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Three months later
Elle
I entered the theatre lobby for intermission, thrilled to have seen Trace’s name at the very top of the Broadway marquis outside. He’d done it...accomplished his dream. The early buzz about the show had been phenomenal, but tonight was the real test...opening night. Tonight, the critics were getting to see the best of my best friend. After this night, he would be around even less, but that didn’t dim my excitement for him.
Like so many times in the past three months, I’d come alone tonight. I’d gotten used to being alone now despite my heart having a hole where Jonah belonged. I wasn’t even sure if he’d fit there anymore or if he’d want to fit there anymore.
In the aftermath of Gustaf’s second attack on me, I’d realized something. All my life, I’d relied on everyone else for support. At first, that job had fallen to my mom’s entourage, then it had shifted to Trace, and finally, I’d relied on Jonah.
When I’d been in the middle of having a panic attack at the hospital, I’d realized how reliant I’d become on him and that scared me. That wasn’t fair to him. He couldn’t be my stability. He’d had that with his mother and the fallout had crushed him. Love needed to be a partnership, and at that point in time, I couldn’t bring that to the table.
I still wasn’t quite there, but I’d worked so hard over the last few months to try and get there—therapy sessions, talking things through with my mom, facing my fears about the media, and what those fears meant for me long-term in life and at the EDAC once I graduated.
I’d also worked hard on Minerva’s behalf to make sure she didn’t pay the rest of her life for her crimes. Her uncle had coerced her and the fear of homelessness had driven her to do heinous things. She’d served a couple of months in juvenile detention and now worked for EDAC in Austin as a means of community service. I still couldn’t interact with her on a friend level, but I had kept up with what was happening with her. I didn’t want her to be fall through the cracks and get lost completely. I didn’t like what she’d done, but I understood why.
I still planned to graduate, although I’d taken the rest of the last semester off.
Standing on my own meant not behaving like an eighth grader and keeping secrets from my mom. I’d told her about Trace, and she’d become one of his biggest supporters. In fact, she was supposed to be here somewhere tonight, but that was her thing. Being here alone was mine.
I’d learned to go out in public and deal with the press and paparazzi like an adult. I’d learned how to eat alone and not feel self-conscious about it.
I’d learned how to be alone and deal with it, but I didn’t like it. I missed Jonah like a missing limb. He was a missing part of me.
Every day, I reached for my phone to text Jonah with a little victory or achievement, but every day I waited, not sure if I was ready yet. He deserved to have a mature me, comfortable in my own skin and life without him having to prop me up. He needed me to be whole. In the meantime, I’d sent him hand-written letters. I still needed something to connect us. The old-fashioned art of writing to him helped with the ache of missing him. And he’d respected my request for space. I’d never heard back from him.
Now, I worried that I’d waited too long.
I took a sip of my wine and glanced around the room at the familiar faces. I’d grown up in Hollywood. Half these people had come through ViviAnna’s house, and I could go over to any circle here and do the chitchat thing. But this aloneness felt right. I knew I needed to learn to stand on my own and not worry about the whispers.
Even now I could hear them...
“Isn’t that ViviAnna’s daughter?”
“It’s so sad about what happened to her.”
“I heard she dropped out of college.”
“She looks good.”
At that one, I straightened my shoulders. I did look good. In fact, I looked downright amazing if I did say so myself. Just another part of what I’d been working on. Tonight, I wore a glittering, gold gown. There was no hiding in the corner in this dress.
I refused to stand in the corner and hide ever again.
But I wasn’t doing this for anyone else. I was doing this for me. I deserved to be the best version of me that I could be...just because it made me feel good.
“I hoped I’d see you tonight.”
I turned toward the masculine voice. “Dillon!” I threw my arms around his neck. “Trace didn’t tell me you were coming tonight.”
Dillon’s face flooded with embarrassment. “He didn’t know. I didn’t tell him.”
I frowned at him. “Why not? I thought things were going well between you two.”
Trace and I still talked every few days, and he’d been giddy. While he hadn’t seen Dillon since leaving New Mexico, they’d talked and texted every day...more so than I even talked to Trace.
“This is a big night for him,” Dillon said. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, so I didn’t want that to distract him. He should be free to do what he wants and not have to entertain me.”
While I could see what Dillon was saying, I knew my best friend. He’d want to know Dillon was here for him. I was about to tell him that when I saw Jonah.
All the blood leeched from my face. He looked amazing in his tuxedo, but the vision beside him shocked me to my core. On his arm was a beautiful, statuesque, red head. Her long red, velvet dress clung to her curves like a second skin, and she had some amazing curves. She was gorgeous as they laughed together, pure joy between them.
