Eve walked up the cemented path toward the front door. She double-checked the address on her phone and stopped to compose herself. She didn’t know what she was going to say or what she was going to do to make things right, but she knew she had to do something. The way Olivia’s face had gone from panic to pain to a hardened apathy had devastated her. She’d started to go after her, but Olivia’s friend, Jake, had stopped her. They’d spoken and when she answered his questions, he’d buried his head in his hands and told her she needed to go to Olivia. He didn’t say why, and he didn’t offer any insight. He’d only given her Olivia’s address.
Eve had left almost immediately, after she’d told Sharon, the woman Karen had set her up with, good-bye. She didn’t take the time to explain nor did she feel a need to do so. She’d just wanted to get to Olivia.
She rang the doorbell and waited. No answer. She backed up to look in the front window, but the blinds were closed. She rang the doorbell two more times, waited again, and then, finally, knocked.
“Come on, come on.” She thumbed her phone to life again to call her. The only reason she hadn’t was because she knew Olivia probably wouldn’t answer. And she didn’t want to leave a voice mail or a text. Whatever she was about to say, it needed to be done in person.
A lock disengaged and Eve dropped her phone in her purse. The door opened, but only slightly.
“Olivia—”
“I’m sorry,” she said, cutting her off, completely confusing Eve.
Her voice was weak and strained, like she’d been crying, long and hard. It shattered Eve to think of her in so much pain.
“I had no right to behave the way I did.” She wiped away a tear. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone now.” She started to close the door.
“Olivia, wait, please.” Eve pressed her hand against the door, worried she would try to close it again. “We need to talk.” When she didn’t say anything, Eve continued. “It’s crucial that we talk. And we need to do it now.”
“I don’t want to. I—can’t.”
“Then let me talk. All you have to do is to listen.”
“You have every right to date and do whatever you want. But I will never be able to see or hear about it. So, please, if you care about me at all, just go.” She tried to close the door, but Eve wouldn’t let her.
“Can’t you see that’s why I’m here? Because I do care?”
Olivia looked away from her and Eve knew she didn’t believe her.
Though she was fraught, Eve remained determined, and tried again.
“Just let me say what I have to say, and then I’ll leave. I promise.”
Olivia was quiet, obviously contemplating. Eve kept her hand against the door, terrified to let it close.
What Eve was experiencing was beyond desperation and she didn’t know where it was coming from and had no idea how to handle a panic like this. All she knew for certain was that she was willing to go to hell and back for this woman. To lose her now would be detrimental and she wasn’t about to let that happen.
Eve wasn’t sure if Olivia sensed her boundless distress, or saw it in her face or eyes, but for whatever reason, she eased the door open. The interior of her home shed light upon her, revealing an anguish Eve couldn’t fully see before. Tears of mascara trailed down her cheeks, and she was hugging herself as if she were cold. And as Eve stepped inside at the silent invitation, she could see that she was trembling.
“Oh, God, Olivia.” She reached for her to pull her close, to pull her tight, but Olivia recoiled like Eve was a striking rattler. “Okay, I won’t,” Eve said, quickly dropping her hand.
Olivia closed the door and they stood there, just inside the entryway of a modest living room where a small lamp glowed from an end table next to a blue couch. Sitting in front of that was a coffee table with neatly stacked books and magazines. There was a television, but it wasn’t large, and it didn’t appear to be a newer model. It was nestled in an unassuming entertainment center along with a dozen or so DVDs. A large clock finished off the room, hanging on the wall near what Eve thought might be a dining area. She could hear the faint ticking of the second hand from where they stood.
“I like your place,” Eve said, feeling comfortable there, despite the limited decoration. “It feels warm. Welcoming.”
Olivia closed her eyes as if she were gathering strength. “Thank you.”
“May I put down my purse?”
“Sure.”
Eve set her purse on the coffee table and then smoothed down her dress, trying to calm her nerves. She was going to try to explain and plead and hope that Olivia would believe her. But with the way she currently felt, so panicked and desperate and willing to do anything in the world to keep Olivia in her life, she knew she was going to have to say things that crossed their agreed upon boundary.
“Olivia.” This was it. What she feared was her only chance. Olivia appeared fragile and Eve knew speaking to her was going to be a delicate act. “Will you please look at me?”
Slowly, Olivia lifted her gaze. She looked so lost and so broken, it took all the strength Eve had to just continue talking.
“I’m not interested in the woman you saw me with tonight.”
Olivia startled her with an immediate response.
“But I saw you tonight, you looked—” She stopped and massaged her forehead like she was struggling to find the right words. “And the way you’ve been behaving around me during our last couple of sessions, I guess I should’ve had a clue. I shouldn’t have been so shocked to see you with someone.”
She tried to glance away, but Eve got in her line of vision, making sure she didn’t.
“I’ve been acting that way because I’m scared. And that doesn’t happen to me very often. And when it has, it was never because of anything like this. What you said to me at the park and in your car, left me tossing and turning, night after night, aching for you, without any way to quell it. But I had to keep seeing you, so, I had to do something to continue to remain professional. I did the only thing I could think of. I tried to distance myself from you. Hoping that it would help us both. But in doing so, I came off like an insensitive ass. I just didn’t know what else to do. I’m sorry, Olivia. I never ever meant to hurt you.”
Olivia hugged herself tighter.
“Then why did you go on a date, if you have all these feelings for me? Was that another attempt at distancing yourself from me? I don’t understand.”
“I was with that woman tonight because my friend Karen wanted to set me up with her. I never had any interest, and initially, I refused. But Karen insisted, said she’d already planned it, and she called in a favor I owed her.”
Olivia’s brow furrowed, and Eve saw the hurt she’d seen at the restaurant building in her once again.
“So, you what? Got all dressed up to go on a date you didn’t really want to go on?”
“I got all dressed up because Karen was supposed to go too. The plan was to have quick drinks with this woman and Karen, then tell the woman good-bye and go out for a nice dinner with Karen, just the two of us. But Karen, being the pain in the ass that she is, didn’t show. She hung me out to dry. What’s worse was she’d already sent the woman a photo of me, so I was recognized before I even realized Karen wasn’t coming.”
“But you were having a good time, I could tell. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You deserve to be happy. You—”
“Olivia, I only stayed as long as I did because I soon learned that I knew her sister. She was a client of mine a couple of years ago. So, I decided to have a drink while she updated me on her sister. Then, I was going to politely say good-bye and drive over to Karen’s house to kick her ass. I was not in any way interested in her. Okay?”
“Maybe you should be,” Olivia said. She grabbed a tissue from a box on the end table and wiped away the black tear tracks on her face. “I have no right to get upset with you, and that’s what makes it hurt even more. You’re so beautiful and wonderful and full of life and love, but you are in no way mine. I wish you were, yes, I do. It’s so clearly obvious to me now. But I’ve been so inconsiderate to you by blurting out my desire and feelings only to then keep you at arm’s length. And even now, after telling you I want you to be mine, I can’t promise you anything because I have no idea what any of this means and I have no idea what to do about it. You just, you deserve so much better, and I’m so sorry I’m such a big mess and—”
“Olivia, stop.” Eve couldn’t take anymore.
“But I—”
“Stop.” Eve crossed to her, and before she could say another word, she gently cupped her jaw and kissed her.