it now? I get up.

3:45.

I lie down again.

I practise logical thinking. If this, then that. You know? If police wear hats, and I am a police officer, then I wear a hat. Right? Right. So if Dalmatians are black and white, and police cars are black and white, and my pyjamas are black and white, do I wear a hat or do I bark?

Logic.

I feel light-headed. Heart racing. Hands clenched. What time is it? I check again.

3:47.

This is why I don’t carry my phone around. If I carry it around, I’m always checking the time. I lie down again. Is my heart racing? Maybe. What about my mind? Oh yeah. It’s racing. I think about racing. Car races. Bike races. Boat races. Human races. Racing is all about finishing first, so who’s winning the human one? My dedo is dead — did he beat me? If I die ahead of Ruby and Gale, do I beat them? And what do I win?

Dreams sound weird, but do you know what else sounds weird? Thoughts. Mine do, anyway. This is what it’s like, living inside my head. Reading this story, you get a sense of what it’s like to be me. If you’re tired right now, or confused, I don’t blame you. I feel the same way. At least you can put the book down. Not me. I’m stuck here.

Lele! Enough racing. Slow down, heart. Slow down, thoughts. And then …

And then just …

Just go to …

3:58.

Eyes wide open. Will the night ever end?