My stomach churned...jealousy, remorse, and so much pain mixed into a toxic combination.
I’d waited too long to contact him.
“What is it?” Dillon looked behind him to see what I’d seen. His eyes widened when he saw Jonah. He turned back to me with a shake of his head and started to speak.
“I’m sorry, Dillon, but I see someone that I need to go speak to.”
Dillon frowned in confusion as I went in the opposite direction from where I’d just spotted Jonah.
So much for all my newfound courage...
***
JONAH
For the barest of moments, I’d seen a glimpse of Elle as she stood with Dillon. She looked amazing, and my heart leapt in my chest, but then as quickly as I spotted her, she was gone in a swish of her golden, silk dress.
I dragged Tessa, our new firearms expert, along as I honed in on Dillon.
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t know, man. We were just talking, and all of a sudden, she took off like she’d seen a ghost.” Tessa caught up and joined us and Dillon punched me in the shoulder. “Or”—he gestured to Tessa—“like she’d just seen her ex with his new girlfriend.”
My eyes widened, but then a huge grin slipped over my face. If the sight of Tessa with me had bothered her, then I still had a chance.
***
ELLE
I was halfway to my seat when I realized what I was doing...running from reality, my life, my problems...all of which I’d sworn I wasn’t going to do anymore. I stopped and did an about-face. I wasn’t going to run. Not this time.
My future was worth facing any harsh reality. I’d done this to myself. Now, I needed to accept the consequences.
I strode back to where I’d left Dillon. Now, Jonah and the beautiful woman stood with him. My heart twisted at the sight of them together. They would make beautiful babies.
I slid between Jonah and Dillon, inserting myself into the conversation. “Sorry about that,” I said to Dillon. “I had to go take care of that issue.” I waved vaguely behind me.
I turned a bright smile to Jonah and his date, barely looking at him because I couldn’t catch a deep breath. I hadn’t planned on seeing him tonight, and I sure hadn’t been prepared to see another woman on his arm.
I reached out my hand to her. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Elle Wilcox.”
Her hand was really surprisingly calloused when she shook my hand, but her smile was warm and welcoming. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’m Tessa Snyder.”
“Tessa is—” Jonah began, but then he grabbed his ringing cell phone and winced. “Sorry. I have to take this.” He directed his gaze to Dillon. “It’s Nate.”
“Thank god, but do you want me to take it?” Dillon asked, the relief obvious in his voice.
Jonah shook his head. “No, I don’t want you to miss any of Trace’s performance.”
As he said that, the lights flashed, signaling that we needed to return to our seats.
Jonah cursed under his breath. “I’d like to speak with you, Elle, but—” His phone buzzed again.
I shook my head. “Go. I’ll be back in New Mexico tomorrow. We can catch up sometime in the next week.”
He didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded, lifted the phone to his ear, and rushed out of the lobby.
I turned back to Dillon. “I texted Trace that you’re here. Don’t let him down. Be at the back door after the show. One of the stage hands will let you in.”
Dillon’s face broke out in a huge smile. “Thank you,” he murmured.
I smiled at the two of them. “It was so nice to meet you, Tessa. I hope you both enjoy the rest of the show. Tell Jonah I said ‘have a good night.”
Then I slipped away and tried to enjoy the rest of the show. After seeing Jonah with Tessa, I wasn’t in a place to celebrate Trace’s amazing night with him. Besides, I had a feeling that Dillon and he would be making the most of their reunion. So I sent him an amazing job text and told him to have fun with Dillon and I’d catch up with him in a couple of days after he had time to recover from the excitement of it all.
Then, I headed to my hotel. My flight in the morning would be leaving way too early. I needed to try to get some sleep first.
***
IT WAS STILL DARK THE next morning when my flight landed in Albuquerque. After zero sleep, I was ready to get back to my apartment and then fall into my bed.
Inside my apartment building, I gave a half-hearted wave to Jennifer, manning the security desk, but I didn’t stop to speak to her. Getting to my bed was my whole focus.
I exited the elevator and stumbled to my door, trying not to think about the countless times I’d come through this door, laughing with Jonah. He’d moved on, and I had to live with that.
It would hurt, but I could deal. I would deal.
When the door opened, I closed my eyes in relief as the smell of coffee filled my nostrils. I needed coffee in the worst way. I stumbled to a halt as I came around the corner of my kitchen, and understood why I smelled fresh coffee. A half-naked Jonah stood there, nonchalantly sipping from a mug as he looked at me with raised eyebrows.
My throat went dry as my gaze tracked down his body. He only wore black boxer briefs and every line and muscle on his tanned body stood in stark relief to the thin fabric. I soaked him in, wanting to lick and touch, aching to simply touch him again. Were his muscles even more defined now than they had been before?
He pulled the mug away from his mouth. “Well, if it isn’t the prodigal daughter.”
Not exactly the reaction I’d been expecting. “Um, sorry, but what?” And what was he doing in my apartment?
He shrugged, and all those beautiful muscles flexed.
Damn. I tried to get my brain function to work. Lack of sleep and caffeine were working against me.
“I’m just surprised to see you is all,” he said. “I wasn’t sure if you were ever coming back since I haven’t heard from you in months.” He sounded hurt.
I’d sent him letters once a week but knew that wasn’t the same as actually talking. The first one, I’d asked for space, and he’d given it to me by never responding.
I hated that I’d hurt him and needed to make that up to him, even if he’d moved on with his life. I needed to do it for me.
With a frown, I glanced around the room. His duffel bag sat just inside the door. There were a couple of dishes in the sink, his hiking boots by the front door. “Are you...” I tilted my head at him. “Are you still living here?”
He nodded like of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? “You said I could stay as long as I wanted. I didn’t want to leave. Hell, I didn’t want you to leave, either.”
My breath caught, and I wanted to read so much into that. But I’d seen him last night...with the beautiful Tessa.
“Did you have fun last night?” I asked. “Wasn’t Trace incredible?”
He studied me for a moment, but then he nodded. “I didn’t get to see the rest after intermission as I had to come back here to respond to a security issue, but from what I saw, he has a long career on Broadway in front of him.”
I nodded. On the airplane, I’d checked the reviews. Almost entirely across the board, they’d loved him. “I’m so excited for him, although I know it’s been hard for him to be so far from Dillon for so long.”
“Has it really?” he asked. “Has it been hard for you?”
I met his gaze. “I haven’t missed Dillon as much as I’ve missed you.”
He took half a step toward me, but then stilled. “You made the choice to leave,” he said softly, although the reproach in his voice rang through.
“You’re right. I did, and it was the right choice.”
His face fell, and he took a step back.
But this time, I stepped toward him. “I needed the time to figure some things out. I love you, but I couldn’t be what you needed me to be until I figured out who I was first.”
His hand clenched into a fist as if he was fighting the urge to reach for me. “And did you figure that out?”
I nodded and swallowed the nerves, trying to work their way up my throat. “I’m still a work in progress, but yeah, I think I’m close enough.”
“Close enough to what?”
“To knowing that I can stand up on my own. To knowing that I love you, but I’m not defined or controlled by that love. To knowing that I don’t have to have you in my life, but god, I want you there so damn bad.” And to knowing that I might be on the verge of getting my heart crushed, depending on how serious things were between him and Tessa. I hoped, though, that I still had a chance to win him back.
This time, he didn’t hold back. He stepped over to me and wrapped his arms around me.
My eyes filled with tears. Please let this mean he still loves me.
“Thank fuck. It’s about time.” His voice cracked. “I love you and have missed you so much.”
My eyes overflowed as relief, joy, and love swamped me.
He kissed me, and all the pain of the last three months disappeared. This was where I was meant to be. He was my home. Yes, I’d proven that I could live without him, but I didn’t want to. Not anymore. Not if I could be with him like this.
He pulled away. “So, you’re back to stay?”
I nodded, but then stilled. “I’m here at least until I finish school, but what about Tessa?”
He frowned at me. “What about Tessa? She’s finishing out her job in New York and then will be moving here.” He tilted his head at me. “But she has nothing to do with you and me. She’s our new associate at New Mexico Protectors. She’s our firearms expert and trainer.”
“Oh.” My eyes widened. “So, she wasn’t your date last night?”
“No! I’m head over heels in love with a saucy humanitarian. I wouldn’t date someone else when you hold my heart.”
I laid my head on his shoulder. Everything settled into place. This felt right. “Thank you,” I whispered.
He threaded his fingers through the back of my hair. “No, thank you for coming back.” He kissed me, channeling his love through the passionate touch.
Despite my exhaustion, my body came alive. “You know,” I said. “I haven’t been to sleep since I ran into someone very distracting last night. What do you think? Is my bed still in the same place?”
“It sure is. It’s up there waiting for you, but only if I’m allowed to join you.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Then he tugged me up the stairs, coffee forgotten.
Our lives wouldn’t be easy. I planned to travel a lot with EDAC, and he had New Mexico Protectors to run. But for the first time in three months, I felt like I could breathe freely again. We were going to work out.